


The life I once dreamed of

by Springflower_1409



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Death, Friends to Lovers, Multi, Pining, Slow Burn, fluffy tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:41:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 101,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24477379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Springflower_1409/pseuds/Springflower_1409
Summary: A life she dreamed of.A Nightmare he lived.Twenty years after the incidents with Hybern, a lot of Things Change in the Inner Circle.Elain found new Friends in Velaris -Clarissa and Arctonos- the People that were the biggest part of her life. She loved them dearly, but fate had other plans - plans that not even her seeing ability could have forseen. Those who she loved, were brutally stripped away from her, not allowing her to heal.Leaving her in the forced Company of an stranger she already hates with every Fiber of her beeing. But fate took a weird way again, relating the hated stranger to someone she loved more than her life.Azriel was a shadow - a beeing with no emotions, yet it didn't leave him Cold when the beatiful Flower grower, his best friend -his world vanished. He tried to search her, didn't found her, but didn't gave up. Luckily fate is once taking a turn towards him.
Relationships: Elain Archeron & Azriel, Elain Archeron/Azriel, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Lucien Vanserra/Vassa, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 25
Kudos: 42





	1. Prologue

_The world didn't stop._

_Not for her, not for her brave, strong sister Feyre curse breaker, not for the strongest High Lord in history, not for anyone._

_Day after day went by. Almost every day seemed dull -just like her visions- whenever she had one. No day seemed to be an exception, so it wasn't unusel for her that she lost track of time._

_And before she knew it the days turned into monthes, the monthes turned into years, and in the blink of an eye -so it seemed- passed two decades. Two decades after the end of the war with Hybern._

_But she didn't seem to be the only one that still had to recover. The fire of her older sister Nesta, was even after all this time, nothing more than ash, not even a fracture of the bold temper that once flickerd inside her. It hurt to see that she put her caring mate to the Ground of the deepest cliff, with her reckless behaviour._

_To be honest, Elain was kinda glad that her former protector didn't even try to Show up at any Family Meeting, knowing she would probably let a lose grip to her selfcontrol and let her temper out on her once so beloved sister._

_She didn't hate her -she never could- but she was just so,so Angry at her, that not even her save place, her quiet garden, could bring her mind at Peace._

_Sometimes, rather often in the past twenty years, she would walk out of Velaris, up the hill that overlooked the always Shining City, and sit infront of the large gravestone that had the initials of her beloved Father engraved, Talking to him about her daily life, Talking to him about how dense Nesta was to hurt her mate and whole Family like this._

_She would often tell him about her future plans for her garden too._

_Before she knew it, it became a Routine to let her frustration out to her Father. She knew he couldn't answer the questions she asked him about Nesta or the questions she always asked about Feyre and Rhys, if it really was possible -for even the Fae body- to handle so much sex._

_It was obvious that she would never ask such questions out loud, but who was here to listen to her anyway? Except for the wind and grass that surrounded her. Maybe the shadows -oh how the shadows became her friend, she loved their support on her. In the past years they were the presence that kept her stady - stoping her from going mad._

_She didn't know if it had anything to do with a certain shadowsinger, who became easily her best friend. He was quiet, indeed, but he also had a dry sense of humor -wich he most often only showed around her._

_The shadows that started to support her after the first two years, after the wars ending, seemed still in place, whenever she was around him. Almost frozen -as if to not wanted to be spotted by Azriel. But not only her shadows seemed still, his did the same -whenever she was around him._ _Only sometimes she noticed a small strand of black mist peeking up from behind his back. This most often happened when she asked him about wingspans._

_She learned to not ask him when he was eating or drinking, because else he started to chock on his food -which was most often, to her delight, one of her baked goods- or he would spit out or chock on his drink._

_He at least had a little more of an useful reaction than Feyre and Mor, who started chuckling and bickering while nudging eachother with their elbows._

_When she asked Rhys -only once- he seemed slightly offended, standing up from the dark leathered armchair he was sitting in, puffing out his chest and flarring his wings, with the words "I have the biggest of them all!"._ _Elain was at that time more than confused, and she never asked her High Lord of wingspans again, scared she might offend him another time._

_This confusion led her to Cassian, who was howling from laugther as the innocent flower grower finished her question. His broad chest still shiverd from containing his laugther, as he put a hand on her shoulder, still snickering, and told her she shouldn't listen to Rhys ,because -so he told her - he had the largest wingspan._

_She also asked Nuala and Cerridwen a few times, but each time they went even more silent than they already were, smirked at oneanother and told her she should ask the shadowmaster, wich was Azriel -whom she now asked already a dozen times, and had still gotten no answer._

_Once Amren was around she asked the small female too, but she only roled her eyes, waving her off with the words "These pricks make to much of a fuzz about them." and left the room._

_So she found herself often talking to her father about them. Hoping he would like to know just as much as she did._

_Today was one of these days too. She sat infront of the large tombstone, the white lilys she brought with her, laying infront of the sun warmed stone. It was breezy and she could feel the beatiful night of this court settle in, as the sun set._

_"I don't wanna go back yet Father." a sad smile spread across her lips. "Who's gonna keep you company when I'm not here?" It was a question answered with a warm blow of wind hitting her face. Shooing her away, back to Velaris, back to her family, back to her home._

_Her smile stayed where it was, still a sad one. She thought of the house were she lived always as a secure place, never a true home. It was Feyres home and the one of her mate, never hers._

_Just as she was about to protest to the warm mid summer breeze, she could feel a chilly swirl of mist climb up her spine, stoping by her ear_ "The fox is looking for you." _it whispered in its usual lullabying deep voice._

_The smile once so sad, changed and became a real one. "It seems you get your will father. I'll leave you for tonight."._

_As she stood up from her so unladylike crossed legs seating posture, she wobbled a bit, her legs numb from not beeing moved for the past two hours. The skirts of the light pink gown she wore_ _were a little wrinkled, but she smoothed over them -seeing to her delight no grass stains. She loved those stains, but at these times, when her family didn't know where she went -they would bring up to many unplasent questions._

_"I'll see you soon father." she said, giving the warm gravestone of her father a final kiss._

_Elain almost hopped down the hill, with her flowing skirts surrounding her, happy to know that no one would be at the riverhouse, but her and Lucien, because the Inner Circle was out for a night at Rita's._

*******

_When she arrived - only minutes later, she didn't need to search for him. He was already sitting in one of her delicate white metal garden chairs, a tea set was already put on the small, round table. When she stepped closer to him, he shoot up from his seat, wrapping her up in a bear hug. When they parted a little she could see the tirednes in his russet eye. The golden one shone bright as always, but the dark circles that surroundded both of his eyes betrayed him._

_She let out a laugh, taking the seat opposite his and started to fill up both of their cups with the orange and jasmin tea -her favorite- from the day court. The young fae female started siping at her tea while crossing her left leg over the right one. Lucien sighed and took his seat again, also starting to sip on the sweet tea._

_"I would ask how life is going at the mortels, but it seems you have already shown me." A knowing smile spread across her lips as he answered with a sarcastic "Haha."_

_He sighed again, running a hand through his long somehow damp ginger hair. "Don't even get me started. Gregori seems to hit puberty, and by the cauldron -he can't stop fighting with Vassa! If this continues like that I'm gonna be the first High Fae my age who has gray hair! Even though Vassa is fighting with him too, it dosen't stop her from joking about it!"_

_She smiled at him "Maybe you should tell Feyre and Rhys all that. I think their still trying for a little lord." "They still don't have any positive results?"_

_"No, but maybe in a few years, perhaps even monthes. Who knows?" Elain shrugged at him. A grin betraying her calm words. "Come on Ellie, your beloved ex-mate is all ears to hear. You can tell me! I won't tell anyone, good maybe Vassa, but I think she would find it more interesting to hear that her best friend finally hooked up with someone."_

_He winked at her making her spitt out her tea. She knew only to well what inuendo he was dropping in her face. "Excause me?!" she wanted to sound calm, but her words came out a little bit to high pitched and if her voice wouldn't had already betrayed her enough, her cheeks started to flame up._

_The male infront of her swung his head back and started to laugh deeply. She siped frustraited at her almost empty cup of tea, only a small orange pudle reamained at the bottom of the cup. To embarressed to put the cup down -she siped until she was scared to have actully broken of some porcelain from the rim. With a clearing of her throat, she brought back the attention of her 'ex-mate' -like he liked to call it- to her._

_"I must disappoint you. Nothing has changed, not at all." "I know." was all he replyed. A small sad smile turning up the corners of his mouth, his eyes wrinkling in the corners as he did._

_Elain couldn't help but notice that he, indeed seemed to have gotten older._

_She cut the mating bond with him five years after the incidents with Hybern. Back then she first allowed him to spend as much time as he wanted with her. They were around each other for the next three months, but they both finally figured out that the only thing connecting them was that cauldron given bond._

_At the end of this three monthes -she lost a mate, but won two new best friends, Lucien and Vassa. They were already in love back then, that you could tell with one look at them. Elain knew it from the start. One night in the monthes shes gotten to know Lucien, she had a vision of an baby with orange curles on top of its head that was on fire._

_She told Lucien about that vision three years later, when Vassa was actully pregnant._

_He had a hard time telling Helion back then, what happened in the past few years. The High Lord of the day court seemed frozen in place at first, but then -so Lucien had told her- he put an hand over his sons shoulder telling him he was happy for him and that he didn't give a damn on that old,rusty cauldron -which was now nothing more than broken pieces of metall._

_For Lucien everything seemed to have changed, but not for her._

_Still, she was happy to have his company and started the conversation again, asking him about his life with the mortels._

_They chated for the next hour with each other -laughing and catching up on their lives with an awful lot of tea durning that time._

_But after that hour he had to go back, back to his family. "I need to check if Vassa is still alive or that Gregori has his head still on his shoulders." Elain couldn't help but shudder and nervesly laugh at that, because she knew what he just implyed could actully happen like this -knowing Vassa. So she waved him goodby as she watched him winnow back to his home. His true home._

_A sad smile came back to her, just as it did the whole day._

_With a melody humming over her lips, she started to put the tea set together and brought it inside the quiet, dark house, which was her home, but never her true one._

_*******_

_What she didn't knew was that a familiar shadow watched every swaying step she took towards the building. Watching as the warm mid summer breeze played with her honeygolden curles. He stood there, still frozen in the shadow of the old oak tree. Needing to get a grip on the new informations he just gathered._

_His ice caged heart raceing, hammering against his rip cage, pleading to be let out. Let out into the world -his world._

_He placed a scarrs covered hand over the hammering muscle inside his chest. Trying to keep it calm, but failed misreably, just as misrable as he failed to leave the beautiful seer out of his shadow stamped life._

_But deep down -at the tip of his heart- he knew his life wouldn't be the same without Elain Archeron_

_And as Azriel stood there, silent and quiet as Always. He knew he was doomed with the informations that just came to him. He couldn't stop thinking about how he got himself into this situation, couldn't stop thinking about how panic rose in him as he took a walk trough Elains garden, when one of his shadows told him about the arrivel of that damned red head._

_Whom he still thought as the flower growers mate just an hour ago._

_Azriel knew there would always remain a smal glimps of connection, a special bounding, but he saw how the special bounding between Elain and Lucien looked like. A deep caring friendship, almost like brother and sister -but nothing more._

_This all led him to where he was now._

_The mighty shadowsinger of the night court remained in place, his hand locked over his heart, his head tilting up to the stary sky, looking at it through the thick leaves of the oak tree -with all his hope in his eyes._


	2. Chapter 1

However, this hope faded with the years that past by.  
  
He had two years time, telling her what he heard that evening, that now layed Five years back. But the coward he was, he didn't let a word slip. His mouth going desert dry whenever he tried to Mention it, but the look in the charamel orbs of the seer caught him off guard everytime. The fact that he knew he would   
still have tomorrow and the rest of his immortel life to tell her didn't encourage him to do so. 

So everything stayed the same, but fate didn't want to support his cowardic decision.

Fate decided it would be better to rip his best friend out of his life, making him clear that he couldn't live without Elain Archeron.

But he realized to late.

Now everything was to late. He didn't know where she was. He didn't know if she was still alive and to be honest Azriel was afraid to find out, because he knew his already broken heart would just dissapear if he would ever find out that she was dead. The sheer thought made his heart stutter.

He lived on -without the flower grower.

The only thing he could do was to watch over her beloved garden and watch his family live on their lifes happily. He wanted to be happy for them too, but he envyed them and their happiness -wanting the same for him and Elain.

So Azriel found himself isolating him from his family. Not going to Rita's with them, not Training with Rhys or Cassian, not attending any dinner, he just stayed in his dark, lonly apartment that would have had an amazing few over the Sidra, if he would have ever decided to open up the heavy curtains. But there was no reasen for him to let light in his life. Not when the only light he ever wanted to bath in, was the one that only surrounded Elain.

Today was no diffrence. It was probably already dark outside, but he didn't care. If it wasen't for a mission -that Rhys submitted to him with his Daemati powers- he never left this place. Training in the large Living room, barely eating anything - starring most of the time at the ceiling, not darring to fall asleep, because sleep meant memorys of past happy times.

However, today seemed to be an exception. Today was the day were his Body - that hasen't slept a minute for the past nine days- betrayed him.

The sticky blanket of sleep found it's way to him verry soon. As soon as he layed down in the large, warm, empty bed. Atop of the disordered thin grey blankets.

A sweaty smell enwraped him, remebering him that he hadn't washed the bed sheets and blankets in the past four monthes, but the tempting lullaby of sleep made him forget that verry fast. Filling his mind insted with a toxic sweet hummed lullaby. Sung by the Person he loved the most. Sung by the person who was life itself. Sung by Elain Archeron -his best friend, who he wished would have become so much more.

*******

_It was probably already past midnight as he heard soft knocks on his door. At first he thought he imagined them, but whoever was at the other side of the door knocked again -a little bit more insitend this time._

_He stood up from the large light colored canopy bed, that stood in a large room that was actully reserved for the shadowsinger whenever he decided he wanted to sleep at the riverhouse -wich had gotten pretty often in the past monthes- only because he carved the company of a certain flower grower._

_As if his thoughts, that always swirled around her, had summoned her, she stood right before him. Clutching her perfect hands into her light, floor length pale blue night gown._

_She shivered infront of him, but probably not because of her almost bare shoulders, that were only getting some warmth from the honey golden curles that flowed over them like a shining river - hiding the straps of the gown underneath them._

_No. It was probably to much effort for her to keep her sobbs to herself. Whatever it was, it pained him to see her like that. Unshed tears almost brimming over and an river of already shed tears leaving a salty riverbed on her face. She looked sad, verry sad. Her normaly beaming eyes were dull, almost like his before he met her._

_He didn't know what had happened, but he knew that he wouldn't leave her just out in the freezing corridor infront of his room. So he stepped aside, tucking his wings close to him so they wouldn't get in her way._

_She moved with a few silent, flowing steps into the - to light for his taste- room. Looking verry lost as she stood in the middle of the white marble floor. Azriel closed the door with a silent 'click' . This little noise seemed to have awakened her from her trembling trance._

_She started sobbing, covering her already tear stained face with her small hands, breaking down to the cold floor. Before Azriel had even a chance to consider the consequences of his reckless behaviour, he kneeled down and pulled her into his broad chest. Cocooing her in his warmth and the safety of his wings. He never did that for anyone -would never do that for anyone else but for her._

_She sobbed for a verry long time._

_At some point he realized that he was shirtless. She didn't seem to mind it, or she just didn't realized it, but he had no problem with it. He didn't even try to disturb her and her crying, he only put a hand atop of her soft hair and started sootheing it. He didn't know if he should take offense that she only started to cry more, but she must have had her reasons._

_After a lot of time had past in the dark room, the sobbs died down a bit. At least that much that she could talk to him._

_The room was only lit by the white light of the fullmoon that shone through the white rimmed floor long windows, throwing warped squers on the cold floor._

_The little light that was shining into the room still found it's way to Elain. Illuminating her left side in light, making her teary face glitter. He saw that she looked up at him through her red puffy eyes. A biter smile crossed her lips and her finger diged lightly into his chest "I'm so pathetic.". She whispered in the dark to him and the shadows._

_He tilted his head a little, as she lowered hers again. He took one of his scarred hands and cuped one of her wet cheeks. Even after all this time did he expect of her to recoil from his rough touch, but she leaned into him. Laying one of her hands atop of his._

_"What makes you think that?" he asked in a soft whisper, afraid she might back away from him when he would speak louder._

_She only shook her head, but started crying again. It pained him to see his love like that, seeing her cry and not knowing how to stop her tears or who to eliminate for making her cry like this. So he did the only thing that he could think of and laid his forehead atop of hers. She didn't back away._ 'She never would.' _he realized._

_And if he hadn't been already in love with her, he would have fallen for her all over again. She didn't know about his feelings, didn't know that he knew about her and her 'ex-mate' -like the fox said a year ago._

_He would tell her -someday. He would tell her everything, only at a later time._

_Right now he would lay the world to her feet if it meant to stop her crying. But he didn't have to. She stoped by herself. Her breathing was still hitched, but she started to gain back some control over her body._

_He drew back his hand and forehead -already missing the warmth of her skin- and tried to stand up again. But the seer caught his hand and made him stop dead in his tracks._

_"Please." her voice was raspy from all the sobbs. The shadowsinger that normaly knew about everything didn't have a clue what she ment. One of his shadowes found it's way to his ear. Enlightening him that the petite flower grower wanted to stay the night with him._

_Heat creept to his cheeks as he helped her up to her feet, laying an arm around her back and keeping a light hold to her elbow._

_They slowly made their way to the larg bed. She sliped first under the cream white blanket, looking rather lost in the large bed. But he felt more lost than she could ever look. He swallowed hard -needing to remaind himself that his best friend came to him to only have a supporting presence. So he slipped in too._

_Both laying awkwardly on their sides. Back to back. For the first time in the many years they spent together, the scilence that surrounded them was uncomfortable, and he found himself nervous. He hasen't been nervous in the past two hundred years - so his body reacted on it's own. Making his mouth talk uncontrolled._

_"Did you know that Cassian pumps himself up by talking to his reflection?"_

_A small sound was heard, probably a laugh - followed by the rustling of fabric. She turned to face his back. He could feel her gaze at the spot were his back went into his wings. He didn't know why he was suddenly feeling verry proud to know that he had the largest wingspan of the Inner Circle, but he swallowed it down. Now turning awkwardly around because of said wings._

_Now they faced each other. Elains eyes sparkled with something like amusement as she asked "Really?" He nodded "Really." She giggled and Azriel smiled at that._

_He told her that evening many more secrets about her family, but it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. She cuddled closer to him, seeking his warmth and comfort -so he pulled her closer, breathing in her flowery scent as he laid his chin atop of her head. Actually enyoing this peacfull moment, with the knowledgment that this would only last for tonight._

~~~

_However he was wrong. For once, but he couldn't be happier that he was._

_Starting from that evening they went to sleep together. Cuddled up in the middle of his large bed in eachothers arms. They both had already admitted on the first week that it was the best nights sleep they ever had. They tried the first day after that incident to sleep alone, but as sleep came - nightmares took over the course. Making him knock on the flower growers door._

_She let him in, and while his room was plain, her_ _room had her friendly nature all over it. Plants were potted in colourfull pots and pastel colored carpets covered the smal seating area infront of the fireplace and her dressing area in the back of the room, that was hidden behind a body highted space divider._

_The room beamed from her presence and he was happy to lay beside that presence._

_They often talked the whole night - until one fell asleep first, wich was most often Elain. But they still had time to play a game -their game._

_As the spymaster he had a lot of secrets he kept from others to offer -espeacilly about their family. So he started talking to her about them, making a guessing game out of it. He told her a secret and she had to guess whos family member it belonged to. Elain mostly laughed when she heared about them._

_But to his surprise Elain had many to offer too. He found out that Cassian is sometimes talking to her flowers and sometimes playing she loves me-she loves me not. Rhys apparently did the same, but beeing honest -this game was a waste of time for him and Feyre. That was proven by the many unseeable things that happened in Elains garden._

_She shivered a little as she admitted that she sometimes avoided tending these parts of the garden -where things happened that she could even smell after days, even when her flowers were in bloom._

_But their evenings weren't all so funny, sometimes they talked about the horrible memorys both had and laid themself bare._

_When the shadowsinger told the flower grower about the scars she cried, and took his hands in hers and kissed them. As Azriel looked her in the eyes with his vision getting blurry -something like rage flickered inside them._

_He shook it off knowing he probably imagined it. But from that day on Azriel was always on the edge of his mind, trying to find the right words that he heared her and Lucien talking -almost two years ago. So when the two years mark came, Azriel became fed up with himself and decided he wanted to tell her - but on that day she vanished._

*******

As the shadowsinger opened his eyes again - tears already streamed down his cheeks. The sight of his love that vanished in the shadowes infront of him haunting him, probrobably keeping him awake for the next week.

He lost her.

Three years had past and she still was gone.

It was to much for him to remember sweet Elain so clearly. It didn't got him anywere. She still was not home and his Family lived happily as ever. So couldn't he just forget About her, like he did with Mor?

He laughed drily at that, draping an arm over his wet eyes.

He didn't forget about Mor, he just realized that his love to her was smiliar to a siblings love, but with Elain -everything was diffrent.

Light came to him when she was around, making him happy for real and smile true.

Now that Elain was gone -so was light. Leaving him in his darkness again. In the darkness he was fated to live in and fated to die in someday.

But mourning over it didn't help. So he decided something that he should have done long ago - he would go search for her.

He crawled out of bed lazily, putting on his Fighting leathers and started to head off to the riverhouse - to inform Rhys that he would take a few monthes off. It was all peacfull so he wasen't really needed.

Azriel wanted to have his time searching for her. He knew from a search that now laid two years and six monthes back -that she wasen't with the mortals. The fox and the mortal queen were the only one, except their Family, that knew that Elain was gone.

He actully hoped that Elain would have been with them, making a to Long visit no one knew about. 

But luck and fate seemed to approve on one Thing for sure - to never be on his side.

So when he left Vassas Kingdom after two weeks, still without any clue, he stood where he once stood -at a point of zero results.

He wanted to search farther for her, but Rhys called him in for a mission.

Ever since he had never found encouragement again, but now as he stood infront of the large front door -once not tending the garden in the back- he was more sure than ever that he wanted to do this.

While Feyres expression had shock written all over her face, as she opened the door for the shadowsinger - his didn't give away anything. So everyone thought, not even sensing the conflict within him.

Only Elain knew how to read him. No one else.

And as he walked up the winged staircase to Rhys Office, he couldn't have been more sure about one thing - he wanted the seer, the flower grower, his best friend, his love of his immortel life. He wanted Elain Archeron - and if he had to he would tear down the whoule world, only to find her.

**_His light._**


	3. Chapter 2

_Soft hair touched her soft fingers. Warm, calm breaths hit against her bare skin, that wasn't covered by her night gown. His head rested calmly on her chest -right over her heart._

_Azriel was on the ground of his fears again, having a night of torture and threats behind him. It brought him down, making him think he was a monster, just like the male that should have acted as a father for him, but instead imprisoned the little boy._

_So Elain did everything she could think of, as he showed up in the middle of her room. Head and wings hanging down low._

_She didn't have to think for one second, whenever she saw him like that, her body moved on it's own, pulling him in for a thight hug._

_She pulled his head always to her chest. The only place of her body where he heard the steady beat of her heart and smelled her whole scent. Most of the time he sat still for a few moments, but started to wrap his strong arms around her eventunatlly, pulling her even tighter - his assurence that she was there with him. His wings enwraped her often too, mostly when she started drawing calming, feather light circles on his back. Some nights he would cry, some they just stayed like that._

_She slowly helped him up to his feet, his head never leaving her chest. The careful flower grower took smal steps towards the bed, leading him there. When she felt the soft mattress against the hollow of her knee - she let go of him- sliping in first under the covers. Azriel stood silently there for a moment eyeing her and the lifted blanket. His normaly straight shoulders were pushed down by a weight she could probably not imagine. After a silent moment he slid under the covers too - pulling off his boots before he did._

_She didn't care that he was still in his fighting leathers, but he was there, cuddling closer to her. She layed there, her arms open for him._

_He settled himself between her arms, his head again on her chest and his arms wraping around her. The scarrs of his hands scratching the soft skin of her back lightly. Elain didn't care, would never care._

_She thought they were beautiful. They were a part of him, so they would never be anything but beautiful to her. As she layed her arms around him he started to slightly sobb into her._

_Elain caressed his head softly and started humming a lullaby. The same lullaby her father hummed to her whenever she was feeling sad. Elain noticed that it calmed Azriel too, when he heard the rumble within her chest._

_So now it was her humming that melody everytime when he was feeling down._

_Elain knew she would do this for him for the rest of enternity if it ment seeing him happy._

*******

As Elain awoke, she noticed the cold. The cold loneliness that was with her since three years. She missed the warmth of the warm, gentle shadowsinger.

But she couldn't go back to him, not when the fate of her family was threatened and was depending on her decision. Elain had hoped that Azriel would search for her -he probably did that, but how should he knwo where she was when she even managed to keep that part of her life a secret from him. 

She started crying again, covering her face with the rough, dark blanket. She heard the dark wooden double door softly creak open. Quiet steps followed.

They were barefoot and probably tried to sneak up on her, but the steps stoped short infront of the large canopy bed. Elain had pulled the black curtains, that were normaly chained to the bed post, close -leaving her in the dark.

  
"Elain?" the black little head of Arxani peeked over the mattress. The tips of her wings did the same, not even trying to hide. She flapped a few times with them, crawling up on the soft red blanket that laid over the black one -towards her.

Her hair was still short, and she still had the chubby cheeks of her baby days -wich didn't lay back to far. She would turn two this year - in November. Elain smiled sadly, _'By that time I'm already going to be married.'_

Silent tears slid down her holed, pale cheeks. The infant noticed her sad mood and started shaking her covered shoulder softly.

"Elain?" she asked again with her cute, sweet, innocent voice. She tried to get her attention, but the flower grower didn't want to show her tear stained face to the little Illyrian girl.

But Arxani played diffrent. She pulled the blanket from Elains face with her delicate hands, making her look right into her midnight blue eyes. Arxani was pretty livly already, moving and speaking more than the mortal infants Elain remebered. But maybe all fae babys grew up that fast.

Arxani and Aldera were the two new lifes that came to live in the dark,cold mansion under her watch.

She liked to have the company of the two Illyrian cousins. Arxani and Aldera were inseparable, they flew around together, they played together with Elain and they would take walks to the dry garden with Elain.

Arxani and Aldera were the two beeings that kept her going, even though she would still preffer the company of her shadowsinger more.

She started to sobb at the thaught of him again. He once told her where his scarrs came from, and now she was at exactly that place. About to become married to one of the monsters that did that to her love.

Maraxus, the oldest of the three brothers was the worst, but he was also the one that she should marry -since his wife, Raibary, just died almost two years ago, while giving birth to Aldera. Aldera was quieter than Arxani, but that was probably easy to say why. Her Father lectured her everytime of the day that it was her fault that her mother was now dead. Eventhough Aldera didn't know her mother she felt bad for taking a life. Whenever Elain noticed that he did that to her, she started growling. She wouldn't let a monster shout at an innocent beeing for something she carried no fault with. Most of the time he groweled back at her, his dark brown eyes shimmering with a threat, but sometimes, when he was in a bad mood, he would pull her by her arm, out of sight for everyone and slap her -but at a spot where no one would even notice.

A bruise already formed atop of her left rip cage, there he hit her last. As she proped herself on her elbowes, the said bruise started to remind her that it was there.

Arxani looked at her with worried midnight eyes, already crawling to her and hugging her. Elain laughed softly at that, this little girl was to innocent to be an Illyrian. She has a verry soft spot for someone who cries. The little infant will wrap you up in a hug if she will ever notice that your sad.

That soft side probably came from her parents. They both might not look like it, but the shadows often showed her in the evening hours images of her and her parents playing. Lailany, her mother, never showed any soft spots. The blonde Illyrian female that was giftet with Daemati powers, but no wings, often seemed cold and collected. So did her husband, Chromos.

Chromos was the second son and was actually rather friendly towards her when no one was around. He was there too when they burned Azriels hands, but from time to time he came up to her and asked her about them. At first Elain had thought he only asked, because he wanted to make them worse, but he always asked out of concern. So she forgave the chestnut haired male for what he did to him. She knew deep down he had a good heart, just like Azriel, but it was squashed by his brothers and father.

The third one was Larkubus, he was actully the one she should have married, because he dosen't have a wife, but Maraxus claimed her after his wife had died. With the stupid reason -he was the first born, he would have a right to have her. That aside this arrogant male was also the one who brought her here in the first place, so he had an even bigger right to claim her. She spat on that claim, but no one really cared.

So she was engaged to Maraxus. This engagment played even better in Klaudius cards. Klaudius was the father of all three of them, and Azriels. This male was the one that wanted his bloodline mixed with the seeing abilitys and the power to control the shadows. He seemed to notice the thick blanket of shadows that always surrounded her, but he never said a thing. He sometimes prompted that she should use them, but Elain would rather die than give him the satisfaction of his win.

So she calmed them down whenever they raged. Only sometimes she would summon them to play with Arxani and Aldera, they were the only onse that knew about them.

As she patted Arxani softly on her head, Elain started to move out of bed. The black marble under her barefeet was cold and never calming -like the one at her familys house. She let a shadow slip over to the little girl on her bed, twirling around her -making her laugh. 

Elain already tried a few times to break out or to send a message home, but either way she was spotted by the try or her shadows weren't that strong and good practiced like Azriels - and she wasen't able to send an message home.

With soft steps and the blue night gown swaying at her feet, she steped behind the black wooden wall and started to get undressed. As she stood there, she didn't feel like any color, so she decided again for something black to wear. A dress made out of chiffon. It reached down to the floor and fell straight down, it had a Long trail attached, the golden waist bond was set a bit under her breast and shimmered and glittered golden happily . The sleeves were Long and covered her shoulders, but the neckline still cut out a good few on her bosom. She let her honey gold curles down, letting them flow freely. Just like she wanted to be. As she sliped into some black ballerinas she was done and steped out from behind of the space devider.

She smiled as she saw Arxani still playing with the shadow. Elain slowly called the little companion back to her, tricking the winged girl into following it.

As the shadow was at her feet, Arxani kept a little distance -her wings folding and unfolding again. She smiled to herself. Elain knew what the girl had planed. And before a human could have reacted she called back the shadow, kneelt down a little and caught the Illyrian infant as she tried to attack the shadow.

Elain immediately started to tickle her, and her day once started with a laugh.

*******

Breakfest was quiet, just as the walk through the dark hallways, wich led to this dull room was. The table was packed with everything you could imagine as breakfest. The food was Always good, but the company left open wishes.

Elain thought at the beginning starving was better than eating without her Family, but whenever she said no to something - a threat was just around the corner. So she gave up complaining, but still ate only one slice of bread each morning. 

As she looked down at her knotted hands in her lap and her empty plate, she could feel the eyes of her _fiancé_ on her chest. He was taller than her, so it wasen't to difficult for him to stare at the things that were normaly covered. She tensed - he smirked and continued eating.

Klaudius, that sat at the head of the table, and looked so much like Azriel, cleared his throat. Gathering the attention of everyone in the room. His wife Midaria, sitting to his left, looked a Little confused, but listened anyway, so did everyone else as he spoke up.

Even though Elain wished she could have covered her ears and protected herself from the toxic words that left his mouth.

"My beloved son talked to me yesterday, and I think if I look at you like that, I might accept his recest." Klaudius had the grin of an devil plasterd on his face as he starred her down. Elain swallowed hard, trying to keep at least a little bit of confidence.

"What did he ask of you?"

"Don't you want to enlighten your bride yourself?" his voice was toxic honey. But Maraxus words crushed her down.

"I don't think your gonna be in the need of the rest three months to make your decision." now his voice was steel hard.

> **_"So we're getting married after the blood rite."_ **


	4. Chapter 3

As Azriel walked the right wing of the white staircase up, he noticed that Feyre seemed more tense than usuall, but why would he blame her? She hasen't seen him in the past three years so why would she just relax by seeing him?

But there was also something strange about her reaction when she led him in at the front door. Shock crossed her featurs first, but was soon replaced by something like hurt and pity? Pity was the last he wanted from her, after all she was the one that lost a sister.

The light hallway hasen't changed much within these three years, only a few new paintings from Feyre hung on the walls. He noticed that some of the newer paintings had more light and color in them. But it was no new painting he suddenly stoped walking for - almost infront of his High Lords Office. 

The painting he stoped at had more colors too, but the moment it caught laid back so many years. It showed an occasion at the beginning of his and Elains friendship, a moment were both kneelt infront of one of Elains flower beds. They nursed some herbaceous plants with delicate petlas. Back then Elain had only gotten them, making them the newest members of her beloved garden, the closed blooms were the evidence. But some already started to open up, peeking their heads out to meet their new caring owner.

Elain smiled softly at the white Freesia, if he remembered correctly, both hands on the soil around the plant. Some soil already found its way to her cheeks and nose. She looked with such love at the plant that Azriel actually wished to be one of them too, only to be showen such love.

As he expected -Elain was coverd in Light, her blush pink gown glittered a little, but was also messed up with soil. She didn't look like she cared though. Her honey curles caught the sunlight, Looking like liquid honey. The big pink blooms of her flower crown fit perfectly to her innocent look.

And as Azriel looked at himself, now twentythree years older, he saw something glimmer in his younger eyes. A look Feyre managed to express good, even with all the mixed up emotions. There was admiration for the flower grower and everything she created. There was something like longing too, but there also was love? He would have liked to deny it, but it seems like he already had a weak spot for her back then.

But what wondered him the most was, that the creativ Artist put him into the light too, right next to the flower grower, her beloved older sister. He wonderd why she would put a so destroyed monster Right next to her perfect, petite sister. 

But he remembered that they actually sat like this. His hands were on the ground too, covering the roots of an Freesia with Violett pedals. His scarred fingers and palms covered in the wet earth. He looked her way and had only eyes for her, a soft smile drawn on his lips. Sitting Closer than anyone to her.

The scenery was covered in green and the bright sunlight, lit by the colors of Elains garden and her flower crown. Not even one shadow in sight.

When Azriel looked again at Feyre, his vision was blurry, he found her smiling sheepishly at him. He tried to ask her when she had drawn it, she only shook her head, now Looking at her painting too. She smiled at it and started answering his Questions.

"I had actually had searched for Elain that day. I wanted to ask her if she might know what tea fits best for a Friends meet up in spring, but when I saw you two there, I didn't want to disturb you two. You both looked so happy and calm at that time, as if you were in your own world, so I left you alone again. But at that time I already had the insperation for that drawing."

Now she looked at him again, Tears started to brim in her eyes. His heart felt like granite and slowly started to sink into his guts. Her voice came out shaky as she spoke again.

"I actually drew it two years ago. I always thought you two would have a problem with pictures hanging around of you, when it weren't for Family portraits. But after you two left-" her voice broke and Tears started streaming down her face.

Azriel hung his head low, knowing that he was one of the causes for her pain. So he did the only thing Elain thought him as right in such Moments -he hugged her.

He only hugged her lightly, making her even more sobb, but she wraped her arms around his frame.

After a few silent Moments she whiped her snooty nose on her blue wool pullover and took the last steps towards Rhys office. She knocked softly and didn't even wait for the muffled "Come in."

*******

The office still looked like as the day he decided do leave his family. And in all honesty - it pained him.

The dark, chunky mahagony desk still stood in the middle of this large room. Windows that reached up to the ceiling enlightened the white room. On the grey walls hung also paintings from Feyre.

If it wouldn't have been such an unfitting time he would have laughed at the paintings, because each of them showed his High Lord in an over dramatized heroic position. Rhys looked up from his papers as he saw him entering the room. The mood imideatly switched as he rose from his dark leathered chair.

Feyre seemed to have noticed too and left her mate and the puzzled shadowsinger behind as she closed the larg door.

His brother walked around his desk and casualy leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest, over his black pullover. _'Wearing black, as always.'_ Azriel thought silently, at least some things don't change.

Rhys offered him a smile, a forced one. The shadowsinger already saw better onse than this of his High Lord, or he just saw right trough him. With all the time that past it wouldn't wonder him - he knew him almost his whole life after all.

Azriel raised an eyebrow at him, making his forehead wrinkle. Rhys sighed at that and dragged a hand through his midnight hair.

"I would have called you soon anyway." he mumbled.

His brother mentioned silently to the black armchair infront of his desk. He himself sat back again in his chair. He proped his elbows on the table top and folded his Hands nervously before him.

Azriel took the -for winged persons- rather uncomfortable seat, Looking at his High Lord now. He sighed again and closed his eyes frustraited.

"I didn't mention it when I last talked to you," he begun. His words were tense, the shadowsinger straightned a bit.

"..., but there are still riots at Windhaven and the other war-camps . They won't listen to Cassian, but they also refuse to listen to me." another sigh. Whatever is bothering him, is definitely a whole pain in the ass.

So Azriel growled lightly as he spoke "Get it out already!"

He hated that about his High Lord, he always sweet talked everything and danced around the main Point.

"Devlon and the other war-Lords want that you and Cassian repeat the Blood Rite."

It suddely became verry Cold, even for him and he was glad he already sat, because else he would have needed a chair now. His scarred hands clenched and unclenched in his lap.

"And why is that?"

"They said if you and Cassian take part in the next Blood Rite they're going to put their weapons down and obbey. They said they would also finally accept you two."

Az laughed drily at that. "We're not gonna suddenly be respected only because we survive that stupid Rite a second time!"

Rhys tensed, his words were calm as he spoke again, this time as his High Lord. "Cassian has already agreed to it."

Azriel was far more than shocked. He wouldn't have thought of his brother as that lightheaded. He shook his head in disbelief, but he obeyed his High Lord as he nodded.His Body screamed at him to not do it, to not do the Rite another time. His primitive instincts screaming at him to search for a safe hiding place and safe his life.

"I never wanted to be accepted by These Monsters." he scrunched his nose at the thought of all the winged males that only waited to shed the blood of their enemys.

"Then don't do it for yourself -do it for your court."

Az needed to nod, as he gave in to his High Lord, like everytime. Laying his fate in Rhys Hands, yet still having to take care of his life in his own destroyed hands.

"But after that," he started, Looking into the violett eyes of his High Lord, his Brother. "..., I want to take the next six monthes off. I want to search for her and not even you can stop me from doing that."

Something hurt and knowing crossed his eyes, but was gone in a blink of them. He nodded "I think that can be arranged."

"So wheres the snag in all that?"

Rhys sighed again.

"You and Cassian are going to start at the opposite sides of Ramiel. You two shall not unite this time."

"And if we do?"

A sad look crossed his Features as he looked at him "Then you two have to fight. A fight of life and death. They say you still can use your shadows, so they should be able to warn you soon enough and if they don't …." he shrugged with his shoulders, trying to Play it down "...it'll end with the death of one of my Brothers."

Azriel nodded as he stood up and reached for the door, Ready to leave again. Not even trying to make his Point of not taking part in that deadly Rite again or the fact that he still wanted to take off and start searching for his love instead of having to train again.

"Why don't you stay for dinner?" Rhys asked him in a rushed Question.

Azriel nodded again. Wanting to at least spent his last time with his Family. He had already caused enough pain to all of them and he also wanted to apologize for it. After all, the Blood Rite was only two weeks away.

*******

"It's good to see you again, I actually thought you had become a shadow yourself!" 

Cassian probably ment it as a joke, but Azriel had the slight Feeling that the bulky Illyrian knew just to well that he indeed was only a shadow of himself. Az still offered him a slight smile, fake, but he tried.

He took his usuell seat, the one to his left still empty. A heavy blanket started to fall upon him and his emotions.

Cassian sat across from him and smiled sadly as he noticed Azriel starring at the empty chair next to him.

Mor took also her usuall seat, at the Right side of Cassian. They started to form a conversation as soon as the plates were filled.

Rhys and Feyre grinned at eachother from across their seats. Feyre had the chair after the emty one at Azriels left, while Rhys sat next to Mor. Amren, fierce as ever siped annoyed at her blood red wine. His already eaten Food wanted to climb out of his mouth again at the Color, but he smiled when he noticed that Amren was kicking something under the table, and both Rhys and Feyre whinced a little in pain.

They truly lived their lifes as ever. Even without the seer.

As he ate his dinner silently, thinking About the seer and all their playfuly annoyed and pained exprisions they gave eachother when their Family did that at every dinner. The ghost of a smile came to his lips at the playfulness she only shared with him.

But over these lips never came a word of apology. The words imprisoned in his own world. 

And as he flew home, the wind hitting his face finally again, he only thought about Elain and all the Things he should have told her, because of the Future perspective with the Blood Rite, he was scared he would not be able to tell her his deepest secret.

So he flew a little longer than neccesary, with the Image of her smiling face and sparkling Eyes in mind.

Still no apology on his lips, as he once again united with the dark night sky and it's sparkling stars.


	5. Chapter 4

The dark walls of the candle lit hallways she rushed trough seemed to suddenly move closer to her. Her breathing was uneven, her face hot and coverd in Cold sweat. The fae blood that crused trough her veins didn't warm her either.

The light fabric of the elagant gown flew around her feet, making her trip over in her haste a few times. She knocked down a few decorations and a wall carpet as she finally reached her dark door. She pushed the dooble door open with such force that both door wings hit the red walls. They already flung themselfs back as she steped trough the entrance, but closed them with a loud 'bang'.

The Sound echoed a while in the room, but the echo sounded just like her world, that closed it's options for her with the same force. 

_'Why?Why?Why?!'_ she had no answer to this as she pulled frustraited at the roots of her hair. She felt her world crushing down on her, tears welled up in her eyes. Boefore she knew it she colided with the cold Floor. She cried, cried until her eyes hurt and her throat was dry from all her desprate screaming and Elain had the Feeling that not only her world broke appart but also her trembling Body.

She sat crying in a black pudle of shadows and chifon as warmth enveloped her.

She had first hoped Azriel was finally here, but no wings wraped around her and the arms that pulled her closer were delicate. 

The Frame of the person that hugged her trembled lightly too, probably because of the fear of the shadows. She didn't need to remove her Hands from her eyes to notice the smell of rain that surrounded the blonde female. 

Lailany soothed her hair silently, shooing comfortly at her. Elain only sobbed harder and started to clutch her hands into the velvet of her dark blue gown. She noticed the whirls of the shadows that got out of Control and swirled over the floor. The cold mist swirled all over her body.

Or at least they should have been cold, but they were now a warm comforting presence. Soothing her back.

The broken flower grower started to notice now that her friend tried to pull her back to her feet, but wasen't able to touch her because of the shadows, so she tried to gain back control on them. She was wobbly as she was pulled to her feet again, her Vision had small white spots as the silent female walked her to the hard matress and its black and red covers. She helped her lay down.

As Elain layed there, pressed into the soft pillow, she noticed the matress dip down next to her and the rainy scent of Lailany came back to her. She took Elains shoulder and softly layed her on her beating heart, hanging her arm softly around her shoulder.

She sobbed again and wraped her arms tightly around the petite figure of Lailany.

Lailany, who became after Raibarys death, the only Person she trusted enough to lay herself so bare to. 

Elain sniffeld and sobbed until she thought her voice was gone, but it found its way back to her sooner then she thought.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lailany asked her in her usuall empty voice -only a little bit softer.

Elain was about to shake her head, but a headache already sat in. This wasent the only reason why she decided it would be better to tell her. All the Secrets she kept About herself from others were About to burst and slowly drifted her apart. So she nodded. But Elain, now only a shadow of her formerself, took her time as she collected her words.

"I never wanted anything like this!" her voice was hoarse as Lailanys small Hands squeezed her shoulder gently.

"I never wanted to become Fae! I was also engaged when my life was taken from me back then! This is the second time in my life were my future, like I imagined it to be is taken from me. Just with the diffrence this time I will find no way in accepting this fate. Not when all I dreamed of was a future with him!" Elain sobbed and she stumbled over her own words.

"I want to go back to him! To him and our Family! I want to hug them all so tight when I see them next but, but …" her voice broke and became a high pitched whisper as she conitnued.

"...but now I know that I'm never going to see them again! I will never be able to tell my Sisters how happy I am for them when they would find out someday that they're pregnant. I am never going to be able to laugh with the males that became so much like the Brothers I never had!But the worst, ...the worst is that I'm never going to be able to see him happy again."

She could hear Lailany inhale sharply, and her skeptical look burning on the back of her head. "Is that really all you wished to do?"

Elain shook her head as she swallowed hard "There are so many Things that I still want to do." Lailany left it there and soothed her hair.

The seer felt her Exhaustion kick in as her Body calmed down. There were still so many things she hasen't admitted to herself yet, but now it was to late for them.

She would not be able to plan or Train that much, that she could flee from here. Not when her wedding was three weeks away and nothing was planed yet. So she let herself rest, rest by the Person she felt the safest with at this place, but she still couldn't help it, as Sleep came to her, to wish that it was Azriel that laied by her side.

*******

_She tossed and turned in her white sheets. It was winter and freezing outside and Azriel was on a mission. He didn't want to tell her what sort of mission it was, so she was worried. More than worried. She kind of regreted getting used to the warmth of the shadowsinger so easily, because now, without it she wasen't able to find the lullabying Sound of sleep._

_She knew she shouldn't wish for that, but she kind of hoped that the male would go trough the same torture as her. She opened her eyes, closing them and opening them again as she starred desperately at the ceiling of her bed._

_Even underneath all the thick, cozy, fluffy blankets, she felt cold. She looked at the fireplace to her right at the end of the room, it was starting to die down, but still gave warmth. As she looked at the ceiling again she came to the realization that she wasen't cold -she just felt lonely._

_So the Flower grower got out underneth the four blankets and sliped into her house slipers. Around her shoulders she laied a small thick midnight blue blanket, over her Long sleeved lavandar colored nightgown. She smiled as the smell, of cedar and night-chilled mist, that clung to the Rough fabric, enwraped her._

_The memory of her working in the late evening hours of autum made her smile, because he was there. Azriel walked silently as ever up to her as he tried to lay the thick blanket over her shoulders. She laughed at him with all her heart as he did, because the normaly so calm and collected shadowsinger, seemed puzzeld of how to wrap the blanket around her whole body to stop her from shivering. The blanket was to small as that it would have fit around her whole Body._

_So she became playful and slipped under the strained blanket, Right into Azriels arms and closed them behind her._

_She giggled as she saw his confused look. "Now I'm all warm." As she gestured to her front, where he was and gave her warmth and to her back, where the blanket was -covering her back. He smiled down at her, a smile that would Always melt her insides, but why? At that time she couldn't put her finger on it, but now three years and two_ _monthes later she could tell and wished so much that she would have been able to tell him already back then._

_As he leaned down and put his nose atop of her hair she could see now why Cassian, Mor, Feyre, Rhys and sometimes even Nuala, Cerridwen and Amren had the so called 'shit Eating grins' on their face when they watched them, or talked to them alone abou the other._

_She saw the Memory trough a window, like it was a scene from a fairy tale book, a scene that she could imagine for the rest of enternity in her head and yet she could feel his warm breath on her head and his warm presance around her._

_She pulled the blanket closer, wraping herself up in the smell of him._

_She walked through the dark room and kneelt infront of the firewood to put some of it in the dying fire. It crackled happily as it was served with new material to feast on and started to flame up again. She sat down on the elegant, soft Sofa. The twines swirled softly along the cool fabric of the Couch. The pillow she leaned against was blush pink and probably one of the most fluffiest things she owned. Only some pink socks, a winter solstice gift from Mor, could compete with the pillow._

_She took one of the cozy cream white blankets that layed on the Sofa, matching its color, and cuddled closer to Sofa lean. Elain took one of the books she got from Rhys, that layed on the sidetable, and started reading again. It was good that she had actually a faerie light on the side table too, so she was able to read without beeing disturbed by the darkness._

_As interesting as the novel about the legends of Prythian was, with the distraction from her loneliness and all the warmth surrounding her -she was finally able to find the lullaby of sleep._

_*******_

As Elain awoke she could still hear an calming heartbeat, but she realized it wasen't Azriels. Like it actually was supposed to.

The seer remembered again where she was and why she was here. The worst was to remember what would happen in three weeks and after them. She started to shiver.

Even though it was warmer than before, she was still cold. Cold and utterly alone. Elain could feel an Hand squezzing her shoulder again, reminding her of the presence of the blonde female, but there was another Hand that wraped around her other side, and there were soft, hushed Voices too.

"Its alright Elain." The voice of Chromos was deep, and yet quiet and gentle. He was here together with his wife and supported her, even though he went probably against the will of his Father and older brother. She sobbed at the thought. 

They were there for her, for her and her pain. Chromos and Lailanys Family became her family too. Chromos, Lailany, Arxani and Aldera. A Little while back then Raibary was also part of them, but she was dead. Maybe it was the best for her, after all, Raibary was the one that was treatened the worst. 

She looked like an typical Illyrian female. Long Brown hair, a slender figure, and the almost black eyes with the perfect oval shaped face. But her personality was fierce and she would have stood up for her opinion. She also loved to fly, she told Elain once, but her wings were clipped -so she was bound to the earth, only Feeling the sharp wind of the Illyrian mountains when she was taking a walk. She Always wore a sad smile on her lips when she held her face up in the wind. Sometimes tears formed in the corners of her eyes, but Rabairy, the always ruby red dressed female, was stronger than Elain could ever be.

As she thought about her past away friend she started to cry again and she once again clutched the velvet of Lailanys dress. She could feel Chromos and Lailany Exchange worried glances over her head. If her parents would have acted like real parents, she would fell like a little child now. Crying her eyes out by her parents.

"What time is it?" her voice was raspy and her eyes burned.

"It's almost dinner. Do you want to go?"

Elain wanted to say no, but she didn't want to hang her head low and run away with her tail between her legs. She wasen't able to speak, but she nodded. The arms around her drew back and got up from the matrass. She felt her hair wet against her right cheek, were she layed only Moments ago on the chest of the calm female. Now the same side was layed into her pillow again.

She proped herself on her elbows watching the pair reach for the door. Both came to a halt at the door and turned around once more. Both smiled, but had pity in their eyes.

Chromos offerd his arm to his wife, and laid the wing closest to her a Little over her, as she looped her arm around his. The door was opened quietly, and as they walked you could see that they are mates. Their Body and soul completly in sync as both walked in matching blue attire out into the dark hallway.

*******

Elain didn't know how she managed to keep her head up, even after she felt like the whole world crushed her down. But she saw Nesta and even Feyre go trough that more than once, so she tried it -and succeded as she walked down the black obsidian hall.

As she walked around the Right corner, she could already see the black door. It was massiv. The wings of the black door tapered only short beneth the ceiling. Wings and Flames were engraved into the dark ebony Wood, as well as the Family Emblem. It was a Shield parted in four and a dagger connecting all.

 _'This is indeed probably the only thing connecting this Family.'_ Elain thought sarcastically.

But the door was never the thing that had her attention drawen. It was the pair of wings that decorated the wall to her right. Next to the few old golden shimmering candleholders. Their Flames illuminating every veine in the thin membrane, showing a soft touch of rusty red. The wings were smaller than the onse growen males had on their backs -they looked just more delicate than teirs. Yet they seemed somehow familiar.

She tilted her head to the side inspecting the small claws on the back of the wings. She held up her hand, as she was about to touch the soft material, but the hot breath next to her pointed ear made her flinch. He laied his Rough hands on her petite shoulders as he leaned down and whispered "You like my trophy?"

She started to shiver at the Sound of his voice and at the same time she tensed under his touch.

"Whoever you did this to, has deserved way better than hanging around on this wall for the rest of etirnity!" The flower grower hissed at him with a rage she didn't know she could own.

His Hands duged into her shoulders as he spoke with a smirk on his face "Maybe you'll find out one day. Then you can decide who's wings should hang there." 

"I won't Need to know who they belong to. I think your winges would fit way better there."

She turned in his grip and faced him with a toxic smile that hurt her cheeks. His eyes darkened as he griped for her upper arm and shoved her towards the door to the Ballroom.

It was weird to know that especially for dinner a long dinnertable was set up. The table that would stand in the middle of the room was as black as the rest of the Mansion. Flames were also engraved into the table leg, crawling its way up to the table top.

He forced a dark smile on his face as he looped her arm forcefully around his muscular one.

"Now shall we?" she needed to nod as he opened the heavy door, and with that a Long evening full of forced smiles begun.

She was already familiar with the dull nights behind this door, but she still couldn't help but to wish to be somewhere else.

> **She wanted** **to be in the shadows.**
> 
> **In the shadows with Azriel.**


	6. Chapter 5

The Time flew by quikly and before Azriel knew it -past two weeks.

Two weeks of Training with Cassian, two weeks with his Family eating dinner together and two weeks full of nightmares. 

As much as he hated to admit it, but he would have been happy if he would have dreamed about the seer These whole two weeks. The dreams about her kept him distracted, but they reminded him of past happy times. Unlike his nightmares, who showed him now since two weeks almost deadly incidents that laied over fifvehundred years back at Ramiel.

It wondered him though why the war-Lords wanted him and Cassian again in the Blood Rite. They already knew the surroundings -so why would they insist that they take part in it again? They had an huge adventage.

But whenever he mentioned These doubts to Cassian, the bulky Illyrian didn't seem to take him serious, shrugging his shoulders at him and telling him with a grin on his face "Maybe they want us to destroy Ramiel." Az tried to smile at that, or at least tug the Corners of his mouth up a Little. As much as he would appriciate that, the Illyrians were to proud of their culture, so they would never do that.

So Azriel had not gotten any clue what was expecting him exactly their.

But now he felt like as if he was throwen back in time, Standing in some begginers Fighting leathers in the Foyer of his brother, without any weapon -not even truth Teller bound to his tigh- and without any blue Siphon. It was weired to say at last, turning around to the Family of his Brothers and his too. It still pained him to see that she wasen't Standing there too. Encourageing him to come back alive and in one piece with her soft but fierce nature. Most of the time she was soft to him and their Family. But Elain had also the fierce blood of the Archerons cruseing trough her veins -even though his Family didn't see that side often. If he remebered clearly they didn't even suspect a thing, that sweet Elain could also have a steeled tongue. To be honest he didn't get to see that side of her to often too.

Most of the time she let that side out, when he came back from a Mission - wounded. She would push him on the next Couch or bed and would inspect the wound, he told her she didn't have to do that, because of many reasons, but mostly because it was emarrassing when she kneelt down and looked at the wounds on his legs. The wounds were normaly just light onse, but she would still scold him everytime that he should be more carefull.

And if a wound was deeper than normal she would take some herbs and lay them on it. If it was really bad, in her opinion, she would call Madja.

The healer mostly smiled at the worried seer and tried to calm her down. She tried it mostly with telling her about former wounds that were much worse, but it mostly made Elain worry even more. So he stayed in bed for his best friend. And endured all the tea she served him. Smiling at her and her sweet worry. He often tried to tell her that his wounds were because of the lifes he protected. She listened closely whenever he did and he could see the respect and something else in her eyes when he did, but she still kept her Point about him beeing more carefull. It ended mostly with an argument were both stayed away from eachother for the rest of the day, but it ended everytime the same. They would apologize for their beahaviour and cuddle up in bed again.

He smiled at the memories sadly.

What would she think if he would come back from this Rite half dead? Would she even let him go outside alone or on missions again?

Over all his thoughts he almost forgot about his Family that stood infront of the winged staircase, he could barely see them trough all the shadows that surrounded him, once not controled by seven of his blue siphones. They swirrled around everywhere and were a dark barrier between him and the rest. Isolating him again - alone in the dark.

He smiled at the blonde haired female that stood, like everytime, there when he left. Her arms crossed over the red top she wore, Looking at him worriedly. Feyre and Rhys stood next to her, waving their goodbys to Cassian who hugged both verry tight, for a verry long time. Even Amren and Varian were there, wishing them good luck as well.

He didn't think as he steped Closer to them. Cass let go of Feyre and Rhys - only because they all opened their arms for him. His brain seemed to have stoped working. Without thinking as he closed the gap between him and his Family. Wraping his arms tightly around them. His two idiot Brothers he loved with all his heart, his flying Student, his former love -who was now one of his best Friends, the fierce female that endured all the shitty ideas of their Family with him and even her husband who became the newest memer of their Family.

Tears started to build up in his eyes as he laid in all their arms. The middle of an circle full of People he trusted with his life.

"I'm sorry for what I did to all of you!" his voice was a mere whisper but the arms around him tightened. Showing him he should keep quiet and not drown in his worries again. So he did that and pulled them Closer, his shadows lifting a Little.

_'Just come back in one piece. And bring her back again, search for her. I would give you all of eternity time to find her. You're the best version of yourself when you're with her.'_

His High Lord didn't have to say her Name to know who he ment, as he heard the calm voice of him in his head.

He didn't know how he should respond to him, so he said Nothing, almost.

_'Even if I die in this. I will still search for her even after death and I would stay by her side and protect her for the rest of her life, even if it means seeing her happy without me.'_

_Don't!_ hissed a dark, cold voice at him. One of his shadows spoke to him. He wondered why it did this now, but he wouldn't let this Moment be ruined by his stupid fears and companions.

He wouldn't let them Control him anymore.

*******

The goodby to his Family was hard, but he had apologized at least. Still, he would not die in this, he had to find Elain after the Blood Rite!

The Cold wind stoped howling around him, as he and Cassian landed on one of the round trainig Areas, infront of Ramiel. Some Illyrians came up to them and checked imideatly if they had any knifes, daggers or any other weapon with them -but found None.

It seemed like they were the last to arrive, because they started to drop the smirking novice-warriors, once everyone was checked.

No Explanation About how Things were going, because everyone knew. They all trained for this week, since they were dropped into their war-camps. 

The twenty novices didn't complain as their wings were bound to their backs.

Rhys was Right though, they dropped Cassian at the opposite side of Ramiel. Making Azriel look up at a steep, rocky cliff of one of the mountains. The Grey Stone was Cold and sharp under his Hands as he started to climb up the rocks to the first ledge. On its way there he started to pick some of the sharper rocks up -rocks that were suitable for daggers. 

The wind threw needles into his tan Skin. The leathers he wore started to rip apart already. Mor and her eye for Fashion - she was the one that told him they would fit him- they clearly didn't. The fissure under his armpit started to tear appart the fabric of the Rough, dark material, Stones already ripped the fabric at his knees and raillegion. Some sharp, Little Stones already dug into his skin. He sighed, he should have asked Rhys to get him the leathers.

On the ledge there were a few conifers, but almost no grass and if, it was covered in snow. Wich was only normal for the early spring in the mountains. He wanted to go as far as he could while it was still day, but Azriel didn't know when he would come across the next tree, so he sat down on the Cold, wet Stone and started sharpening the Stones, climbed the trees to search for some thick Wood sticks and put the Stone and Wood together. Connecting everything with some already torn of Cloth.

By the time he was done, it was already getting dark around him and started to freez. It was Cold, but he knew to not attract any attention with a fire, so he chopped some needled limbs from one of the conifers. But as he did, he had the awkward Feeling of beeing watched. Trained in selfcontrol he stoped his hands from shaking and turning his head around nervously. Instead he just continued choping the light Wood, but send in secret his shadows out to report to him. They won't stand out in the dark surroundings of this mountains, so he didn't have to worry much as they started swirling around on the rocky mountain Floor.

The shadows didn't Need to report back to him. The Problem with his bad Feeling, that twisted in his gut, was solved Pretty fast. There -over his head, in the Crown of the pine- sat an Illyrian warrior, clothed from head to toe in black leathers, only a gap for the eyes of the warrior, was cut into the black mask. The eyes that looked down at him, seemed bigger than normal onse, as if they were in shock.

Azriel didn't need the blink of an eye to bring, the somehow delicate Illyrian, down from the pine. 

One of his shadows rushed up the stem, griping the ankle of the winged male. The shadowsinger jumped foreward, avoiding to colide with the stranger that was brought down to earth with the cracking of wooden limbs.

Once he was down, the stranger had no time to react. Azriel brought his massive figure to sit on the other males chest. He had one of his hands pining down both of his opponents over his head. While Azriels other Hand tightened around the hilt of one his self-made daggers,pointing at the throat of the one beneath him.It felt weird to not feel the cool hilt of Truth-Teller against his scarred Palms for such tasks, but for now it had to do it.

"Who are you?" he asked in his deadly voice. He already noticed the smaller stature, but it didn't make sense, most Illyrians -him included- had a bulkier stature when they come here. Having gained muscels over the Training, else they weren't allowed for the rite anyways.

And the always curious shadowsinger he was, having this sort of behaviour already carved into his Body and bones, he started his usuall way of an examination, but the male was quiet. Looking him dead into his Hazel eyes.

His jaw clanched tight and as Azriel was About to pull of the mask he realized his Beginners mistake. But to late, the male already chocked, chocked on his own tongue.

As Azriel pulled of the black mask, he saw the red liquid that lined down the males cheeks and the foam infront of his mouth. His blue eyes still fixed on Azriel. 

It was weired to see a so small Illyrian male, especially one with blonde hair -but with such determined blue eyes.

Azriel got up again, he thought of burning the Body, but the fire would have drawn to much attention. Then again he thought About carring the male around with him the rest of the week, as his evidence, because no one would believe him when he would tell them About an full weaponized warrior, but then again - he didn't look like one.

With an Closer look, the male looked more like … like an _Assassin!_

Azriels mind was imideatly flowded with questions.

He never heard anything About Illyrian Assassins, but then again, he didn't pay much Attention to his surroundings for the past three years. But even in all the missions he did for Rhys, there was never even an clue about an Organisation of Illyrian Assassins, because no one would set foot on Ramiel durning the Rite full weaponized, let alone come here alone.

Azriel had a bad Feeling as he settled himself close to the sharp rocks, sitting in the shadows, as he listened to the howling of the scary creatures of the court of nightmares.

The normaly so Beautiful night sky of this court, was hung by grey Clouds -just like his mood.

And for once, since he had started to step foot out of his Apartment again, he felt like himself again, at least a Little bit - but he still wasen't complete. He would never feel complete without Elain, but for just this one week, he would have to solve this with his broken parts.

He needed to find out who was behind that assassination as soon as possible.

So Azriel sat there, close to the cold rocks - letting himself for once not think about Elain- but about his upcoming task and the one he had to master now.

He had to survive this whole Blood Rite, for _her._

And this would be the only thought of the sweet flower grower he would allow himself for this week.


	7. Chapter 6

Two weeks were a lot of time.

A few years ago Elain would have spend all her time in the colorful garden at Feyres and Rhys home. Watering the plants, getting rid of all the unwanted weed -wich was never really much, since she tended her garden every day of the week, even when her time didn't allow it. She loved her plants there, but who besides her loved them as she did. The lovely Fressias she planted with Azriel a while back were probably already overgrowen by all the weed. Not leaving a trace that they were ever there -just like her.

But now These two weeks were full of organizations. Organizations for her wedding -a wedding she never wanted. She hated the male she was supposed to marry with all her heart. Maraxus was four years ago, when she first met him, already an cruel male, only thinking about him and his needs. And now she came to notice how much worse he actually was. Now hate was no word to describe her feelings towards him. The feelings she had for him were far worse than hate could ever be. She wished him death. Sweet Elain Archeron wanted to see him bleed and suffer for everything he did to her and her Family. With his company, she discoverd bloody wishes of death, of a long painful death.

Maraxus, the devil himself, took away her light. Over and over again. Whenever she tried to keep at least a little bit of sanity, tending to the dry garden in the backyard,   
he would be there too. Seemingly following her every step. And whenever he spotted her kneeling down to one of the dry daisys, he would pull her up Rough by her ellbow and slap her.   
_"Theres no need in taking care of delicate things that can easily be broken!"_

That were mostly the words he shouted at her after he slaped her with such force that she fell back to the ground. Griping the wet, crumbly earth tightly in her fist at such Moments, was the only Thing that kept her from bursting. She could always feel his victorious devil smirk as she averted her eyes from him. 

Maraxus probably thought he would see hurt and brokeness in her eyes -as well as fear, thinking he had broken down her kindness and happy-go-lucky attitude. But she would never let him know about the things that only pleeded to be let out. She never knew how hard it was to keep rage inside, simply because she was never that Angry, but Maraxus would have managed to break the thickest glass in the world, even when it was increased with a magic spell from Helion himself -by just Looking at it with his dark brown eyes.

So it led her to the Point where she was now. Staring blankly at the dark ceiling. Going everything trough she planed.

Maraxus disappeared at the beginning of These two weeks, leaving her behind with the organisations. But then again -she only had to sit around and nod or had to let someone take her measures for her wedding Dress, but what she already knew that nothing would be like she wanted her wedding day to be, starting from the Dress.

She wanted her dress to be flowing and White, with tons of silky fabric, like most girls dream dress. She wanted to be a princess on her big day.

But now everything she would get was a, so far she already knew, black dress. And all the flowers she picked for the Flower arrangements, were the second after she picked the them replaced by others. Because hers were considered as to bright for the whole wedding.

Tears started to whelm up in her eyes. She pushed her Palms on her charamel orbs, trying to stop the salty spring from overfilling. But a few salty tears escaped her eyes. 

She felt lost, so lost!

She didn't let These Feelings touch her when she was outside her room. Searching and wondering for any task that could distract her from overthinking the rest of her  
missreable eternal life. That she now had to spend with this male. She tried her best Walking around with her mind blank. But with everyday that past, she could feel  
her losing herself more. And spending her time alone and with no distraction in her room only made Things worse, leaving her bare and unprotected to her own Cold thoughts.

Everyday that moved closer to her fated end made her feel worse. 

She felt frustraited with herself, because now it really felt like the devil won over the helpless fawn. But she wasen't helpless she reminded herself.

She was an Archeron and she had proven now multiple times that she too, had the fire of one inside her chest.  
As she remembered the fire of an Archeron she couldn't help but think about her stubborn older sister. Standing tall and proud with her steel starched spine. Her cool blue-grey eyes hiding her fire, the thin line of her mouth stoping her sharp tongue from hurting someone. Nesta was always good with words. She didn't Need to punch someone to Show them were there place was. She hoped Nesta would find back to her Family someday, and would live her life as happy as she could with her mate. From the few glimpses of her Family in her visions she knew they were fine and had still no reunion with the lost elder sister.

  
Elain laughed humerless, her throat begging for water, it would probably not Need to much time to pass until she was the lost sister. The sister no one would remember, not only Sparring a thought to her, because everything she ever did was taking care of the garden or bake.

She held her breathe for a Moment.

_No that weren't the only things I've done!_

As her mind showed her an image of an small boy with hazel eyes, curly dark brown hair, freckles all over his wrinkling nose and a grinn on his face that could   
light up the whole night sky of the famouse Night court -showing of the gap between his teeth, the two front incisors lost.

Elain started weeping at the thought of the winged seven years old Boy.

Pressing her Palms deeper into her wet eye sockets. She hated herself!

Hated herself for not beeing able to protect a seven year old like she should have. And with her hatered once not turned towards Maraxus but herself she found herself crying to Sleep once again -it happened a lot These past two weeks. And she wasen't able to stop the memorie of the begining of an Nightmare she lived.

*******

_"Excause me, can you tell me where I can find a male named 'Maraxus'?" The owner of the little tavern eyed her with slight shock in his face. The male seemed to be already a few centurys old, his green eyes looking tired. The blonde curles atop of his head were probably not washed for the past month._

_He seemed surprised, but shook it off. "Do you really want to go to him?"_

_He seemed more tense as he continued to rub the glass dry in his hands, as Elain nodded, her eyebrows furrowed slightly. The tavern owner leaned a little over the old yellow oak counter, now barely whispering. "Now, now little girl, your service isn't of need here and I'd recommend you to leave out of his business."_

_Elain scoffed._ How dare he! _She set up one of her sweetest false smiles. Folding her hands infront of her pale blue gown and strightening her petite back. "Listen sir, I'm not here for any of such business and besides even if I would, I would wish for you to stay out of my business. Please just tell me the number of his room and I won't be any of your concerns anymore."_

_The male shrugged at her. "His room number is four. If he destroys anything or even hurts you little miss, it's gonna be your business."_

_"Thank you verry much sir, I promise I won't trouble you again."_

_As Elain walked up the creaking first staircase at the front building she noticed the dirty worn out wallpaper. Yet still fiting the dirty brown stairs with its yellowish color. The smell of urine hit her nose. Someone was peeing, she just past by the door at the middle of the staircase, wrinkling her nose at the smell. She knew that even the fae needed to do their 'business' but privacy wasen't written big in this old gaff it seemed._

_It wondered her how this house could still stand and not crumble under all the dirt, but the brown front facade and probably the rest of the house walls, as well, did it already. The tavern stood in one of the cheaper quaters of Velaris and if she thought about it -this would be exactly one of the hell holes were Nesta would pick her daily prey._

_The shabby red carpet, that tried to hide the already slightly brittle wood, didn't do much for the atmosphere. The faerie lights flickered nervous in the dark hallway, sensing her discomfort, on her way to the door. It had a rusty old four hanging on eyes height. It moved slightly as she knocked on the door, Elain didn't dare to knock hard on the door, afraid she would break trough it._

_"Who's there?!" shouted the annoyed, deep voice of a male from inside the room._

_"My name is Elain. And I'm here because of a friend."_

_She didn't know if this was to careless of her to just spill it to the door, but her heart was racing in her chest. Afterall you don't aske everyday the question she was about to ask this male called 'Maraxus'. She thought about wearing a cloak, but than again, she would have to take it off eventually, so she decided against it. Making her way trough the crowded streets of Velaris in the late evening hours. She knew it could end horribly even in an normaly peaceful city like the home of Feyre and Rhys, but she had to wait the evening out. Like that her family wouldn't suspect a thing, thinking she would go to bed early -and Arctonos would already be in bed. Sleeping peacefuly_

_A long time nothing was heard, but heavy steps stomped over the wooden floor, swinging the door open. Luckily the door opened to the inside of the room. The sheer force made her honey golden hair fly back, leaving her charamel orbs with a shocked and surprised look._ 'Will that even go well?'

_The male infront of her looked surprised too, but that look was soon replaced by a look with hunger and lust. Looking like a starved wolf at his prey. She gulped and she could feel his intense gaze watch her every movement, but she wouldn't run away just because he looked at her like she was something to eat._

_Elain smiled kindly at him as she started to speek "Hello, my name is Elain and I'm here be -"_

_"Because of a friend. You already told me that, but what does your 'friend' want from me?"_

_"May I come in? It's something verry private to discuss."_

_He looked down at her, with these dark brown eyes. The dark color hid away any trace of light, as if the whole reason why he wandered around in Prythian was to bring cruelty and a heavy, threatining darkness. Accompanied by all sorts of abuse. He growled at her but moved away from the old door step as she straightened her shoulders, now looking like she swallowed a stick. She felt a little like Nesta._

_The thought of her sister kept an honest smile on her face when she entered the dark, stuffy room. From what she saw it was neat and organized, most of the small space taken up by an old bed. She could fit twice in the bed, but with the wings of the male it would maybe be a little bit more difficult for him. The dresser beside the bed looked more broken then anything and the sticky wooden floor was once again covered with an to old red carpet. She didn't want to look at the wallpaper. The wall next to the bathroom looked more yellow than the rest of the wallpaper. It looked like as if someone peed onto the wall. But she admitted to herself that she was surprised that this tavern even hosted private bathrooms._

_Her attention soon snaped to the winged male leaning, arms crossed over his broad chest, against the foot pannel as his voice echoed in the room._

'Why are all Illyrians so bulky?'

_"So Elain, what brings you into my chamber?" he smirked as he noticed that she flinched slightly. She needed to breathe. Now!_

_She knew things were supposed to go this way, she saw it in a vision last week. She had figured a few years ago, that when visions were close to happen they would make more sense . Showing her actuall people.She saw herself back then in this room. The flower grower looked lost in the small room, cornerd against the wall on the opposite side of the room, she looked nervous and Maraxus seemed closer in her vision than now._

_But the reality of the vision soon sat in. Maraxus indeed seemed closer now, not leaning against the foot pannel of the bed anymore. Her breathe stoped for a second as he came closer and closer, cornering her to the wall like a wild animal -just like in her vision._

_"I -I'm here because of a friend. She didn't want to come, so I came alone. I wanted to ask if you still remember a female called Clarissa. Do you remember a female with storm grey eyes, black long straight hair, delicate pointed ears and olive skin?" she stumbled nervously over the words._

_He laughed dryly as he took the last steps towards her. Elain backed away, but her back hit the sticky wall way to soon she thought. His large hands snaked around her petite wrists -pining her to the wall with them, a knee found its way between her tightly shut legs, with such force she felt her knees weaken. His wings spread a little as he leaned in close to the spot that connected her neck and her shoulders. She found it disgusting at how sticky his breath was on the unclothed free spots of her skin._

_She growled as she felt him open his mouth, ready to close on her skin again. Her vision did not prepare her for this! Naive as Elain was she walked right into a trap!_

_She didn't want to take to deep breathes, scared she might bring herself closer to the weired male, but she needed to speek. Now!_

_"Could you please answer my question?" she was aching to be let free, but kept calm. She needed to have a moment were he thought of himself as safe. A moment when he thought he was safe. She would prove him wrong!_

_But as their eyes met, his filled with rage and growling at her, she lost the thought of her strategy._

_"I don't like it when a female is asking stupid questions or speaking anyway when I try to bed her. The only sounds I accept are moans and whimpers."_

_He smirked as he noticed that her knees were about to give in, give in to her fear._

_"I don't know if I've asked the wrong question, but I think I asked you if you know a female named Clarissa. I don't remember asking you to bed me!" she tried to sound brave, but the words had a lack of confidence._

_Maraxus growled again, his unwashed dark brown hair hanging slightly into his sight. He looked threatening. "I think I've made my point clear! I am going to take you to my bed and you will not be able to do anything about it!" He pressed her closer to the crumbly wall, his disgusting smell and heat clinging to her body. Elain growled again. She never growled at anyone, but this male was driving her mad!_

_"Listen here! I am not here to statisfy you and your sexual needs! I am here to tell you about_ your son! _" She wanted to tell him actually with some more clever chosen words, trying to talk to him calmly, but he just asked her to shout it at him!_

_He drew back from her, like he burned himself. Now she was able to stand straight again._

_"What do you mean_ 'son' _!?" he spat at her. "I didn't sire a bastard child!" Elain steped a step foreward and clenched her fists._

_"Arctonos is not a bastard! You're the only bastard here! You should at least take some responsibility for him! This is the only reason why I'm here! To remind you of the resposibilitys of a father!" Elain was never one to shout but this male pushed her over her edges._

_He growled at her again, stomping towards her and griped her by her left wrist tightly. She winced a little as he marched of to the door with her behind him. Maraxus flung the door open and shoved her out on the dimly lit hallway._

_"Don't you ever dare to speak to me about an bastard son again! Don't you dare to ever push me towards the responsibility of taking care of a fucking bastard!" his loud roar echoed in the hallway. She was about to respond to him, but the door was shut only inches away from her face._

_Ending the argument._

_Now she was the one stomping down the hallway of the two floor building._

'He didn't even try to know more about his son!' 

_Elain was furios as she steped out of the tavern, once not bothering to hide her anger. She walked as fast as she could back home, but made a stop at Madjas clinic, where she left Arctonos at. After Clarissa died she took him in, but Elain couldn't take care of him without having everything to explain to her family. She hated herself for treating him like he was a fith weel -like she tried to ignore his presence, but she just couldn't talk about the whole situation now. She could barely think of Clarissa -her beloved friend- without starting to cry. Still blaming herself for her death._

_The feamale only smiled at Elain as she sat beside her. The sight of her best friend laying there in this white deathbed started a salty river of tears. The seer apologized over and over again for noticing to late. But the fierce female only took a promise from her as last wish. Clarissa pushed herself up, sitting straight as she cupped one of Elains wet cheeks in her rough hands. Leaning in close and whispering to her, asking her for last promise -to take care of Arctonos as long as he needed her._

_Elain smiled sadly as she remembered her tear stained face as she walked by her last bed. Madja was the healer she took her to, Elain knew it was risky bringing her to the favorite healer of Rhys, but Madja made it clear that she separated private and business verry strictly._

_So with that said Elain asked Madja to take care of the little boy when she was in the riverhouse with her family._

_As she stood by the bed the small boy slept in, she smiled down at him. Kissing his rosy freckled cheek, a smile crept upon his happily snoring face. His wings spread all over the small matress._

_The memorys of the smiling boy and the grining female faded as she was shaken back to awakening_

*******

Elain sat up straight, sweaty and dicusted by all the sticky breathing on her Skin, Feeling the salty riverbed on her cheeks. She moved slightly in the dark, letting the shadows lead her to the bath chamber. She wanted to wash the sweaty smell and the awful breath off her Skin, but a golden glimmer of light started creeping into her room. Soft steps followed on the Cold Floor.

"Elain?" Alderas soft Little voice called out into the large dark room. Elain wanted to vanish into the shadows, but she notced the shaky voice of the small, winged Infant.

"Yes?" 

"Can I Sleep in your bed?"

The words were still quiet, as if she was afraid of awakening a demon inside the Darkness if she would speak to loud. Elain smiled sadly at her as she walked Closer and lifted the Brown haired girl up into her arms. It still amazed her of how mobile the Illyrian infants are. They speak like they are already six years old, but didn't even reach the age of two yet.

As Elain curled both of them up on the black matress, she could feel Aldera wrinkle her nose at all the Sweat. "You're smelly."

"Well not even I smell all day after rosebushes ond wild Flowers."

They both giggled and Alderas delicate wings wraped slowly around Elains Frame. She smiled again at the thought of her beloved shadowsinger doing that.

The flower grower nuzzled her cheek slightly on top of the small head of Aldera, tryimg to chase away the thought of him. Because whenever she thought of him she eather saw his back - leaving her for the rest of eternity alone or the one where she saw his smiling face, offering her a kind, scarred Hand -Looking her Deep in the eyes with his Hazel onse- dressed in a suit and surrounded in White. Both sights made her cry, so she tried to Keep away from thinking About him.

"Elain, can you tell me a Story?"

"Wich one do you want to hear?" "One from yours." The seer smiled sadly. It were never just Storys she told, she offerd her live to them, but they were to small to notice.

Elain nodded as she pulled the heavy blankets over them, laying an arm lose around the petite shoulders of Aldera.

The little fawn thought for a moment and came to the decision she would allow herself just for tonight to talk About the male she loved. She really wished Aldera and Arxani would meet Azriel someday, but she doubted they would ever be allowed to leave the Mansion.

"Once uppon a time -ther was a small girl, in a small Village with small easy forgetable Tasks. The Little girl was sad and lonly, her lovely Family not understanding what she Needs to be happy.

"On one day when the Little Girl was Walking to her garden, she noticed a Little black haired boy sitting in the shadows of her fence. She started Talking to him and as she looked ino the Hazel eyes of the small Boy with her charamel eyes -she saw hurt and fear and rage. He sat there by her fence everyday when she walked to her garden. She Always stoped to greet him, but he never responded. She did that for a full week and lost hope of an answer after it, but the Boy spoke to her that day 'How do you do that?'

"She tilted her small head 'What do you mean?' 'Be so happy when you're actually broken.' 

"The Little Girl was speechless. This Boy only needed a week to figure her out, only watching her steps, but he found more out than the rest of her Family did in the past months.

"So they started Talking and laughing together. Both healing.

"One day she noticed the scarrs on the Hands of the black haired Boy. They've known each other now for the past six monthes, spending all their time together, but until now he never tried to tell her About them and she didn't push him to. But she was just so curious, so the Question sliped.

"She hadn't thought that she would give her an answer, but he did. Telling her of his cruel Family. They both sat for a verry Long time in the meadow, silent …"

Elain trailed of - thinking About this day, Tears in her eyes and on her cheeks.

Aldera didn't push her to end the Story, because she could hear the even breath of the Infant. Sleeping peacefuly in her arms.

So Elain decided it was better to stop Talking, not wanting to wake her with her sobbs.

The Flower grower tried to go to Sleep again, but it was an hard task, when the only words she spoke on that fated day in the Meadows echoed everytime in her pointed ears when she closed her eyes.

*******

_His scarred hands were heavy in hers as she cupped them between hers. She saw him trough a thick layer of tears, but tey slid down his taned cheeks as well. HIs shadows swirling around him like lose, sticky strands of a spider net in the wind. Elain could keep hers only barely at bay._

_She stroked her thumbes slowly over his scarrs, showing them the love they deserved. He depised them and didn't showed them to anyone -if he could avoide it- so Elain would make it her task for eternity to show him how many lifes he had saved with_ his _hands. She wanted to kiss every scarr, doubled and more if it meant showing him how much they were worth, how much she loved them - but she continued to stroke her thumb over them._

_She smiled at him, tears still in her eyes, as she spoke to him again._

> _"I'll stay with you in the shadows as long as you need me and even after."_

_Azriel looked at her with his sad hazel eyes, a glimmer of hope flickering inside them as he squeezed her delicate hands in his large onse._

**_"Then stay with me, please, for the rest of eternity and even after."_ **


	8. Chapter 7

The days were rough.

The weather was Cold,stormy and even snowy. To say his whole body hurt was lie. An underrasment, Azriel had the Feeling as if his whole body would break apart any moment.

But as much as he wanted to deny his Illyrian ancestry, he was just as stubborn as any other Illyrian male or female. He would not give into his pain, afterall he was more than used to it. 

So climbed up farther, closer to the top of the mountain Ramiel. He didn't want to be first there, so he took his time. And as much as he wanted to go and search for Elain -Rhys would still take him and Cassian diractly to a healer after the whole rite would be finished. 

Azriel didn't need a mirror to really see how bad he looked, but the pain in his legs and arms was enough to remind him of the cuts and bruises he got himself in a fight with some Illyrian novices a few hours ago. He didn't kill them, he just knocked them out. The great shadowsinger knew that this coul be held against him for the next centurys, but he would gladly accept that if it ment to avoid a new feuds. 

After all he was in a generous mood today. He was maybe two hours most, away from escaping that hell hole once again. Azriel knew that Cassian already reached the top, but not as first one though. And he was happy that he avoided such an incident like three days ago until now.

He had the Feeling that he was watched, but whenever his shadows came back to report to him, they just told him About the nearby novices. Azriel didn't cross ways with any of them, so they would doubt if he really took part in the bloody rite. So he ran into the four Person group of novices on prupose. One of them could stand against him longer than other enimies in his life could, and the way the bright blue eyes of the warrior, fighting him, shone with Determination. THe novice reminded him of Cassian.

The strenght of his opponent was raw. Azriel didn't know if it was because of the lacking siphones or if the warrior never learned how to tame his fists and Special powers. Only because of this one and his generous mood he let them alive. Seeing the potantial in the new generation of Illyrian Warriors.

The shadowsinger traveled mostly with the shadows at night. Hiding him from the toxic and dangerous beings of the Night court. The movement also helped to warm up his sore muscels at night. He layed in the sun of the ledges he took breaks on, during the day, but it still prevented him from freezing to death in his torn clothes when he walked trough the howling, cold night.

Azriel didn't hunt any animal down for ist fur or leather Skin. Not even for its meat. He was used to not eating anything for weeks. He also lived his life until now without Sleep. What were three sleeples nights against nine? But as much as he wanted to deny it he got distracted and lost his concetraition towards his surroundings.

He noticed the three moving figures behind him to late. He let his shadows almost swallow him in their Darkness, to Keep him away from any sight, but the three males still found him. 

The sharp knife in between his shoulder blades was prove enough of how much he was distracted. The stap could have easily costed him his wings, but the luckily didn't harm them. Not even when the blade was pulled out of his Skin. He tuned sharply around after he was freed from the silver blade, that noe shimmerde red. Red with his blood.

He growled at the three figures covered in black, showing his teeth. He was on the last ledge of Ramiel, only needing to climb up the cliffy Stonewall of the gray mountain. But the Onyx black Stone atop of the mountain suddenly reached far into the distance.

He could only concentrate on his three opponents infront of him now. They looked exactly like the one he killed three days ago. They looked petite, but were full armed. Sharp Illyrian daggers pointing towards him, the heavy Illyrian blades were attached to the black leather belts around their small hips. Some straps and clasps tied the black boots to their feets. Hiding smaller daggers without a doubt.

One stood at the front. His dagger ponting towards Azriel, his green eyes glaring at the bulky Illyrian shadowsinger. The other two stood behind the front warrior, their daggers pointing towards his heart and throat. They cornered him at almost the end of the ledge, wanting his death without a doubt.

But as exhausted as Azriel was from three days starving and sleeples nights, he concentrated at the threat against his life. Making him Forget About his hunger and Need of Sleep. He wanted to search for Elain, and for that he would still Need to be alive.

So he took one of his handmade daggers himself and pointed it towards them. The one in the Right Corner laughed at his desparate Action, but the left shushed him. _So they aren't supposed to speak._

The first one suddenly jumped Forward, diractly at him, hiting him with the dagger in his chest. Azriel wasn't fully concentrated. The lack of Sleep and Food now started to kick in, at the worst Timing possible. As the dagger was pulled out of his wet flesh it made a wet noise, the warm blood started running down his chest, soaking the torn fabric of his black clothes. 

The two in the back flung themselfs Forward too, but this time Azriel was faster -pushing the one who staped him- back, hiting the other two with him.

They almost touched the Ground but they were well trained, keeping their balance, even with a pushing force. They all three hissed at him.

Azriel was doubting that they were even fae, but he could only be sure when the masks were pulled off. But it was hard to do so, with the Burning Sensation of the wounds in his back and chest. The scratches from his former fight didn't help much.

"Who are you?"

"No one you have to worry About for much longer." It was a muffled silent voice. The green eyed man spoke but the other two hissed at him for his chaty behaviour. He turned towards them, showing Azriel his unprotected beck, still in an bowed Position.

"He won't be alive much longer! Why Keep it a secret?"

Azriel smirked silently as he let his shadows slowly crawl towards his opponents. The only Thing Rhys told him about how he could use the shadows was simple -no teleporting, the rest was his to decide.

Azriel wanted to avoid using them -he didn't use them in his former fight too- but now was diffrent. He was hurt, standig at the Edge of a ledge and cornered by three winged Illyrian males -well trained males.

They were probably no full fae, but whatever other species threy belonged to, they were powerful. But Azriel was still stronger.

His shadows started clinging at the ankles of the three males, losely, but still kept them from moving. The two facing him starred at him in Horror as the Mighty shadowsinger slowly walked up to them, his dagger pointing at all three.

His face was a Stone cold mask. Showing no hurt, no fear, no emotion at all.

His voice was steel sharp as he spoke again "Who are you?"

The green eyed male turned around sharply, wanting to hit Azriel another time with the dagger, but Azriel was this time well prepared. He stoped the thin arm mid air, clutching the small wrist inbetween his Rough, large Hand.

The dagger fell. The wrist cracked. The male screamed.

The two in the back wanted to jump at him, but his shadows pulled them back to the Ground. Clutching thighter around their ankles.

"Who are you?" Azriel growled at them despite his aching Body.

They stood there in fear watching as Azriel almost lazily pulled of theire masks. One had Brown eyes and curley Brown hair with green Skin. The other one on the Right side in the back was blonde with blue eyes and pale White Skin- just like the one three days ago. And the snarling one infront of him had forest green eyes with black hair and taned Skin.

But what they all had in common was the petite figure. Azriel saw no use of keeping them alive if he couldn't find out anything About them. So he decided to leave the choice up to them.

"Who are you?" The same Question. Now asked more than once - the shadowsinger normaly never repeated himself.

They didn't give an answer. They just stood there, watching him with fear in the eyes and grinded with their jaws. Before anyone could bite of his tongue again and choke on his own blood and flesh again, he punched them diractly on the jaws. Each one made a statisfying 'crack'.

They hit the Cold Stone Floor without cusioning the fall. His opponets were not able to move because of the shadows that absorbed them, but not even the shadows could give them the needed Information -so he left it there.

He should end the rite before his Body gets to weak and probaly go to a healer as soon as possible afterwards.

No one wanted to speak to the shadowsinger so he took his dagger and drove it trough all three throats.   
The last Thing each of them saw, were the Cold Hazel eyes of the Mighty Azriel. But each had a diffrent reaction. The Brown eyed one had fear written all over his face, the light one had Tears in his eyes and a sob on his lips - while the green eyed warrior died with Determination in his wild eyes. Without a doubt the leader of their Group.

With all three opponents dead he was able to concentrate at the givrn Task -climbing up the rocky mountain way to reach the top and end the rite.

Azriel started his shaky way up the mountain with one last glance at the three dead Bodys, climbing up to his next Mission.

~~~

"By the cauldron, Azriel! You look fucking dead!" Mor was the first to rush over to the wounded Illyrian Warrior -who just past the Blood rite-again. Azriel chuckled lightly at that, he would Maybe have laughed even -if it wouldn't hurt so much.

Turns out the shadowsinger didn't just feel shity, but he also looked shity. Now he was kinda glad that Elain wasen't here. She would have probably swung him over her petite shoulder and would have carried him to the next healer.

Well, Mor did kinda the same Thing. She flung one of his strong arms around her shoulder and told him he should just lean into her. It helped to get some of his hurting weight off his feet. And like that Mor walked the blood soaked Warrior to the next beige tent.

But Azriel wouldn't be the only one in the tent. The healer was just About to pack her stuff away, leaving the other badly injured warrior on screen. Cassian. He layed flat on his stomach atop of a delicate camp bed, the tan arms dangling to the Floor, were a big contrast to the cream white, or dirty white mattress.

The young Brown haired women sighed and opended up her Aid-kit once again. Azriel was put on the camp bed next to Cassians, at least he would share the tent with his brother and didn't Need to suffer alone.

The women started treating his wounds Right away. Luckily she only took care of the onse on his back and on his chest. Azriel would have felt akward if the female would have knelt infront of him.

Now after the done Treatment Mor-who left the tent when the healer started her work- came back. A bright shit Eating grin on her face. The two Warriors groaned at her in usion.

The bright red clothed women just stood inbetween the camp beds. Ruffling the wet and unwashed hair of the two males-her Brothers- since both couldn't do anything against it. Laying defenceless on their stomachs.

"What did you two do up there? Baeting the shit out of the novices?" 

"I already told you, I was attacked by some weired Looking dudes up there. They were fucking full armed! And I was unprepared." Cassian only mumbled the last part, embarrassed by his biginers mistake.

Azriel only furrowed his eyebrows together "You were attacked too?"

Mors smile was Fading and she only mumbled the exxcuse of geting Rhys and rushed out of the tent again.

Cassian looked at him as good as possible. "Where they fully armed too?"

Azriel nodded.

"How many attacked you?"

"Four."

"Me too."

Cassian, for once in his life after the war, looked concerned. "Do they think they were supposed to kill us?"

"Well they clearly weren't ther to enjoy the nice weather with all its sunshine." Cass chuckled lightly but droped the Subjekt, leaving it for later, when Rhys was here to discuss the tried assassination.

But now Azriel was tired himself, Feeling exhausted from all the Adrenalin that just cursed trough his Body as climbed down the mountain. And it was already dark outside, so the lack of sleep kicked in once again.

Leaving him in the sweet Cloud of Sleep with his most loved Sound of his immortel life, the bell like laugh of sweet Elain Archeron.

The women he would Always love and chaste after her, like a man who was scared of the darkness would chase the sun.

He would go find her, but for Tonight and probably the next one, he should be happy to hear her laugh again.

But even though Azriel fell asleep with a smile on his face, he could never be truely happy, not when he couldn't embrace his light like he wanted. He couldn't be truely happy if the sweet flower grower didn't lay in his strong arms again.

Her flowery scent was his armor, his Shield from his shadows, but without her he would just be an broken warrior on the ground.

**_But Azriel would turn the world upside down if it ment finding her._ **

**_Just for Tonight he would be happy with old happy memories._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone  
> School has started in my Country again (well Weekly).  
> With Weekly I mean that in one week I'll go to School and the next is at home.  
> I will try to update mostly when I'm having the week off.
> 
> So I hope you can understand when there aren't going to be regular updates when I'm at school.   
> Have a nice day/evening and stay well.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> I'm sorry it took my that Long to update the Chapter, but my Little brother just thought 'Hey its funny to tip on other persons Keyboards and I just want to piss of my sister.' So he did exactly that.  
> The result however was that he delated the draft and I was almost done.  
> And I didn't save a coppy, so yeah it might be that this is a Little bit rushed and shitty but I hope you still enjoy the Chapter.

"Elain? They want to speak to you."

  
The Cold voice of Lailany echoed in the black room. The seer -sitting lost and quiet in the shadows of the heavy curtains didn't want to answer. Not when her throat was desert dry, but she still had to, she wanted time after all.

"Could you please give me Thirty minutes?"

  
She nodded "I'll be her to pick you up." and with that she closed the heavy black door with a silent 'click' leaving Elain once again alone.  
Elain didn't Need These Thirty minutes for Dressing up. No, she needed them to prepare herself mentally. She didn't want to be the little fawn infront of the hunters, but something played against her.

  
As she got up from the red padded arm chair an Image flashed trough her mind again. The mind she wanted to Keep under lock and key. The Image she never knew if it already happened and it was just a Memory she wanted to Forget, if it happened now or if it would happen sometime in the future. She didn't know. The seer didn't know to what time the Image, of her blood soaked love with a dagger in his back, belonged to.

She normaly was able to Keep the dam of her floading emotions intact, but it seems the Little 'click' opened the docks.

The Image played again and again through her blank mind, leaving prints of the Picture wherever it was possible.

Elain was nervous, scared and Angry. Something she thought she would never be again, not when the shadowsinger was around her but apparently he wasen't and never ever would again.

As she walked up and down on the cold marble Floor, trying to sort herself out, to at least have a little bit of sanity when she would walk into that cursed Ballroom -where now at this time of the day stood no table.

_Its over! Its over! Its over!_

Her mind raced at the Speed of Rhys who found out that something was wrong with Feyre. But Elain could find no way of escaping. No way of rescuing.

She tried reaching out with the shadows to them, but she never got that far. She barely reached the forest rim a few feet away from her window. She wasen't that talented with the shadows. Elain loved them and they were strong -when they were close to her. She never learned how to walk through them and never trained them in reaching out to someone far away.

So with that she was lost. All attempts of esacaping were crushed down just the Minute as the thought begun to bloomed.

And with all that she was lost - to herself and traped -in a home which would never be her home.

The thoughts raced and raced, leaving each time the print of no savior in sight. No Feyre who would safe her, no Nest who would safe her and mostly no Azriel who would safe her.

She started tearing up at that, her lips trembling and her legs shaky. And as she brocke down to the cold, black floor -sitting in the puddle of a Velvet black skirt- she started to sobb.

The flower grower just wanted to go back to her Family. Where her roots layed. She just wanted to hug her Sisters again and again, she just wanted to joke around with the two males, who became Brothers, she never had, she wanted to get taught by the fierce Amren again, she wanted to bake with Nuala and Cerridwen again, she wanted to get Fashion advice from Mor again but most importantly she wanted to hug Azriel -her best friend and love- again.

She wanted to lay in his warm comforting arms again, she wanted to be enwrappen in his scent and wings again, she wanted to hear his Steady heartbeat against her pointed ear again.

Elain just wanted to be with her Family again. 

But she knew she could never be again.

The only Thing that kept her sane About staying away from them, was that Nothing will ever happen to them. Only sometimes she is selfish enough to believe that her Needs of freedome and love are Standing atop over the safty of her Family. But this was only a spark who lived up only on her weakest moments. 

Now was None of those. She just sat on the Floor again and cried her eyes out again -her Palms Pressing on her wet eyes. She sobbed and sniffled and reminded her that this has become a Routine. A Routine that she would have a break down at least once a day. A Routine she invented in the past week.

The past week, which led her to her dead end, was passing by slow and yet it still seemed that it was to fast over.

She sobbed again. The seer was alone, the shadows around her enwrapping her in their thick blanket of whispers and swirling around in the room.

 _Elain, stop crying._ A childish warm voice said to her and a warm breeze touched her pointed ear.

_I can't._

The wind didn't answer to that. It only soothed her back calmly. In the end he got even so far as to ruffle her hair. 

Leaving a soft,small black feather in her honey golden hair. She laughed a Little as she pulled the delicate feather out of the golden mass.

A remembering that she wasen't alone. A remembering of her gardian Angel. A guardian Angel who was traped between the world of the Living beeings and the dead onse.

As Elain got up on wobbly feet she walked slowly over to the black mattrass. Pulling out from underneath the matching black pillows a medium sized round glass, that was almost filled to the rim with black feathers. All reminders that she wasen't alone. She smiled sadly at the glass as she put the feather to its companions and put it then away under the pillows again.

A jolt of shock went trough her spine as she realized the time. It was time for the sheep to walk to the slaughter bank.

The once so happy Flower grower straightened her back and hair, soothed over the soft Velvet of her dress skirt and whiped away her Tears.

The red puffy eyes stayed, but she at least looked acceptable.

As she turned down the door handle and was About to pull the heavy door open, which she just thought got heavier in the past week with each day, was now almost slamed into her face by Lailany.

The storm Grey eyes of her looked surprised, but she spoke no word as she led her out in the Obsidian corridor.

The large double door fell closed behind them with a loud 'bang'.

*******

Silent steps and the ruffle of soft fabric were the only Things that echoed in the dimmly lit hallway. They were just About to turn Right when she heard lailanys Cold voice in her head.

_Don't Show your fear. And please don't forget that we'll always be here with you._

And with that the century old Daemati left her to walk the rest alone. Elain only nodded, not able to form a proper sentence yet. 

The candle Flames flickered nervously around her as she walked down the dark corridor. Stoping at the heavy black door.

Elain was About to knock as an Cold mist of shadow found its way to her ear

_DON'T!_

It hissed at her and showed the seer why she should not enter -yet. Klaudius had a Visitor. One she had gotten to know came by a lot in the past few years.

Lord Devlon.

But if she had only waited a Moment longer, she wouldn't even have been in the Need of the shadows. Standing this close to the door, Elain could hear the muffled sounds of their rising Voices trough the thick wooden door.

"What do you mean they're not dead! We had a fucking deal!"

"Don't you think I'd reather see them dead too!"

"Than do something About it!"

"I can't! The High Lord is still in the camp and is undermining my authority more with every passing hour!"

"By the cauldron! Is it that difficult to kill a Born bastard with four full armored, well trained Warriors?"

Klaudius got quieter again, and the Hand that was About to knock sunk heavy back to her side. Instead Elain took a turn and looked at the wings again.

She furrowed her eyebrows slightly as she inspected them again. 

The rusty red tone and the delicate, yet sharp looking claws seeming verry familiar. This time she was able to lift her pale, almost white hand up, to trace down the silky Membrane.

But just when she once thought of no disurbing the stiky breath was next to her ear again and a large cold Hand griped firmly around her delicate wrist.

"Don't you dare touch my trophy!"

Elain didn't answer him she simply wrestled her wrist free.

"Where were you? You should have helped organizing our wedding." 

"Thats womens Business. I also had better Things to do!" His voice was pressed.

Elain raised a brow, but left it. She still had to connect the dots from earlier. 

But still she couldn't leave him without beeing at least a Little sarcastic.

"You're the one who wants to marry me. So you should have at least helped."

He growled, only to slap her a second later across the face.

He was in a verry bad mood. Maraxus was sloopy today -he hit her where everyone could see. Maybe he was Angry, because of the bastard that should have been killed, too.

"It wasen't on me to decide if I wanted to marry such a weakling!"

"May I remember you, that you were the one, that not even one and a half year ago argued with Klaudius why I should marry you instead of Larkubus."

He growled at her. But the threatening look was soon replaced by a Devils smirk, leaning down to whisper in her ear. His large Hands Cold against her hot skin. His smell enwrapped her. But as his fingers dug into her thin Arms - she shivered. Regretting to have put on the plain strapless Velvet Dress today.

"I had the better Points. And I bet once we're married I'm making you scream louder than that bastard child behind you, when I took his wings."

Elain had the feeling as if her Body and the air around her went Cold, as she remembered who he called like that.

An unpleasent Memory hitting her like a brick thrown at her head.

*******

_"Elain! I'm goinig to Madja again! Give me a good night kiss please!" The childish voice of the dark Brown haired child echoed through the empty riverhouse._

_"Why don't you come here? Then you can help me decor the cupcaks in a few minutes." Just as she finished speaking she heard the loud steps of the little Boy running towards the large kitchen. As he run inside and jumped her, he barely reached the top of the cream White kitchen counters._

_Elain bend down to pick the seven year old Boy up. He was Shorter than Boys his age, but his wings were larger than theirs. The innocent Flower grower still didn't know what it ment -so did the little Boy._

_"Elain!" he whined as she pampered him with kisses all over his face. She smiled down at him lovingly "You wanted to have good night kiss."_

_"Well, then you Need to go to School again. Because These were more than one."_

_"Well they make up for all the lost chances to kiss you."_

_He giggled as she put a big wet kiss on his freckled cheek. "That was your good night kiss." Arctonos_ _laughed at her as he whiped away the wet spot on his Little cheek._

_"Do you want to help me decorate them?" she pointed towards the whit Metall oven where her Cupcakes were baking inside._

_Arctonos shook his head. "No its already dark outside and I don't want to worry Madja more by staying out to late. You know she is gona scold me for beeing late not you."_

_He pounted as Elain sat him back on the White Floor again. She ruffled his soft locks slowly._

_"Okay. Then lets hurry."_

_Arctonos looked up at her, Determination written in his Brown eyes. "No you stay here. You Need to watch the Cupcakes so you can bring some tomorrow to me!" Elain laughed at him. But he only continued his Little speech as he puffed out his chest and pointed a thumb towards him. "And by the way I'm old enough to go home alone."_

_Elain played hurt, putting her Hand over her chest and gasping "Does that mean I'm not needed anymore?"_

_"No but I wanna go alone. Just this once pleaseeee!" Arctonos made his puppy eyes as he clutched around her leg and looked up to her._

_Elain chuckled "Okay just this once. And you take the direct route home. Got it?"_

_"Got it!" He jumped in excitment and before she knew it he raced towards the front door, ran out and closed it with a loud 'bang'._

_Elain ducked down her head a Little bit at the loud Sound. A sigh escaping her lips._

_She couldn't deny that she was worried. Hell she wasen't even his real mother but yet she had gotten so used to the Little Boy around her, teaching him everything and more and watching over him, that she was really worried whenever he wanted to go alone to a place that wasen't lit by sunlight. But he will grow up sooner or later and the more indipendent he is now, the less has to Change in the future._

_Elain slowly turned towards the strowberrys on a wooden choping board._

_She was About to chop the last Strawberry in half as a Vision hit her head._

~~~

A small Boy surrounded by four winged males, cornered to a brick wall.

Each armored from head to toe.

Sharp daggers shimmering in their Hands.

~~~

_Elains hand got shaky and her blood rushed to her feet. Cold sweat formed on her pale face as the knife in her hand was about to slip. She held onto it firmly as she realized._

_She didn't know what to do! She was alone. The rest was out at Ritas, even Azriel was with them today. Elain always calm and collected like she normaly is, suddenly remembered something verry important again._

_Her training. Cassian had thought her how to fight with both body and weapons a few years after Hybern. She was at first against it, disgusted by the idea of ever holding a dagger in her life bringing hands again. But he insisted it and didn't left her at peace until she gave in._

_So she first learned the basics. And worked herself up from there. At some point she realized that it was actually pretty funny to push her body to her limits. An extra point for the training was that she had taken out Cassian already a few times._

_whenever monthes layed between their training session, he underestametet her power and got sloopy. Six years ago he had stoped training with her. Telling her she learned everything from him now he could offer._

_He sounded serious but he looked more like a proud Dad close to tears._

_But now was the time to remember all her training. The only disatvantage she would have against her opponents are the flowing lavander colored skirts of her dress._

_It didn't stop her from storming the streets. She was running one way and advicing the shadows to search for the little boy in every alley they could reach._

_In one, in a reather bad looking quater of Velaris they found him. As she rushed towards the small gap between two old looking brick houses, she already noticed the heavy scent of blood. The hold on her kitchen knife only thightened when she recognized the smell._

_It was Arctonos blood she was smelling. Elain knew it from a time where he once scratched his knee open._

_The seer didn't anounce her arrivel, like she would have done in a fair fight. Arctonos safty was the only Task at Hand. The way how she should reach it not given. So she lifted up the knife and drove it trough the third and fourth rip of the male Standing closest to her. He screamed in pain and the other two turned sharply to look at their comarade. As he bent down to the Floor he made her visible and also showed her the Picture of a small Boy._

_Beaten up bloody against the wall. A dagger showing at the Right side of his small Body. He took heaving breaths, his delicate figure trembling. Behind Arctonos, on the brick wall were large red stains. Bloody black blunts peeking up from behind his back._

_Elain suddelny wasen't that nervous anymore of driving a knife trough the bulky bodys of the three winged males, her blood swooshing in her pointed ears. One she had already brocken down anyway._

_In the back of her mind she noticed that something wasen't right with the number of three, but it didn't matter as she cut the first throat. The throat of the male laying before her. Blood splashed onto her face and her surroundings. The other males growled at her as she got up from her knees again._

_At least she had looked the masked male into his eyes when she killed him._

_Elain noticed only a little bit, that pain had spread around her jaw line. She was punched and about to fall back, but before she could she jumped to her feet. Landing on the onse of her other opponent. The one behind her wanted to pull his dagger out of Arctonos messily._

_She turned in anger towards him and drove the knife through his throat. Just like she did with the King of Hybern._

_More blood spilled over the bricks and her face._

_The only one left was the one riping at her skirts. They were blood soaked and had now deep cuts inside of them. She steped closer to the last one again. Kicking her knee into his stomach._

_He bend down in pain, clutching his stomach. Distracted by that pain he didn't notice the blood soaked knife that shoot down towards the back of his neck. Driving through his throat too._

_With that Elain now had time to be there for Arctonos. It were maybe six minutes that past durning her fight, but it was enough for Arctonos breathing to almost shut down completly. She carefully picked him up into her arms._

_Rushing out of the ally. Her spine was bend as she started running towards Madjas clinic. Arctonos body was wet and cold against her drumming chest._

Don't go! Don't leave me behind too! Don't die on me! I promissed your mother to watch over you! I need you! You're part of my family too!

_Her mind screamed. She ran the fastest she could, but she still thought that it wasen't fast enough. Tears started streaming down her bloody cheeks and dripped onto his pale face._

_When Elain reached the clinic she did something she would never do again. She kicked open the door of the old house and ran inside._

_"Someone get me Madja! PLEASE!" She screamed despratly. The female was soon in the doorframe when she heared Elain. Her face was shocked just like the one of her nurse, but Madja was able to shake it off as she took the bleeding boy carefuly from Elains delicate arms._

_She rushed with him in her arms in one of the emergency oparating rooms._

_"You should go and wash youself up for now." told her Katy, Madjas nurse and pointed towards the back where she normaly showered after a long oparation._

_Elain nodded. A trembling mess with tears streaming down her cheeks. She took shaky steps towards the small room. Starting the water once inside and not wating for the warm water to come, not even bothering to get undressed. She didn't feel anything as she layed her forhead onto the white stone wall. Letting the water run._

_~~~_

_After four hours that past, it was now short before midnight, Madja finaly came back, a pitying look on her face. Elain knew what that ment and her still soaking wet dress was suddenly the warmest thing in this building._

_"You know which room." she said quietly. Elain nodded. Tears starting to build in her eyes again as she walked the dull way to that room again._

_A small stool was already pushed up to the white bed. The same white bed she sat next to two years ago. The same white bed, in the same white room. The room for the patients who are ment to die._

_Elain trembled and started wheeping as she saw Arctonos small figure plastered with band aids and badages. The once so bloody stumps cleaned and wrapped in white. She sat down close to him, taking his small hand in her delicate trembling onse. She proped her ellbows onto the white mattrass his Cold fingures touching her forhead as she leaned down._

_A small movement on her forehead made her look up in surprise. Arctonos had his hazel eyes a little open, showing her a weak grinn with his two front incisors lost. She smiled weakly back at him, Elain wanted to say something but he was first and before she knew it his hand fell down onto thw white sheet._

_On that day, in that night the seven year old Arctonos had died five minutes past midnight_

_in the clinic of Madja with the last words on his lips_

_"Now I can be your guardian Angle."_

_On that day Elain watched another life pas and when she got back to her house she had lost a family member and had a tray of burned cupcakes standing on one of the kitchen counters._

_*******_

"You were the one." She whispered breathles.

He smirked at her devilishly "Took you Long enough."

Her voice rose "You were the one that stole his wings!"

"Now he dosen't Need them anymore anyway." he shrugged with his shoulders and turned to knock on the heavy door of the Ballroom.

Everything was Cold around her, as his words cleared drip, for drip in her mind again. No not drip for drip. Spark for spark he encouraged her rage. 

Lighting up a fire as bright as the sun. She was not giving into him, she had probaly another reaction as he expected.

Elain flung a Punch between his wings, getting him at an unprepared Moment he growled at her but his eyes didn't look like rage. No.

The shadows around her laughed as they whispered to her _Scared! Afraid! He is afraid of the black mistress!_

A cold smirk settled on Elains face as she saw his paleing. The look in her normaly dull charmel orbs was replaced by one that promised a painful long death. Her body and soul in sync with the cold surroundings around her.

But as Cold as she may look. One Thing was verry clear,

**_Elain Archeron will burn Maraxus to death._ **


	10. Chapter 9

"Hey Az!" Cassian shout whispered at him.

  
The shadowsinger groaned at that. He wanted nothing more than sleep right now. Azriel only had to wait out Rhys visit tomorow, or rather later, than he could take off for his search for his sweet flower grower. The night court commander only chuckled at the grumpy response from his brother.

  
"Come on Az. You sometimes stay up the whole night. You can't just suddenly decide to want sleep like water to drink, only because of a Little scratch."  
Azriel lifted his face up from the uncomfortable mattrass. " You know how I am when I'm tired so don't get me there." and plopped his face back on the rough sheets.

"Aww come on Az. I just want to know what you're doing after all this, I don't want you gone for the next three years again."

The shadowsinger rolled on his side, facing his brother with a curious look. Even though it was dark, he still could see the sad smile that tuged at Cassians lips. He didn't know what to say, he didn't want to tell his brother that it really might be true that he isn't going to see him for maybe the next three years . Maybe even longer if he would find out that Elain was dead, but he stayed silent. pulling a joke instead.

"Now you realy just sound like a novice that barely past the Blood rite." Cassian chuckled again. "Well, then I'm glad that we past it together again."

Azriels heart felt heavy at these words. His brother missed him for the past three years and he had nothing better to do than crawl up in the dark and stay awake for days only to lay awake thinking of his missing love. He really was a horrible brother, but what was he supposed to do? If they would have seen him brocken like he was, they would just have looked at him with pity in their eyes and treatned him like a scared animal.

So he stayed away, leaving an open space in their hearts, but it was better like that. Like that they could at least spend happier times without him.  
"Cass?"

  
"What?" 

"It really might be that I'm gonna stay away for the next year at least."

"I know." was all that Cassian replyed. At that Azriel sighed. "How is Nesta doing?" 

On the other side of the tent his brother tensed answering in a tone he couldn't put his finger on "She did the whole opposite from what you did."  
"And what was that?"  
"She went to meet new people, started training and actually talked again with someone about her problems and worries." he shrugged. "While you just isolated yourself, she started to taw again."

Guilt filled Azriels guts at the words of his brother. "Look, I'd like to say it was all for the better, but you would just diasagree. You could at least be happy without me."

  
"Why would you think we would ever want to be happy without you? Your part of our Family too, you grumpy bat!" 

  
"I don't think you would speek like that if you would have actully seen me." Azriel mumbled as he reamembered the crazy going shadows, the black circles under his empty eyes and his damp hair clinging to his dull skin.

  
Now Cassian rose his voice slightly, starting to get upset with the shadowsinger "You could at least have given us a chance to speek to you! You just isolated yourself, not letting anybody in -just like when Mor told you about her love for females! We all had a rough time these past three years, but it hurt to know that not only ouer beloved Elain vanished, but also ouer beloved brother!"

  
Azriel was now turning upset with his brother too, but instead of shouting at him he just turned on his other side, with his face facing the beige blanket of the tent. "As if you would know how I felt these three years. These past years were worse than fivehundred years of pining for a love that I knew I could never have. These past three years were pain each and every night. When Mor told me about her love for females it was only a stab in my guts and my pride, for not having a clue at all. But this was and is still worse." he only whispered it, but the commander of the night court seemed to have understood.

  
"You know, Nesta is probably the only one who can relate to this. She keeps putting herself to the ground for not beeing able to protect her loving sister like she should have, she always says stuff like 'It wasen't enough!' 'She ran away from me!' and all such depressing stuff, even after she started to heal . I can't find any objections, I try to calm her everytime she starts, in the end she stomps off with tears in her eyes, snaping at me and fucking who knows what male!. Maybe you should go speek to her later after the meeting with Rhys. Maybe you can both move forward like that a bit."

  
Azriel didn't answer to that. He only closed his eyes frustrated with himself and his brother. The shadows that should have been tamed by now again swirled around him like a cloud, whispering everything to him that happened around him.  
Like that he found out that Devlon was leaving the camp in a hurry. He wanted to send a shadow after him, but it seems like Devlon was gone before he could have reacted.

  
Frustrated and with a frown on his face he drifted off in an nightmare of sleep again.

  
  
*******

  
_It was raining and it was dark outside when he arrived again._

  
_Rhys had just send him off for a Mission two weeks ago. He told his shadowsinger that he'd be home faster than anybody could say 'wingspan'. It wasen't his favorite mission, but it was better than doing nothing. After all what could have gotten out of hand while spying on the High Lord of spring? Nothing much happened. Tamlin was still building up his kindom and armys again, but no weird bussines happened._

  
_Now Azriel would just be happy to cuddle up to his best friend again. The best friend he loved with more than just his heart. Now - after two years his blood started to sing at him '_ Tell her! Just tell her! _' but he stayed strong._

  
_But as he stepped trough the shadows into her room, the water driping from his clothes, he didn't get her grumpy grumbling at how he should at least have knocked to announce him or dryed himself up._

_No._

_Azriel was greeted with silence. The smell of the flower grower only a faint memory in the air. It seemed like she hasen't been in her room for awhile. Maybe two weeks._

  
_A smile tuged at the corners of his lips. Maybe she could't sleep without him too. Maybe she just went to his room for sleep._

  
_But as he steped over the threshold into his room, her smell was as faint, almost gone, like in her room._

  
_Azriel couldn't deny that he was worried already then, but he went to sleep and asked his family the next morning about it_ _._

  
_"Have you seen Elain?" he asked his High Lord. Rhys paled a little bit, the fork loaded with scrambled eggs halting infront of his open mouth._

  
_Feyre send him a worried look, but he shook his head. "I thought you might have seen her." he answered instead._

  
_Azriel furrowed his brows, clearly confused by their behaviour but he brushed it off, however the uneasy feeling in his guts refused to leave._

  
_After breakfest things got even more awkward when he asked Nuala and Cerridwen about their friend, but the two only crawled back in the kitchen trough the shadows._

  
_The uneasy feeling pulling him by the guts almost had him down. Something was verry wrong. But what was it? Elain was not at home, but why did his family look so sad when he brought her up._

  
_A thought crossed his dark, racing mind 'What if she found in the time I was gone a male that she could love? But then again, was I really only gone for two weeks?'_

  
_Azriel shook his head at that, the damp and still sweat soaked hair falling into his sight. His family would have told him if he was gone for longer than what was planed, but maybe Elain was already looking for a love when he was still home. A sting went trough his heart at the thought, maybe he was blinded by his thoughts. Thinking that there would be no male Elain could ever be interested was an selfish thought, but afterall she refused a mating bond with one of the kind heartestes Fae males ever known all over Prythian._

  
_He sighed and decided to wait on one of the delicate metall chairs._

_His reports from the past two weeks apearing infront of him on the matching table. His wings, that he normaly had tightly tuged in, now started to spread and grew warmer under the touch of the rising sun. Feeling free and safe in the company of the garden, that was raised by the person he loved the most. And to his delight, a little bit by him too._

_He smiled down at the reports as he noticed the Freesias in the corner of his eye._

_That were the first flowers he helped her plant and honestly he was verry proud of himself and treasured the memories of his and the seers time together. It took him some time to taw around her. He was at first afraid she wouldn't accept him and his filthy hands, but she smiled at him and put his hands on the cold earth and coverred his hands with it._

_At first he thought she couldn't stand the sight of their uglienes while beeing surrounded by all the beauty, but the reason was another one he realiesed._   
_Her small hands stayed atop of the soil that coverred his, but her eyes never left his face. "You give life to."_

  
_He was taken aback back then until that time he never thought of her as more than a friend, going even that far as to compare her to Mor and to tell himselv that no one could ever be as beautiful, kind and honest as the golden female._

_But that was until he got to know Elain and slowly but surely he let go off Mor and he felt great again after five hundred years of pining. It felt great to not be chained by yourself to someone you knew could never have. But the punch still got him rough in the guts as Mor told him about her sexuality. And with that Azriel was isolating himself again._

  
_Normaly everyone stayed far away from him as he did, not wanting to be in the company of his cold shoulder and his harsh, grumbling tone. Only Cassian tried at the beginning, but gave up soon. Always leaving with a raged face. Like everytime._

  
_But this time it was diffrent. The icy cold shadowsinger he was now only wanted to drown in his work and maybe some alcohol, but the soft and sweet flower grower became insistent and stayed by his side. All the time. Even going that far as to come with him and live for the next monthes with him._   
_What seemed for her improper at her first years of her fae life, now seemed like as if she saw as as proper now. A necesserity even. And like that her bright light bathed him and pulled him out surely. Not even thinking about leaving his side._

  
_"I'm never gonna leav your side." she always said to him when she took of every evening to the guest room. Giving him a small kiss on the cheek as her last comment of the day._

  
_Azriel sighed now, looking at the same page for now the twelvth hour. He was shocked at how long he stayed in his thoughts, but he couldn't help himself. She would be the one thing in his mind constantly. She and maybe one day one or two children._

  
_He smiled at the silly thought, but he couldn't help him. He didn't want to imagine his life without her. Never._

  
_And if he had known what it felt like to sleep next to her, all cuddled up, he would have done it already ten years ago and maybe would have begged her to stay with him at his appartment. Only visiting the noisy house of their family sometimes, but he kept quiet. Letting her off again and sleeping more at the riverhouse than his quiet appartment instead._   
  
_"Are you coming with us?" the happy voice of Mor pulled him out of his mind. Azriel shook his head "I'll wait a little while longer, I don't wamt to miss her again." The speaker of truth looked at him with smpathy in her brown eyes. The eyes he thought of as the beautifullest pair he had ever seen -until he met Elain._

_Morrigian smiled at him and waved a with golden braclets coverred wrist at him. Making the jewelery kling as she did. "You don't know what your missing. I think there was this one bartender at Rita's that has always only eyes for you. Do you really want to let the black haired hoty down?"_

  
_A smile tuged at his mouth, but for an diffrent reason than Mor might have thought about. "I'm more than aware of the one person I could be missing out and I would never ever want to do that. And if Mia is such a hoty, why don't you try her out?"_

  
_She huffed "Oh come on Az! How should I even try to speak to her? 'Hi, I saw you ogling at my best friend and couldn't stop myself from ogling at you and thinking you're beautiful?'" Mor crossed her arms infront of the red top she wore shaking her head at him. "Never! This is never gona happen! These are or were, I don't know, Cassians pick up lines, not mine! I will never in my immortel life sink that low as to use one of them and if I ever shall do it when I'm drunk, I swear by the mother that I'm never gona touch a single drop of alcohol again!"_

  
_"I take you by your words." Azriel told her mokinly, but she only left inside again. The red cloud of her light skirts flowing behind her. He looked back at the report and sighed at it._

_Now -since the sun was setting- he wouldn't be able to read much more anyway. So he decided to just sit and stare at the stars that started to light up the already darkened parts of the sky. Sending their happy, shimmering light in every color of the rainbow._

  
_The voice of his High Lord echoed in his head as he looked at them. The toast still attached to his brain, the motto of their court -the dreamers court._

  
_'To the stars who listen and the dreams that are answered.'_

_Azriel wished for nothing more than that his wish was finally answered. But he knew it wasen't as easy as Rhys always put it. Azriel and everyone else had to work for their dreams. And today would be the day Azriel started to move towards his dream._

  
_But as one of the bushes rustled and a tea service was put infront of him -it weren't Elains eyes he was looking at. No, one was golden as the sea when the sun set and one was of an autumn russet brown. Both looking surprised. It shocked Azriel at how unwary he got._

  
_"You're not with the Inner Circle?" Azriel shock his head. The fox scrunched his nose a bit at him as he took the seat opposite him, probably at the seaty smell that floated trough the air. "Is Elain with them?" He asked as he filled the two cups of tea with an orange colored liquied. The sweet smell filling the air._

  
_Lucien seemed to hesitate at first, debating whether he should offer the cup or save it for the flower grower. But he gave it to Azriel._

  
_"No she isn't. I have waited for her return all day, but until now she hasn't shown up. I thought you might know where she is. After all you're her mate."_

  
_Lucien stiffned at his choice of words. And the shadowsinger knew that this was a card he didn't like to pull, but he was still in his quiet torture mode. But to be fair for the fox, Azriel felt a sting in his heart as well. He envied him that he could get to hear this word whenever he was seen with Elain by his family, but they all knew nothing._

  
_Lucien coughed at that "You should have known it too, after all you're her best friend." a mischievous glint shimmered in his russet eye as he added "Perhaps even more."_

  
_The normaly calm and collected shadowsinger was now completly unarmed by three little words, coughing at them._

  
_"What is Elain for you?" Lucien asked him._

  
_"A friend." he sounded more unsure than any Illyrian that wasen't sure if he should already take place in the blood rite._   
_Lucien laugehd at him "Are you sure?"_

  
_Azriel didn't say anything, neither did he dare to move his head. Azriel was speechless, but he wouldn't go down nust like this._

_"And what about you? What is Elain for you?"_  
 _The fox tensed. Cornored by his words. And as much Azriel wanted it to be an friendly encounter, he used his shadows to whisper the most secret things to him._ 'Don't let yourself be fooled!'

  
 _They hissed._ 'You walked into his trap!' 

  
_"Elain is a part of my family."_

  
_If he had heared these words three years or longer ago, he would have been crushed down, but now he was just currious._

_"Which part does she take in your family?"_

  
_"She is the sister I never had, the best friend of my wife and the best aunt my children could ever ask for." he smiled at him, as he spoke again "We haven't accepted the mating bond."_

  
_"I'm glad to see that you're happy, Lucien."_

  
_"I feel the same for you and my little fawn. Keep an good eye on her shadowsinger, she ran into a lot of trouble already. Protect her like she was your life."_

_"_ _I already do, and I won't have to pretend. After all she is my life."_

  
_"Well then, that beeing said..." Lucien started and got up, leaving an half empty cup of tea on the table. "...I think I have to go home. Ugh how exhausting."_   
_Azriel looked up at him "What were you even doing here?" "I normaly meet up with Elain after every two monthes o_ _nce." the fox shrugged with his shoulders "It seems though she didn't feel like seeing me today."_

_And with that he started his way towards the front of the house. "Oh, and by the way..." Lucien turned one last time to him "... why don't you come and visist us sometime in the future. I bet Vassa would be happy to finally meet you, just like my son."_

_Azriel smiled kindly at him, something he rarely did to anyone. "I'll be taking you by your offer, King Lucien Vanserra of the mortal lands."_

_Lucien laughed at him and waved his goodby._

'  
'  
'  
'

_After two weeks past, two weeks of waiting for her. Azriel started to grow tired and went to search for her instead. He was even more encourraged to search for her when Feyre told him that she was already gone by the first day he left for his mission._

_And like that the shadowsinger left and took the fox by his offer and visited them. The castle they lived in buzzed from life. Wallcarpets hung around all over the stony walls. When Azriel first entered the throne room. He saw the firey queen._

_Her long red hair flowing over her shoulders and down her spine. The red curles matching with the sky blue eyes and the sky blue dress. A round belly forming under the gown. The red cussioning of the dark brown throne behind her. At the top of the back rest thorns seemed to grow out of the dark brown wood._

_"I suppose you are the shadowsinger." she called out to him. Azriel nodded as stoped infront of the plattform the throne stood on. The mighty queen sitting atop of it with a straight back and her arms restimg calmly on the arm leans._

_"It's nice to finally meet you. I hope you will stay for a little while."_

_"Thank you for your offer, but I'd like to only stay here until Elain arrives here."_

_"I must apologieze, but as much as I'd like to have the company of my innocent best friend. But neither did she announce her appearens nor is she already here." Vassa looked puzzeled at him. Azriel was almost as tall as the queen who sat on the throne, but he still felt towered by her._

_Azriel was confused but left it off and went to his offored room._

_At the dinner table he met the son Lucien mentioned two weeks ago. He had the russet colored Eyes of his father and the freckles of his mother. His hair was orange and had a cut that reminded a little of Rhys hairstyle. But he was as quiet as his father._

_"So how did you get here Azriel?" Vassa started the conversation. The gaze of the fourteen year old boy drifted to him as Azriel shrugged "I flew here."_

_"How do they work?" the teenager asked_

_Normaly he wouldn't have answered that quwestion but the boy didn't seem like he had any bad intentions._

_" I needed to build up back muscels so that I would be able to move them."_

_"So that means you have to have a strong back?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Are they heavy?"_

_"When I'm exhausted they can get heavy, yes."_

_"Do they get often in the way?"_

_Azriel actually smiled at the innocent boy "Yeah, mostly when I'm in small rooms with little space." His cheeks became a little bit hot at the next thing he added "And when I'm nervous."_

_Lucien seemed shocked at his honesty but smiled at him and his son._

_The eyes of the boy lighted up, his food for first forgoten._

_"Have you already knocked something over with them?"_

_Azriel was flustered as he remembered the many things he knocked over in his long life, but most importantly he was embarressed as he remembered the pots he knocked over when Elain first asked him to help her to pot something in the pots and not in the flower beds._

_"Yes."_

_"And what was the most embarrassing moment that happened?"_

_"I knocked over some pots when I first helped my gardener friend when she asked me to help her pot something."_

_"Oh, are you talking about auntie Elain?"_

_Azriel looked at the ginger haired boy, confused. The boy with the slightly pointed ears became a little bit red as he added._

_"She often talks about a clumsy friend who helps her in the garden. She says she likes his company, even when he is a little bit quiet, but from the way she talks about him she really likes him." He pointed to his parents "Mom and Dad often start giggling when she's rambling on about him."_

_Azriel became bright red and Lucien and Vassa indeed started to chuckle at the boy and the shadowsinger._

_And like that the dinner went on. And the following onse, the only diffrence was that Azriel became with each day more quiet._

_He enjoyed the company of these three, but after two weeks Rhys called him, in for a mission, again. And like that he only saw the the delicate back of the flower grower when he thought about her._

_*******_

"...out you?" Azriel opened his eyes slowly at the constantly shaking hand on his shoulder. "What?" he grumbled.

Rhys stood between the two beds of his brothers. Cassian grumbled behind him, too. 

"What was that I heard about you?" 

"I was about to get fucking murdered, but so are you if you ever dare to come that early in the morning again!" Cass grumbled at his High Lord. And Azriel could never have agreed more with his brother.

"You were the one that connected me three days ago, that you were almost murdered!"

"And because of that I have to suffer in the morning hours?!" The night court commander complained. "Only because Feyre didn't let you sleep you don't have to annoy anyone else in the morning already! The sun didn't even started rising yet!" And with that he pointe towards the back of the tent.

And as his brothers kept arguing Azriel got up from the bed and started to pull his usuel fighting leathers on. When he was done he rose his dull voice at the two Illyrians.

"Could you please stop arguing!" they looked at him confused, cunfused by the way he suddenly acted.

"You both know that I'll be leaving tomorrow, so I wouldn't like the last things to remember my brothers arguing. So please come back to the task at hand!"

Rhys cleared his throat at this and crossed his arms over the black leathers. "You're right sorry." "Yeah." Cass agreed, rubing his neck emberrassed.

"So to put everything together. Cass and I were both attacked by, equal, four petite looking Illyrian warriors, fully armed and fully aware of our stay. I don't know who they were, but no one would put so much effort into something like that alone."

"So you're saying it was an kind of organization?"

The shadowsinger nodded. "I'll be leaving for a walk now and when I come back we will discuss everything, is that ok Rhys? Cass?"

"Sure take your time." Rhys said, shrugging his shoulders. 

As Az opened the tent curtains, he only heard Cassian say "It honestly wouldn't surprise me if Devlon would have pulled the strings behind that." With the curriosity of his job, he wanted to hear the response of his High Lord but he left.

Entering the dark woods around the camp.

Separating the mountains and everything around them.


	11. Chapter 10

A loud crash echoed through the dark empty ballroom.

She didn't care that she threw him trough the wall, it didn't matter. Not when she was this angry. Slowly Elain stepped through the hole in the black wall, Looking with death in her eyes down at Maraxus, laying hurt between the black bricks and broken pices of the wall -which was now her personal door.

After she hit his back before, in the hallway, he wanted to pull her roughly by her hair, dragging her away from every creature around here, but Elain ducked down. Slamming her sharp ellbow instead at a spot near his armpit and chest. Orininaly her aim was his throat, but the chest was also good. And like that he stumbled against the cold wall. 

"You damn rat! You're not better than the bastard of a son hanging there on the wall! You'll pay for that!" Maraxus yancked in the diraction of the wings.

Elain growled at him. Her charamel eyes darkening with a deathly threat. She formed fists with her delicate hands, her nails digging in deep in her flesh, blood starting to fall to the black floor, the sweet scent of her blood filling the air between them. "You bet. There is really someone going to pay," she took a slow step towards him "...and that someone is gonna be you!"

She wanted to shout at him, but if she would, she would have drawn the attention of Klaudius and Devlon, so a deadly whisper needed to do it.

Maraxus laughed at her and spat infront of her feet. His dark eyes looking at her like a hunter at his prey. "You're gonna do as much harm to me as the bastard over there." Elain growled again at him, a deep sound coming from the depths of her heart. His smirk only grew wider at her "When I'm done with you, the scream that will escape your lungs is gonna be louder than the one the bastard made."

Elain took another step, still beeing in the need to look up at him, even though he was scrunched down by the wall. His smirk grew even wider -now it just looked like a grimace. 

"I'll correct. You will scream louder than both bastards. I bet he still sounds like a girl screaming when he is in pain, even after over five centurys!"

"Leave him out of here!"

"Why should I? They both are born bastards, they both screamed like girls and they both mean something to you, so wheres the diffrence?"

'Thud!' was the sound his body made as he crashed in the wall again. The black stucco crumbling already. He hissed in anger at her, his back probably hurting by the sharp little stones. But her hands didn't move one inch away from his collar.

The normaly so peacfull seer left her nature behind, turning violent instead. She never wanted to hit someone on Purpose, she never wanted to make someone bleed, she never wanted to kill someone - until him.   
And like that she lost control.

Her shadows crashing over them, wraping both up in their cold, black mist leaving doubts and depressing thoughts wherever they touched their body. He trembled in her grip at the thoughts that crashe together above his head. Now she was the one smirking at him.

_'The thoughts of his victims are enough to send him trembling! How pathetic!'_

Her face grew blank as he stoped his fear from streaming out of every pour of his body, but she still smelled it.

Sadly she didn't saw what happned next -didn't see it coming as he pushed her off of him, making her step out of the shadow cocoon and stumbling in the wall opposite the one Maraxus was pushed against, knocking an large candle holder over. The three red candeles fell out of their hilt rolling in the diraction of the blood red Velvet curtains - setting the hem on fire. 

The strong smell of the alredy burned fabric sticking in her nose. She wrinkled it but grabbed for the golden candel holder with the long staff -Holding it protectivly infront of her body-shielding each side of her body equaly. She saw that the shadows weren't going to keep Maraxus distracted for much longer, so she took the little time she had to remember all the things Cassian thought her.

The many tecnicques he thrilled into her head, to never leave her guard open -always potecting both sides of her body, but if it would come to the lose of protection she should always leave the right side open -the side where her heart didn't sit. Her feet slowly spread out on the ground. Another lesson -only if you have a strong stand you can attack your opponent.

And like that she threw herself at him. Rising the cold metall for a splitt second -leaving her guard completly open- and brought it down to his blocking forearms with all her angry full force, as the shadows let him of. Annoyed or fed up by their new toy.

Her mind darkened at that, remembering her of how he treated her -like exactly that- a toy. A toy for his bed and a game for his everyday life, but Elain was not that would never be and she showed him.

The hit with the candle holder distracted him enough to oversee the small fist that came at him with full force. Sending him flying through the wall.

And there she stood -in the middle of the hole she just created. Dull and hatered eyes starring him down. The male himself, laying between all the dirt, like he is, his wings losly hanging from his back.

She was about to speak again as Klaudius cold voice brought her up to the sureface of her anger again. Him and Devlon standing across the room with drawn swords. The tips of the slightly curved, sharp Illyrian swords pointing towards her. "What do you think you're doing?"

She shrugged, stepping over the dirt and walking slowly towards them. When she was about to step over Maraxus bruise and dirt covered body, one of his hands shoot out grabbing her ankle. Elain stoped dead in her tracks and for a moment she felt fear rise in her, wanting to flee, but now was no good time. Maraxus was lying on the floor, barely concious, but Klaudius and Devlon stood there with drawn swords, so she had to fight.

And that was no problem after she looked Marakus in his anger clouded dark eyes -feeling the anger inside her flame up again and kicked his arm off of her ankle with her free foot. He let out a jelp of pain as she hit a blood covered wound. Maraxus curled up to a ball, holding the spot on his arm where her small feet pushed into his open flesh. Klaudius and Devlon rose their swords furthur at her, Devlon even took a few steps towards her so did she towards him -Maraxus laying far away from her.

As Devlon spoke to her she could hear the plee in his voice, that was trying to be as quiet as possible, so that Klaudius wouldn't hear him.

"Little Elain, please don't do anything you'll regret later. I don't want to hurt you, you were always the one of your Sisters I liked the most, so please don't do anything that lets me hurt you!"

"Then stop siding with them and help me!" she whispered back. His eyes grew a Little sad, his brows dropping, but his weapon stayed where it was. Devlon started Cycling her and so Elain started it to, the candle holder protectivly infront of her. But she noticed to late that it was a trap, like that she had the devil in her back.

She could feel him smirking in her back as the shadows swirled around her. "Now look who has finally decided to show us her talent!" A shiver ran down her spine as she heard his black boots clicking against the black marble. Elain turned around, fear and anger mixing as she looked at the black haired male, a growl escaping her lungs.

"Now Little Elain, do yourself and all of us a favor and help your fiancé up, so we can hold the wedding tomorrow. If you obbey no one will hurt you and if you don't we'll see how Long your beloved shadowsinger will survive in the Woods. Half healed like he is he can easily take the wrong route, leading him Maybe to one of the hungry Night court creatures."

_HIM! IT WAS HIM!_

The screams of the shadows hurt her pointed ear and let her make her guard fall down. Klaudius -the trained warrior he is- took his chance a stabbed Elain in her left leg. A scream escaped her at the sudden feeling of pain. "Now what do you say? Are you gonna be a good girl?" She growled at him, the spot where he stabed her soaking through her black dress. Her warm blood running down her thin legs. This stab was probably supossed to scare her, but it did something completly diffrent -it fueled her Anger.

"What did you do to him?!"

"Not me, Devlon." He said it like it was Nothing. The Sound of the calm, almost borred tone made her heart stutter. She turned around, Looking at Devlon in disbelieve. The war Lord stood still, he hasen't moved an Inch since she turned her back at him, but he looked like as if he wanted the earth to swallow him whoule. Elain was hurt, more than that.

Devlon became something like a friend, whenever he visited he made Always time to tell her how Things are going in her Family. Like that she learned that Nesta started to taw and Azriel hasn't been seen for the past three years in any war camp. He told her About the Things the other High Lords and her brother in law disucussed over the time that past.

She shook her head, not wanting to believe what was just droped at her, her guard down and the candle holder scraching over the Cold Floor as it hung weakly in her Hand. The steps she took towards Devlon were heavy.

"What did you do?" she whispered slowly at him.

"What had to be done." His face strightened and looked her dead in the eyes. A sob escaped her, hanging her head low. Klaudius steped a step Forward, wanting to grab her pale arms, but the shadows moved faster. Doing something no one of them expected.

The black mist started to rise, a cold and foggy wave crashing over Klaudius and another over Devlon. Screams were heard, whimpers and a loud roar of pain by Klaudius. As the black mist curled back to her, they both layed on the Floor. Devlon looked fine, but his wings seemed to hang down losely. He shivered a little but it was nothing against Klaudius. A bone peeked out of his left forearm, blood running down the sun browned skin. His Skin and the black leathers he wore looked like as if they were cut. The only thing that was similar to Devlon were his wings. They also hung down from his back. He shiverred in pain, whimpers stumbling over his lips.

She knew she shouldn't feel that statisfied About someone laying on the Floor with pain, but he deserved it. He hurt her beloved, he imprisioned her, he imprisoned him, he looked down at her -telling her she is the weakest creature he ever met, he didn't do anything when one of his sons was hurt -only because he is a bastard.

Elain suddenly smelled the biter smell of fire in the air, remembering the curtain that was set on fire after her fight with Maraxus. With shook in her body she started to run towards the hole in the wall, but once again did Maraxus grab her ankle. Elain growled at him, now she didn't kick his arm off. She looked him dead in the eyes over her delicate shoulder, letting him see the fire of her anger burning inside of them that was all reserved for him. At that Maraxus seemed shaken. Elain smirked like the devil at him as another wave of black mist crashed over his head. Screams escaped from beneath the black blanket as well as many knacks, probably from breaking bones. 

As Elain took of running out of the hole she stumbled over the leftovers of the black wall and fell face first to the floor in the hallway as the black Velvet of her dress cought between the sharp stones. Elain immidately felt the heat of the fire around her Body. The hallway was till half coverred in fire. The orange and red Flames licking at the black wall, almost touching the wings on the wall. Cold shocks of realization washed over her heated body as she realized that the last things of the boy she wanted to protect were about to be desrtoyed -without having met with their owner once again.

The shadows reacted on their own again, protecting their Mistress in a black cloak, from the force that once hurt their Master so badly.

Elain stumbled back to her feat, racing towards the pair of wings on the wall, ripping it off of it with a shadow as she raced by. The wings that once belonged to Arctonos and were full of life. Were now still as Stone in her arms, heat still Streaming from them -because of the fire. They were slightly in her view as she raced trough the dark hallway back to her room. She noticed many servents running past her as she opened her door -no one saw her- only the door that opened itself. 

Once inside she raced for the pillows, pulling the round glass from underneath the soft black fabric. Now she gathered all her belongings, but what now?

Everyone was occupied by the fire, so she had a freeway out, no one would notice the black pudle of shadow escaping. But she didn't know how Long she could stay like this, so Elain decided for the shortest way.

She pushed one of the Floor length Windows open, letting the breeze inside that sung to her _Flee!Flee!Flee!_

And that she did, jumping out of the window of the second Floor.

As she jumped, not even her shadows could hold her safe against the cold breeze that pulled her honey curles back. Her Dress widing around her legs, the Voices of her Guardian angels surrounding her as she collided with the Ground.

_Live! Live your Life! Become happy!_

It were the soft voices of a female and a little child. Clarissa and Arctonos.

_I hope you'll find your happines. I hope one day I'll see you again and then I wish to see you smile. Find your happines, I'll take care of Aldera for the time that you're gone._

It was Lailanys cold voice, sounding softer than ever. 

Elain couldn't help it, as she took off to the rim of the forest, she couldn't help it to feel bad for the People that weren't able to leave, like her. Elain couldn't help as to feel sad for the little girl she left behind and so she cried, cried as she ran over the needles of the pine trees on the forest ground. Far, far away from the girl that she left with a monster.

*******

Hours past as she walked trough the thick pine forest, taking turnes whenever the shadows sensed an guard of the Mansion come near her. The wings she carried with her were no help eather. 

That led to where she was now. Elain was hungry regretting to only have eaten the usual slice of bread this morning, she was Cold. The Velvet the Dress the only Thing covering her Body, her arms left to the open. Her arms hurt and she lost the way -not that she knew which way to go anyway. 

She watched the sun take her turn around the sky, leaving the sky once again to the dark night. She felt lost and traped in a forest that was thousends of square Kilometers big. 

Each minute the air got colder, howling was heard all around the place. And she felt once again like a little fawn.

The cold wasen't the worst. She lost her way and she also begun to feel tired. The fact that she was starving didn't help much. And carring the wings around was exhausting.

On a Clearing of the forest she saw the sky move as she triped over a little stone, one of her shoes flying off her feet.

Now she was barefoot -the first shoe got lost hours ago when she almost fell into a hole.

Elain didn't had the strenght to stand up anymore. She was hungry. She was Cold. And she was so, so tired. Giving in to her weakness she closed her eyes, Feeling the soft fabric of the wings under her. Her left facehalf was covered in needles. 

_Mistress!Mistress!_ the shadows shouted at her but she couldn't hear them as she drifted off in the dark with only one last thought in her mind.

_**I'm sorry Az. I wished I could have stayed longer by your side.** _


	12. Chapter 11

The air that surounded the shadowsinger was fresh and carried the haevy scent of pine trees with it.

Azriel always thought this scent of relaxing, but over the past three years it became one of the only things that could calm his racing mind down, next to a sharp wind breeze. And the calming arms of Elain Archeron, but she wasen't with him anymore -so the former two things had to do.

He sighed, noticing in the corner of his eye the fith little hut in the middle of the forest as he walked towards one of the smaler mountains, he was gone for a long time already and the sun already begun switching places with the moon and the stars.

_Feyre, Mor, Nesta and Amren must have already arrived. Rhys and Cass are probably already starting to worry._

Azriel smiled a sad smile. Since Elain was gone and he started to at least make little contact with them, they saw him as a little kid that had to be taken care of. He didn't know if he should find it funny or get annoyed by it, but for the time now he was happy that they saw him like that. They showed him how much they cared about him in only a few days. The days before he took of once again, searching for his love.

Her smileand her petite Hands covered in soil came back to his mind, burned into his brain. A dry Feeling started to build up in his throat at the thought of her.

 _I'll find you, for sure!_ but he wasen't even able to think futher About his next move -his shadows suddenly begun flaring around him- even with the seven siphones.

_She's here! She's here! The mistress is back!_

Screamed the shadows suddenly, he covered his ears slightly at the sudden noise, but he left it be. His shadows missed Elain just as much as he did, but it seemed like they liked playing jokes on him -just like his dreams. 

He shook his head, shaking off the metallic scream and plee of the shadows.Azriel spread his wings slightly and wanted to already take off -giving him and the shadows some peace. But they didn't let that happen. The next step he took Forward didn't leed him to the dry grass that was infront of him, no he was suddenly on a Clearing. A big rock marked the way to his left and infront of him. The stone shimmered slightly silver, the salt and all the other minerals reflecting the dancing Starlight and the half moon.

But the stone wasn't the only thing that reflected the starlight, no. In the middle of the claring layed a body.

A petite body -griping something close and laying on something.

Azriel was currios, so he took a step foreward, but stoped right after that.

_That smell ! Her flowerey scent! It's really her!_

He ran and ran until he was next to her, kneeling down on the wet, cold earth beside her. Tears started to whilm up in the shadowsingers eyes as he took in the sight of his love. 

She was pale, almost like she was dead, she was hurt -blood covering the ground around her leg, a heavy smell of blood hangig in the air as well. And black swirls of shadows surrounded her. It weren't his shadows he noticed.

Azriel still couldn't believe it. He found her after so many years, and now she was here -sleeping in the middle of a Clearing, shadows listening and reporting to her. 

"Elain! Sunflower, get up!" he whispered at her and started shaking her shoulder, the black mist that covered her body leaving her. It made him stop as he touched her soft, pale skin -that was colder than the ice of the winter court. He furrowed his brows together as he inspected her carefully once again.

She wore black, something she would never do. The glass in her tiny Hands was also filled with something black, and the thing that reflected the stary light -turned out to be a pair of wings.

"Elain! Please wake up!"

He grew desprate as Azriel shook her over and over again. Her Skin turning colder each time he touched it. "Please!" he pleaded as a sob escaped his lips and a few Tears started to run down his Skin -droping on her pale arm.

Azriel was desprate and he didn't care what she would think of him if she would wake up in his arms like that. A weeping Azriel bend over her cold body, tear after tear escaping his hazel eyes. 

"Please." he whispered over and over again. This couldn't be, he couldn't just find her to lose her afterwards. 

Fate was cruel, most of all to her. No one had the Right to take her life, her sunshine away only to torture him. Whoever did this to her would pay! Cornered in his despair and rage he almost didn't notice the delicate, Cold Hand that cuped one of his wet cheeks. 

Azriels eyes immideatly shoot open, Looking in the soft charamel orbs of his love. he was breathles as she gave him one of her Little smiles. Her eyes that normaly shone when she did that were dull, as if someone or something sucked the life out of them.

Her rosy cheeks were pale, one of them covered in pine needles. Elains lips, that were once of a rosy Color were thin and had blood drained from it, but still she smiled at him. Her words only a whisper "I'm glad."

And with that her Hand fell into her lap again. Azriel sat there for a while in his crossed leg seat, her laying in his lap, craddled in his arms. With every Moment that past by disbelieve grew in him and his heart grew Cold.

He could hear nothing from her, could feel nothing but cold from her. The shadowsinger that normaly had his emotions wraped in an ice Cage brocke, brocke as he leaned his forehead on hers weeping and begging her to open up her eyes, but Nothing happaned.

He couldn't take it any more as his mind screamed at him.

_You're pathetic you should have found her sooner!_

_It's your fault!_

_You're a monster!_

_You did that to her!_

A desprate scream escaped the heart brocken shadowsinger as his mind raged on. Nothing that could protect him from his thougts around anymore.

_Don't believe it. She's alive. She'll survive -if you treat her wound now._

It was the metallic voice of his shadows that pulled him up from his drowning thoughts. He was sceptic but what other chance had he?

Like that he stood up, the petite Flower grower laying losely in his muscular arms. One arm under the hollow of her knee, the other arm wraped around her back. 

_'She's so light.'_

Azriel already wanted to step through the shadows, but they hissed at him _The wings! Take them with you, else she would come search for them! Half dead or not half dead wouldn't matter to her!_

And like that he nodded stepping throught the shadows infront of the little hut he past by before. One black swirl of mist already inside the cold wooden hut, transporting the wings there.

When Azriel opened the door to the hut, it creaked loudly. Reveling a dusty furnishing to him. A thick layer of dust covered the table and the two chairs as well as the kitchen counters. A small bed with already yellow turning covers stood in a Corner opposite the door, the fireplace covered in large cobwebs.

The dirty Wood Panels protested against the heavy Illyrian warrior as he walked towards the bed, pulling the yellow cover back.

As he layed Elain down on the hard matress, he lifted the hem of her riped Dress up. Only to reveal a deep wound on her upper thigh and thin pale legs. He hissed at the wound that didn't seemed like healing anytime soon, Mother knows why.

And like that he did the only possible Thing he could think of. He started searching for a needle a yarn, normaly Illyrian huts had These Things Always inside of them -in case a wounded warrior came into the hut. In one of the kitchen cuppords he found what he searched for, hopeing the little needle would be clean. His Hands shook slightly as he pulled the yarn trough the needle eye. He carefully touched Elains soft Skin around the wound, his scarred hand almost instantly covered in her blood, Pressing the flesh around the wound together -so that only a Little slit remained. And then he started sewing it.

Rhys thought him centurys ago how to sew a wound, but he never needed to do it until now, so he had forgoten what most was About, he only hoped that his beginners knowledge would be enough to save his love. He would go to Madja with her afterwards anyway -when she woke up.

With a few Stiches he was done, the blood covered yarn Holding the wound together. Azriel took out the black Cloth, with that he normaly cleaned truth Teller, now whiping away the blood from Elains legs. After he was done he stood up from the Chair he moved next to her bed. She was still pale and Cold and the rag of a blanket wouldn't help much to warm her -so he started a fire in the fireplace.

It was hard since the fear of fire and the wet Wood that layed next to the fireplace didn't help to light it up fast, but with some tricks he managed just fine. Now since that was done, he only had to search for something eatable and water.

He found both pretty soon. He found a few berrys and a spring in one of the stone walls near by. When he came back everything was still like he left -the fire licking happily at the Wood and the Flower grower laying still unconcious on the bed.

With a sad look he went inside, placing the bowl he took with him from before, on the table. He placed it carefully, so that no water would Spill and put the berrys next to it, but he didn't feel like Eating and only sat beside by the sleeping Flower. His calloused hand reaching for her soft one atop of the blanket. She was Cold and Azriel lost hope that she would ever wake up again.

*******

A groan escaped her as she sat up straight, her leg hurt like hell, her throat was dry like a desert and her stomach was empty, but that all was foroten as she felt the Rough Hand atop of hers. She slowly turned towards the warmth that surrounded her Hand. A sob came over her lips as she saw the black haired head of her best friend laying beside her bed.

Tears started to whilm in her eyes. She could feel life come back to her at only the sight of him. Her free Hand reaching for his hair. Ruffling it slightly, his soft Strands of hair meeting her soft Hand.

_He's here. He really is by my side._

She sobbed at the realization, feeling happy again.

Elain didn't know what it was. If it was her ruffling his hair or her sobs that woke him with a light groan. When he first lifted his head he looked tired, so,so tired, but all the tiredness was gone once he ralized into whom's eyes he looked.

Whom's tear covered face smiled at him. Elains voice kracked as she spoke, to much happiness filling her body.

"I'm home Az." He shoot up from his seat, pulling her into a thight hug. His cedar and mist scent enwraped her again, just like his wings. They both sobbed into each other as they Held each other again.

 _I really missed you._ she thought. Happy she was with him again.

 _I missed you too._ He responded. Elain was slightly shocked at that, but she would deal with that later. Now she only wanted her love laying next to her again. Hunger and thist long forgoten.

"Az."

"Hm?"

"Can you lay down next to me again?"

He pulled her a Little back, locking eyes with her as he spoke with a smile on his face again. His tone softer and filled with more honesty then she ever heard from someone. "I'd like Nothing more than that."

Elain smiled back at him, her cheeks already hurting from smiling that much again.

He pulled back completly, letting her time to glide over for him. Only than did Azriel notice that he still wore his fighting leathers. He kneeled down and took of the heavy boots that were covered in mud and pine needles. After that he started striping out of the upper part of his leathers, leaving only the pants on, but not without removing the daggers before he slode into bed.

Once again reunited with his best friend.

As if a puzzle found his missing piece he took her into his arms again. Their scents and shadows mixing together.

His nose rested atop of her soft hair, breathing in her flowery scent again.

Her nose resting aginst the crook of his neck, breathing in his cedat and mist scent again.

Azriel still couldn't believe it that she was here again, laying between his arms again. Hers wraped around him.

"Elain?" he whispered softly, afraid fate could take her from him again if he made it notice their happiness.

"Yeah?" she whispered back.

**"I'll never leave you alone that long anymore."**

Elain nodded slowly, something wet touching the skin underneath his chin.

**"I'll always stay by your side from now on anyway."**

And with that they both fell asleep. The dark howling world around them forgoten, the only things that stayed were the little good night kisses.

His atop of her soft hair.

And hers on the crook of his neck.

_No one and nothing -not even fate- could make them part their ways like that ever again._


	13. Chapter 12

Cedar and night chilled mist, a smell she would always love. A smell she thought she would never smell again, and yet here she was. Wraped up in that lovely scent again.

  
The male she loved once again in her arms, fiting like a puzzle piece together with her.

  
A smile spread over her lips as she opened her heavy eyelids, her charamel orbs not seeing his face, but the black swirls of his tattoos that crawled up his neck. Elain wraped her delicate arms thighter around his bulky frame, making sure that the warmth, the smell of him and his whoule beeing would not diseppear.

  
The shadowsinger in her arms did not move, his steady breaths the only evidence that he was with her. She smiled into him and closed her eyes once again, not wanting to wake up yet, enjoying the old times again. Only them in their little world, the only diffrence -their shadows tangling together. Mixing and letting them forget whos shadows belonged to who.

  
It seemed to calm her friend and love that they did, resuring him that he wasn't alone in the shadows.

  
She trusted him and he trusted her.

Calming each others raging seas once again, like in old times. Elain knew that Azriel would always be by her side, always protecting her -beeing her shield. But Elain didn't want him as her shield, she wanted to stand next to him, protecting them and their future. Protecting their family together, but he would never let her put herself infront of a hit for her family. The stubborn shadowsinger would rather die than let her take the hit for her family.

  
She nuzzled closer to him, her nose breathing in her favorite scent with every breath, her breathing a hot breeze against his skin.

  
 _'I'll never leave you again.'_ she thought as she remebered all the times he stayed by her side when she had a nightmare or simply needed a silent company.

  
They both were hunted by nightmares, even so long ago. He was with her, always hugging her closer when he noticed he uneven breathing and the cold Sweat that clung to her skin. He never asked her of what she dreamed, because she never asked him in return. Afraid they would slice open old wounds again. They both saw horrible things in their dreams.

  
His contained his imprisoned life in a cell so long ago. Rememberings of lifes he took and tortured till the end. Seeing reflections of his bloody and scarred hands over and over again, not daring to touch anybody near him who was important to him, because he was afraid he would turn them into monsters. Monsters like Azriel thought of himself. 

  
Elain didn't know what he dreamed of , she was only there for him when he sobbed into her chest. Her sun kissed delicate hands ruffling through the thick black strands of his soft hair. Calming him with nothing but her heartbeat and touch.

  
Elain didn't know wheter what she dreamed of were nightmares or visions from the past. Sometimes it was both she got to understand. These were the dreams she was afraid of the most, since they happened mostly when the only one she really opened up to was gone. Leaving her with pain in her bones and hateful last thoughts burned into her brain.

  
Her breath hitched as she remembered all the Warriors she saw die. Each and everytime another male or female in their last moment. The last thoughts of them stitched into her mark, just as the pain she felt whenever they died. The flower grower was mostly afraid of these visions, because she wasn't able to come back to the sureface of them -having to endure everything till they died.

  
Azriel didn't know that she had these nightmares. He knew she had them, but didn't know how hard they sunk into her.

  
No one knew it and that would always be the way she would go.

She was an Archeron and would make it trough with her stubbornes. Feyre was able to move past her nightmares and even Nesta started to step over them, so Elain would get over it by herself.

  
Besides, if Elain would have ever tell anybody about them, expect for Azriel, they would have just looked at her like so many years ago. Trying to get her to open up to them to stop her from a possible suicide. 

  
The thought still made her heart ache as she remembered how her family treated her when she was turned into a Fae for the firs monthes. It hurt to know that her little sister, harboured the thought that Elain, the flower grower and life giver, could jump from her balcony at the House of Wind. Locking the large glass door instead, seemingly protecting her from her own. Elain couldn't deny that she hadn't thought of jumping of the next balcony, that would be a lie. But it was for an completly other reason.

  
She didn't pine after Grayson anymore, didn't pine over her lost mortal life anymore coming to terms with her new created life. No, she was driven to the next balcony, because of her sister and her whole family. At that time even Azriel looked at her with pity in his eyes, mostly at moments when he thought she wouldn't notice it, but she always did and it drove her heart to the glass door that seperated her and the abyss underneath the cold marble.

  
She was drowning, at that time, in pity. Sad eyes looking at her wherever she looked, treating her like a brocken porcelain dool, thinking of her as weak.

  
If she would have ever mentioned the nightmares infront of Feyre or the two males, that became something like brothers to her, she would have gone the whole way of progress she made back. Losing her freedom and her life and family once again. Because Elain knew she wouldn't let her family in another time if they treated her, like she was the weakest thing all over Prythian, again.

  
They all underastematet her and her powers. 

  
She came to good terms with her visions, only at night sometimes hunting her.

  
The shadows she was able to use, that grew with every nightmare, were under her control. Always by her side and yet unseen.

  
Her physical strenght, no one but Cassian knew about, wasn't as strong as Mors or Feyres, but she could easily protect herself with it.

  
No one but Azriel wanted to acknowledge the fact that she'd grown. No one but Azriel told her something about what happened at the meetings outside of the Court of dreamers.

  
Always going to Rita's without her when they came back, leaving her in the shadows behind. She wasen't jealous at them for not taking her with them. No. She was just disappointed that no one thought of her as real part of their circle.

  
Elain didn't know if they were afraid she could break if she knew all their heart breaking pasts or if they thought her seeing abilitys were her only mental strength, not even daring to think of her physical strength, because they thought her as weak. Cassian, who should know better than anyone about her strength, still didn't even try to complain when they were all discussing something that involved her safety, leaving always someone behind to protect her. Azriel mostly voluntarying for the Job.

Azriel stood always by the side of these discusians, shaking his head in disapprovel, but not saying a word. No word came over his lips since the day he complained. Since that day she fell all over again for him, remembering his dark voice echoing trough the shadow she send.

  
_"Elain isn't a doll! Stop treating her like she will break by just looking at her! She got over that man long ago, after all it's been nearly six years! If you continue looking at her with that pity in your eyes she will never heal!"_

  
Elain rembered that with a smile and a chuckle on her lips, she cried even days after she heard that. Feeling for the first time understood since she turned Fae. 

  
No, not for the first time, but she felt happy. Happy that she got to see a real side of Azriel. They spent many years supporting each other silently, but they never saw their true selfs.

  
And like that she let herself be free around him. Most of her feelings not tied to her chest when he was around.

  
She smiled into his warm skin, her hands drawing calming and resuring circles on his back.

  
Azriel yawned and nuzzeled his chin atop of her head,ruffling her hair a little as he slowly started to wake by her soft touch. 

  
"Good morning, my sunflower." was all he said with his raspy, dark voice. It wasen't a long sentence, but it send her smiling like a fool.

  
Elain losened her grip around him, just to pull back as much as the small bed allowed, lifting her face to look into the sleppy and happy glowing hazel eyes of her beloved shadowsinger. Kissing his stubbled cheek as she greeted him.

"Good morning,my blueberry."

They both smiled like fools at their specific nicknames.

Azriel always called her sunflower, because this was the only flower that could describe what she was for him. His sun. The sunflower the only flower he could think of when he thought about her.

Elain always called the shadowsinger blueberry, because she figured some time ago that he simply loved the little blue berry. She once baked some blueberry cupcakes, only with his reaction figuring out that he loved it. He told her that it was delicious, like all her baked goods, but a gleam in his hazel orbs was seen. Since that day she always baked at least once a week a blueberry cake or some cupcakes.

 _I don't want to get up._ was all Azriel said to her trough the shadows, one of his large hands that layed around her middle, lifting up from underneath the thin blanket -cupping her soft cheek in his rough hands.

She nuzzled into his palm, closing her eyes again, enjoying the touch of his skin on hers.

_Me too._

But at that, something that she forgot hours ago, rumbled. Her hunger destroying the sweet moment. Her eyes shoot open in surprise, a sheepish smile on her lips as she looked Azriel in his shimmering eyes.

"Hungry?"

"Sorry. Yeah just a little though."

He nodded and removed his body from hers. Elain was almost pressed against the wooden wall of the little hut, watching the muscels on the shadowsingers back work, as he folded and unfolded his wings. Shaking off sleepyness from them. He didn't pull on his leathers, almost forgoten about them.

He looked towards the fireplace. His brows furrowed at the dusty old thing, the black crisps of wood reamaining there. Probably leftovers from the fire he set yesterday. Elain smiled at his back and put a soft hand on the space between his wings. He jerked his head back at her at the sudden touch.

"You do the Food. I'll set the fire." He nodded and appriciating look formed on his face as he rose to his full hight.

Elain was more then aware of the hitch of her breath. She knew that she Always felt a thunder in her chest when he towered over her, but she didn't know how much she _really_ missed her beautiful shadowsinger. Tears whelming up in her eyes as he walked towards the small, dusty Kitchenette, picking up little black berrys from a cupboard.

Elain slowly moved out of the hard, dirty bed moving towards the fireplace. She took carefull steps towards it, an old habbit that would probably stay for a long time. Her steps not even making the slightest sounds on the old Wood. Azriel noticed her carefull movements as she placed the Wood in the Opening of the fireplace, but didn't ask her about it. She Always moved around with gracefulness and carefull steps, but something was off. The wound Azriel stitched yesterday should probably hurt like hell, but she showed no reaction.

Elain noticed his gaze upon her and was verry aware of the piercing pain in her upper tigh, but she learned how to ignore pain with the years.

She watched the orange flame rise up in the fireplace as Azriel placed two plates with berrys on the little table.

An apologetic look was writen over his face as she pulled back the krecking chair. 

"I'm sorry, that's all I could find yesterday. If your still hungry afterwards you can eat mine as well."

Elain only chuckled at him as he sat down, the little table infront of him, Looking rather delicate and small.

"It's fine. Really. Your Company is more than enough for me."

Azriel only nodded and started Picking up the berrys from the wooden plates. His scarred Hands shaking slightly, almost not noticebale, but Elain knew him better than anyone and has gotten more than used to analyze every move someone in the room made. After all every move could have decided About her future for a Long time. Leaving the Executinors axe where it was, or letting it slide down onto her neck -which happened now already four times- not litterly of Course.

They ate in silence for a Long time, the crackling of the Wood in the fire and their fingers pushing the berrys around their plates, the only sounds that were heard. And then the shadowsinger got frustrated at his friend, he was dissapointed that she hadn't told him of her where abouts for the past three years and sighed.

Letting his wings and head drop low. He could feel Elains gaze upon him, her soft voice barely audible for him as she said "I'm sorry."

Azriels head shoot up again his tear brimmed Hazel eyes searching her charamel onse. A dry lough the only sound that escaped his lips.

"You're sorry?! Elain, by the mother! I found you just yesterday undercooled in the middle of a Clearing! Fucking wounded and with a lot of blood lose, because no one treated the mother damned stab wound on your upper tigh! Don't you think I was worried? Don't you think that I'm still worried?!"

Didn't she think that he had a Right to know where she was, after all they Always told everything to each other. Even though it sometimes took longer to open up some things again. Maybe she needed time for herself before telling him. Sorting herself out before she told him mother knows what.

He sighed again.

His eyes softned as a tear slipped from one of his wide opened Hazel eyes. Elain was shocked by the choice of his language, but she could understand why he is Angry with her. Yet she didn't expect the next words, the words thet seemed to have slightly opened up the door to her old self.

"Elain, you were gone for three, Long years! I thought I lost you! I was afraid you were already dead by the time I had finally the Courage to search for you again, but when I saw you laying all bloody by that Clearing,...." He sobbed.

The Cold, calm and colected shadowsinger letting his walls break. Only for her to see how brocken he truely was, a brockeness no one would have understood if he would have ever told one of his Family members About it. Azriel knew his Brothers had hard times too, but they too let their walls only fall down when they were with their most beloved one. Rhys only really opened up to Feyre About his time with Amarantha under the mountain and Cassian only jabbered nonsense at him and Mor when it came to Nesta. Never sober enough to form a proper sentnce.

But Azriel had only Elain who truely understood him, going through similar states of personal doubt. Having the same doubts as he had, thinking of her existence as Nothing more than a burden. Azriel thought of himself like that for a Long time too. Only stoping to mentally abuse himself after they both healed the other with their company - unknowingly. She was the light to his shadows, making them and him, both happy when she was around. Her presence the fiting light to his dark surroundings. Not like the blinding light Mor cassed on everyone when she entered a room, sending his shadows off fleeing, but returning like a brick against his head when she left.

When Elain was with him, it was like his shadows became a friendly black sea. Only blubbering nonsense at him. Nonsense he knew wasen't actually nonsense. They informed him or rather told him over and over again of the delicate Hands of the Flower grower that got rid of weeds or tended to delicate and bright colored Flowers, every step she took trough the garden reported to him. The reminder that her petite hip swayed lightly, most didn't even noticed it was there, in every second sentence. He felt really embarrassed at his shadows.

But now, as his shadows informed her of her sudden movement, he did not feel emberrassed. No he felt relieve and pain in his chest, His Rough Palms now pressed onto his wet eye sockets.

Azriel only heard the shadows say that her Chair fell with a loud crash to the Floor, the rooten Wood splintering at the Impact. Only a second later he felt the soft Hands of his seer in his hair, pulling his head onto her heaving chest.

He nuzzled one of his ears Closer to the Sound of her thundering heartbeat. Soft fingers went trough his hair and gently squeezed his shaking shoulders. "....I thought you were dead." He finished his sentence with his whispering, raspy voice. _I thought you were dead, I thought you left me in darkness again. Leaving me without my light._ was the actuall way he wanted to end this sentence, but he didn't have the courage, nor did he have the strength to speak.

Elain started to sobb now too, her delicate chin placed atop of his head, as he pulled her Closer to him, Standing between his legs now. Azriels Hands were thightly wraped around her middle, the silent plea _Don't leave me again!_ attatched to his trembling fingers. She pulled him closer too, his ear able to hear her heartbeat with ease now, her Hands gripping thightly around his neck as he heard her raspy voice rumbling in her chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm so,so sorry Az."

They both started crying more as her words sunk. "I never wanted to leave, but if I had returned I would have brought danger uppon us." She sniffled and his head grew wetter and wetter.

"We are all strong Elain, we could have protected oureselfs. You shouldn't have been away three years for that."

She shook her head, her chin grazeing his head.

"I wouldn't have known if they would have played fair." she whispered. Remembering the fact that they sent three trained males plus Maraxus after a Little Boy. Elain knew she was sad, depressed even when Arctonos died, but if something like that would ever happen to Azriel -she would cover the world in shadows, drowning in them herself.

"Please just never leave us again." Azriel lifted his head from her chest, lokking up into her tear stained face, his own watery Hazel eyes locking with hers, that now looked like melted charamel. He knew it was selfish as his silent plee left his mouth, barely a whisper.

While Azriel found it awkward that his beloved Flower grower suddenly started speaking About a threat against their Family, he wasen't able to form the Question in his head. Once to occupied with thinking About himself. Not About the female in his arms, not About the Family that still waited in the war camp. He only wanted this one thought to himself.

"Please never leave me again."

Elain only nodded, her still pale lips Twisted into an resuring smile with a Deep sadness, a sadness that was similar to his own, but hope was still attatched to it, hope for the future. A future he would fight the world for, if it ment they could be together. A Little pain in his neck spread as the soft Hands of the female he loved dug into his skin, wraping her delicate arms tightly around his neck, pulling him close to her even more. Azriel softly leaned into her. Her voice a quiet raindrop on the water, as she spoke against his ear.

"I'll never leave your side again."

Azriel gripped her waist harder, a wave washed over him, a wave of emotions the little drop had caused on him. Holding on for his dear life. A life he wished to have wraped up in his arms. But his world sunk as he heared her next words. 

"Not even eternity will part us again."

He sobbed at These words, the words he needed so,so much Spilling over her soft lips like water. Water he hadn't known he needed. Making him realize how much he needed her to say these words, words that would now never leave his brain again.

Azriel pulled her even Closer, not knowing where his pain ended and her healing words on him begun. He sobbed until he felt like he could swallow a whole log down his throat and it would still come out of him as sawdust. He sobbed for the very first time in centurys so Long and loud infront of someone. Azriel already cried his eyes out by Elain a few years ago, but he Always tried to make as Little noise as possible. But now all his pain forced it's way out of his Body, shaking uncontrollable in Elains open arms.

The seer didn't have a good grip on her emotions as well anymore, she only wanted to support him and not make him even more sad with all her sobbs. Elain wanted to be strong for him, but her grip onto her emotions wasn't able to be controlled once the pain of Azriel washed over her in a shadowy wave.

If she would have been her old human self, she would have probably fallen unconcius at the sight of the black wave, but not now. Not when she'd gotten to know him over such a Long time. She knew him well, probably better than herself -an open book for her to read. Her favorite book for now and for all times.

Elain only pressed him Closer to her again. Nothing and no one would fit between them now. Nothing and no one would ever part them. Nothing and no one, not even their fears and pasts, would stand between them.

They were Closer than ever not leaving each others side. A side they knew they belonged to.

The shadows slowly ebbed down, mixing together with Elains, dancing a calming Dance around the two of them .

 _'Where are you?'_ asked the voice of Rhys suddenly in his head.Azriel groaned at that. 

His brother often complained about his bad timing to disscus the reports, because he was most often in the middle of something with his High Lady when Azriel showed up. If this was the revenge for his bad timing, he would have wished Rhys had taken another day for his revenge, because now Azriel didn't want his family.

He wanted his world. The world that stood between his legs, his arms wraped around her tightly.

He wanted no one else right now, but the shadowsinger knew he had to share her again.

And like that he slightly pulled back from her. His tear stained face looking up at her longingly. Her, with Tears over whelmed eyes, softened at the sight of his hopeful Hazel eyes. The seer removed her arms around his neck, pulling her pale Hands up instead to hold his wet face between them. Placing a soft kiss atop of his forehead.

He smiled up at her, a true smile forming on his lips, as his eyes closed at the soft sensation on his skin.

"Elain." he whispered. Her Name on his lips a Melody of it's own again.

"Hm?"

"We Need to get back. Rhys already asked for me."

Elain drew back and looked down into his Hazel eyes again. The happiness from before looking rather dammed. She only nodded and steped back again, Azriels Hand quickly Shooting for hers as she turned her back to him. "Elain?" She turned to him again, a smile stretching her lips. "I just want to Gather my belongings." she told him kindly.

And then it hit him again. The wings that layed underneath her, the glass of feathers she clutched to her chest yesterday. He let his Hand sink slowly, as he stood up himself. Whiping the wet riverbed of Tears hastly away as he reached for his boots and the top of his leathers next to the bed.

Elain moved conciusly towards the round glass on one of the kitchencounters, the wings leaned against a wall next to the old door. As she Held the in black covered glass in her pale Hands she searched the room for something she could Transport the wings with. 

Azriel didn't know at first what to do too, but then the old blanket crossed his mind. No one would come by here anytime soon, so there was no Need for the blanket to rot any further if it could be of any better use. He took the Rough fabric and started to wrap the two stambs together.

Elain softly placed a Hand on his shoulder as she kneeled down next to him, infront of the wings.

"Please be carefull." she whispered at him. The shadowsinger turned his face slightly towards her, a Question already on his lips, but he stoped and hit the break for his curiosity as he saw her glazing eyes. Tears already forming again as she inspected the Membrane of the wings. He only nodded, finishing up to pull the stambs together.

Azriel didn't know how to Transport them so he spilled the only idea he had at her.

"Could you stand up please?"

Elain did that, at first she looked confused ,but then she realized what he had planed to do.

Something they already shared in the past. They most often thought like one brain cell.

So she turned her petite back at him and lifted her arms.

Azriel picked the wings up carefully, like she asked him, and straped them around her. The blanket straped around her shoulders. Going trough her armpits and winding around her arms. The two sides of the blanket Crossing infront of her chest. Like that the wings were Bound safetly to her, finishing his work with a knot on her back.

The back of the petite Flower grower was slightly bent under the heavy weight of the wings.

The shadowsinger steped infront of her again, an apologetic look on his face as he stretched out his scarred Hand to her. She smiled up at him with a sheepish smile, her back straightening as she took his Hand.

"Can we walk?" Elain asked him a silent plea attatched to her soft voice.

How could he deny her, if she spoke the words he wanted to so despratly?

And like that he took her Hand, only moving trough the shadows out of the small door. Elain smiled at him, as she left their fingers interwoven. Leaning slightly into him to give something off of her weigth. 

Her leg was hurt after all. It probably healed by now, the yarn the only Thing ramaining there. azriel cursed himself silently under his breath. He should have taken it out sooner. Now a healer would be in the Need to cut the flesh open again, so that they could pull out the yarn.

Elain squeezed his Hand a Little. Smiling up at him as they started Walking trough the thick forest. A smell of fire and pine in the air. Like that Azriel remembered the fire in the hut, sending a shadow to turn it out, forgeting About his Anger a Little.

Right now the shadowsinger was only curious for a lot of Things, but the first Thing he wanted to try, was what they did today morning.

 _Can you hear me?_ He asked Elain trough the shadows.

She turned her head, that Always looked to the way infront of them, towards him. A smile on her lips.

_Of course I can._

Azriel was amazed to say the least.

_Before you ask, I would have been able to do that for some decades now. I just never really learned how to train them._

_Then how come's it that you know it now?_

Elain giggled a Little, as they both noticed something. Their shadows were all mixed up. Probably sharing all the Secrets About their master and their Mistress.

_It seems like your shadows thaught mine._

He only nodded, other Questions already forming in his head. Like that they would at least not turn the Attention of any wild creature towards them, because of noise.

_Think of all the mischief we can do at the dinner table._

_It wonders me what the shadowsinger has planed._

Azriel shrugged his shoulders.

_You know, playing a little. I realized Amren dosen't likes it at all when someone is playing with their footsie under the the table._

A spluttering sound escaped Elain. She hastly lifted her free hand up to cover her mouth. A chuckle still making her petite shoulders shiver.

_I don't even need to ask who she's kicking everytime then, do I?_

_Probably not._

_Okay, but if this is going to be our first prank on them you taky Rhys and I take my sister._

Elains shoulders droped a little as she formed the word sister. A burden crushing her down.

Azriel noticed, but left it. He knew the Flower grower well enough that her Little sister was one of the subjects she liked to avoid the most. The subject of her Little and older sister he realized. The shadowsinger could only understand why it put her down. After all Feyre put her older sister down as well. She Always pushed Elain towards Lucien, even though they were not mates anymore. It might be that Feyre didn't know that, but still, even if they were still mates she would push Elain until she would give in to the mating bond. And if it weren't for that, it would be the Feeling of weakness everyone gave her. A feeling that no one wants to have, especially not when the only Thing her Family tries to make it better is to imprisson her.

Azriel thought his High Lady and High Lord knew all to well how it is to be imprissoned, but apparently they haven't thought like that. They probably thought they helped the seer heal, but in truth all they did was break her.

Just like Tamlin did with Feyre.

The only diffrence between Feyre and Elain was easy. Feyre tried to hide her brockness from Tamlin with a fake smile. Her Family, her true Family, would have seen Right trough it, just the High Lord of Spring was to occupied with the High Priestest, who know was luckily dead. But Elain, Elain was a good actress. Having grown up in a Society were lies left the smiling mouth over and over again. Elain was used to false smiles and no one saw trough them.

It took Azriel many years too to notice that, but now since he knew he Always tried his best to fight a way for her where she could at least have a Little bit of freedome, but his Family stuck to the dicision they made for her.

And Elain lieved with it, not complaining About it anymore.

Azriel shook his head slightly and helped her step over a chunky spruce trunk, Picking up on their talk from before.

_Thank the mother. I hadn't planed on crawling up Feyres leg like that. Not that I'm happy that I have to torture my brother like that._

Elain giggled _You don't have to torture him._

_Oh believe me, he deservs that._

_So when are we pulling the prank? And how is Amrens reaction?_

The shadowsinger had a mischievous smile on the face as he remembered the reaction of the fierce female.

_She's gonna be kicking them, just to make them stop._

_And what if she dosen't hits anything?_

_Then she is taking the risk of peeking under the table._

Elain stifned,but Azriel smiled down at her.

_Believe me, once we started to 'play' they'll continue all alone. And Amren will definetly hit something._

Elain giggled again and looked over shoulder towards him loningly.

_I can't believe I missed out on you turning all mischivous._

_You didn't. I just turned it now._

The seer only had a smile on her face as she looked stight ahead again, taking in all the pine trees. The smile she had on her face was a fake one, that much he saw.

He needed to look a lot deeper to see the regret that brouded under her Skin. 

_Where have you been?_ He suddely asked her. Azriel noticed that Elains pale hand suddelny turned very cold and sweaty. She didn't give him an answer.

The shadowsinger sighed frustrated, but kept asking _Who do the wings belong to?_

 _No one I can talk about now._ She suddenly came to a halt as she could already make out the rim of the forest. Leading to the war camp.

The normaly so happy seer had sad smile on her face and glittering eyes, almost brimming over with Tears as she gripped his Hand tightly.

_But can you please come with me when I go to him._

A plea. No silent one an obvious one. Azriel would be heartless to turn his love down, leaving her all teary, so he nodded slowly.

She smiled up at him. Her eyes closed, so that he wouldn't see the Tears forming -the Tears he already saw.

And like that they continued their walk to the war camp in silence. The wings Elain had with her on her back, the glass with the black feathers laying in one of the folds of the old blanket.

Azriel suddenly relized that Elain went all the way barefeet, not even complaining About the needles under her feet.

"There you are you stupid Bat! We were all hella worried for you!" Cassian suddenly shouted at him as they slowly steped into the war camp. He just turned around the Corner of one of the old houses, as he suddenly stumbled and almost landed face first in the mud. Looking like he saw Bryaxis again. Tears sprung to his eyes as he run towards them, the bulky warrior hugging Elain, like she was a mother who had left her child for years.

Elain cried and laughed at the same time as the bulky warrior pulled her Closer, the wings straped to her back,crossing his plan as the hit his face. He pulled back, his eyes watering at the sight of his lost friend. Shock was slowly kicking in as he noticed the wings on her back. He smirked widely at her, a smirk she also missed dearly.

"If I had know you needed three years to grow wings, I would have come with with you!"

Elain smiled sadly "They aren't mine."

Cassian suddenly came to realize that he steped into a big puddle. He pulled back and rubbed his neck sheepishly, Mor was luckily there to save him.

"Cass, have you found Azriel yet?!"

"Hopefully, I don't know who will Keep this court working if he decided to just take off." Rhys said over dramaticly. Azriel felt now very oversteped. If he hadn't found Elain already, he would be gone by tomorrow the latest.

"Oh, come on you just Need an excuse to Escape the 'important' work." Feyre said sarcasticly.

The fawn suddenly felt very aware of her messy honey golden hair, her pale Skin and her dirt covered feet. She also was very aware of the fact that she wore a color she normaly would never choose. Azriel noticed her sudden change of mood, at the voice of her younger sister. So the Body of the shadowsinger took over once again alone, steping close to her. His wings slowly spreading around her protectivly, hoping his presence would calm her. Which it did.

Her strightened spine slowly losening. She slowly looked towards him, searching comfort within him once again.

 _Please stay by my side._ she begged him.

 _I'll always stay by your side._ Elain smiled at him, his face a stright mask again, but Elain saw the smile underneath it. But hers fell as he contiued.

_I'm your shadow after all._

_No._ Elain said shaking her head at him as she turned fully towards him. A smile spreading again on her lips.

_You're not my shadow. You're my companion in the dark and in the light._

Azriel bowed his head slightly.

 _I'm happy to know that._ His head lifted up again as Amren stormed around the corner, grunting. She suddenly stoped in her tracks as she saw the fawn, Standing between the two bulky Illyrians. A devilish smirk growing on her blood red lips. "Look who we have there."

Mor peeked around the house next. Her golden hair swaying in the Cold wind, she too came to a halt as she saw the seer. A friendly smile stratching on her face "It's nice to see you again."

Elain diped her head a Little low, wanting to get away from all the Attention, but it didn't stop her to smile. Tears flowing down her hollow cheeks. She turned enthusasticly towards Azriel again. He nodded.

_I'll take care of the shadows._

And so Elain took of sprinting towards the two females, the heavy wings fluttering behind her as she closed the last twenty steps towards them. Hugging them close to her.

Amren grunted a Little but wraped her Little arms around the seer after some time, Mor pulled her arms around the Flower grower happily. Finally hugging a friend that stayed away for so long. Elain sobbed at the two females as they pulled her even Closer.

"It's good to have another reasonable Person back in the Inner Circle." "You're on to talk, you jewelry possesed dragon. You have Nothing diffrent on your mind anymore than shiny jewelery and your husband!" "Oh shush!" 

Elain giggled at the two females. Both droped their Argument for later. 

"Oh yeah, that's Right." Amren suddenly stated, Looking behind Elain to see the shadowsinger Standing tall infront of the forest rim. His face a stony mask again, only a Little gleam in his Hazel eyes gave away that he was his true self again, or at least to it's way back there.

"It's good to have the two reasonablest fae of the inner Circle back again." Amren started her way to the shadowsinger, hitting him hard on his arm. "Even though you weren't that reasonable in the past three years." 

Mor chuckled at the sight. Her brown eyes turned towards Elain again as she reapeted Amrens words. "It's good to have you back."

Elain nodded, smiling "It's good to be back too."

A gasp was suddenly heard and all the faces turned towards the cause. 

Feyre her Little sister stood almost infront of her. Eyes wide and color draining from her face. Rhysand next to her was rooten to the spot too, but pulled his sister-in-law close.

"Hello Rhys." Elain greeted him again.

"Hello Elain." Rhys parted from her to look at her with his violet piercing onse. His brows furrowing as he took in her apperance, but he took his Hands of her delicate shoulders and steped aside to make space for his mate.

But Feyre, her little sister, whos reaction on her coming back, was next to Azriels the one she carred About the most -only stood ther in silence. Her tattooed Hands claped above her mouth. Her strom blue-grey eyes a sea of unreadable emotions. 

Elain only bowed her head at her Little sister as she led her wordlesly towards a house on the other side of the war camp.

A tension in the small party touchable. Confused Looks piercieng trough hers and Feyres back. No one noticing the shakeing Hands clutched infront of her black skirt. No one but the shadowsinger, who sent a Little black strand of mist to hold onto her shaking Hands.

_You're not alone._


	14. Chapter 13

The wind was cold against her skin, but was nothing compared to the blizzard like air that surrounded her younger sister and her family.

Only Azriel was a comforting presence next to her as they walked trough the freezing mud of the war-camp. 

Elain didn't expect of her sister or family that they would smile and have waterfalls of tears running down their faces, no she just wanted to be with them and maybe a hug from them as well, but nothing more. And while everyone gave her a hug and at least a little smile, her sister -the one she respected the most, was the only one that reacted so cold to her. 

She had no smile on her face, not even a lifting of the cornors of her mouth as she saw the dishelved little fawn next to the bulky Illyrians. She looked more like she saw a ghost instead of her lost sister. It made Elains heart sting at the thought of that. Her only sliver of light was Azriel.

Her careful, quiet best friend and love. Her thoughtful shadowsinger, who watched after her even after all this time.

He knew that her back got heavier with every step she took, the heavy wings still attached to her delicate back. The glass of feathers next to her heart in one of the slings.

Just before they reached the beige tent of Feyre and Rhys he was fed up with her. Azriel stoped dead in his tracks as he saw that the rest already lifted up the blanket over the entrance of the tent. He took the wings wordlesly and gave Elain the glass to hold on to. She smiled at his back as he stomped trough the entrance with his straight, bulky figure. 

_I'll be by your side._

Was all he told her trough a shadow that curled up her spine. She smiled even brighter, but the thought of her sister put a damper on her mood.

The flower grower was afraid of the Curesbreaker. Afraid she might force her into something.

Elain shook her head at that. ' _She would never lock me up.'_ but then she remembered that one time, twenty years ago when Velaris was threatened by Spring. Feyre locked her in the riverhouse. Leaving Nuala and Cerridwen to look after her as danger came in sight.

The seer sighed and steped into the large tent. Shaking her head while trying to get rid of the bad memorie.

Soft fur carpets tickled her feet, instead of mushy mud as soon as she steped inside. A warmth collideing with her cold body as she steped into the middle of the beige tent. Feyre offered her an forced smile as she gestured towards the little black couch that sat infront of the small platform that led to the large bed behind a curtain. Candleholders were in every cornor of the tent -candleholders that looked similar to the one she tried murdering Maraxus with.

Elain tensed at the forced smile and her surroundings and diclined the offered seat politely. Only in the back of her mind did she notice Azriel line up next to Rhysand, Cassian, Morigian and Amren, on the left side of the tent. Arctonos wings were to Azriels feet. His arms were crossed over his broad chest as he started to watch the scene silently.

"Where were you?" was all Feyre asked of her older sister. Elain understood and didn't even want a word of hello from her sister, but the coldness in the Cursebreakers eyes made her shiver. 

Elain lowered her head. Her eyes drifting from dot to dot on the carpets. Elain was more than interested in mesmorizing every dark brown dot and every white fur hair on them. Hiding her fear of all the memories that cruesed through her veins. Tears whelmed up in her eyes but not a single one slid. She had gotten more than used to hiding her fears and emotions in the past three years. So she kept quiet and unreadable as she kept her head bowed.

Feyre sighed - rubbing her temples in frustraition. "Elain. Just tell us where you were! It's not a hard question!"

Elain locked her eyes on the carpets. Her hands were knotted infront of her black Velvet skirt, the glass almost cracking at the strength that was used on the thin material, as her head sunk lower. She didn't tell Azriel a thing, so she wouldn't tell her sister either, because right now she trusted Azriel more than her sister.

He sees her - which her _so_ caring sister dosen't do. The Cursebreaker is indeed a caring person, but sometimes -rather often when it came to Elain- the seer thought that cauldron blessed child, was gifted with so,so much power -but no hearing.

Feyre sighed again as a, seemingly other thought, crossed her mind. A smile tugging at her lips. She lifted her tattooed hands in surrender at her sister. 

"Okay, okay I get it."

Elain lifted her head, hope and happiness in her eyes, as she thought her sister would have finally understood a decision of her, but apparently she was wrong.

"I would like to talk with Rhys about it first, too. So maybe we can contact Lucien somehow."

The seers eyes widened in shock. Even with her abilitys, she would have not been able to see that rock falling down on her. Feyre still had the nerve to smile and giggle at her older sister.

"Oh, don't look so surprised. I figured you might want to talk to your mate first, after you refused to talk to me. He's going to be the one who can definetly understand how you feel."

" I don't want him to understand how I feel." was all Elain could mumble in her shocked state. She wanted to talk with Lucien about it, true. But not now! Azriel would be the first she would explain everything to first! It might be that he is not her cauldron chosen mate, but she'd always pick him over the rest of the world! 

Feyre looked puzzled. "But he is your mate."

"And?"

"It might be that he is not the one you chose, but the cauldron did." Feyre cracked up a little smile. "And over all that, I think you let him suffer long enough. After all you've refused to acknoweledge the bond for over twenty years." Her sister put her warm hands on Elains naked and cold shoulders. Taking side for a friend she no longer really knew.

"It's the best for both of you to at least give it a try." With every word Feyre threw at her, drained the blood even more from Elain. She shook her head in disbeliefe at her. The words were like hot needels in her brain as she saw the smiling face of her sister infront of her.

The so gentel flower grower took a step back and ripped the hands of her sister from her shoulders, as she _hissed_ at her _"He is not my mate!"_

Feyre steped a step back too. Crossing her arms over the sparkling fabric of her midnight blue gown. Her eyes narrowing at her older sister. "He is! You should just give it a try! Lucien is going to understand what you're going through, he is conected with you after all! So stop denying him like the plague!" Feyres voice rose, but Elain only growled at her. It's terrifying how used she'd gotten to do it whenever she felt threatened.

The Cursebreaker was surprised, but moved on with her speech anyway.

"He is suffering and so are you! If you don't want to talk with me about it -then don't. But please talk to him, so that he knows at least what's going on with your feelings. Lucien is probably very confused by now."

Elain shook her head in disbeliefe, messy honey golden curles flying around her, as she did. Her eyes were a molten storm of caramel and fire as she locked eyes with her stubborn little sister - stubborn like Elain and Nesta and their Mother before them. "HE. IS. NOT. MY. MATE!" Elain spoke slow, loud and clear -Feyre should have understood by now- but no! Her little sister is deaf!

"He is. Stop deniying!" it seemed like Feyre had gotten tired of their argument as she sunk down on the small couch. Her back straight -just like Elains. Two firestorms against each other. It was irritating for the seer that she was the one that argued with her little sister like that, not her steeled sister. But right now Elain wasn't any diffrent to her as the fire in her eyes started to burn Feyre.

Elain wanted to shout at her, make space for her rage, but she didn't. The words she picked instead were like an ice bucket over her sisters head.

"Stop acting like you know me."

Feyre was shocked, but Elain wasen't done yet. She knew it was unfair to use the moment for something like this, but she was angry, so,so angry.

"Stop acting like you're my only family. Stop acting like you care about me. But most importantly ..." Elain glared now at a gaping Feyre. Her mouth opening and closing like a fish on the land.

"Stop pushing me to a desicion that is going to decide the rest of my life. A rest of my life _you_ want for _me._ Not I for myself."

And like that Elain took a sharp turn and stomped out of the stiky warm air. Fuzzy fur moving to mushy mud. 

The dirty footprints on the soft fur and her scent in the large tent the only evidence she was ever there.

*******

Azriel would have been shocked at Elains outburst, but not if he could understand so well why she exploded in the first place. 

She shouted the truth at her sister, twice! But his High Lady hadn't listened. Didn't even consider her words.

The Shadowsinger only watched the scene infront of him with a shaking head. When Elain stomped out of the tent, it seemed like a heavy blanket was lifted from his familys shoulders as they all breathed a breath of relieve. Eyeing their High Lady and friend worriedly as she sunk back into the cussions.

His brother was the first to move again as he sat side by side to his mate. His hands took hers gentally in his as he rubbed calming, feather light circles over the back of her hand. Mor smiled at the pair, but Azriel wouldn't smile at it. It might be that they matched, but that didn't give Feyre the right to push her sister in to a mateing bond she long diclined -in usion with the one she was conected to.

His brother next to him noticed his piercing stare on his High Lady. "What is it Az?"

The Shadowsinger shook his head. Mor raised an eyebrow at him and even Rhys attention went from his mates to Azriel again. He looked paler as he did. Having the wings at Azriels feet probably bring back bad memories. They remembered him to much of what he lost and how cruel this volk could be, but Rhys stayed quiet about them. Feyre was now the one to rub calming circles on his shaking hands - as he was finally able to speak again. Shaky, but he did. "Who do they belong to?"

Azriel shruged, his caring nature around the flower grower gone and gave way to his stone cold mask. "I don't know either."

Amren rubbed her temples at the shadowsinger as she sighed. "Then tell us at least what you know." 

Azriel thought for a moment, remembering that Elain wanted to tell him about something, but then he remembered how his family had been to her before she vanished. And how Feyre just treated her and ignored the truth that was yelled at her. Azriel wouldn't have beliefed her either if he hadn't known since five years, but he would have at least considered it.

He gazed at everyone and stayed silent. Amren grunted "We don't have all day!"

"I know just as much as you do. Maybe a little more." Feyre rose her eyebrows at him, a pleading look on her face as she wanted to know what he knows. "She just shouted it at you." 

Mor shook her golden head at him. A laugh on her red lips. "Az, we've all been there when Lucien claimed her all those years ago. She can't just change what's between them just because she dosen't want it."

Azriel raised a brow at her, a serious tone in his voice as he sided with the flower grower. "That are big words coming from you."

Cassians eyes windened in shock. Just like Mors and Feyres. Rhys only shook his head at him. The speaker of truths eyes glowed at him. She was upset with him, but so was he - with all of them. Her the most.

She never really aknowledged Elain in the twentytwo years they had, only sometimes did she speak with her and that was mostly when Mor was tipsy or had no one else around. Since the second case was never really happening it was mostly the former wich drove the golden female in talking with the gentle flower grower. And now she stod here, claiming that she too would know whats best for Elain. The oh so weak and broken seer, who wasn't able to protect herself.

And even if it wouldn't have been for the flower grower, he would have sided with himself. Reminding her that she was the one who pulled and pushed him away for the past five centurys. 

Mors voice dripped with hurt, but her eyes were a storm - her body in devense. "What do you even know about her?" Azriel knew that she was cornered in a corner far away in her mind. He knew that she only reacted like that when she felt the need to protect or hide herself from pain and hurt. Cassian layed a ressuring hand on her riseing shoulder. "Calm down Mor." 

Amren, who completly ignored the exprision of the golden female, pressed further with her questions. "Mor is right, what do you know about her? From how the thing have looked to me she is diffrent from the Elain three years ago." The tiny female had a devilish smile on her ruby red lips "Even though I think I like this Elain better."

"There is no likeing this Elain or another Elain. Elain is Elain. Nothing more and nothing less. She is her own person and if she changed, then she did probably with a reason." Azriels words were cold. From the way his family fewed the flower grower, he was sure to take sides for her in every folowing argument about her. He wouldn't let her stand alone anymore.

"What do you think is the reason for her change?" his High Lady was worried, truely. The side she showed three weeks ago, when she first saw him again, shining trough. At that Azriel tried to at least sound a little bit kinder, but he probably failed, by the look Mor gave him. "I don't know either."

Rhys nodded at something in his mind. "Do you think you could find out what the reson is?" 

"No." It was a question answered by his heart. Azriel knew Elain would tell him, _someday_. And if she would do that, then he wouldn't betray her trust. If she would tell _him_ and only him. He would keep it a secret as long as she wanted it to be. 

His brother looked at him -pure shock in his eyes. Rhys never really saw Azriels rebelios side. The Shadowsinger always obeyed, never really asking of much. Either way he gave or he took.

He gave his services to the Night Court, to his family.

And he took three years of time for himself. he often took time for himself. Sometimes just hours -sometimes days. Never week or even a month, not even questioning for a year. But Azriel took three years, doing Mother knows what, but no one asked him about his time.

Sighes were heard in every cornor of the room, as the Inner Circle got annoyed by the stubborn Shadowsinger.

Mor, who still looked at least a little angry, was the first to speak again. Graping the attention of her cousin "Why do you even think Elain would talk with Azriel about that? Wouldn't it make more sense if she seeked out Nesta or even Feyre to talk to instead of him."

Oh, how the speaker of truth was angry at him. Not even really aknoleding him, but he didn't care. Not when his friend, his _love_ was shoved from person to person.

Rhys was about to answer her on that, but Azriel was first to speak. His voice cold, his words a sharp knife in the air. _"Because I listen to her!"_

And like that he took the slings attatched to the wings in his scarred hands and left his family behind in the stiky tent.

Trying to follow the smell or the footsteps of the seer, but in the buzzing of the Illyrian war-camp, it was difficult.

*******

It was stormy on the ledge. The wind that that hit her face gathered behind her in the dark cave, only to burst at her from behind. She was a rock sitting in the middle of a windy sea.

Her kneew were pulled to her chest, her arms wrapped around them thightly for some warmth -gripping the velvet thightly. Elains hair was even more of a mess than it was before. Her so detrmind eyes just a few minutes ago -turned sad. The little huts under the rocky ledge only small blurs in her sight. She rested her head calmly on her arms, or at least tried to become calm, but there was storm under her fragile surface. A storm that clawed her insides, a storm that pleaded to be let out.

Elains eyes were teary. She promised herself to not cry, but in the end she did - like always. 

Her fight with Feyre brought so many bad memories back. Memories that sometimes layed three years or less back and some of the memories were only a few weeks old. Hours even. Elain hated that her beloved sister brought back so many bad memories of someone she could discribe with every bad word that came to her mind. All fitting, but in the end never the right thing to discribe him. _'Monster, Devil, Sinner, Torturer, Murderer, Pscopath.'_ He was all that,Maraxus the Devil in person.

Elain leaned further into her so little warmth, her eyes closed as the cool wind encased her pale figure, ripping at her hair and dress. 

She breathed in and out, in and out. Trying to calm herself down, but the memories kept on repeating.

Letting her see an scared past self. 

She saw herself and felt herself from so many passed monthes. She saw herself trying to escape, but to fail as the guards picked her by her upper arms and shoved her into her room. Locking her there for the next two days without food and water. Elain never really cared that she was starving at the end of those days -no, the worst was the pain.

The pain she felt whenever she rammed her shoulder against the heavy door, only to have it still shut thightly while her shoulder bled. She remembered all the times her knuckles were bloody from hitting at the window, that never broke, increased by a spell to never open nor to break. But the worst were always her bloody fingertips as she tried to scratch trough the wood of the door, like a desprate animal. Having many splinters in her fingers while the door didn't really gave away any sight of harm.

Her shrill scream topped it all. She always screamed at the top of her lungs for help, for someone to let her out, but not even her thoughts reached Lailany. She was locked in and surrounded by spells that made her mute for the outside.

She shivered at the mere thought of these memories, the wind not even bothering her anymore as she drowned in her memories.

A lightning bolt of shock went trough her as she felt a hand on her cold, naked shoulder. She froze, her eyes wide as a plate, her shadows a curling storm to her feet.

"Are you ok?" asked a voice she never heared before. The silky hand on her shoulder lifting as the person stood beside her. 

Elain turned in horror at the male who stood bent down next to her. She noticed the worried look in his emerald green eyes as he scaned over her trembling figure. He had light stubble and a tanned skin. His fluffy chestnut colored hair knotted in the stormy wind. 

"Are you ok?" he asked again with his deep voice. Elain was to much in shock as to answer the male. Of course she should have known, that there would always be someone who wanted to walk up the stoney small path trough the forest and up the ledge, when she sat there. She should have seen it, but she didn't. 

The male rose a brow at her silence. Riseing to his full hight, still a little bent foreward. She scaned over just like she did. Elain noticed his wings, that were probably immposibly difficult to hold up with his wounded back and she noticed every siphone he wore. Every siphone with the color of rich grass-green, every siphone of the five he wore. Two attatched to the back of his hands, two straped over the sleeves of the black shirt he wore, on his shoulders. And one straped across his broad chest.

_'An Illyrian warrior who just past the rite.'_

When he had still gotten no answer from her for two straight minutes, he asked something diffrent instead "Can I sit by you?" He looked at her sheepishly and she could only nod at the jung male. It was rare for her to meet someone junger than her in these lands, but apparently it happened more often in the past few years. He sat down beside her, two arm lengths away from her. 

_'So, that I see he dosen't wants to push me off the ledge.'_ she realized with quiet surprise at the thoughtfulness, that reminded her of Azriel. 

A sad look crossed her face. She was finally able to be with him again and the first thing she did was stomp off without a word. Knowing Azriel he would likely turn every stone and doubled right now if it ment finding her. Elain sighed. She was almost fifty for cauldrons sake! She should leave the childish stubborness finally behind - it hadn't brought her much in the past anyway.

"So whats bothering you?" asked the bulky male sitting next to her in a crossed leg seat with curriosity. He didn't even ask for her name. Elain didn't know if she should be surprised at his kind openess and his value for her privacy or if she should think that he was to light headed.

"My family." was all she mumbled at the stranger. He hummed in agrement. "Good to know mine isn't the only one." he said with a smirk in his face.

Elain turned her charamel orbs at him, shifting her seat a little. "Whats bothering you?" she asked back.

He looked her in her eyes and shrugged "My family." 

"What exactly?"

He sighed and turned his gaze back at the small huts. "Why would you even want to know?"

"I want to know why you walked up the small path up here as bulky Illyrian." He laughed. "So just because you are smaller than me, I don't get to walk up a path?" Elain shook her head in surprise "No, that's not what I ment. I wanted to know why you walked and didn't flew."

"To much traffic." he said with an amused undertone as he lifted his forefinger at the grey, clouded sky. Were the booming sound of so,so many mighty wings were heared as everyone turned for their way home. Old warriors returning home to their wifes and kids while novices, who just turned into warriors went home with pride filling their bulky chests.

Elain giggled at that, the heavy blanket of sadness around her slowly lifting. 

The male smiled brightly, but sadness lingured under the sureface.

The seer, wouldn't have been in the need to be a seer to see trough sadness. "Well, whats bothering you about you family?" she asked again. His face slowly fell again as he sighed. "Nothing much, they're going to be proud of me for passing the Blood rite."

"But you aren't happy abou it I presume."

He nodded "No, I'm not. I never wanted to become a warrior." 

Elain rose an eyebrow at him, did she really need to pull everything out of his nose? But then again she wasn't so much better right now. The warrior seemed to notice her confused look, as he continued to talk. Thick sadness filling his voice and eyes.

"In my family there is at least one great warrior, a long Illyrian tradition wants it that way. So I have many grat warriors as my ancestors. But my father and mother didn't care what I would do for a living until my brother dies a dacade ago, durning the rite."

Elain was shocked. She presumed until now, that every Illyrian would gladly line up for battle. Standing in ankle hight blood stained mud, but like things seemed there were also some few who didn't want to do that. _'Arctonos would have probably become a kind hearted soul, like him too.'_ she thought with a smile. A bitter taste already in the back of her mouth _'If he only had gotten the chance to grow up.'_

"I'm sorry about your brother and your lack of choice for your future." he snorted dryly at her "Don't be."

Elain shook her head, her messy honey curles flying around her. "But I am." a sad look started to cover her face. "I know what it is like." 

The emerald eyes of the male eyed her curiously as he shook his head as well. "Well, anyway I'm Barol."

"Elain." she said with a little smile.

Barol cleared his throat. "Well, now you know what's bothering me and my family, but I still don't know what's bothering you and your family."

Realiziation hit Elain with surprise "Oh?"

He rolled his eyes "You know my drastic family story, so I get to know yours."

Elain smiled a little as she started rambling about her family "Well, in my family I've been the weakest one. and all my family ever thinks about what is the best for me, protecting me like I was a little child. And since I've been gone for the past three years they want to push me tell them where I've been. And my little sister, just ugh..." 

The flower grower gestured wildely as she wasn't able to form any words for the behaviour of Feyre. "She want's to push me into talking to my mate, who isn't my actuall mate anymore, but she didn't ...."

Elain wasn't able to ramble on further as Barol lifted his hands in surrender "Wait,wait, wait-hit the breaks for a moment."

The seer looked at him as his face twisted into disbeliefe "You have a cauldron blessed mate?!"

She nodded "Yes, but we didn't accept the bond." He gaped at her, before he could lecture her about the posibilitys this bond btrought with it, she lifted one of her pale hands at him, her other arm still wraped around her knees, telling him she wants to continue, or answer his questioning look.

"We both agreed, that it was for the better. He was already in love with another women. And when he claimed me, he just happened to have the worst timing know in history, since I lived through an broken off engagement and some other difficult things."

"Weren't you mad at him or wasn't he mad at you?"

Elain was curious for that one "Why would he be mad at me?"

Barol sighed. "Well, I heared that a male mates can become very brutel if it comes to declineing a mateing bond. They often take the female as prisnor, to stay by their sides. While they would often battle against any rival close by. And if the female already had a lover they would often fight until one is dead."

The seer shivered at the idea of Azriel and Lucien fighting, knowing that the fox would easily lose against the sheer strength of the shadowsinger.

Elain shook her head at Barol. "No, he didn't do that. And I'm not mad either, since his wife turned into my best friend. After all I was the marriage witness for both of them. And am now a doubled godmother." 

Barol rose his brows in surprise "Well, that is something. How old are they? Since fae usually don't get pregnat that often - at least not that close."

"Oh, she is human, but he is High fae so their children are half fae. The boy should be around seventeen or something, while the little girl is turning three this year."

"You are not offended that your mate prefered a human over his kind?!"

"No I had no problem with it." The warrior was surprised, nearly shocked. "But his romance life wasn't the only reason why you had no problem with cutting a bond, right?"

Elain blushed and looked at the black velvet of her dress. Her voice suddenly very quiet. "No, I too, was interested in someone else."

Barol turned fully to her. Excitment beaming in his eyes as he looked at her, like a kid at Winter Solstice. "You are still in love with someone else!" He declared with Cassians 'shit eating' grin on his face.

The seer nodded shyly.

"Who is it?" He asked with all his excitment.   
"A feared warrior." was all Elain answered. 

Barol leaned back in annoyence. "Oh come on Elain! You can give me a name. It's not like I would know him."

"I doubt that." The young boy eyed her curious as he put pieces together, that definately didn't belonged together. His eyebrows rose at her. "Don't tell me you are one of the High Lords fangirls, because I need to inform you that he is happily mated and even married."

A shocked expresion went on Elains face. The boy probaby thought that she didn't knew about this information and wanted to put a ressuring hand on her shoulder, but sweet Elain only burst out laughing. Her sweet bell like laugh echoing over the ledge. Tears of laughter formed in her eyes. As she thought about the innocent boy, who thought she was interested in her brother in law.

She put her hands infront of her mouth, to cover her laugh. Her shoulders a shaking mess. "What?" was all Barol could ask.

As the flower grower put hold on herself again, a giggle still on her lips, as she found the strength to speak again "Oh, it's nothing really. You just thought I was in love with my brother in law." 

Barol paled "You are the High Ladys sister?" his voice a mere whisper.

"In flesh and blood."

"Well, I apologieze for my rude behaviour, please leave my pretty head where it is." He begged. "I think you are mistaking me for Amren or my older sister Nesta, since I have zero interest in blood shed." Elain thought for a moment about the last part. "At least not your blood." she added.

The boy sighed in relieve at that and went to excitement again. "So who is it then?"

Elain laughed at the boy.

And as if on queue appeared the one she loved the most behind them. The booming of his mighty wings echoing over the ledge as he landed infront of the cave behind them. Barol turned and so did Elain. Her gaze softening at the sight of her beloved. His eyes searching hers as they finally locked.

His smoth voice in her head, the sound she wanted to hear for the rest of eternity.

 _Are you ok?_ he asked trough the shadows. His companions started to curl towards her, trying to shield her from the stranger, but she only let them interlace them with hers.

Barol looked confused between the two of them, as a knowing smirk bloomed on his lips. "I see." He rose with these words and started to move towards the small path that led him trough the forest back to the camp. He turned his back for a brief moment towards the Shadowsinger. Waving at his new friend "It was nice to meet you Elain." he smiled brightly with a wriggle of his brows. "I hope I'll see you again." and with that he turned to Azriel, greeting him with a bowed head politely "Spymaster." 

It didn't take him long to move down the stoney path rather quickly, a few muffled curses heard in the distance, as the pine trees scratched on his wings.

Elain was confused by the eyebrow wriggle, but saw it already in the future that the fawn would meet soon with him, the _murshroom_. Elain didn't know why he was portraied as the mushroom, but she stoped questioning long ago, why she saw someone in her far away visions like she did.

Azriel moved with grace towards her. Arctonos wings still in his scarred hand. Elain smiled sadly at them. She had the glass tucked in her lap, but she abondened his wings. Her best friend sat down silently next to her left. Laying one of his wings over her petite shoulders. The fawn smiled at her shadowsinger, as he used the gentelness he only offered around her. Elain nuzzled into him. Her head resting calmly on his shoulder, while she breathed in his scent of night chilled mist and cedar. A scent she missed for far to long.

Azriel sat in a crossed legs seat, the wings of the -for him- unknown owner resting in his lap. His scarred hands over them, so that they wouldn't fly away.

He didn't ask a word of question. Leaving her space to sort herself out.

She closed her eyes at the familitarity. His warmth and smell once again around her. A happy smile formed on her lips as she moved even closer. "I missed this." was all she dared to whisper. Azriel, whos look had been locked to the small huts and the large mountains in the distance, now looked down on her. His oh,so gentell hazel eyes tracing every inch of her smiling face. She knew he watched her, even with closed eyes she could feel his gaze on her. 

She giggled at him and opened her eyes. Her beaming eyes, only to see his shininhg just as bright as hers. Every facet of his eyes seemingly another brown and green tone. He beamed just as much as she did.

If thinks had been diffrent, she might have lifted her chin to kiss him, but not if she still wasn't completly honest with him or herself. So she just reached for his scarred hand and locked her hand with his. 

Azriel smiled even brighter at his flower grower, as he squeezed her hand. Resuring them both that the other one was next to them. The shadowsinger couldn't take it, to feel so little of his love and leaned down. Pressing their foreheads together.

In another life, or just another moment, he would have kissed her until she laughed at the few stars that she would see shining in the night sky. Nothing compared to the stars he would make her see, bright, colorfull and plenty. He would kiss her a thousend times if it ment for her to look at him, like he was her night sky.

He smiled at that. Knowing that the sweet seer wouldn't even be in the need to kiss him, to make him see that she was not only his night sky, but his whole world. His everything.

And someday, when she might be ready or even want him, he would kiss life itself into her. But now he had only that. Their foreheads touching, shoulder against shoulder, hands connected.

"Azriel?"

"Hmmm."

"Can you come with me when we're home again?" 

Azriel wanted to look at her, the question in his eyes, but he didn't want to lose the contact to her skin. So he simply nodded. He wanted to ask where to, but he had a thought he might know at least to whom.

He could have stayed for hours like this, not even bothering the cold that surrounded them, but of course did the mother need to play against him and his wishes. 

_We need you Az. Devlon just returned. Cassian wants to ask him about the Assassins, so we need you too._

Azriel grunted at the voice of his brother in his head. Knowing to well that he really needed to leave. He sighed.

"What is it?" was all Elain asked as she drew back from him, her eyes locking with his. His shoulders sagged at the sweetness within them. "Nothing much. I just need to talk to Devlon. That's all."

Elain nodded and rose to her feet. Slightly wobbly she took the heavy wings from Azriels lap and placed them on her back again, putting the glass back into one of the slings. Azriel rose too as he reached out a scarred hand for the sweet female infront of him. She gladly took it and cuddled close to him. He lifted her up with ease, only the wings slightly in the way as he slid an arm around her back, the other one under the holow of her knees. 

She nuzzled into him. Her face burrieng in the crook of his neck. His strength, warmth, smell and all his caring nature around her as he lifted them up into the grey sky. Taking a longer way down than they would have actually needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone  
> I'm so,so,so,so sorry it took me so long to write this.  
> Here have a cookie as apologieze.  
> I really will try from now on to not take that long to update, but for this week I can't promise that so clearly since I still have school (well not really only a day left), but my point is that I will make as much space for writing as I can.  
> So please stay tuned for the next few chapters. A lot more is comming its way ;)


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone  
> I'm really sorry it took me so long to update. 
> 
> So before I start now, I wanted to say thank you to you all, for all your lovely comments and kudos. They keep me going.  
> I especially want to say thank you to Lettie. Your comments are really helpfull. They really help me to continue this story. I really hope that you and everyone else are going to stay until the end to see the happy ending of Elain and Azriel. 
> 
> Wich is still quiet far away.  
> I think this story will have between thirty or fourty chapters, maybe more. We'll see.
> 
> So now I will stop talking and start with the chapter.
> 
> Thank you for staying until now and enjoy the chapter :).

"You look horrible." Rhysands cold midnight voice was a stark contrast to his amusement twisted face. Normally he would have never given away any information of his feelings towards the war-lord. But the sight right now, infront of him was something he would never get to see again. Not in the next milenia at least.

Devlon sat on the small couch in his old hut, the dark fabric already worn out from all the warriors that already sat on this old furniture. Deep black circles were under his eyes, maybe the result of a fist, meeting both eyes or maybe the result of lacking sleep. His clothes looked as worn out as Azriels and Cassians after the rite and his body didn't difference that much from theirs after the Blood rite too. Scratches covered his face as well as his arms and legs, maybe because of an dagger or a wild animal seeing its next dinner in the war-lord. Tired eyes looked up at his High Lord. To tired to even look anoyed.

Azriel wouldn't say it bothered him. He would only say that he would feel sorry for the monster that wanted to spoil its stomach, with all his corrupt flesh.

He shook his head at him. Even though his body looked bad - his wings looked worse. They hung down losely over the couch, red staining the black membrane, the claws on top of them looking cracked and dirty. No Illyrian would ever get to see this state of the war-lords wings ever again. Not even after the war with Hybern did they look that bad.

No one that had those gifted wings from the mother, would let their wings wither like that. 

And apparently as much as Azriel pityed the animal that wanted to feast on him, as much found Cassian the appearance of Devlon amuseing. A deep, howling laugh the evidence.

Rhys got a grip over his face and looked stone cold down on him. "What happened?". Devlon looked down on the old, dark wood covering the floor as he felt the piercing gaze of the cold violet eyes of Rhysand. His stature calm with his hands in his pockets.

Cassian still cackled as he held his stomach, his broad shoulder still shivering from his laughter. 

The shadowsinger watched everything, with a trained eye, as he took in the scene unfold infront of him, from the doorframe. Never would he have ever thought that he would see Devlon lower his head for the High Lord he had so little respect for, nor would he have thought to ever hear a whisper coming over his lips. "Nothing that will affect the results of the training." 

Rhysand left it there and moved to the topic why they were here in the first place. His voice the purr of a cat meeting his target like an arrow hit the heart. " I heared that you tried to murder two of my best warriors. Can you explain yourself, Devlon?".

Devlon lowered his head even more at the question. His pale hands starting to grip his knees. " It wasn't me. I didn't do it."

Rhys eyes went colder, one of his midnight eyebrows rose in sceptic at the war-lord.

Cassian stoped laughing and looked like as if he was about to grap Devlon by his throat to make him speak the truth.

But for such tasks Azriel had Truth-Teller straped to his thigh. And he would have done so, if he wouldn't had to control his face from twisting at the sudden pain in his ears. His shadows going wild around him as they started to screetch at him, like a claw over a metal plate. 

_LIES!_

_ALL LIES!_

_DON'T BELIEVE HIM!_

Even without his shadows he would have never believed one of his toxic words.

As he looked the war-lord over, from his sunken shoulders to his tense legs and fisted hands, he knew that this would be a waist of time.

Azriel wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. He wanted to spend his time with the Flower grower, insted of the cold war-lord. But he had to leave her behind, Azriel didn't know if it would become a heated argument, where he had to watch out for her safety or if it would get as boring and tiring as it turned out to be. He felt bad for doing so, but it was the best to let her stay in the healers tents for now. Someone needed to get the yarn out of her leg anyway.

This would get a long argument, and he would have for once not the patience for it. His brothers didn't seem to notice his wish of getting back to the middle Archeron as soon as possible, as they continued their heated talk with Devlon -that still hasn't made eye contact once. Rhysands voice slowly rose, while Cassians turned into snarling steel. 

Azriel was only getting tired. Watching with his arms crossed over his chest. An wake look on his face, but his mind far away on a ledge where he still sat, with a wing wrapped around Elains petite frame and her flowery scent so close to him. The heat of her skin close to his. 

Their scents and shadows mixing.

The shadows! Where did they come from? Azriel knew that it weren't his. He knew that they liked to stay close to her, by the side of their Mistress, like they called her, but they didn't stick to her like a second skin. Something was off and he hadn't found out what it was.

One more reason to return as soon as possible to the sweet flower grower, who might keep more than just the secrets of others.

"JUST ADMIT IT! BY THE MOTHER, DEVLON!" Azriel flinched slightly, but almost unnoticeable for some one who dosn't pays attention to him, which no one luckily did. It would have been a sin if some one would have noticed the absence of his mind. Even though he wished for a slightly quieter wake up call than Cassians roaring voice.

The commander of the night court armys sighed at the war-lord as he started to cool down once again. His hands still clenched and uncleched by his sides, but his breathing grew more and more even with every deep breath and so did his voice, as he spoke again.

"Devlon, if you spill the truth, I will only demand a fair fight in the training circle with you and that you let the girls take part in more training unites than now. But I will over see what you did, or rather what you tried to do."

"For that I must have done something! But I didn't do anything!" The war-lord scremed and locked his eyes for the first time of this morning on one of the warriors, his eyes were full of anger and hate, but also full of regret and sorrow.

"You did! And for that you should have at least the guts to tell me!" Cassian moved closer to him and leaned down a bit, so that his face was almost touching face with the war-lord.

Devlon grunted at him and sagged down into his seat, bringing some distance between them again. "I havn't done anything, but so that you finally drop the subject, I will allow it that the girls will take place in more training unites than now. So drop it already!"

And he did. A happy smirk and a pridefull gleam in his eyes as he leaned back again. His bulky arms crossed over his broad chest.

Azriel started to realize why his brother wanted to go here so desperately. It wasn't about the attempted murder, it wouldn't have been the first in the last five centurys. But it was about the training schedule of the females.

The shadowsinger shook his head slightly. One of his scarred hands rising up to his throbbing temples. He knew that this was something that layed close to the heart of his brother, but Cassian should have known by now that it would mean for Azriel alot to stay by Elains side. He wasn't needed here anyway.

He sighed. And for the first time of the day went Devlons attention towards the shadowsinger. It was only a glance in his direction, but it lasted long enough for Azriel to see the pain, regret, sorrow and tiredness there. 

It were only a few seconds before the attention of the war-lord returned back to the High Lord once again, who spoke up. "Very well then, we'll see if you stick to your word or if you don't." And with that he took a turn towards the door Azriel stood in and went out of the old hut, into the cold, stormy air of Windhaven. Cassian following short after him.

Azriel took a last glance at the war -lord and left after his brothers with the goal of seeing the seer again.

*******

It hurt. 

It really hurt, as the healer cut out the yarn of Elains leg. 

The healer, with the name Rosy, rose a sceptical brow at the seer, because of the horrible state she was in.A stray dog probably looked not any different than her. She was underfed, pale, cold and only bones and skin. The black Velvet torn.

Rosy wanted to ask questions, but left it because of kindness and the tired look that was already displayed on the hollow face of the seer. And like that she lost the yarn, in her leg and gained back some control of her still racing thoughts. 

_Was I to harsh to Feyre?_

She shook her head at that. Realizing that even if she wanted to deny it, she would have only lied to herself. She got things off of her heavy heart she hadn't known she was hiding. There were things on her mind she never thought of before, like she did now. 

Under normel conditions, like five or six years before, she would have already run back to Feyre and would have already apologised for her bad temper _and_ her opinion. But that would never happen again. Not when she spent the last three years with so much self pity and regret, for all the things she never even bothered to mention. 

Elain sighed and the brown haired healer looked up from her thin, pale leg. A small smile on her elegant, calm face. "I'm glad to know you're back again, Lady Elain." The seer was slightly taken aback, clearly not having seen that coming. _The healer knows who I'am!_ She was flatered by that, but then relization dawned on her. Noone actually outside of her family knew her, she was only the second sister of the High Lady of this court. The sister many doubted would even exist.

Still, Elain couldn't help but hurt her aching heart more than it already did. "Have we met already?" Rosy looked shyly at the bandaged spot on Elains upper thigh, tightening it a little more. A small flush appearing on her cheeks as she answered quietly, or rather more mumbled it to herself "Of course you wouldn't remember me."

To say the seer was slightly puzzled, would have been an understament. But then an old memory hit her like a brick. A memory laying so far away, that it was a blur, but with emotions of sadness and pain and sorrow, crystel clear as a mountain lake. 

_*******_

_It was stormy. The rain poured down on her, like Elains water cans on her flowers. Leaving no dry spot on her clothes or on the earth. Everything was covered in mud. The tents soaked with it as well as her shous and the hem of her lavender colored dress. Her hair clinging to her head, like it was glued there._

_Elain hadn't thought of a blanket or a cape to take with her. She only wanted to find him, but of course would he have something better to do than to speak or sit in silence with the broken seer. The broken toy of the cauldron._

_Feyre told her to not go outside of the little hut they were staying in, on the other side of Windhaven, but since everyone left her alone with her demons clinging to her, like a second skin. She wasn't able to stop herself from wandering around, trying to shut the voices and the pictures out._

_As she walked up and down the old living room, the wooden floor creaking with every step she took, she notice the black swirls of mist in the cornor. Elain slowly lifted her hands away from her frustraited face, hope starting to burn inside of her. "Azriel?" she asked the swirls with a happy undertone, but noone steped out of the mist and noone offered her their company._

_A sad look started to display on her face. 'They're probably havin theire fun.' she thought sadly and decided that this hut was getting to small for her emotion filled cage._

_Her feet almost dragged her outside of the hut. Her emotion overwhelmed brain and heart, not even realizing that it was thundering around her. Lightning tremoring in the dark, grey sky as thunder followed and the rain almost insantly soaked her._

_Elain just wandered around. Knowing Feyre would probaly lecture her for doing so. But she didn't care. Noone seemed to be outside in the mud drowned war-camp and so there would be noone threatening her life. And even if there was someone hunting her, what use would they have with her? A political use definitely not. The only thing they would have would be the rare powers of a seer. Powers that still overwhelmed her more often than she wanted to admit. Powers that used her to come and go like they wanted, toying with their vessel._

_She wondered if the shadowsinger would still come to her rescue if it would ever happen. Wondering if he would still care for her safety -even after he saw right trough her sweet smiles abd right into her shattered soul. He probably would, but only because Feyre would make him do._

_Elains sigh got lost in the pouring sound of rain and thunder as she reached the muddy tents that surrounded the training circles._

_"DO YOUR JOB PROPERLY NEXT TIME!" The roaring voice was heared over all the sounds of nature. A lightning twitching over her head as she watched how a girl, got thrown out of one of the lightened tents. Elain slowly walked towards her. The silhouette of the bulky male disappearing as he walked with thundering steps into the middle of the tent._

_The girl, laying with her face in the mud, body, face, hair and clothes caked with the stiky earth below them didn't even seemed to notice the seer kneeling down to her. The girl slowly pressed her body up on her forearms, a hiss of pain escaping her lips as she sat up straight._

_"Can I help you?" was the question Elain asked her first. A question like 'Are you alright?' or 'What happened to you?' would do nothing good. That she needed to learn the hard way, after everyone thought she had turned insane, noone seemed to finde other words than these coursed words._

_The girl looked a little shocked towards her, backing of slowly. The seer put on a small smile as she rose to her feet and extended a small, clean hand to her. The girl, who looked like she was about nine or ten years old, lifted her dirt covered hand up to reach for hers, but made a face at how drastic the differences between their hands was. Elain didn't hesitate to grab her hand and pull her up on her feet._

_The girl looked at her with a shocked exprission on her face, as she saw how Elain got herself dirty, because of her. She gaped at her and had seemingly forgoten about Elains question._

_So Elain did something she would never do again, deciding it was for the better. She took the small muddy hand even thighter in her hands and started to pull her towards the small hut. Thunder, lightning and rain as well as mud their companions on their way._

_Elain imediately started to pull the girl up to the small bathing chamber. Shoving her into the room and telling her to peel the mud covered dress off of her body, while Elain started to heat pot after pot with water, applying some bathe salt to it. Almost until the tenth pot did the girl stand like a salt pillar in the corner of the room, but when Elain walked in for the eleventh time with the last pot, sat the girl finally in the water._

_Knees pressed to her small chest and back turned towards the seer, mud drifting off of her body. "Thank you." Elain shook her head, even though she couldn't see her. "No need to thank me for that." The girl fell back in silence once more. The flower grower already wanted to start washing her hair with some soap lying next to her on the floor, as she kneelt down infront of the wooden tup, as the girl decided to speak again. "I'm Rosy" Elain nodded "I'm Elain and it's a pleasure to meet you."_

_Rosy shoulder sagged at that "You're lying." "Why would I?" "Because noone likes to meet a bastard."_

_Elain started to reach out for the wet, brown her applying the soap softly on the felted hair. Rosy flinched slightly "What are you doing?" Elain drew her soap covered hands back in surprise. "I'm sorry, did you want to wash your hair alone?"_

_Rosy sighed and leaned back again "No. Please go on." And Elain did. Rubbing the rosy smelling shampoo into her hair. Taking every mud and hair nodule out of them and massaging her scalp slowly. Rosy leaned even more back and seemed surprised, as Elain took her soft fingers out of her wet hair mass and started to pour water over her head. "Careful." was all she said to Rosy as she held a hand over the hairline close to her forehead, stoping the water from spilling there. It was a little wonder for itself that Elain could finde clear water in the tub to pour it over Rosys head._

_"You have to wash your body alone. The soap is here." she said and raised a bar with a soft violett color and the smell of lavander, up to Rosy and layed it into her pale hands._

_"What are you going to do?" Rosy looked up at her with bright forest green eyes, the soap laying in her outstratched flat hands. She looked like a wet lost puppy. Elain smiled softly at her. "I'll search for some clothes for you and I think a blanket too."_

_Rosys eyes grew to the size of plates. "But, but -" she wasn't able to form a proper sentence. The flower grower giggled at her. "I know they're probably going to be way to big for you, but like that you can grow into it." and with that she hushed out of the room and closed the door softly._

_Starting to roam around her closet, to finde a plain blush pink cotton dress, a few roses stitched into the fabric. Elain lifted it up infront of her and decided then and there that it would suit Rosy more than her, once she grew into it. From her bed she took a fuzzy green blanket and took it with her, a towel also in her hands._

_When she walked into the bath chamber Rosy seemed done. Looking scepticly at the dress in Elains hands. She gave her the towel and laid the dress on a small stool next to the tub and left with the mud covered dress. Taking the underwear with her as well. Elain realized to late that she forgot to put some undergarments out for her, but hers would probaly be to big. As well as Feyres, Nestas and Mors. And as much as she didn't like the immortel life she was thrown into at first, she very much liked to keep it for a little longer. Not willing to lose her head because she took something of Amrens underwear. So she left it and walked with the blanket and the mud covered dress downstairs again._

_While crossing the living room she put the blanket down and reached for the frontdoor again. Walking outside in the mud and towards a clothesline at the back of the hut. Letting the rain flush out all the mud of the brown cotton dress._

_When she steped through the door again she realized the wet drops on the floor and the mud covering the wood till upstairs. Elain also remembered that she would need another dress as well. So she walked the creaking stairs up to her room again and avoided mud and water as much as it was possible._

_Rosy was still not out of the bath chamber as Elain started cleaning up the floor. Clothed in a warm,dry blue dress. Little applications of white fur outside of the hems and the neckline. She probably looked like a blue snowball. But at least did Mors gift from Solstice found a use._

_Downstairs the seer warmed up a small soup can Feyre brought with them and already set the dish on the small table in the living room as she waited until she heared the clumsy steps of Rosy coming down the stairs. As she appeared in the doorway. The neckline of the dress hung to low and the sleeves were to long, hanging over her small hands, as well as the hem. Summarised, they both looked hilarious and couldn't contain their laughter._

_A bell like sound was heared in the empty house._

_Rosy grinned sheepishly as she walked towards the couch. "You shouldn't had to :" was all she said shyly. "But I wanted to."_

_Rosy smiled softly and started to eat with the wooden spoon laying next to her. The spoon looked more like it was ment for cooking, but Elain couldn't find any sort of cutlery and gave up searching after opening and closing the kitchen cabinets over and over again. For five minutes straight._

_Elain slowly leaned forward and watched how Rosy stoped using the spoon. Instead lifting the plate up to her lips to drink from it. It was easy to see that she was starving, but underfed like she looked it was only imagineable when she had her last proper meal._

_"Thank you." was all Rosy said as she got up, reaching for the front door again. Elain rose to her feet as well. "Wait! It's still pouring outside!" and before she knew it she had the small wrist of Rosy in her hands. Pulling her back to the living room and sitting her down on the couch again._

_Rosy looked puzzled up at the seer and watched hoe she took the plate and brought it back to the kitchen. "You can lay down and sleep for a little. I'll be upstairs to catch up on my sleep as well."_

_The girl blinked once, twice after Elain returned to the living room again. Elain smiled softly at her. Walking towards her and laying her slowly down on the rough fabric of the couch. The seer unfold the forest green,fuzzy blanket and threw it over her. Rosy looked shocked at first and seemed still as a salt pillar again, but started relaxing when something stroked her hair. She enjoyed the touch and closed her eyes. Sleep slowly drifting over her._

_"Azriel?" asked Elain again, as she saw the black curl of mist stroke Rosys hair softly. Noone steped out of the shadow, but the curl did seem to react. Stoping to stroke the girls hair, going still instead and seemingly watching Elain. The seer only chuckled and moved up the stairs._

_'Am I really turning insane just because he isn't around.'_

_The flower grower nuzzled into her fuzzy blankets as a sad smile crept on her lips. Realizing she hadn't reached the goal for why she went out in the first place, but maybe this was a better outturn than finding Azriel._

_*******_

Elain smile softly at the girl infront of her, a hand rising to pet her hair. Recognizing the once round features on her face, that grew to a slim elegant face, noting the color of her eyes as well . "Now I do." 

Rosy went to her full hight, towering over her sitting frame. A beam in her eyes. Elain chuckled "You have grown quiet a bit." Rosy beamed even wider and pulled Elain in a thight hug. Something she wouldn't have done twentythree years ago. 

"And you havn't changed a bit.Exept that you seem to have gotten more reckless over the years." 

The seer chuckled again. "Believe me. If I could I would trade places with you."

"Very funny Elain. Even though I could learn something from you again." Rosy beamed even more at her friend at the thought of learning something again from her. 

"I'm afraid you know more about herbs than me now." "That might be true." 

They both chuckled at that and the ones easy going air in the healers tent shifted into something Elain was afraid to face. 

"Why didn't you come visit me again?" Rosys voice was thick with sadness and curiosity. The flower grower smiled sadly at her. "After my sister found out I was walking around the camp she was kinda worried and angry. So she forbid me ever coming here again."

She lowered her face to the ground, recaling the argument they had. Or rather the _monolouge_ she had to listen to. Elain remembered telling her sister that everything was allright and that no one watched or followed her but then Feyre started her speech, clearly not taking Elains word serious. Repeating over and over and over again how dangerous it was for Elain to walk around without Azriel or Cassian by her side. 

Elain huffed at the memory. Of course her sister wouldn't have liked to spent time with her, still thinking she was still trying to murder herself and being to much of work for her to even try and understand what was going on. Of course she would shove her _weak_ _older sister_ towards someone else. Looking back now, Elain felt the regret of not having said anything and just accept it like it was. 

For Elain now it seemed to be an excuse for Feyre to push her away and try to get her closer to Lucien, if she remembered all the times were the Inner Circle left for Illyria, while Feyre called Lucien over to spent some time with her, correctly. 

Rosy kneeled down infron of her again and layed a pale hand over Elains, that were clutched tightly into the skirt of her dress -laying in her lap. The now grown girl didn't say a word. Their skins seeming to talk, instead of their voices. 

Elain took Rosys hands in hers, slowly and shaking. _'I'm sorry, that I wasn't there for you.'_

The healer, her friend, shook her head. _'Don't be.'_ A small smile sliped on Rosys face, lightening the mood a little. _'I have grown up just fine after your advice and help.'_

Elain squeezed Rosys hands a little and couldn't help it to let the salty waters in her eyes take control over her. Silver lining her charamel orbs. 

Elain didn't know how she deserved this. She wasn't there to help Rosy finding a place under the healers. She should have been there, after all she did promise she would do so. But the future sight came to late. Letting her make a promise, she soon was aware, she couldn't keep. 

It was so stupid. She should have fought, but what would she have said? Her family did never meet Rosy. Not on the two days they spent with each other. They didn't walk in trough the frontdoor, seeing Elain treat Rosys bruises and cuts and blue marks on her underfed body. No they stayed whereever they were. Leaving the seer once again alone with her fears. 

That Elain does remember clearly. The pain and sadness that sat in after she brought Rosy to the healers, for her check up. After she was alone again. Elain was alone and yet she had a family. Only sometimes recognizing her presence. 

They mostly talked to her when they were tipsy, sometimes even sober. Cassian was the one talking to her sober, whenever they had training. Amren was barely around and if she never really spoke with the small black haired female. Feyre always seemed to find an excuse for not beeing near her, while Rhys adviced her on things in Velaris sometimes. Morrigian rarely talked to her and if she did, she complimented her for a well chosen dress and how a small accsessory would make it look even better.

And then their was Azriel. The one she grew the most attatched to over the years. Quiet walks and company always a comforting blanket around them. Not to mention the many happy memorys she had with him. 

Elain cleared her throat at the sandy drynes and took her hands out of Rosys. Slowly lifting to her feet with a true smile on her face. "I think you might have to do other thinks to take care off, instead of talking to an old friend."

The bell laugh of the healer echoed in the small beige tent as she acompanied Elain to the entrance. "I don't think they would mind it if they knew that you were the one that brought me into healing and herbs."

Elain only nodded with a bright smile at the girl, she missed seeing grow up into a great healer, and steped out of the warm tent with a final wave back to Rosy.

Instead of the fuzzy furs, inside of the tent, she felt cold mushy mud under her bare feet. A disgusting feeling that cooled her happieness down. Lower than any ship could sink. Remembering her of years where she didn't have the mushy brown mass under her feet, but a feelng inside of her body that made her feel like she was about to drown in drift sand. A feeling that felt similar to what she felt now under her feet. 

As much as she was taken aback from the cold air that surounded her and the wet earth below her feet, she didn't budge an inch at the thought of her next goal. Something that could be very dangerous and risk her new gained freedome, but she was willing to take that risk as she walked to Devlons hut. Knowing very well where it stood and very much aware of the fact that Rhys, Cassian and Azriel still talked to Devlon. The shadows informed their mistress about that fact loud and clearly.

She didn't know how to start a converstion with the war-lord that betrayed her trust. But she knew that she would talk to him and that the talk would end where _she_ wanted it to be, not him. From the state he was in it would be difficult to do so anyway. 

As much as Elain was normaly a calm and kind hearted person, as high was the feeling of no regret. Devlon deserved this. He tried to murder two of her family members, one of them she loved with all her heart and being. So it was deserved, so,so,so deserved. But she still felt a little sharp sting in her cracked heart. Reminding her of the betrayel and everything that could have happened if his plan succeded.

She shook her head at that, now was not the time for such thoughts! Not when she needed all her concetration to stay as hidden as possible in the shadow of the hut. Wating for the High Lord and his two brothers to step out of the old frame house. Wich they did, not even a minute later. 

Cassian stoped his way through the mud at the front. A grin on his face, but also some curses for the war-lord on his lips. Rhys walked after him. His hands casualy in his pockets, trying to get a hold of the curses of his brother, with low effort. While the two males, that were the mates of her sisters, stomped their way through the mud with grins and whispered words on their lips, did the shadowsinger nothing like that. Only walking behing them, a distant look on his face while his lips were pressed into a thin line. His eyes searching around for someone. 

For someone that was _her_.

Elain felt sorry. So sorry that she would make him worried again, while everything she wanted to do was to spent her time with him. She wanted to crawl up to him in a bed again and snuggle so impossibly much closer, than property would ever allow. She wanted to never get out of bed with him, but he had diffrent dutys too and Azriel wasn't hers to own. 

He is his own person.

Just like she is.

And he is the only person to not want to control her. So she wouldn't try.

Elain slowly steped out of the shadow of the hut, her enery drawn to zero and her knees wanted to become the jellyiest jelly history ever made. But she tried to seem strong and collcted as she entered through the wide door into the hut. The living area, were Devlon still sat, with his head hung low, was diractly to her left.

"Lord Devlon." Her voice was a knife in the quiet air. Sharp and as hard as one.

His head snaped up and fear but also relief flooded his eyes, as he found her standing in the doorway. "Lady Archeron." He wanted to stand up, but Elain symboliezed that she didn't want him at eyes level. She wanted to over tower him, not just mentally -wich she would prove within the next seconds-but also physicaly.

Her smile was sweet as honey, but as forced as bear wearing a tutu. And Devlon saw it. The fear a great evidence in his eyes, as he saw the shadows roaming around on the floor. Very well aware of the demage they could cause.

Her smile turned into a smirk.

When did she become so blood thirsty? And since when did she feast on the pain of others like it was roast pork? 

Probaly since it was deserved.

" I see you have taken quiet some demage."

"Thanks to your doing."

"I can't say that I'm sorry, though." Elain shrugged and came a step closer. The riped black velvet skirt still flying around her feet. Becoming one with the shadows around her. Devlon swallowed hard. Without a doubt remembering how the shadows felt on his skin, as his view drove to them more and more.

"What can I do for you?" 

"Make a promise and maybe help me to get somewhere."

The war-lord looked up at her in surprise. Probably expecting more of a hard treatment from her. A tretment she wanted to use at first, but this wasn't her. This was maybe Nesta or Feyre, but not her.

Devlons hands griped his kneew thightly as he watched her, taking her sweet time to enlighten him and leave him in the dark with a tall merciless tower infront of him -which was Elain.

She crossed her arms over her petite chest. Trying to hide the shiver of her body, as she looked down on him.

"You are going to promise me to never do such things again. You will never try to murder Azriel or Cassian again. They're both two great warriors who are loyal and are willing to die for their folk in a fight of live and death. There is _no_ reason to even try to murder them. So try it again..." 

Elains warm charamel orbs went cold for the moment. Seeming to have taken the tone of an dark brown almost comepletly black tone. "...and I'll try to murder you." 

Devlon strightened his back at her deadly tone. But he nodded. Knowing well that it would be the truth.

"And with what do you need help?" 

"I need someone who can get me to Klaudius mansion. I need to make a deal." Devlon rose his brows sceptical. "Why not use the shadows?" 

The flower grower tensed, knowing well that she had right now no clue how far she could go with the shadows and how long she could stay hidden within them. So she stayed quiet and Devlon seemed to understand it. After all he got used to her reservedness. He sighed. He was tired and geve up fighting with anyone after Rhys, Cass and Azriel entered the hut.

"I'll send Zamael with you. He is going to fly you there and will bring you back afterwards. He should be in one of the training circles."

The seer nodded, not aware of what Devlon left out. For anyone else it would seem like he told her everything, but there was a small gleam in his eyes that told her otherwise. But she didn't need to ask. After she went to turn for the main entrance again, he called after her.

"You'll probably find him pretty easy. He was the first to reach the top of Ramiel this year and got barely wounded as well."

She could only nod again and left without another word.

*******

'What am I doing?'

'I don't want to go back!'

'I'm not the strong one! Feyre and Nesta are.'

'What am I doing here?' 

Elain didn't hear the whistels or the primitive growls coming over the lips of the Illyrian males she walked past. She didn't notice anything around her. Only the mushy feeling of the wet earth below her, a small constant in this world she didn't belong to. 

The seer wanted to go to the shadowsinger, but she couldn't. If she would, she would only rip open old scars and fresh wounds. Azriel still strugled with his past and Elain had trouble to get over hers as well. So it was better that she would go with a male who wasn't asking questions. A malw who didn't know who she was. A male that didn't care about her.

She really wanted to go to Azriel and jump into his arms. Crying and telling him everything that happened in the past years. But it would destroy them, both, him and her. They would need their time and Elain was ready to give him just as much of time as he gave her. So she wouldn't tell him. For the better.

Elain laughed a humorless laugh as she slowly reached the training circles.

Who was she to decide for him? He let her decide for herself too and here she was, walking through a muddy war-camp bare feet and an ripped black dress covering her body, but not her arms and shoulders, a knoted nest on her head as her hair, and made decisions for him. 

Tears stung in her eyes, but this was no place to cry. So she steped up to the warriors training in the circles, straightened her back, swallowed hard and spoke in a loud voice. 

"Does anyone of you know a warrior named 'Zamael'?" 

Some of the warriors stoped their training and turned their heads towards the soft voice and the even more delicate female it belonged to. While most looked at her with lust clouding their vision, did some of them look at her in disbelief, as if she was asking if someone could bring her a rat, but no one talked to her. The only one reacting to her question was a tall, bulky warrior in his training leathers. Daggers strappd to his thighs and around his belt. Just like Barol he had five Siphones, just that his were not green, his were of a deep orange, almost seeming red. His warm brown eyes matching with them, but that was all. 

His exprission was cold and his skin seemed pale in comparsion to the others. His hair was midnight black and looked damp. 

His cold apperance was a stark contrast to the colorfull Siphones, but Elain didn't mention it as he stood right infront of her.

"What do you want from him?" his voice was smooth and sounded like a thunder in the air.

"I need to go somewhere far from here. But I'm not able to fly nor am I able to winnow, so Lord Devlon told me to search for him and ask if he could fly me."

The stranger nodded and had a small smile on his lips as he took in the uncertainess of the petite female infront of him. "And may I get to know your name?"

Elain tilted her head at him, as surprise was seen in her eyes. At his tone and the small smile. He seemed colder than the other males here, but he was more gentle towards her and treated her with respect. But she was so nevous that she forgot to tell her name. 

"I'm Elain."

Another nod.

"Well then, where do we need to go?"

"To Klaudius mension."

"Well then, lets not waste any more time and go." 

And with that she was in his arms and up in the cold breeze above the camp. 

The small huts and tents and barracks grew smaller with every mighty flap the wings of the male, who she figured now out to be Zamael.

The wind stung on her skin and her skirt flew around, like a black cloud surounding them. Elain wraped her eyes around the males chest, thightening her hold on him. This wasn't Azriel. She didn't know if Zamael would hold thight on her to prevent her from falling, or if he would let her colide with the rocky earth below them. 

She swallowed as she already imagined her stick thin body, coliding with the earth. Cracking her spine and pressing the air out of her lungs as she colided with one of the rocks. Elain went pale. The picture was clear and she wasn't sure if it was a vision or just her imagination playing tricks on her.

But that picture was wiped out as the broad arms of Zamael wraped around her thighter.

"Don't worry. I won't let you fall." She almost couldn't hear his voice over the roaring and whiping wind. 

But even though she believed him, her grip still thightened around him more and more as they got closer and closer towards the prison she was kept in for three years.

But only this time it was her _going_ there. Not her beeing _taken_ there.

One thing was for sure this time. 

_Elain Archeron would walk out of this living nightmare, for once and for all._


	16. Chapter 15

_A nightmare!_

That's what described Elains feelings more and more as they flew closer and closer towards the black building piercing up into the grey sky. She swallowed hard at the sight of the two black towers that peeked out of the fog that surounded the foresty hill. The roofs seemed sharp as an daggers blade, wanting to slice the clouded sky open and let the sunshine in, but Elain knew that that would never be a possibility. This family, or rather the head of this family, had nothing to do with peace, beauty and light - so it would never happen that the warm rays of sunshine would shine down on them.

Not once had the seer witnessed how the sun kissed the ground of the mudy forest floor around here.

It was a curse seemingly unbreakable, as none of these lands were ever touched by the sunlight. As if the sun shyed away from the mighty Illyrians living in the forest and all around it.

But Elain wouldn't shy away.

She wanted to, but she couldn't. Not if she would have the possibility to save the life of dozen innocents that were locked in the towers -just like Azriel. 

And if it wouldn't be for them, it would be for her. And for _him_.

Elain wanted to prove herself that she was capable of handling this problem alone. She didn't wanted to drag Azriel, her sweet,caring, gentle blueberry, into this. It would break both of them. So she will try it alone.

And so Elain strightened her shoulders as they landed on the small bailey infront of the dark house, the towers to each side of the mansion drawing her attention to them, away from the large door that stood infront of her and led to hell. She swallowed again. Zamael next to her was no calming presence either. But what do they say _'In times of need everything is fine.'_

And Elain was in times of need and she simply needed someone by her side that wasn't part of her family and tried to pamper her like a sheep. So she took his presence with honor and let him guide her through the large door, as the knights in their black leatheres opened the double winged door for them. Sad smiles on their faces as they felt their heart bleed and swell with pity for the sheep coming home to the slaugther. 

So they thought.

But Elain would not play the role of the innocent sheep, no. She will play the role of the mercyless slaughter. showing her true strength.

And with these thoughts in her head, she started to walk into the black hallways of this dark nightmare. Zamael as well as a servant by her side. 

The young maiden with the long golden hair was a known face to the seer. As well as her story. The female was part of the servants that served under Maraxus and sadly looked like it, too. A big scar covered her whole shoulder and snaked up to her throat. The beaded scar a red mark on her pale skin. 

Elain truly felt sorry. For all his servants. He treated all like the petite female infront of them. Maraxus never bothered their feelings - he only felt joy and happiness when he heared them scream in pain and beg for his mercy. 

But Maraxus was the devil. The hellfire the humens feared would have been a feather on the skin of those he tortured. 

Elain shivered at the thought and was suddenly happy that he only locked her up and hit her, but never riped her skin open -only her heart- but she'd survive the scars he put there. Somehow.

Their steps echoed in the dark hallway as they turned the cornor to a small conference hall. The way to the ball room had turned even more black as she was able to take a quick glance at it. Probably all the soot that resulted from her escape. Her back straightenede at the sight again and she felt once again like Nesta - Nesta who wasn't even there with her family when she came back.

A sharp feeling of sadness filled her wounded heart, but right now she needed to concentrate on the task at hand. 

But even with this large task infront of her - she did not feel scared. Not at all. Her heart was filled with determination and courage and had no space for fear and sadness.

Elain wouldn't budge an inch today and she would return together with Zamael to Windhaven and then return home with her family and _Azriel._

Even though her head should be filled with the words she wanted to say to Klaudius, but it wasn't focusing rather on the quiet Shadowsinger in Windhaven.

The Shadowsinger who she betrayed and lied to, once again

The Shadowsinger who owned her heart. The Shadowsinger that was her life. 

And yet, she didn't inform him of where she would go and left him with worry instead, again. 

Only then did she notice that she didn't just leave him behind, but also Arctonos wings and feathers. And Elain didn't feel sad or guilty that she forgot them in her nervousness in the healers tent by Rosys side. She was actually rather glad she did.

Elain didn't want to bring him here once again and even though he was dead, Elain still felt the need to protect the rest of his existence. And apparently his wings and featheres were the only thing left from him and this mansion would be the last place she would ever take them to again.

The seer gulped as they reached the door of the conference hall. The maiden excused herself and the guards at each side of the door let them in. 

Zamael nudged her slightly with his elbow and bent down a little to her. Whispering with concern to her "Do you want me to wait outside?" Elain only nodded and Zamael left her side to move to the guards infront of the door - leaving her behind with no one but herself. 

Klaudius wasn't there yet, but ancient looking maps were plastered all over the dark, chunky table in the middle of the room. Chairs surounded it. One was pushed back - probably the one Klaudius sat on.

As she stept closer to the maps she noticed crosses and circles at certain areas draw on the forest surounding the hill the mansion stood on.

_They were searching for me!_

The shadows she hid in her own shadow until now, started twisting nervously around her dark frame. She kept them under good control until now, but anxiety suddenly took over system. 

_What if they would have found me?_

_Would they have whiped me out with a lash or would they have forced me to stay in the same bed room as Maraxus?_

The shadows around her thickened. Wrapping her up in a soothing hug, trying to shut her own thoughts out with sweet whispers. It calmed her down - a lot. Until a thought crossed her mind.

_What if they hurt Aldera!?_

She went pale. Even though Lailany promised her to take care of her -Elain still didn't think that they would obey Klaudius if he demanded the little infant in a cell.

Before she could continue her racing thoughts, a loud pang ripped her out of them. The shadows rose and enveloped her whole as she could make out the smirking figure of the Illyrian Lord through them. 

"Look who came back!" he chirped in a dark rumbling voice. A sling was wrapped around his neck and held his left arm up. An arm that was bandaged. His wings were also wrapped up and were held close to his body. As the seer let her gaze linger a bit she noticed the wings thighten even closer.

Something that send a primal statisfaction through her.

With that little boost of confidence she let the shadows vanish into the dark cornors of the room.

Klaudius moved closer to the table and gestured for the chair opposite his.

It was an old habit of hers that made her sit and obey. 

The Illyrian Lord leaned back in his chair as he took in her appearance. Noticing every lose and unbrushed strand of honey golden hair. 

"Well,well Elain ...." her name sounded so toxic on his tongue, that she couldn't help but stiffn at it. "...what should _I_ do with you?" emphasizing the 'I'.

The seer kept silent at the wounded Illyrian Lord _'Let him speak first. Let him make his point.'_

But with the gleam in his eyes Elain started to realize that keeping quiet wasn't actually the best move.

"I should inform Maraxus of your return."

The little fawn already wanted to say something in protest, but her words never came out since he cut her shut.

"But I wont since he is still unconcious!" Klaudius groweled it and seemed like he was about to burst. At least the little vein pulsing on his temple seemed like it wanted to, but he didn't burst.

He was angry -that for sure.

But he also felt confirmed of his suspections that Elain could indeed control the shadows. 

"But once he is awake and healed - you will marry him." A toxic happy smile spread on his lips as he looked her dead in the eyes. "And you will better bear his son within the next ten years."

At that something in Elain snapped. It was no fear of what could happen, no it was pure and utter rage. Rage she would gladly turn against Klaudius.

"I didn't come back just to be announced as a broodmare." Klaudis rose an eyebrow at her and her already sweet rage turned lighter and lighter with each moment pasing. 

He snorted "What else is it you're good for?" 

Elains hands clenched thight in her black skirt. As she pressed out, trying to control her rage "So I'm not worth anything?" and at that the shadows moved closer to her. Surounding her as well as Klaudius in a pool of darkness. 

"Do I need to remind you of something?" A strand of thick black mist curled up his ankle with a chilling coldness to it. He flinched slightly.

Over the seers face was a toxic smile plastered as she took in the nervousness of him.

"Do I need to remind you that I can change the fate of your family within a second!" Klaudius tried in desprate attempt to change her mind, but instead of changing and leading her in a diraction of fear he angered her even more. Before she knew what happened did Klaudius let out a jelp of pain. Elain didn't saw at first what the reason was, but she soon noticed.

There was the iron smell of blood hanging in the air between them. The shadows surounding him seemed to be laughing with hissing sounds at the Illyrian Lord. They were happy with what they did. And even Elain couldn't help but feel a little bit of sadisfaction.

Sadly Elain needed to get the shadows back under control again, so that she could have a proper conversation -wich she highly doubted- with Klaudius. 

"Now lets have a proper conversation." she said in an happy tone, but the male opposite her only snorted. "We can have a 'proper' conversation once you got lost of your pets!"

Elain layed her head to the side in question, a played confused look on her face, putting her finger to her chin. "If I remember correctly, you were the one trying to make this so called 'pets' of mine a part of your family. Trying to get me pregnat by a conection with your eldest son so that you'd have higher chances on a seer or shadowsinger to your advantage in your family!" Her usually calm voice rose with every moment she spent more in this room together with this insufferable male.

Klaudius only chuckled with a smirk on his face "Dear Elain, you are just as unknowing than my bastard of a son." 

Elain growled at him and pushed her chair back in a screeching noise, as she rose to her feet, slaming her hands on the dark table. She already wanted to bark something at him when he interrupted her once again. 

"You don't seem to know what your powers are. Sit down child and I will enlighten you. And for the rest we'll see."

The seer listened carefully, not aware of how she should take his words. She knows that she is a seer. Azriel told her so decades ago and why would he have lied to her? He was back then the only one who payed attention to her and her visions, trying to find out what was wrong with her while the rest already marked her as insane and broken and already gave up on her.

So she trusted Azriel and still does it, but if Klaudius -who already found out that Azriel was a shadowsinger- could help her get to know the powers she used now since more than two decades and still had no direct clue of what they are, then she would use that chance.

And so Elain sat down again, an uneasy feeling twisting in her guts as Klaudius started to laugh.

"Ah, the unknowing ones always want to find out more."

Elain kept silent at his comment.

The bulky Illyrian opposite her sighed and started with a gleam in his eyes to speak.

"You're not worthy of your powers and one day ..." he smirked "... one day they will destroy you and feast on you like your their personal banquet." 

Elain stiffned "If that is all you know I'd like to start talking about the reason why I'm here in the first place.I-" But Klaudius lifted a hand at her and symbolized her to shut her mouth and she did. Just to find out what he was willing to give her and if he wouldn insult her another time -she would simply become the one to shut his mouth.

"But if you'll become worthy of them and start to gain control over them -then you will become just as strong as the 'Death Angel' of the Inner Circle."

The seer went pale -not aware that her powers ment pure strength and fear if she could control them right. A strength as strong as Amrens, a strength no one knew about brooding under her delicate skin, promising death and a threat to everyone around her. "What?" was all she could stammer as her eyes starred without focus on the wall behind Klaudius.

He smirked.

"Your powers are described in many of the old scriptures from the court of nightmares. Your powers are just as feared as the creatures living in the depths of the woods spreading through this giantic court." the gleam in his eyes was frightning - just as the informations he just threw into her face. Elain suddenly felt as afraid and scared of her powers just like twentyfive years ago. She was absolutly frightened about it - that she was afraid of passing out any moment, because of the vanishing of her blood. Feeling like it seeped out of her trembling body with every pasing moment.

Klaudius grin grew even more as he saw how everything dawned on the innocent seer. The relization of what he wanted her powers for, but not everything was a clear picture yet. Some left out information hung over the crystel blue lake like wafts of mist. Fogging the clear picture.

"But what..." she swallowed the dry lump in her throat down. Only a whisper leaving her mouth "... what am I?"

The Illyrian Lord smiled at her like the serpent he was. "You my dear. You are called the Seer of the Shadows. A creature with the ability to see the future, but also able to control the shadows of the past. A creature made for the shadows, spreading darkness and death around you. Collecting the shadows of each sin of a past away soul whos death you witness."

Elain swallowed hard again, not even feeling her throat anymore, as she started to tremble under his maniac gaze, connecting now everything. She paled even more. 

From how she got to know him, he would have something bigger in mind than she wanted it to be and with his disgust for her family and his son around the corner - she could only guess that the son she was supposed to bear had a task she would never wish for any child, let alone her child. He wanted to take the life of her family.

Elain shook her head vehemently. She did believe him on his words about her powers, but she didn't want the other pieces to fit. she would never help anyone hurt, let alone murder, her family.

"Never." she breathed out.

"What do you want to do against it?" he laughed silently. 

Elain shoot to her feet again, the shadows floating in strands of black mist around her, the darkness radiating off of her in dark waves. Tinting everything black. Cloaking Klaudius as well as herself. Letting the table and the chairs around them dissapear. 

"Never!" she screamed -almost screeching- as she locked her suddenly angered eyes on him.

The male infront of her was shocked at her sudden change of emotions. Not able to progress the sudden change of sadness, doubtfulness and fear into pure anger. In all honesty -Klaudius wasn't the onlyone shocked -she was too. Feeling right now like a ticking time bomb.

As Klaudius got rid of his shock he jumped to his feet too. "You will! Or else pain will be a compliment for what you are going to feel!"

Elain snarled -and somewher deep within herself she wondered what had happened to her former self, the kind, never angry gentle flower grower -who existed before these three years. The fawn wondered if she had burried the last bit of herself as she got the informtion of Raibarys death. "You already put me through hell! And I'm here to prevent everyone else from it!" the shadows around them started to cling to Klaudius. Gathering and suffocating the male. 

He wanted to shout at her, but nothing left his throat -despite a jelp of pain- as they crushed his already broken arm and wings. She narrowed her eyes at him "I will not allow you to treat anyone like a prisoner! I will not allow you to treat anyone the way you treated Azriel! I will never ever again stand aside and watch you take prisoners to your own torture and fun!" 

Elain moved closer to him, the shadows a dark trail behind her, as she grabed him by his collar "You will set all your prisinors free -despite the ones that hurt their family and friens as well as any other being the way you do!" She narrowed her eyes even further a toxic smile a stark contrast. "Got that?" 

He growled at her. Showing her his sharp teeth. The seer didn't hesitate long ,at his unbending opinion, standing on her tip toes to whisper deadly calm at him. "The things you made me feel these three years and the pain you caused on Azriel will be a walk through the park if you don't obey." as a way of saying that she ment what she said - Elain grabbed him by one of his broken wings, causing him to cry out in pain and like that the world turned to normal again as she retreated from him.

As she moved to the dark door she wondered. Wondered if she would ever let this violent side of her ever go when it came to them. Elain wondered if she would get lost in these brutal feelings and ever treat her family like this, but deep down she knew that she would only treat the people who want to hurt her family like that. 

And as Elain opened the door, looking in the eyes of Zamael - she knew that her actions were cruel, but if it ment protecting her family -then she would do it.

"Ready to leave?" was all that the new warrior asked of her. Elain was only able to nod -starting to walk down the quiet hallway as she saw a familiar face. Lailany walked up to her. Arxani and Aldera both to her side. Tears sprung to the seers eyes as she took them in. Not carring about Zamael and her disordered apperance -she started to run. Sobbs leaving her throat.

As she reached them,Elain first jumped into the open arms of the female clothed in sapphire blue, clutching her thight only whispering "I'm sorry!" over and over again. Lailany only soothed over her head _'_ _You did nothing wrong.'_ was all she answered in her mind.

Normaly everyone would be scared of the diffrent voice in their head, but Elain wasn't. It was soothing to listen to another voice then those of the shadows, her own or those of her visions. Elain could only shake her head at her friend as she left the security of her thin arms, but before she could say anything jumped the two infants at her.

Arxani smiled at her and Aldera only clutched her thighter. Elain was forced on the cold ground at the impyct with these two. She slowly soothed over Arxanis hair as she jumped to her mother again, but Aldera remained.

A small fragil soul in between icy cold cages. Traped. Already faited to break. Elain could only cry. Cry for the girl in her arms that would never grow up and flare her wings like she wanted to. Held to a thight lesh from her father. "I'm sorry.So so sorry!" the small girl only shook her head.

Elain didn't know how long they sat on that cold floor. Aldera craddled in her save arms in her lap. Apparently the little girl was more brave and understanding than the almost fifty year old fae female, leaving the security of her thin arms -standing infront of her to look her in her charamel orbs with her piercing dark brown ones. "Live for us." was all the little infant told her as she returned to Lailany again. Moving past her and Zamael who now helped her up to her wobbeling feet again.

And as they walked and flew back to the camp. Elain couldn't look back, neither could she look down or up. Only having the things ahead of her in sight. Twisting and turning the memories of the past three years over and over in her head, as well as every word she soon wanted to say to Azriel.

 _'Azriel. Azriel.Azriel.'_ was all that her mind was able to chant over and over again as her thoughts crossed paths with his name. The name that kept her steady over the past three years, the name of the one who was closest to her. The one who she carred about the most. 

The one and for now _only_ one who at least deserved to know a little bit of the truth. The story before everything went down hill.

Elain felt nothing as they flew. The whiping wind in her hair, it's cold sting on her skin - was nothing against the pain and coldeness and emptyness she felt inside her chest as she remebered everything. Good and bad.

*******

She was no where. No where to be found. The healer -Rosy- handed him the wings Elain forgot in her tent as well as the glass with the feathers, but that was all he found of her. He had both of it in his arms as he stormed around the camp. Searching every hut and tent for her.

She wasn't with Feyre.

She wasn't with Amren or Mor.

She wasn't with Rhys or Cassian.

Nor was she with him.

Azriel panicked. The shadows swirling around him on the ground. A thick blanket around him. Only as he noticed the familiar head of a blonde male did they lift up a little. 

"Wait!!" was what he shouted at the male. Running towards him. As the wounded warrior turned his way he imideatly turned towards the shadowsinger. _Good hearing. Sharp senses._

"What is it Spymaster?" he asked with a tilted head as Azriel approached him. "Where is she?!"

"Where is who?" he aske curious "Elain! Where is Elain!" 

Azriel knew that next to the healer, this male was the last one to speak with her. As he mentioned the name of her - paled the male infront of him suddenly. "I don't know, but I'll help searching." 

To say that the shadowsinger was shocked would have been an underestiment. Even though the blonde warrior barely knew Elain and was even wounded. He was the first one to offer help in searching her. Not even Feyre saw the necessity of searching for her underfed, undercold and wounded sister. And the rest didn't feel close enough to her that they even felt the need to search her. Cassian and Rhys considered it, but thought of training as more importent. 

Azriel only nodded as they parted ways again with the promise of meeting at the training grounds after they turned over every stone.

And so he searched (sending the wings and the glass already into his apartment), just like the male who introduced himself as Barol, turning everything upside down just to find no trace of her. 

The two bulky Illyrians met at the now empty training grounds, shaking their heads at eachother.

The sun already started to set again and he grew more impatient with every second pasing. If she walked out into the forset again -the chance was high for her to end up as feast meal for one of the wild animals. Azriels heart stuttered slightly as he already saw the third scenario of a blood soaked Elain playing in his head.

Only the steadyly louder growing sound of booming wings shook him out of his trance. 

Everyone already took off to their right home and those who lived here were already in their huts or tents again, seeking shelter from the cold wind that started to howl around Windhaven, just not the warrior who landed infront of him and Barol. Elain a small figure in his bulky arms. Barol smiled at the warrior as he walked up to them, clapping a hand on his shoulder as the stranger realesed Elain.

It clearly didn't do him good that he didn't pay any attention to his surroundings for almost three whole years. He had no clue of who the warrior could be, nor had he heared of the male with the five orange siphones. But it didn't matter - not when he brought Elain back home safe. For that he could even over see the wave of jealousy that wanted to crash over him. 

Elain was the only one that mattered now. Not him . Not their family. Not one of the males standing close to her. No, only Elain.

Elain who had slightly puffed eyes and wind mused hair. Azriel didn't care about the two males, who still stood at the spot next to the seer, talking and smiling silently at one another. No, Azriel just needed to asure himself that Elain -his Sunflower- was alright. So he walked up to her, large fast steps carrying towards her and took her in his arms.

The world suddenly didn't exist anymore as the shadows cloaked them. Keeping every sobb that left Elains throat unheared from the world. Just audible for him and the shadows. It shattered them as well as it did him.

"Elain." he whispered as he put his chin atop of her messy hair. She shook in his arms. Her cold thin armes wrapped thightly around his bulky frame. "I'm a horrible person, Az." she whispered with a cracked voice into his chest. "You are everything but that." was all he could whisper on her hair to sooth her. He didn't know why she would ever believe something like that, after all -she was the guiding light for many fae around them-cbefore she left. But now was not the time to ask that.

No, right now everything that could be done by him, was to support her. Steady her in the dark times she went through, helping her like she helped him.

They stood long in silence, close to eachother and the world around them long forgoten. Both didn't care a bit as they zoned out of the real, cruel world and entered the secure,warm place that was their hidden world. 

Covered in black and mist, but a warmth and familitarity around them no one would be able to make them feel, but this space they shared.

Azriel didn't know what it was that made him speak and break the silence, but all he knew was that he did. Seaking out a way to show her all his despreate emotions hidden within his chest. His chest that hide his heart underneith it. The heart he once thought of ice cold and caged in an even more brutal ice, but tawed long ago once he met the seer.

"Please. Please never leave me alone again. Please don't leave me in the dark again. Please." he only whispered with tears whelming up in his eyes. It might have made him selfish to wish of her to stay by his side, but he didn't care -not anymore. Azriel would always leave Elain her freedome, but he still couldn't help the thought of being lost in the dark again -without her. His heart ached just at the thought of it.

Back then, when he first discovered that she was gone, it felt like a stap to his heart and a constant punching in his guts whenever he thought of her bright smiling face.

Elain only nodded her head a little, whispering just as quiet as he did just a moment ago "I will never leave you alone again." and then she looked up at him. Fierce with tears overflown charamel brown eyes bore into his hazel ones -leaving him stunned of all the fiercness. Her voice was quiet, but at the same time filled with determination "I will always come back to you."

She smiled a gentle, small smile as she rose to her tip toes and placed a soft kiss to his stubbled cheek. "You're my home after all." were the words she left on his skin. 

A tear fought his way out of his eye, but Elain cought it. Whiping it gentely away with her thumb as she cupped his cheek instead of a kiss. 

Azriel could only nod and smile happily at his seer as he leaned down and placed his forehead atop of hers. 

Elain giggled at his soft behaviour. A behaviour he would always only have around her, well maybe not only around her. Maybe, just maybe -he dared to think of a little girl or boy or maybe both- who he would love just as much as his seer and become just as soft as around her. _Maybe_ , he thought, _maybe we're able to have this family one day._

Hope crept it's way back up his guts again and settled in his heart once more. Again, the hope of a _family_ , a _live_ with his little fawn. His everything. 

And just maybe they were an inch or two closer to get there, but it would be a long way until his goal. Hopefully _their_ goal.

"Blueberry?"

"Hm?" 

"Can we go home already?"

Azriel looked at her with questionng eyes. Elain seemed to read the question right. "I'll talk to Feyre once we are all home again."

The shadowsinger only nodded and lifted the shadows slowly around them, giving few to an empty training circle. Sending a quick message to Rhys over his shadows that they'd be already at home and took then off.

Flying with the flower grower in his arms through the stary nightsky. 

Back to Velaris to the Riverhouse, but his home already in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry,  
> it took me forever to write this, but I have holidays and that brings a certain lazyness with it. I also go reather late to bed - so that I have really messed up routine (if you could call it that).
> 
> But from now on I'll try to really update regularly again. Since from now on the fluffy chapters are coming.  
> Of course there will always be some angst too, but it will get better.
> 
> I promise.


	17. Chapter 16

Elain always had that fluttering feeling in her stomach when she was with Azriel, but when he _flew_ her, the pleasent fluttering became an unnerving twist in her guts. Always reminding her that with the wrong move, they could easily splitter on the rocky floor. Even though she knew Azriel would whrether die himself than let anything like that happen to her. 

But maybe this time it was for another origin, maybe this time it wasn't the hight of the flight that infected her system, maybe this time it was the anticaption of finally returning to a secure place. A secure place where she could live with her family.

The river estate next to the livly Sidra.

Even though she liked the river estate of her sister and her mate - it was not her home.

Elain was long home, she knew.

The seer knew that home, was for her not a place, whrether a person. A person who she loved with every fiber of her being.

A person who carried her through the night sky all over the court. Rocks and forests beneith them and stars twinkeling with promises above their heads.

Elain was home. She thought with a smile as she snuggled closer into her home -Azriel. She didn't know if he would return her feelings or not, but if he wouldn't he still would be her home. Even though it was selfish -that she knew.

But as much as she liked laying in the calm quietness of the chilly midnight air in the arms of her loved one, as much did she like it as her eyes saw the grand estate standing proud by the side of the Sidra. 

She smiled happily as she saw it again, but her smile, wich she thought couldn't even grow anymore than it already did with each booming sound of Azriels mighty wings, taking them closer to this beautiful place again, grew even more as they landed in the back jard.

Watering slightly at the sight, as she stood calmly inbetween Azriels arms. Glancing over his broad shoulder to take in the sight again. A sight she thought she would never see in all her life again. 

The sight of her flowers. Her fressias, lilys, peonys, roses and all her other flowers stood where she left them. Watered, weeded and clipped. Elain sniffled at the sight.

Her heart knowing very well who did this, her heart very aware that it was the missing piece of her, that took care of her garden. 

Elain sniffled slightly as she leaned closer into Azriel, her nose breathing in the scent of cheder and night chilled mist. She loved it and couldn't help the grin forming on her face as she thought so, hiding it in his chest.

But all the gratefullness in her heart, that he decided it was worth it to keep the last bit of her heart alive, was hidden behinde a mischivous mumbled comment of her.

"Seems like the student has outgrown his master."

A rumble in Azriels chest was all she needed as an answer from her beloved Shadowsinger, as he peeled her off of him, just enough to look down at her. 

His hazel eyes piercing right into her silver lined charamel orbs. 

Her breath hitched as she read everything and yet still nothing in them. _They lost their shine_ she noticed with a heavy heart. Nothing in this wide world would make her feel worse than the sight of his sad eyes.

Sad eyes she thought were long burried in a time far behind them.

Elain always hoped that he would find happiness some day and let the world see, what a kind and carring male was underneith that scarred skin of his. Not the cold hearted and cruel prince of shadows as everyone thought of him to be. 

When she first met Azriel she really knew why the people called him that behind his massiv back. The thick blanket of shadows around him a threat to everyone, expect his family. And as she saw, that he would never do something like killing and tourtering out of pure fun, she saw the kind heartestes male she could have ever imagined.

His heart scarred, just like his skin, was bigger than most thought of it to be. Elain knew that everything Azriel had to do as Spymaster, was only to protect his family. His family who he loved with all his heart, even though they often didn't know how to act around him with his brooding presence. They loved him and he loved them, but neither really knew how to show it. 

Rhys and Cassian were the ones that showed most often how they felt about him -in their own special ways. His Illyrian brother clappsing him on the shoulder or almost hugging him to death. While his other brother always had a kind smile for him, sometimes even huggs when it were hard times. But mostly Rhys sparred him the unnesecery missions, leaving him more time to himself.

Well himself and the seer.

Everyone loved him, but when they found him brooding over something or just sitting quietly in the living room, they always tried to draw him into an little chat, but after a failed attempt it would start to stretch out into an awkward silence. And to spare everyone from shifting around awkwardly he moved to spent his time in the garden. Reading reports of his spys or helping Elain with her flowerbeds.

Everyone knew that when he got up from his seat in one of the comfy arm chairs -he would be found with the middle Archeron sister. Either in the garden or in the kitchen, sometimes even out in Velaris. But sometimes -when darker days rolled around the corner and old wounds were ripped open- he was no where to be found by anyone.

Well almost.

Even in his darkest times she was with him. Her presence the only constant light in his life. He always seemed to be harsher with her at such times, trying to push her away -trying to make her hate him and be disgusted by him like most.

But he realized, after the things with Mor -who had been for centurys a blazing fire in his shadows- that she would always be with him. No matter how hard he went on her- she stayed. And helped him to puzzle the pieces of his broken soul together. Sometimes creating new shapes and sometimes leaving the pieces where they were. Leaving them for him to sort out by himself.

No matter what day it was, no matter what time it was -Elain was always soft to him. Treating him like an equel and yet something diffrent. Something that he would like to ask one day what it was, but for the time he would enjoy her softness. His greedy skin betraying his calmness and making him want to get touched by her or to touch her.

He smiled as he gave in to his urge and casualy tucked a lose strand of her knoted hair behind her pointed ear. Her pointed ear she used to hate.

Azriels wings and shadows suddenly started to shift and rustle, wrapping themself around the seer, like they would have a mind on their own.

A second skin around her. A thick cozzy blanket hugging her petite frame. Elain smiled at him. Her heart swelling with every look she gave him. Azriel only stood frozen for a moment, but found the strength to breath out "Lets go inside." Elain could only nod as she took his outstratched scarred hand with a smile on her lips.

He smiled even brighter as he remembered how she almost alone, sat her brocken soul and heart back together. He wasn't there for her like the way she was for him -for that he would always hate himself, but he was proud of her and her determind heart. Knowing very well that she had the same fire brooding insde of her like her two sisters, but something in her eyes changed and he didn't like it.

The walk inside was quiet, neither of them daring to break their comfortable silence.

Inside was everything like when she left -except that it was everything and yet nothing that changed. 

Every white stone-stair of the winged staircase was cleaned and looked like no one had ever walked on them. 

Elain was relieved that nothing really changed in the interior - only the memorys were different. She could almost hear them echoing off the wall. Past memorys of family gatherings hammered into the stone walls. Memorys of the forced sounding laughter of her family - of _their_ family.

Elain looked up to the shadowsinger through the cornor of her eyes, the shadowsinger who isolated himself once again from his family only in order to protect them from his brooding presence. 

The seer still saw the male from all those years ago as she took him in. Brooding or not, Azriel was still Azriel, the person who he would always be.

A looming presence surrounded by shadows, yet an golden shimmer shining lightly under his tan skin -revealing the golden and pure heart from underneith. Never would anyone -beside her- read so much kindness and loving in his glowing hazel eyes. Never would anyone really notice or feel the little, yet importent things, the shadowsinger did for his family. Never would they understand that he wasn't just brooding, but trying to save them from prying looks, just so that they were fixed on him. 

Making the folk all over Prythian believe him to be the cruel Spymaster -only in order to stopp curious eyes from looking to closely at the mental breakdowns of one of his family members.

Azriel was just like everyone else of this family - ready to give everything and even more- in order to protect his family.

Everyone knew that he was just as ready as Rhys, Feyre, Cass, Amren and Mor in order to protect, yet his family was offended by his reckless actions from all those three years ago.

Him pushing them out of his life only to breakdown in the shadows -away from their pittying looks and calming whispers. 

Elain felt - all the false laughs and bad emotions- carved into the stone. And so did he.

With each step he took through the hallway of the second floor the little color he had, drained from his face. The warm light underneith his skin seemingly not even starting to shine. His skin ashened and his eyes dull again, again like all those years ago -when she first met him. He noticed that she was starring up at him and instead of facing what she knew- he played it off. 

Asking her through the shadows instead _Like what you see?_

Elain blushed furiously at his comment and slapped his broad arm playfully.

A dark chuckle the only response she got. And yet it was enough to send her over the edge -over an edge where a warm feeling was welcoming her and a smile spread automaticly on her pale, thin lips. 

His soothing voice in her head making her feel warm and safe. She loved it -even though it was unused. 

Elain was used to all the different voices in her head, yet his was the only voice who made her feel warm.

The shadows made her feel safe, but never complete. With him it was everything. She felt safe,warm, comfortable,accepted, understood and most of all _complete_.

The seer couldn't deny her feelings anymore and it would only be a matter of weeks before she would let her guard acidently slip, but for now she would enjoy these quiet moments with him by her side. 

Yet something was wrong as they stood infront of her white double door, a tension between them, but it wasn't just that.

As Azriel opened her door and led her in -the fearie lights turning on at her movement- she finally noticed it as she saw the white hallway. Light up bright.

She furrowed her eyebrows together and had only one solution to it. A smile creeping upon her lips. "Are Nuala and Cerridwen at home?" 

Azriel seemed a little surprised but nodded, a little gleam already returning to his eyes as he bowed his head. "They are, but you better rest now." Elain already wanted to complain, but he lifted his hand to shush her as he continued to speak "I promise you can viset them tomorrow." 

The fawn only nodded and waved him a good night just as he did, telling her that he would be in his chamber down the hallway.

Even though it was weird that they parted ways for the night rest -she still was happy. Happy as she could spin around in her own room again. Soft colors, cleaned and to her delight no storage room. Everything was where she left it.

Her plants watered and her shelfs freed from any dust. Her bed with the oh so soft rosy blankets and the comfy pillows made neatly. She loved it and for the first time in three years she was happy to get into her floor length cobalt blue satin nightgown. 

Never would she have guessed that she'd be able to smell the calming scent of Lavander again. Never would she have guessed that she would like to snuggle into pillows again.

Never would Elain have guessed that she would like to sink into the fog of sleep again. Once not a deep black, aggressiv fog - but a soft calming grey blanket pulling her down.

*******

Elain didn't know what time it was as she shoot up in her bed. Sweat coating her every inch of skin.

Of course must the happiness she felt be drowned by one of the memories from the war. The war that layed back so many years, yet still hunting her with memorys that weren't her own.

A shiver ran down her spine as she remembered. The hilt of a blood stained sword warm in her large hands. The scent of blood mixed with mud an anchored smell in her nostrils. The leathers on her skin ripped as she, no _he,_ brought down enemy after enemy, yet the large army of Hybern not shrinking a little bit. 

Cold sweet and blood mixed on the tan skin of the body she _posesed ._ Elains mind raced and tried to wrigle free from the grasp this nightmare had on her, but it was useless. She could feel every life that vanished under her blade, could feel every blood on her skin mixing with her, _his_ own blood from the wounds painting his skin.

She could feel the excitement boiling in her veins as she slaughtered and slaughtered. Happiness and excitement a constant reminder of how much she loved it to be born for battle. But then something caught her eye, her deep brown eye. Blinding her as she flapped with her wings in the air and then - not a second later, she felt it.

A hot piercing pain, shattering her bones, burning her very flesh from the bones. Her wings ripping and burning. Vanishing to dust, but befire she could fall her body was turned into dust. Just like those of her brothers as they sunk to the ground within mere seconds, not even able to scream out their pain.

But Elain could scream and she did as she shoot up.

Shadows twirling around her, cloaking her and every inch of her room. There was no light as she breathed heavily. Her body still burning from the pain she just felt. Again. It happened again. 

_A creature with the ability to see the future, but also able to control the shadows of the past._ That were Klaudius words. maybe he was right about her, maybe she really was what he told her she was, she had doubts, but now - now everything was starting to piece itself together. Witnessing the death that happened in the _past_. A soul that left a lifeless body and turned into an dark shadow around her instead.

Elain braced her arms on her knees as she burrowed her sweat stained face in her cold hands. The thoughts and memorys of all the times she went through this, in her buzzing head. Only a name heavy like iron on her tongue as she tried to calm her body and mind down brought her back to the present. A name burning itself into her brain, just like these of thousends before the male she saw die tonight.

_Gomory._

That was the name of the male she was tonight.

Shaking with the memory of how he enjoyed to kill -of how it felt to die in his skin. She cried. Cried for everyone that died and now lived within her shadows, she cried for everything that happened to each haunted soul. Not everyone she saw die was kind. Most were brutal and reckless - while tose who had the softer hearts, were those who suffered the most. Tortured in the camps of Hybern. Screams the melody the brutal folk liked the most.

The shiver increased at the mere thought. Sobbs wrecking her body as she cried silently into her knees.

She stood quietly as her body stopped shaking, letting her gain control over body once again. It was dark and she was not able to see her surroundings the whispers of the shadows the only thing she noticed around her. 

Elain walked and walked in the dark. Not aware of where she was nor what time it was. 

But a voice brought her out of her trance.

"Elain?" he sounded sleepy, but not at all relaxed. He sounded like he tried to fall asleep, but failed. 

The shadows suddenly lifted, revealing a tangled Azriel in his sheets. The moon light reflecting in his touseld hair, making it look like flowing black water. His broad naked chest glistening while his wings looked like obsidian in the dim light. He pulled a scarred hand through his thick hair as he yawned "What are you doing here?" 

Elain couldn't speak, couldn't speak as the pictures of her dream took over once again. Making her shiver and leting her knees almost become jelly and drop to the ground. A sobb wrecking her body again, but before her petite frame could become one with the white marble, Azriel was there and cought her. Carrying her ice cold body to his bed and wrapping her up in his blanket and arms without a question.

Elain only layed there, stiff and traumatized, only starring at the white ceiling above her. 

She walked through the shadows again. She saw someone die again. She felt it again. Felt her skin burn again and again.

She sobbed. 

Like out of reflex he drew her even closer, his strong arms thightening around her body as well as the warmth of his skin were the things that snapped her out of it. To sobbs increasing as she turned to her side and burried her face into him. 

"Please!" she whispered. "Please make it stopp!" Azriel was confused as she begged him to stopp something he didn't even know what it was, drawing calming circles on her cold skin seemed to be his only solution. Trying to calm her and the shadows she brought with her. Shadows that seemed like they searched for an exit or anything, while they whispered every possible doubt their owner could ever have, into their ears. His heart sunk at the realization. Realizing that the female he loved had the same or smiliar struggles then him all those centurys ago.

"Everything is alright, Sunflower. Everything is fine." He told her the words he wanted to hear back then so desperately.

Elain only started to sobb more and more at that, until she thought her body was brocken and sliced open by all her sobbs, while everything that seemed to still keep her together were Azriels warm arms. 

Arms that were soft around her and yet still strong like iron clamps. 

"What happened?" he asked in a soft whisper, never stoping to sooth over her back. Elain snuggled closer into him, her fingernails dugging in lightly into the tan skin on his broad chest. "I saw it again." she whispered into him. Her tears wettening his chest. He didn't press her to conitnue, waiting for her to gather herself.

"I saw them die again." she chocked out.

Even though Azriel thought he couldn't hold her closer anymore -he did pull her closer. Wanting to melt their bodys into one. He wanted to show her that he was with her and that she could trust him. Even though he had only a slight clue of who she was talking about. She probably still saw him and the rest of their family dying on the battlefieled from twenty years ago.

She sobbed as he burried his nose in her soft hair, trying to deviate her from her painfull dreams and memorys. He knew all too well how it felt to see a family member die or suffer. He saw that often in his long life, but he would never get over it. Pain a constant companion of his.

They both knew deeper pain than any wound could go and no one, except for one another of them, carred about it. Their family living in happy times as they both tried to hide away the shadows from the view, not wanting to dim their mood. But no one seemed to notice that both of them grew quieter with each pasing day. Hiding away from everyone -until they found each other. _Really_ found each other.

They supported one another durning their darkest times and would never forget it. Both creating a bond that ran deeper than any mating bond, but both afraid to destroy it once it was pointed out.

So he kept her close, always. Trying to comfort her the most he could, like now, but the things he heared her mumble next were those that made his heart stutter for a bit.

 _"Gomory, Deber, Lark, Ross, Eliza, Fetsch, Flaga, Rainia, Chris, ..."_ and so on. It were thousends of names she kept rembling about. From the way it seemed thousend she saw dying. 

He held her closer as she spilled name for name, only daring to slipp away from her a bit as she said the last name, looking into her fogged eyes. 

_They are all from visions!_

His heart stopped. She dreamed of them, she saw them die and he didn't notice. He didn't notice how her body seemed more pale sometimes, he didn't notice the nightmares that haunted her. Why must he always be so blind!?

His best friend and his love saw thousends of fae die in her nightmares and yet she didn't talk about them and he simply was to blind to notice.

Azriel gulped as he drew her closer again. Even though he couldn't surpess the low grumble in his throat, as she traced the new scar on his chest absentmindly. The scar from the rite. 

"Where did that one come from?" she asked quietly, her cold fingers still tracing the skin of the scar. He gulped and chuckled a little as he answered "It was nothing big. Their were only a few warriors wanting to stap me to death." he tried making it sound as light as it was possible, but Elain, oh so sweet Elain noticed his every behaviour.

His heart staring to speed up on the memory, even though it shouldn't have frightened him. He was used to fighting alone and he had much experience too.

His best friend thightened her hold on him. Her small arms tightening at his middle, sensing that he didn't really want to talk about it.

"What time is it?" she asked suddenly.

Azriel thought for a moment. When she arrived it was around 2 AM, normaly he would make a quick, correct guess at the time, but whenever he was with the flower grower -he seemed to lose it- sending a shadow for the time instead. 

_It's only a bit before halfpast six._

_"_ A bit before halfpast six, why?" Elain suddenly shifted in his arms, pulling her out of them, as she sat up. Her tear stained face fixed on his door, befor crawling out of bed. 

Leaving him with the rest warmth of her delicate presence in his arms. As she reached for the doorknob she halted -just like his heartbeat as her read rinned eyes found his. 

"Please get dressed. I want to show you something." 

He nodded, before she walked out the door. Leaving him alone with his racing thoughts and shadows - having hers taken them with her.

A smile crept up his lips as he noticed how she got a hold of them. Hiding them away just perfectly. 

He already thought of it before, but now he couldn't deny it anymore.

Azriel, Spymaster of the Night court, just picked out his next student.


	18. Chapter 17

It was quiet as Elain led him through Velaris.

Or rather out of Velaris, two flower crowns in her pale hands, as they walked through the quiet streets. Fog cloaking the street below their feet with a thin layer. It was almost still dark as a cold breeze waved over them. Reminding both of them that it was still early spring and they didn't had the warmth of the day already with them. 

Azriel tried to figure out where they wanted to go. A shovel in Elains hands as he came down the stairs as well as the flower crowns irritated him. He quickly took the shovel from her hands and started to get led out by her, but now as they walked, he noticed the surroundings. The shops and the decorations on the sides of thestreet were familiar. They were heading towards his apartment.

He furrowed his eyebrows and wanted to ask alread what they wanted at his place, but the seer cut him short. "The wings and the glass, they are both at your place." Azriel nodded and brought the wings to him through the shadows into his arms in an instant, the glass at his place an excuse for him to prompt a visit later. Elain was surprised, but took them carefully into her arms as they walked further out from the normaly buzzing city of starlight. Wich now was still almost fully asleep. Drunken fae stumbeling home from late night partys, while bakers already had the light in the back of their shops turned on - preparing everything for the early custumors.

It still wondered him where they were going as she walked past all the shops and clubs and fae.

For the first time he walked with her through the streets - he didn't even see a little smile, for each of the fae wich greeted her, on her face. Not even in her early days so many years ago, was she that cold towards anyone greeting them. She stormed the hearts of the shop owners already back then with her shy greetings. And in all honesty - those shy greetings wich weren't even ment for him, the greetings he chuckled over -made his heart fall slowly for her too.

Azriel could truely understand how the shop owners could fall so fast for her. He smiled a bit at the memory of their first walk through the city. An molly baker gave her one of his newest creations to taste. Despite her shy nature back then -she still spent over an hour talking to the baker wich ingrediations he could add to make the taste even better.

At a florist near by, she was shown the newest seedlings of the small shop. The female wich owned it, explained everything about the new flowers Elain wanted to know and was rewarded by a few gardening tipps from the seer herself. The blond female that went by the name of Marian gave her an arm full of the new seeds to plant for her at home.She winked at the seer and told her once they were in bloom - she should bring some back to her - to see how they turned out in her care.

In the rainbow they walked past the many, many art studios and shops his High Lady liked to visit that much. Even Elain took interest in one of the smaller shops and found there something for her sister to gift on her birthday.

As they entered a Jeweler back then she was shy to ask for advice, wich would be the best pieces to gift an millenia old raging creature. The Lady behind the counter pointed out some of the pieces in the glass counter - they just did not look like as if they were supposed to fit the ancient tiny creature.  
No, the Fae behind the counter had other plans as the seer pointed out some golden earrings with a crystel clear jewel attatched to them. They were shaped like a drop of water.   
He remembered how the seer gasped at how the light cought in the crystel drop. The shop owner smiled as she explained that the crystel would take on the favourite color of their owners lover once it would be worn. Azriel noticed what plan the shop owner followed. Elain just sought out her gift of the owner. The Lady wich was normaly merciless to everyone once it was about her jewelery was now gifting the first person in centurys something. 

Many shop owners loved her with her shy nature already then, but they started loving her more and more as she opened up to them. If she was seaking baking advice - or just a good cake wich she didn't bake- she went to the first baker they visited.

Elain got her birthday presents for Feyre from the little art shop she first walked in and her gardening tools came directly from Maria.

But now as they walked, Elain looked so lost in thought that she didn't pay a tiny bit of attention to her surroundings. Walking straight through the darkness that surrounded both of them as they walked out of Velaris and up a quiet hill that overlooked the always shining city.

Both used to moving in the darkness, Azriel more than Elain. He sometimes helped her over a thick branch laying in the green turning grass or a large rock, but all in all, she moved with grace. As if she already walked up this way a thousend times.

Azriel didn't dare to speak as he realized that she really might have walked up that path a thousend times, as he saw the large grave on the hill top -facing the city.

_The grave of her father._

He gulped as his shadows started to dance towards the stone. Elains joyning him once again. As if two children were meeting. Playing and dancing around each other. Even though he couldn't look over the fact that hers seemed to be a bit darker than his. 

He already wanted to open his mouth and ask why they walked past the gravestone of her father, only with a nod from her side, but he shushed himself as he saw the two other graves facing the still fogged bay of the Sidra. Two crosses standing only a feet or two away from each other. 

Elain slowly started to aproach them and whispered her greetings to them. Kneeling down on the grass as she placed both of the flower crowns on each one of the crosses. And layed the wings softly down beside her. 

Azriel couldn't help but feel uneasy , as if he was invasing her privacy.

As Elain noticed his hesitation she gestured him to come closer - making him sit and hand her the shovel, while he sat down infront of the crosses. Watching Elain as she digged up a hole infront of one of the withered wood crosses. The name barely readable.

"Let me do it." he suddenly said as she seemed to grow exhausted from digging - an large hole already visible. Beads of sweat formed on her pale forehead as she shook her head. "I have to do this without help!" and she did. Digging out the rest of the hole with tears in her eyes.

Elain didn't ask for his help and even told him that she could do this alone, yet her apperance made his heart swell. 

But he knew that Elain never wanted pitty and so he let her be. Watching as she picked up the wings next to him and softly placed them into the hole. Closing it faster than she digged it, and sat down by Azriels side infront of both graves. He already wanted to ask what they were doing here, but the sight of a teary Elain made him go silent and drap a wing over her instead.

The grass was still wet and the cold didn't make it any better. So the warm wing draped over her was at least a little bit of warmth for her, as well as a shield from the wind. And hopefully an asurance that she wasn't alone with this.

Still he had the feeling, that no matter how he would try to tell her she wasn't alone, that she still wouldn't talk to him about _this_ without a little push - so he asked.

"Who were they?" 

Elain sniffled and took a deep breath as she fixed her gaze on the two wooden crosses, not able to look him in his soft, worried hazel eyes. Her voice stronger than he expected it to be, with the thick blanket of sadness around her. "They are the reasons I brought you here." Elain moved carefully as she pulled her knees to her chest, her chin resting on the deep blue fabric above her knees. 

"That were Clarissa and Arctonos." she breathed out. Azriel took that as his queue to fall into an deep silence - only watching and listening to her. Knowing very well that it was harder for her to talk about that than she carred to admit. The slight shake of her shoulders -not caused by the cold- made him itensify his theory.

"They were friends of mine." she breathed. Azriel only nodded, his gaze drifting towards the wood as well - where he now- since she told him, could make out syllables of the names.

"I met them seven years ago - while I was lost in Velaris." Elain smiled at the memory of her first encounter with the little boy. Playing with a dirty old ball that was almost out of air.

Azriel looked at her puzzeled. "You were lost?" 

The seer nodded with a sad smile on her face "Yes. You were on a mission, Cassian and Nesta were in Windhaven, Mor was at the Winter Court, Amren just moved to her new apartment in the Summer Court and Rhys and Feyre visited Helion in the Day Court. So I had no one I could ask where the bakery was, that made the delicious lavander citrus cupcakes, you always brought with you when you came back from a mission."

A blush crept on his face as he tried to hide his pittying look in his eyes. He knew Elain hated it when someone -dosn't matter who- is looking at her with such pitty, but he also knew that she probably noticed his look by now. Even though she was still watching the wooden crosses infront of them. But he couldn't help it. 

She was so alone and yet she never cried or complained about it. She always dealed with Feyres pushy advices towards Lucien and never got angry with her. Elain was always the shining Flower out of them all, so everyone thought at least.

Feyre as well as the rest of their family probably wondered where that calm, bright flower went as she snapped at them yesterday. Even though Azriel wondered himself just how much of Elain was still there, or just how much of her he _truely knew_ ,but he couldn't help the proud feeling inside his chest as Elain stood up for herself the first time yesterday.

And even though the flower grower everyone knew wasn't there anymore -that he could feel- but she was still there, just changed. 

Azriel smiled at her from the side. The small Daisy that grew in the depths of a new frightening world, the Daisy that almost withered with every harsh blow of wind, the Daisy everyone thought Elain Archeron to be - withered somewhere in between the past years.

Elain was no Daisy anymore, she wouldn't bent infront of a harsh wind. No, she would be standing proud, just like her sisters, and show even the elements where they belonged. Elain was no Daisy anymore -no. 

She turned into an bright red shining Rose. Owning a beauty everyone turned heads for, owning a beauty that could make males go to war for her, but now she had a mental strength as well. Thorns her shields - that kept her distance between those who were overprotective of her- and forcing away all those who wanted to make the Rose change her spot against her will.

Elain Archeron turned into a Rose and Azriel didn't know how he could survive this. He didn't know how long he would be able to control his feelings for the sweet seer.

Already having fallen for her as the innocent Daisy. Now he was hopeless and utterly in love. There was no denying it anymore.

Even though he thought his feelings for his golden female friend, the Truth-teller, were strong, but they paled in comprasion to the things the seer made him feel.

All those feelings he nursed for five centurys begun to wither as he first saw the little fawn, still in an human body. Frightened and yet kind to them. She truely was her own character back then, but seeing her wither in the folllowing monthes all by herself, made his heart ache.

The fact that her family ,her own sisters, thought she was going mad -was even more heart breaking and it made him feel dissapointed in his own family. Feyre -who should have known just how broken a human can be after being forced into a body they never wanted. Feyre- who should have know just how much it can hurt by beeing betrayed by the person they loved the most. Feyre - who was once broken herself - turned her back at her sister and shoved her towards her mate, a male wich didn't really know her back then. 

Perhaps Azriel waited too long to step into this saddening show, but he always thought that maybe Nesta would try to understand her or the rest of his family - who helped Feyre out of her hell hole- but no one did and so it was his job to do so.

At first he thought of it as a job, staying by her side and only ocasionaly speaking with her, but then she started to grow. Just into a small flower, yet only nursed by herself. And it made him wonder - just how much this small female could grow and it soon became his daily delight. Watching her, speaking with her, helping her, laughing with her.

And now as he watched the female beside him -gazing sadly at the grave of a lost friend- he realized that he never knew - never expected of her- to grow that much.

Elain coughed lightly, probably trying to stop herself from crying. "Well, Arctonos, over there..." she pointed at the grave with the smaller cross, "... found me looking confused at every house and took pitty on me to show me the bakery. As a thank you I pumped up the old ball he was playing with and gave him a few coins.The next day I went out again, searching for the street I last saw him play and found him and played with him for the rest of the week." 

Elain started to giggle as the wind mused her hair, her hand reaching up to pick out a black feather of her hair. Azriel looked at her with confusion as he wondered where that breeze and the feather came frome and why it didn't affect him.

She smiled as she continued "After this week the weather started to grow rather bad, but I still wanted to play with him -since all the other children avoided him and looked at him with disgust -just like their parents." 

_Bastard_ _!_ the word rung in his head like a shrill bell. He knew what looks she was talking about and started to admire her even more for giving this boy a cheerfull look and probably even happiness and hope in this dark surroundings.

His heart swelled as he realized just how much she grew like Rhysands mother. Giving a bastard born child something, _someone,_ to believe in.

"But we were surprised by the rain one afternoon and he took me by the hand, running to his house and mother." Her gaze softened as she gestured towards the bigger cross, next to the boy "Clarissa."

Elain blinked away a few tears as she continued to speak, Azriel having layed, an hopefully calming hand on her shoulder. "They were both very kind to me and I started to visit them whenever I could. Do you remember all those times when I baked dozens of muffins and still scolded you for trying to steal some?" 

Azriel chuckled at the memory of her pounting flour smeered face, her hands stemmed into her hips. He nodded. 

She smiled at him "Well, in the afternoons I often vanished for a few hours." She left a small pause, to let him think back, only for him to realize that it was true. 

He often asked the Inner Circle if they had seen her, but everyone shrugged it off. Thinking she was just hiding away in the garden behind a large bush or tree or something. Those stupid answers made his blood boil. Even though it were Rhysand, his High Lord and brother, Feyre, his friend and High Lady and Mor his past love - who gave them to him.

"I did that quiet often and loved the time I had with them. I even slept at their place when all of you were out for a few days,..." she lowered her gaze sadly at the freshly updigged earth infront of Arctonos grave -where she burried the wings. "...or weeks." she added almost weakly, as if she was tired of thinking back at such times.

She shook her head at the memorys and tried to hold back her tears. "Almost a year later I had a vision. Of Clarissa."

Elain took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "I saw her body and how darkness, how something threatening swept through it. The next time I visited I prompted her to tell me what was wrong. She smiled just a little sadly as she told me that she was ill. For almost three decades."

The seer chocked on her sobbs as tears started to fall freely, swept away by the wind that danced around her. Azriel started rubbing soothing circles on her back .Even though he doubted that she could feel them through her blanket of sadness. She turned stiff at some point. The blue cloak she wore not able to hide the fact that her skin became freezing cold.

"I took her to Madja the same day. I didn't know to whom else I should have gone, but Madja ment that even she couldn't do much than draw out some more time for her. I know it was probably harsh of me to start yelling at her and throw in her face how she could heal Cassians _almost_ completly shredded wings, but not a simple diseas."

Elain sniffled "Clarissa was the one who took me by the arm and dragged me out of there. At their house she told me, that a few years ago, while she was pregnant with Arctonos, that she made a trip to the Court of Dawn. Searching for a healer that might have had an cure to her diseas. She even had appointments with Thesan himself, but he himself didn't know what it was that was brooding under her skin. He only told her that her diseas wouldn't affect the pregnancy, but couldn't help more."

The flower grower whiped hastyly her snooty nose at the hem of her cloak. Something, Azriel realized, she would have never done three years ago. Elain was never letting anyone see how sad she was. Elain never cried in the river estate, never cried in her garden, so he presumed that after she was made -she simply had nothing to cry over anymore. The last times he saw her cry was after they set the tombstone for her father -wich didn't layed far from them and as she stood infront of his door four years ago.

"And so, my hope that maybe Feyre could help her, was trempled to. I still made her visit Madja daily, but, but..." Elain chocked. Her voice only a screechy whisper as she continued "...after a week, Clarissa started to cough up blood and the next thing I knew was that she was laying unconscious on the floor. Arctonos and me paralyzed standing by her side."

Azriels heart dropped as he whispered to her shaking form, well aware of how much it costed her to probaly talk about it. _"You don't have to go in detail if you don't want to."_ It were the words she told him when he started to talk about the origin of his scarrs. She only shook her head and answered with his own words instead _"You deserv to know what happened."_

His heart broke a little for her. He remembered just how broken he felt as he was desprate to share the true depths of his pain with someone. But he wanted to continue telling her back then, even though fear had a thight grip on him and made him cry like a big baby, but Elain didn't care. She just held his scarred hands in his and soothed over every repulsiv scar with her thumb. And now he wanted to be the one who soothed her and drew her closer. 

Putting her in his lap in his crossed leg seat, like a little baby. Elain giggled a little as tears still streamed down her face. A pain in her heart that was deep anchored there. Azriel didn't know what else to do as to hold her this close.

But Elain didn't mind his warm arms around her. No, they held her shattered heart to piece itself together. With just a little different shape and more cracks.

She cleared her throat and continued again. Her voice a mere whisper. "Arctonos and I rushed with her to Madja, but Madja couldn't help her anymore too. Clarissa was still breathing when we arrived, but her heartbeat was weak and her blood needed too long to course through her veins. And so Madja brought Clarissa into one of the beds for the patients who were sought out by death."

The seer sniffled at the memory of her friend laying there in that white bed. Her skin just as pale as the sheets, but her hair and wings a stark contrast. Laying there she looked like a maiden blessed by the night and the day. Elain remembered with a sad smile how her friend tried to laugh as she told her.

"Arctonos was able to say goodbye to his mother and I was able to give my friend a blessing that she would continue living hapily in the afterlife and even in her following lives. When I did that I thought she couldn't break my heart anymore. She broke my heart by keeping her diseas a secret from me, for not trusting me with that, but the worst was that she made me promise to look out on Arctonos and _rais_ him like _she_ was never able to."

Elain started weeping and pressed her hands over her wet eye sockets. Sobbs wrecking her entire body. "She wanted for me to take a role I could never take! But still she left with my hand in hers! She left me! But the worst was that she left her son! Her son who didn't even know who is father was!"

Azriel was helpless as he needed to watch his love cry. Cry so openly infront of him. It honored him that she trusted him that much, but something about her story got him thinking. He knew how it was to live without Rhys, his brother, but he knew that after the things with Amarantha he would come back, even though he never stoped blaiming himself for preventing the worst, but he knew that he would survive them, but after the battle with Hybern when Rhys _really_ died he felt so helpless.

He felt empty as he saw him laying dead there. Dead for only a few _minutes_ that stretched out into eternity, but he was brought back to live -thanks to Feyre and the High Lords- but Elain saw a friend, who she seemed to think of as a family member, die. Helpless by her side until the very last moment with the knowledge she couldn't do anything for her anymore but fufill her last wish.

A tear sled down Azriels face as he thought just how she must have feeled and clutched her even tighter. He didn't know if it helped her, but he himself felt helpless as he watched her sniffle.

Azriel couldn't read her like he could with other people, he never knew what was on her mind like he did with others. She was kind and shining, but that was a distraction. In truth Elain was quiet alot like him, wanting to be polite but feeling uneasy around too many people. She wanted to hide away - just like him, but Azriel always thought that she had healed within the years, but he should have known that such wounds, as she and her sisters suffered, would take more than just two decads to heal. At least if you tried to heal alone.

Feyre didn't try it and had Rhys and all the others of the Inner Circle to support her. While Nesta tried to sort herself out alone, but failed at it. As well as taking the offered help of her mate or her little sister Elain. But Elain was skilled in the arts of human courtesytys and used to keeping up an act, she was talented at hiding a lie. Spinning a lie that made it look like the truth. It was hard to see through, not even Azriel was able to tell truth and lie appart when she said she was fine. Elain always smiled, never complained and always seemed happy. So no one suspected a thing that she wasn't fine.

So it was a surprise and a stap to his heart, seeing her cry like that. 

Elain sniffled, clearly not done with her story as he continued to watch her. "After Clarissa died I kind of took Arctonos in. I would have taken care of him even without our promise, but I couldn't do it like I wanted. Arctonos was only five when his mother died and needed someone to always stay by his side and watch over him -wich I couldn't do." She glanced back at the graves again. 

"Back then, six years ago, when Clarissa died, I wasn't able to speak about her. Just thinking about her made me cry. She had become more a part of my family than my sisters were, she cared more about me than them, I trusted her more than them, but even though we often did not share the same opinion and even got into arguments - we still tried to understand each other. Wich neither Feyre nor Nesta did. Feyre dosn't understand me or Nesta. Nesta dosen't understands Feyre or me and I tried to understand them, but gave up after Feyre prefered to run away from me the hundrethst time -not aware what she should do with me, her _weak_ and _girly happy-go-lucky_ sister, the whole opposite of her and Nesta just pushed me out." 

Elain huffed at her sisters, she never talked about them, never complained about them, but Azriel just found it amazing at how long she could keep this to herself for so long. Sure he was in love with the same female for five centurys and more, but he never did a good job at hiding that. But Elain never complained or seemed sad when Feyre excused herself for a shopping tour with Mor. She also never mentioned anything of a bad outcome of the day she last visited Nesta.

"What makes you think that Feyre thinks of you as _weak, girly and a_ happy-go-lucky _typ?"_

Elain huffed again, "Blueberry, you of all peopel should know how many secrets the shadows share." , and gestured towards their entangled shadows. They seemed to do that a lot.

Azriel narrowed his eyes at them like they were disobaying pets, while both of them watched them. They always stayed close to Elain from the begining -never having her called anything else than _Mistress._ They loved her from the begining and the fact that she wasn't afraid of them made him fall in love with her slowly, but surely too. And now he was just afraid that his shadows would betray his Master for the pretty Mistress. Wich he couldn't really blame them for -he would do that too.

Elain giggled a last time and went stiff again, probably preparing herself for the last bit.

" So I asked Madja and the healers if it was possible that he could stay with them while I was with you all, since I couldn't even think about Clarissa - let alone talk. So I managed it somehow to be every afternoon at Madjas and took care of Arctonos. When you were all out I sometimes even brought him to the estate, baking with him or teaching him how to read and write. Even though Maicy, one of Madjas nurses, did an already good job with it."

Azriels heart warmed even more for the female in his arms. She has the same golden heart like Rhys mother and yet no one sees her, but perhaps she dosen't wants to be seen. At least not by those who see her as something she isn't anymore. 

"What do you mean with 'let alone talk'?" He rested his chin atop of her soft head, while her body started to shacke from a humerless laugh. 

"Whenever I thought about Clarissa I had a big lump in my throat. I always had the feeling that it would chock me and I was terrified of that, but when Madja asked me three monthes after Clarissas death how I felt -I couldn't even speak. Not before and not after I cried my eyes out." 

Azriel just nodded and soothed over her petite back, to calm her shacking body down. His wings rustling to become and comforting tent of warmth around them.

Elain cleared her thorat again "Well however, Madja and the healers took care of him mostly. I just visited a few hours in the afternoon -since I still couldn't face my uselessness and ask anyone of you if he could stay with us." 

His friend chocked on her words as tears started to stream down her face, a spring starting to open. "I wished I would have done it though!" She chocked out. The shadowsinger was confused, but could already think of the outcome of this story, even though it wondered him how this boy could die under Madjas hands - who lived with him. Maybe he got the same diseas as his mother? 

He didn't know, but if he wouldn't be so curious to get to know, the female he loved so much, better, then he wouldn't pry any further. He didn't ask though of her to continue - he just rubbed even more circles.

"One day or more like evening -on Clarissas second death anniversary- you all were out and I brought Arctonos to the estate." She smiled bitterly. "We baked strawberry cupcakes -that were Arctonos favourite- but before they were finished Arctonos left. Saying that he needed to go back to Madja so she wouldn't scold him."

Elain chocked again. The memorys of that day still in her head, like they were from yesterday, not from four years ago. "But he never really got there!" Azriels heartbeat started to speed up as all blood drained from his face - he couldn't help as to ask. "What happened?" 

" On that evening I let him go alone for the first time -since I thought Velaris was a safe city, and he asked me to. Arctonos told me I should finish the cupcakes - so that he could eat them tomorrow. And I did that, but while they still baked and I cut the strawberrys - I had a vision. A vision of him in an dark alley surrounded by four Illyrian males."

Azriels heart dropped, she wouldn't have had to continue for him to know what happened next. 

They attacked him. Judging by the wings she just burried, cut them off and the moment would be ended with a dead little boy. Wounded and left to bleed out.

He groweled at the thought. This folk was too stubborn and heartless. They didn't even stopp from murdering an innocent kid!

Elain sniffled, the whispered question she asked him was barely audible. "Azriel? Do you want to know what really happened?" He was tempted to say 'No.', but a shattered and twisted part of him - took control of him as he looked into the seers eyes. A silent plea inside of them, a tipp inside of them to say 'yes' -to let her speak the unsaid words that were already lining on her tongue- and so he nodded.

A heavy shiver went through her body, but Azriel held his flower until it ebbed down. It still didn't prevent him from shivering himself as an ice cold voice spoke to him- an ice cold voice that replaced the sweet one of Elain Archeron.

He normaly loved her voice with all his heart, but now he should hate it. He should fear the way her voice now, sounded so much like his after Rhysand left them all for fifty years, but he didn't.

No. That twisted part of him -wich made him nod as she wanted to spill words that could destroy her- enjoyed how much like him she actually was. 

Some years ago he would have been scared of that little information -thinking that he and his behaviour would stand in the way of a mating bond. Some years he would have been afraid of her reaction if she should ever see how he looked at her - love, adoration and many, many other feelings inside of them seen. He wanted to chuckle as he now realized how true the meaning of 'Eyes are the windows of the soul' striked for him.

But he would not chuckle -not if Elains words reached him like an cold bucket of water. 

"I imedeatly started to run and search for him. Dropping everything I had done before that and just started to run. That means almost -I didn't drop the kitchen knife with wich I cut the strawberrys." she looked into the distance as her gaze fogged - as if her memory wanted to torture her by showing her an exact copy of that moment. Tricking her into feeling the same feelings and seeing the same scenery - just that she would watch from the distant - showing her how everything went without her interfering.

She swallowed hard as she continued to speak. "To find him faster I sent out the shadows to search for him and found him like that too. In an rather bad quater of Velaris in an dark alley very close to his old house."

Azriel gripped her tighter as she shivered in his arms and sobbs wrecked her body once again.

"When I found him in tha alley he wasn't alone - three of the four males were already gone, but the three I saw -" Elain started to gripp one of his forearms with a death hold as her windened eyes starred at the redish-black membrane of his wings -not really focused on anything. A high pitched whisper escaping her lunges. "-they made my blood boil!"

Tears started to stream down her face as she gripped even tighter onto him. Her head suddenly whipping towards him.

The look in her eyes made his heart stutter. Her eyes were full of sorrow, pain, fear in an deep unending sea of sadness - there was nothing of the radiating happiness that always surrounded her in them. 

"They staped him! They cut his wings! And I - I ..." but Elain didn't continue whitout avoiding her gaze from him. Not even a moment ago she was determind to say it to his face, but now it was nothing than dust in her heart.

The hoarse whisper of her voice the only sound in the deep and unending black sea of her body. A sound wich was rarely audible as the wind started to howl around them. "I - I saw red! And I couldn't keep my thoughts in control and I just murdered them! I just staped and cut them! I felt no guilt for them as I did!" 

Even though her eyes were overflown by tears - she did not whipe them away. Left her side -her feelings- completly open to him. Showing him in silence how much she trusted him.

But Azriel - oh sweet Azriel- did nothing what the seer expected. She expected of him to recoil, to snarl at her what a disgusting creature she was, throw something in her face that would make her heart shatter after it transformed into something she hated - but he did nothing like that.

He pulled her impossibly closer instead. One of his beautiful scarred hands tangled into the mass of her hair, while the other was wrapped around her waist like an iron band.

Her pointed ear right over his thundering heart on his broad chest that heaved up and down. He didn't say anything. Just was this silence none of those she enjoyed with him - it made her nervous.

His heaving breaths hinted that he needed all his stregth to keep him away from doing something, but what? The fact that he tried to hide his face, by pulling her closer just so she couldn't see him anymore, made her heart ache. Would she see disgust written in his face? Would he be disappointed at her for not having the strength to keep her mind cool back then?

Elain sobbed into his broad chest as she dug her nails deeper into the flesh of his forearm. "Please Az! Tell me what you think!" 

He didn't answer, but let the hand in her hair a little lose -just so she could look up at him in the dark. The dark around them that mixed with a warm glow that turned brighter and brighter with each minute, but yet it didn't reach them. Seemed to shy away from the mass of entangled bodys hidden in the shadows. It seemed like the sun herself soped rising once she saw the look in Azriels eyes.

Elains breath hitched at the pure rage that twisted and danced in his darkened hazel eyes. The darkness of the shadows that started to wrapp around them, seeming like a ray of sunshine against the dark rage that his eyes were promesing. But even with all this rage inside him, he was still gentle with her as he grapped both of her hands and placed feather light kisses on her palms and the back of her hands.

 _The back of her bloodstained hands_ she reminded herself. 

But he didn't let her pull away as she realized that. No, he held them even thighter - mimicing her behaviour the first time he told her about the heritage of his scarred hands. 

But Azriel went even further as his closed hazel eyes, almost sleepyly opened, just to drop to her hands again. Her pale smooth hands that seemed so small in his large scarred hands. He took in the sight of them - the paleness of them. No sign of blood seen anywhere on them, yet it was there. But the worst part was,that he knew what she had done, that he knew what she was going through and yet he still said this word.

This one word she was never more far away than now. _"Beautiful."_

A strangled noise escaped her throat as she heard it - making Azriel look her in the eyes instead. 

But before she could start weeping and drowning into a sea of her own words that caused her so much sadness, telling him how she actually felt about herself now, telling him things she wasn't even ready to admit yet, he only said in his soothing dark voice "I know." 

These little words made her fly over an edge in herself she thoughtshe was still far away. But unfortunatly she wasn't able to point out the mess of her life as the storming water right before the cliff of the waterfall that was her selfcontrol. Selfcontrol that seemed to have flown out of the window right at the moment she sat foot onto the ground of the hill.

She weeped and sobbed and let her body shiver as much as it wanted, letting her tears -she thought she already all had cried- fall freely. No small river anymore, but a storm of salty sea water. 

Azriel only rocked her back and forth like a little baby, whispering in her pointed ear from time to time "I know."

"How do you know?" she rasped out. Not darring to look at him again, her face burried into his chest instead again. But he stopped rocking. 

And so she got curious and darred to look up.

The raged look in his eyes and the firm line of his lips released and replaced by a soft expresion instead. A warm glow not only shining in his eyes but also on his face, as the sun rose higher and higher. His wings having dropped for her to feel the warm ray of sunshine on her skin too. Something she hadn't felt in years.

And somehow - this male, that held her close to his heart and had her own in his hands without knowing it- he knew and yet he didn't. He didn't know where she was, but would question it another time, already knowing that this open ripped wound would take more than enough effort to heal. 

And he would be the last one to ripp up old wounds again. He would be by her side and watch as she opened them to pull out a thorn that was pricking under her skin for already too long. He would help her if she wanted to, but he would never be the one to open them. Probably not even shying away from scolding his family if they tried.

This male- who was casted in shadows for centurys- took away the breath of his sunflower as the light once again softly touched his face. 

The fogg around them clearing, as if old demons would finally leave them both be.

They both watched the other in silence as the sun rose higher and higher over Velaris, casting two creaturs of the shadows for the first time since a long time, in light again.

Making them both breathless as they watched their other half shine in broad daylight, with tears in their eyes. 

It weren't many of the things that happened to Elain durning the past twenty-five years, but with time she would be able to open up.

And even though Azriel didn't say much on these terms, she imagined that even some of his own shadows -that haunted him since centurys- started to lift in this quiet foggy moment. The wind, _no_ , her guardian Angel dancing around them. Circeling them like they were the eye of a storm. 

**A storm that would slowly be calmed with time.**

**Time that the two shadows spent in the light of a bright morning.**


	19. Chapter 18

The world was always a bussy place. Someone was always at war and someone was ever partying, but all that didn't matter anymore as the world grew peacefull for him - even though the day light was starting to shine bright down on them, announcing the beginn of a bussy new day.

But it was a new day with Elain. He remembered himself as he wraped his arms even a little thighter around her.

The strong female in his arms everyone saw as weak. The female that held his heart in her life bringing palms.

Elain was the one who saved them, yet everyone deemed her as weak without knowing her true self. He sometimes had the feeling, as if everyone acted like, as if they cared about her - only to be fine with it in the end if something was to happen to her. Azriel hoped he was wrong on that opinion, because it would be something he would never wish upon Elain - finding out that her family didn't care a bit about her.

A sting moved through his chest as he remembered that he hadn't cared much about her in the beginning too. He gave her truth-teller so that she could defend herself, all to avoid another unnecassary death - of a family member on top of that. But after the war she grew to a silent companion of his - as if she was always traveling with his shadows with him.

Azriel didn't really liked that, in truth he never felt so bare before someone -and he hated it. He hated not to be aware of what her visions showed her about him, he hated that she saw him like he was. back then with all his unrecired love and all the death he brought upon this court.

But she never questioned him. And from the day on where Feyre locked her sister in, only because a small group of drunken and slightly stronger fae made a fuss on the street, claiming it could be an attack from Hybern, he never saw her the same again.

After that incident she barely spoke to her little sister anymore, smiled less and spend more time in the kitchen and garden than with her family. He could understand the, still slightly shaking, female in his arms.

He knew how it was of having your freedom robbed away without ever having it. Back then, when he was locked in in the small cell, he never knew anything else. He longed for more than an hour that he could spend with his mother, he longed for more greenery - but once he had it and went through hell for it, it was never stripped away from him.

But Elain was robbed off her freedome so many times. Some times she locked herself away and other times it were some of her family members who did it. 

If Azriel only thought about his brothers ever locking him in again, he swore he would never speak to them again. 

It proved him once more what a cold hearted creature he was. The complete opposite of the female close to his chest. 

She was a ray of warm sunshine that brought light into everyones life, all the while she was creating rainbows in the sad souls of everyone else. 

But Azriel would always be a shadow, a cold creature of the night. An annoying side effect of light. He would always be the darkness that would swallow up the sunshine.

It proved right as he countinued to listen to Elains light sobbs. Her light was dimmed - even though they were bathing in sunshine.

He didn't know why, but he felt like it was his fault. He felt like as if he had always overseen a part of her, and even though Azriel fell long ago in love with her, he couldn't help but to think that he never knew for who he fell for. 

It wasn't like as if she changed in a bad way, no. The gentle flower grower in his arms seemed to have grown even kinder with every passing year - even though she was broken for a long time too.

And yet he never met a kinder soul than hers. Well his mothers soul was alike with hers, but next to them -he knew no other female with a heart of pure gold.

A heart that still shone in the darkesst days of everyones lifes, was now a dimmed light, but it warmed up with each sunray that touched her pale, shaking skin. And he was glad it did. 

Azriel was glad -that the female that layed close to his chest- opened up a bit. He was thankful for all he would get from her, he would even be happy to watch her for the next centurys - even though it could break his heart, having to close off his feelings for so long again- but if it ment watching her grow with every day, month and year - he would gladly accept his fate as love sick fool.

He knew since a long time that he was a love sick fool, but one thing was for sure - he would only be it for Elain. For now and forever. 

"Azriel?" asked Elains quiet voice out of the blue into the chilly morning air that surrounded him and her.

He only hummed at her and put his chin atop of her soft hair, holding her a bit closer. Maybe she wanted to say she was cold, like that he would have already safed the problem, but if not then he could say it was a gesture ment to comfort her.

"Were you lonely when I was gone?"

The spymaster suddenly pulled his head back to look in the seers charamel orbs, that fixed a swirl of his shadows near his collar, in embarressment. Her cheeks having gained the color of an rosy red. A small smile dared to tug at the corners of his lips as he took her in, but the question she just threw at him send him worried. Did she know of his feelings?

When he tried to answer her, she cut him short "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Azriel only chuckled. The low rumble sending vibrations through his body, that he knew, could feel the seer as well. "No it's alright really." 

He relaxed a bit, after they fell into silence, he knew his heart was probably beating out of his chest, as well that Elain could hear it, but she didn't pry. Giving him time to adjust to the sunrays that touched a part of his soul he hadn't dared to lie open to anyone. 

"I was very lonely, yes." 

He had put his chin back atop of her head, in the hopes she wouldn't search, his tearing hazel eyes, for answers. She still tried to look up at him, but when she noticed he wasn't ready to meet her eyes just yet, she realaxed into his arms again and waited for a part of the story that still layed, unspoken on his tounge, heavy in his mouth. A swallow doing nothing against the toxic feeling.

"Feyre tried to visit me, as well as Rhys and Amren and Cassian and Mor, but no one really found me." He hoped Elain would understand this. He hoped Elain would know that all of his family memebers knew where he lived, he hoped she would understand that they just couldn't find him in his shadows. 

But Elain seemed to understand, as if she knew how it felt to be left in darkness too, a small nod, the signal that she understood. 

Azriel quickly swallowed, the dry feeling in his throat, down. Trying to get the attention from him to her onse again, giving her her question right back. 

"Were you lonely?" 

Elain only shrugged and swallowed hard as she snuggled a bit closer into him, as if she was afraid of breaking at the words she would tell next, as if she hoped he - a broken soul himself- could keep her together.

"I don't really know. I had company, quiet alot actualy, but I could have happily avoided some of the company I got." she only whispered the last part. Her arms that had been around his neck, started to wind around her chest in a protective way, when a shiver wrecked through her entire body.

"But I know one thing for sure..." Azriel rose an eyebrow at the hesitating tone she used.

"...I missed you. A lot actualy." a blush crept up her face, the tone similar to the rosy color the clouds had taken on with the sun rising. A smile, that was a sunray, from the deepest depths of the shadowsingers heart, grazed his features as he looked down at her glowing form in the sunshine.

He only dared to whisper his next words. "I missed you a lot, too." 

The fawn looked up at him with her surprised caramel orbs, that seemed to soak up the sunlight. A few dry riverbeds of her shed tears still on her face. She seemed a little surprised at his answer, but smiled up at him. A reflection of the growing sunshine itself, but it felt like the surface of the water. Twinkling happily at him, but a lot of emotions hidden far away in the depthts of her healing heart.

Azriel still couldn't help but smile back at her. Not as bright as her, but he still tried. Even though the smile watered slightly at her next move. 

She leaned up and pressed a feather light kiss to his cheek. The small warm sensation on his cooled skin left him with a firework of emotions, but before he could even voice one of his thougths, did the small fawn wound out of his warm embrace. A slight smile on her pink lips as she wandered to the grave of her father.

Azriel moved slow and with an puzzeled exprission. His form an tower on the small hill that overlooked Velaris. But the shadowsinger did not care for the view below him, no he carred for the view infront of him. 

The fawn, the seer, his friend and love, standing infront of her fathers grave. A pale hand on the warming stone. 

The wind around her once again had a mind of its own, as it played with her honey golden curles - a bright curtain behind her. A gold shimmer that fit perfectly with the dusty pink layers of her gown. A cloud as rosy as those in the sky above them. 

He was stunned even more as the wind took turns, making her giggle and the fabric of her dress wound around her, as well as whiping her hair in her face. But Elain only tried to get it back behind her pointed ears, which she traced with her petite fingers for a moment absentmindly. 

Elain only laughed at the wind or wathever silly thought she had. Azriel didn't care. If the silliest of her thoughts could pull out such a joyous sound from her - he would gladly help to accomplish it. But her happiness wasn't ment to stay. 

It dimmed when she pulled out a small black feather from somewhere inbetween her golden mass of hair.

It reminded him too of the black feathers he had in his apartment. He didn't dare to disturb her, but at some point he needed to point it out.

"Elain?"

"Hm?" she turned her sad eyes at him, as she scanned his face for any hints of what he would say next. Azriel swallowed, but tried to hide the nervous edge of his voice, which he thankfuly mastered for once. "I still have your glass at my place, would you like to get it?" He tried not to wither under the gaze of her sad caramel orbs as the small sad smile on her lips strechted into a sad one that tried to keep the act up. An act of happines, an act he was familiar with.

"Very, yes." was all her breathy voice could form before she turned her back at him and already took the first steps down the hill. Back into the city that slowly started to wake from the night.

At first Elain moved faster than him, not looking over her petite shoulder to him. She just walked in the light of day, a black cloud od shadows trailing behind her like a trail of black velvet. 

Azriel hadn't known if she wanted to be left alone or not, which was why he allowed the space between them to stretch, but as soon as she realized he hadn't catched up to her slightly tense form, she stopped and waited for him.

Realizing he was wanted by her side - he soon stepped up to her. Offering her his musceled arm again, like he had years and years before.

The seer smiled up at him onse again, as she looped her thin arm through his. Her pale skin a stark contrast to his sun browned skin, but it felt llike it always had to be like this. As if it were always these contrasts -these opposites- that made him draw, with every passing hour, an thighter circle around this gentle female. 

It always felt so right to be with her and yet he could feel a tension between them that hadn't been there before she vanished. Azriel knew that at some point they would need to talk about this - the thing that was between them- but he didn't want to mess things up.

Not with her.

Not when she had grown into a bright flower, that he wished to have around him for the rest of his immortal life.

So he moved with her in sync the hill down. Quietness and shadows their secret companion in the rise of day. The morning taw a little wittnesser of their morning walk as well. A sparkling reminder from afar that the day only started and somehow at the same time a cool distraction for both, him and Elain, as the chilly water clung to their shoes when they walked over the greenery of the lawn. 

But as the sun rose higher and higher, the closer got Elain and Azriel to his apartment.

The color of green grass having moved to the tint of grey stone sidewalks. 

Almost no one was up. No bustling crowd moved through the streets to greet them and wish a good morning, no shop owner was out on the street yet. All were just waking up or returning home from long nights. But as Azriel cought a climps of a sign hanging in a near by Jewelery shop, the reason hit him. 

Most weren't home yet since they were staying at Windhaven, talking in excited tones about the things that happened durning the blood rite. It was clear that for the citizens of Velaris that the way was long, which ment those who watched were likely only to return today, just like his family. 

It would probably only be a couple of hours before they would winow back into the Riverestate. 

Celebrating the win of both, Cass and Az, blood rite and the return of the middle Archeron sister.

Which made him realize he should enjoy the quiet time with Elain as long as he could. 

His family would soon start to pull her towards them again, bombarding her with questions, happy greetings again and telling her informations of all that she had missed over the years.

Azriel tried to keep a naturel face as they pulled around the cornor to his apartment, but he still couldn't help the little annoyed nose wrinkle. 

He just wanted to spend time with Elain, why had his family to take her from him again?

The shadowsinger realized with shok which way his thoughts had taken - he was already turning possesiv of her. Even though she wasn't his to begin in the first place. No, Elain belonged to no one but herself.

Which was the reason why Azriel slowly shook his head, trying to shake off the mere thought. 

Elain was a free person - he would not lock her away from everyone else just because of his feelings. 

A slight sceeze on his arm made him look down into her worried eyes. "Is everything alright?" she asked in a quiet voice, as if she was afraid that she would destroy the bubble of peace around them, if she spoke louder. 

It made Azriel smile a soft smile at her. He also cherished the quiet walk with her, which was why he now didn't voice his worries and just opened up the door to his apartment complex. 

An old house near the river bank of the Sidra in the food quarters. The house itself a varriation of decorativ carvings in the band of the white stucco and little sculptures of winged faries even the fae dreamed about. The house itself a color much like lavander. Azriel didn't know why, but whenever he looked at the old three stored building, he felt like he gazed at a part of the gentle flower growers soul.

Which was probably the reason why he barely left the building when she was gone.

He felt safer in these walls. Knowing he felt like he lived in at least a little part of Elains soul. 

But it all didn't matter anymore as he led her up to the second floor of the house. Azriel couldn't help but notice the enthusiasm, that layed in Elains steps, as well as the bright happy gleam in her eyes.

As if she was happy to be here.

Azriel couldn't help but smile as he unlocked the heavy, chochlet brown door to his messy, dark apartment. 

He knew it was untidy, but he could overlook his embarressment, if he could see Elains eyes shining so bright, like they did now, whenever she came here.

Her eyes happy and relieved at the same time, as if a burden would lift from her shoulders and she would just be _home_.

A word that had a nice ring to it when it came to the point that she might see this apartment as hers too.

The shadowsinger really wished this would be the case one day. He was more than ready to share his space with her. His space and so many other things - but only if it was with _her._

Yet he couldn't overlook the fact that her smile withered a little as she stepped in the musty apartment, that had not been really taken care of since maye six or seven monthes, but she shrugged at off and hurried to the windows of his large living room, that overlooked the Sidra, and pulled open the heavy courtains as well as the floor long windows. 

She did all that with such joy and enthusiasm, as if she was truly happy and felt truly at home. It amazed him as much as it made him nervous somehow. 

Now he felt like, as if he was the husband that hadn't cleaned up before his wife returned home from a long exhausting journey. Just did she not scold him.

No - she seemed to glow from pure happiness as she started to whirl around the place. 

Getting a feather duster from his kitchen - to whipe up the centemeter thick dust from all his shelfs and documents. 

Azriel had to call his brain back to him, to remember that the fact that she was not scolding him, wasn't the only wrong one. They were not married!

The shadowsinger had to remind him that a thousand times before he moved to help Elain, wanting to first polish over the wood she just dusted, but realizing that it was already shiny as he looked at it with the soaked cloth in his hand. 

A sigh escaping his lips. 

"Is there anything you haven't cleaned up yet?" he called out to her. Hoping that no one on the street would hear him through the open windows. A chuckle was heared before her actuall answer came. "You can help me with the dishes if you want!" 

He didn't even wait for her to finish that sentence as he stormed through his hallway and into the kitchen. Mother knows how fast this female could do housework. 

But Azriel again, couldn't help but smile at her as he saw her. An appron tied around her waist and her hair tied together at the nap of her neck, an soaked cloath and a white plate in her hand as her beaming eyes saw him. 

It was like she was suddenly in the same mood as before everything went downhill for them, which made it hard for Azriel not to just go over there and pull her flush against him, his arms snaking around her middle to hug her closely from behind. 

He honestly could not remember when the last time was he was feeling so affactionate. Probably when his little halfbrother was born three and a half years ago. This little Illyrian squaller back in Rosehall, had the mighty Shadowsinger wrapped around his tiny fingers the moment Azriel first held him. 

If he remembered it now ,he kind of felt like a fool at how he cooed at the bundle in his musceled arms. His newly born baby brother, who looked lost in his embrace, but the sounds of his mothers laugther were blessing enough that he would do everything he could to protect the source of her happiness and enjoy the feeling of the light weight in his arms. 

Yet he couldn't help the shame that washed over him as he remebered those days. He promised himself he would look after them at least after every two monthes, but he hadn't been able to see their happiness for the past three years. 

Azriel noticed that Elain glanced up at him, when she gave him the plate to dry off, but left him be.

She knew that if he was ready to share his thoughts with her, he would do that, with all the honesty he could offer. 

The fawn just had to wait for the shadowsinger to open up to her again, after all she just started to open up again too. 

*******

For a long time Azriel and Elain worked in quiet usion, an old habit of both of them. A sign they still trusted each other blindly, or in this moment wordlesly. 

But as much as silence was a constant companion for the two of them, as much of it were the shadows. 

It were supposed to be two black clouds, around the frame of each of them. Two clouds around them, each containing another world of information, just were informations now the last thing Azriels shadows delivered to him.

The black mist had decided to go for the same way they always did when the seer was around. They whispered the sweetest nothings into his ear, they remembered him of every move the female beside him made. It was like they had a mind of their own, his shadows, that were brutal, mystirous creatures - feared even beyond the sea- turned into a mist of whispering admirers. 

Admirers of the seers grace, of her beauty, of her gentelness, her intelligence and even her quiet confidence most didn't know she had. 

He felt once again embarressed by them, but at the same time he couldn't agree with them more. 

It was like as if his love for her had gone beyond the boundrys of this world, as if he had infected the realm of shadows with his feelings for her. Azriel tried, as he dryed the plates, to think of a time in the past years he had known her, were his shadows tried to fight the infection of his feelings.

He couldn't recall such a moment. 

The shadowsinger instead remembered how his shadows seemed drawn to her - long before he loved her. They had always wanted to be by her side, always wanted to know what she did unlike with Mor. When he loved her, for a far longer time than mortals lifed, his shadows always backed off in a hurry. As if they feared her brightness. A golden aura around her that even grew with the centurys running by.

It took him long to understand his own feelings for the radiant female, who was now like a sister to him. Azriel had long not understood what this hurting feeling inside his chest was when he found out she slept with another. The mere thought of the memories now made him sick. Mor loved both, male and female, but prevered the company of a female more than that of a male.

The fact that she had slept around for centurys with various males, only to show him he had no chance, made him feel neuseous. He swallowed hard at his next thoughts. Only in the back of his mind did he notice that Elain slightly looked up at him a worried gleam in her eyes.

He saw Elain. Unlike he did with Mor. 

The shadowsinger was blinded by his own feelings for the golden female, that he had overseen hers. Azriel had known his friend for centurys, yet it took all of this long time for him to realize every facet of her charakter. 

It only took him days to see Mors confidence, her easy going nature, but those were the things that layed on the sureface. On some days these traits of her were even just played. But he had not seen her. 

She was a like a blinding sun he looked at. Azriel always saw her bright glow, but not the things underneith. He simply fell in love with the imagination of her. 

Believing his feelings for the truth-teller were the strongest things he would ever feel for another being, but the Shadowsinger couldn't have been more wrong about that. The feelings he felt for Mor paled in comparsian to those for the seer.

He knew that the seer, too, was light, but her light fit his darkness. Her light was the one that traced his shadows. 

And yet her shadows were those which enterwined with his behind their backs. A quiet giggle escaped her lips as she, too, noticed the play of their companions. 

The soft sound caused Azriel to smile at the plate in his scarred hands. It was a relive to hear those gifted melodys again.

"Can you hear what they say?" he asked her with a mocking smirk on his lips,o out of the blue.

"No, not right now, but can you?" Elains voice was soft as she looked up at him too, the same mocking grin on her sinfull lips.

With a slight rise of his eyebrows he glanced behind them, to see the two clouds of mist entwined in a whirlwind of one dark cloud, but that was all. it felt for him now, as for everybody else. He saw them, but could not hear them. Even though he felt a light tug to his heart, to his whole being - he did not hear any whispered word.

"I think they don't want to talk to me." 

Elain shoved the last plate with her knowing eyes at him, as her eyes glowed with mischief "Who in their right mind would not want to talk to the famous Spymaster of the Night Court?"

He ploped her nose in a light way, with his wet index finger, which caused her to yelp in surprise. His eyes gleamed with the same mischief as hers, when he answered "You do not believe how many would want to avoid to talk to me."

Azriel ment it an an playful way, but in the end, it turned out to be the brutal truth. Yet he didn't see Elains answer coming as she looked up at him with her wonderful caramel orbs. 

"I'd like to switch with each of those who must talk to you."

The Spymaster was more than slightly taken aback. His cheeks starting to burn with every passing moment of silence between them.

Elain, too, only seemed to realize after some time what she said. A bright blush covering her pale cheeks as she hurriedly covered her mouth with her hands and tried to go to the living room with doubled the speed she normaly walked at.

Since the Shadowsinger was still baffled at the answer of the seer, he was left standing with the towel in his scarred hands, infront of the sink. He didn't know if it were just his shadows or still his and Elains mixed up ones, but he saw very well how they danced around the room.

Thin black whips came out lashing at his surroundings.

The warm sensation in his cheeks soon started to move to his heart. His baffled exprission having taken on to the grand smile of a love struck fool. If she would conintue to act around him like that - his self restrain would fly out the next window like a lighning striking the earth.

He shook it off and tried to concentrate again. He was done with the dishes and the living room was cleaned too, which only left his office, his bedroom and the guest room to be cleaned up, but that had time for later.

For now he would spend his time with the one he loved by a good old cup of tea. 

*******

Elain still couldn't believe what she just said, it was like as if her tongue had a mind of its own. Not carring about the Shadowsingers reaction. 

She groaned as the features of his baffled face came to her mind. Closing the large living room windows a welcomed distraction of her circling thoughts as she thought about it. It wasn't even an hour ago that she layed herself bare to him - crying her eyes out- and now she was what?! Flirting with him?

But then again, Elain had little to no experience in the arts of love. She didn't know if what she did could be described as flirting, but for her it was the brutal truth.

The truth she would always repeat to his face again.

As much as she wanted to earth to swallow her whole for her answer, as much did she not hide at the same time. 

And she would always tell him the truth, even though it were at some times only scrapes of it. 

She would never lie to him. It would either way be silence or the truth. 

It helped a little as she repeated that over and over in her head. 

She was not flirting, just honest. Even though it didn't really matter to her. She loved him,the strong, kind, gentle Spaymaster most feared, for longer than she cared to admit. 

So Elain would not give in to her slight panic of him judging her. He would never do this - at least not anymore. She cought him staring at her with these quiet doubts a long time ago, it were those stares in the two years after the war which she hated the most. They were rare, but when he looked at her with that silent judgement, she could not stand his gaze and always gave up fighting. 

But she would never hold them against him. He had apologiezed over a thousend times in the years they became friends. Elain always brushed it off as long ago and it wouldn't matter anymore, but in truth she had silently enjoyed those mumbled apologys. She always bloomed a little and broke at the same time.

It hurt to know that he still thought of him as unworthy of her friendship, since he once judged her, but she bloomed at the thought that it was important for him to earn her forgiveness - which he had one after the first time he apologiezed. 

Elain sighed as she sunk down on the cozy couch, those times layed back so many years and yet she remebered them all like it was only yesterday that she lifed through every memory with him. 

"Here." was the word Azriel pulled her out, of her day dreaming, with. He held a porcelain cup, decored with flowers in various colors, infront of her face. She smiled as she saw the old cup, taking it with a 'Thank you' from his own scarred palms. 

The heated porcelain was hot in her palms as she took it from him, a little yelp escaping her lips. Which caused the observent shadowsinger wanting to grap for the cause of her surprise, but she only put it down on the small couch table. Which she noticed imedatly again.

"How much furniture, of what I picked out for you, did you keep?" her eyes gleamed as she studied the bulky Illyrian warrior in the seat next to hers. A long time ago, when Mor confessed to Azriel that she prefered females - he locked himself away in this apartment. 

Elain had been visiting Lucien and the band of exils by the time it happened, which was the reason why she only appeared on his door step a week later after the news that ment, back then, hell for him. 

Azriel remembered he had tried to push her out of the door, like he had with his brothers, but Elain only ducked under his arm and slipped her thin arms around his bulky frame. Showing him, with that fierce hug of hers, that he wasn't alone and that there would always be someone who was able to pull him out of the darkness. And she did that.

But that all didn't change the fact that all of his mirrors, some lamps, cups and glasses, as well as his couch table had found an end to their lifes. 

And so they went shopping for new furniture, well she went shopping for new furniture. Buying new pillows, bed sheets and blankets as well as some new cutlery for him while she was at it. Azriel would never really admit it to her now, but he liked how she gave _his_ home a light thouch of _her_ taste. He loved how the cream white fluffy blanket on his couch fat with the pillow mountain of dark green, white, saphiere blue and even dark grey pillows. 

He loved how the small wood table, with the ebony color, went with his interior. How she put up a couple of her plants, that sparked emotions in him whenever he saw them. He loved the cutlery she chose for him, but still he loved her beyond everything she ever did for him. 

But after she had left her touch in his home, he really did feel like he was at home. Just was his home not complete with the one that created it for him. 

"I kept what I could keep." was all he answered as he took a sip of the tea he brewed for them, also a choice of flavour from her. 

She seemed to notice too, as she took the first sip of her steaming tea. Her eyes sparking up a little as she tasted the sweet flavour on her tounge exploding. 

Jasmin and Orange tea from the Day Court. 

"You remembered." was all she umbled into the cup of tea that she almost downed till half of it was gone. 

Azriel only nodded and watched out of the courner of his eyes how she settled the cup in her lap and almost tenderly caressed the porcelain, a smile on her lips that seemed to come from a far away place. 

"Is anything wrong with the tea?" he suddenly asked. Turning his body so that it faced hers. His posture all but worried. 

Elains head snapped up at his question and she hurriedly shook it as she saw his worried gaze on her. "No, it's just,...I remembered that I should visit some old friends too, onse everything with my sisters is settled."

The Spymaster only nodded, very well aware of the fact that she was talking about the fox and his queen, but it remembered him too that he also should visit someone soon again. 

If she still wanted to see him that is. 

For a long time both sat in silence, their thoughts and shadows circeling them like planets the sun, but each had their own worries and problems. 

Elain, for her part, knew that at some point she would be in the need to tell the whole truth so that everything could go back to normal, or become better than before, but the time for the truth would come sooner or later and she knew Feyre would either push her into talking with her or speak for the rest of the week not with her. Not that she hadn't gotten used to a full week of having spoken no word. It grew somehow into her very flesh to keep silent if she wasn't spoken to. She only spoke when necassary or if she wasn't frightened, but right now the only person she did not fear was Azriel. 

The seer knew that everyone welcomed her with open arms, well almost everyone, and claimed to be happy that she was finally back, but she felt it. The true emotions of those who hugged her. Cassian was happy, but also suspicious of her sudden return and the rest of those who greeted her seemed to be happy of her return too, but were in truth only confused. 

Elain didn't know why Rhys, Mor and Amren seemed confused of her return. She didn't know if it was for her sudden return, the way her body particulary screamed for help or if they just didn't know how to act around an Elain that was alive - having in secret already closed the case of her ever returning. 

It stung her heart to konw, that the only one that was happy and relieved to have her back, had been Azriel. The rest of her family having long given up on her. 

It hurt, but why would she have guessed otherwise? She long knew, or rather expectet, to know which reaction each of her family memeber would have, based on how they treated her. Cass, who had been her teacher and somehow become a brother to her, really did miss her and would have never forgoten about her, a small fraction of her that would always be attached into the warriors mind. But she had little to no connection to Mor and Amren. Both of the strong females did not know how to act around the, oh so broken, fawn. Never aware if what they were going to do or say next was appropriate for the seer. It hurt her soul many times that she knew, that even though a conversation was held for at least the littlest amount of time, the attention of Mor or Amren would last on whoever entered the room next.

It hurt Elain that she most often knew how it would go, which was the reason why she put on the majorty of these occasions no effort in talking to them.

Rhys however, was somewhere in between these three, but also at the same time most times on Feyres side. 

Feyres behaviour towards her hurt the most. Elain could live with Nestas silent treatment, but not with the things Feyre put her trough. 

Her little sister that had her robbed her off of her freedome more often than Elain liked to admit.

The time after the cauldron, where she was barely even able to walk, because of all the hurt, the self-pity over her lost future, a future that she had seen in the cauldron! But her sister claimed to worry about her, and locked the glass doors to the balcony to prevent her from jumping!

As much as Elain hated her new body at first, as much did she love life. 

Nothing in the world would have driven her to suicide. Nothing except the suffocating blanket her little sister thre over her. Over and over again.

Locking her in, in her room of the town house, claiming Elain needed to be save incase it was an attack from Hybern. 

Leaving her locked out of the important things, locked out of the many peace negotations, that followed even years after the war. Leaving her back in Velaris like a little child that needed to be taken care of by Nuala and Cerridwen.

But with one thing Elain wouldn't burden her sister with. She wouldn't burden, the fault of the distance to her new family, upon her shoulders. No, this fault carried alone Elain, but she carried it with pride. She was an Archeron to and knew exactly of her worth and someone who did not see her worth and though of her as an weak child with death issues, did not need her heart. 

Elain would always protect these people, for all the peace they had brought and for all they went trough to protect thousends of humans, but she would not put her heart on the line for them. Not anymore - the only onse she would do this for were Azriel, Aldera and Arxani, as well as Lailany and even Chromos. 

Lailany and Chromos one of the reasons why her heart could still beat, without being caged in with a dagger piercing through her.

It was hard not to tear up on the couch. It was hard to thing of all these years she spend somewhere locked in, but since Azriel was by her side now again -she could pull trough all her pain. 

Azriel the salve on her burning wounds. 

The one that would never leave her alone.

The one that himself was deep lost in thought too. 

The Spymaster that swallowed hard on the things he had done durning these three years, or rather not had done. Realizing that he needed to visit the first person he needed to apologieze for his behaviour rather soon, maybe tomorrow or the day after that. 

But Azriel knew that he owed her an explanation, even though the thought of his mothers disappointed face made his heart clench, but he deserved that pain.

She herself went through so much for him, only to be loaded with more pain from him. 

His yaw thigtened at the thought of the many years his Mother had spend humilaiting herself only for his safety, his safety that he didn't even have. An empty promise that was made by his father to her, only to wath her crawling in the dirt and reaching for scrap. 

His hands thightened at the thought of it, his hands that had been ruined by those that should have been a family to him, but he was a born bastard. What else should he have expected from his brothers that thought so high of themselfs.

He hadn't noticed that the porcelain of the mug started to screech under the force of his hand, he only noticed after he realized that Elains hand was softly place atop of his. Her pale skin a stark contrast to his red burned flesh, that was covered in little outstanding rivers. Rivers that had once been aflame. 

His stomach flipped at the sight of her skin on his. Her perfect skin on his ruined. 

Elain seemed to notice too, and the worried look she gave him as she put her hand on his, moved to a fierce one. One that he knew to well. A look that disapproved of his thoughts and so the soft touch on his calloused hand, gripped him thight. 

Pulling him out of his thoughts with the strength of her touch. 

Azriel sighed in relieve as he got back to the surface of the world, of the now - that he spend with Elain. His brath that was only pressed before, going back to normal again. 

He hated to admit that he had such moments too often in the past three years. Moments in which he forgot in what time he lived, moments in which he forgot his age, moments in which his little frame lied on the cold ground burning. His brothers two large shadows over him, the first shadows that started to control him, to laugh at him, to direct his fears into a direction where he could never return from.

Fears he even had five centurys after their abuse. 

But he hoped these moments would become lesser now, after all the light to his darkness was back, the first flame he was not afraid of. 

A smile crept upon his face and his depressing thoughts, only because of the thought of the fierce but gentle female beside him, a chuckle escaping his lips, as he let his one hand go from the cup to grap for Elains hand. 

She squeezed his hand lightly when she asked him. "Is something the matter blueberry?"

His smile grew brighter at the nickname only she could call him with, an slight shake of his head the only answer she needed.

"I just remembered something, that's all." 

He knew Elain was furrowing her eyebrows together and he should probably look at her face, but his gaze could not pull away at the sight of their interwined fingers. Two completly different worlds that should have never met, yet somehow they became two souls with one heart that beat the same. 

"May I ask what it was?" 

Azriel heared that her curiosity was almost killing her. The Spymaster thought for a moment and decided it was time for them to meet. Both deserved to know the other.

The two most important females in his life deserved to know each other. 

"I was thinking of visiting my Mother." he siply said. His heart speeding up at the next sentences that formed on his tongue. "I just remembered that I hadn't visited her in a while."

"When was the last time you saw her?" Oh, that clever female! His heart clenched a bit since he knew Elain would somehow connect the fault to her even though she carried no blame for his behaviour, but he knew how soft her soul was, how often her heart blamed her for the outcome of a situation, but it was no use. She seemed always to be able to tell when he was lying, so only the truth could be spoken.

"Since a bit more than three years." 

Elain already gasped for the air of an apologie, but as Azriels head finally snapped up to meet her eyes - she fell silent at the many emotions she saw flooding his hazel eyes. The green, the brown and the gold of those mystirous eyes swimming in a sea of despair, happiness, sincerity, regret and even fear. 

Mixed emotions that made her close her mouth and let these emotions come out of his mouth. 

"It's not your fault, Elain." were the first words he mumbled while his eyes pierced through her wided eyes. The stroke of his rough skin with his thumb over her smooth skin of her the back of her hand an welcomed distraction from the waves of emotions that started to rise up in her.

"I just hadn't found the strength to visit her, that's all." was what he mumbled next. His voice a quiet, shaking mess as he cracked a smile. "I just commited the crime of not introucing my Mother to my best friend."

He squirmed inwards at the words _Best Friend._

Azriel wanted to use so many words for her that would have fit a thousend times better, but he respected her wish of private space and until now he hadn't opened up to her in that way, he even doubted that the lovely fawn could ever feel the same way for the broken shadow he was.

Still her eyes lit up. Probably at the mention of his mother. She wanted to speak her mind so despratly, her body overbrimming with happiness, as she put the mug on the table, taking his in a well thought motion too from his hand. 

Using now her two free hands to cup his. An rather funny attempt. One that made him giggle as her small hands tried to hold his large ones. If he would have turned his palms up, he could hide her hands under his. 

But as amusing as he found it, as much did he love the tingly sensation of her skin on his.

Her moth pressed close as skin touched skin. She knew he had something to say and let him. 

Azriel sighed. "Here goes nothing." he mumbled more to himself than to her. The spymaster needed all his courage and probably all the air from the room as he finally asked. 

"Would you do me the favour of meeting my mother?" his eyes were pressed close, his head tilted downwards, his wings shifted in anticipation of her answer. His whole body screamed to not want to know the answer. The shadows he hadn't really noticed since he sat down, were twirling around him like a tornado. 

He the center of it.

His eyes couldn't make out the reaction or the look on her face as he finally looked up at her again, his shadows a dark wall between them. 

She was motionless -seemed shocked even. 

Azriel grew cold. He knew he shouldn't have asked, he should have better kept silent about his mother. It probably gave her the wrong idea of what or as who he wanted to introduce her. It felt like as if he was asking his Girlfriend to meet his mother for the first time, even though he wished that would be the case, he still would introduce her as his best friend.

But somehow he expected her reaction. 

Who would want to meet the mother of him, the biggest monster of the night court.

But all his worrys flew out of the closed windows when Elain crashed through the black wall of shadows and flung herself into his arms, giggling and pampering him with hundreds of little kisses to his stubbled cheek.

"A thousend times yes Azriel! A thousend times!" 

He was stunned by the brightness of her eyes as he looked up at her. The brown eyes of the seer a sea of molten caramel as she looked down at him with all her happiness and brightness. Holding his face in her saft palms, to make him see every glimmering shine of happiness in her. 

With each second that went by, with each second that he spend looking into those hypnoticing eyes, the more the shadows lifted. Making him forget about the world or their current position. 

Her sadness from earlier of the day a mist of clouds in the sky far, far above them. Far from harming her. 

_She simply turned into a ray of sunshine._ He thought in awe.

An ray of sunshine that climbed into his lap, her legs to either side of him, her hands keeping his head locked to look up at her and her sinfull mouth that slowly started to lower itself on his, but just a few inches from his, shock winded her eyes and she soon dragged her soft lips up to touch his forehead instead of his own that waited in anticipation of hers. 

Elains soft lips that never once touched his, but a thousend times his cheeks, his hands and his forehead. 

His heart hammered hard against the cell it was kept in , the cell that was his ribcage, his ribcage that was hidden under his frozen chest. He wanted his chest to rise and meet hers, but he was afraid that the more he felt of her, the more his restaint would vanish into thin air. 

His hands, that somehow found their ways around her waist, already recired a lot of self-restaint to not wander up and down her body. 

But he waited and waited for the lingering touch of her lips to vanish from his skin, enjoying the feeling of it. Left with a whirlwind of relieve and sadness when she lifted her lips up from his face once again. Looking him dead in the eyes with a blinding smile on her lips as her husky voice settled the matters fully. 

"I would very much enjoy to finally meet your mother." 

Her smile starting to stretch even more when she added. "I would very much like to get to know the Female who raised my wonderfull best friend."

And with that she gave him a final peek of her lips on his cheek and climped off of him with the brightness of a tomate. 

A stung crossed his heart at the words _Best friend_ , but a chuckle escaped his blabbering heart and came to the sureface of the world, at the innocence, the fiercness and the gentleness of her. 

Elain who downed, with a face red like a scarlet sunrise, the rest of her cold tea. Quikly jumping to her feet to clean the rest of his apartment off.

Azriel only chuckled, but needed alot of will power to somehow smother the shaking of his hands, that reached for his cup too. 

*******

Around Lunch time he and Elain had finished off cleaning. 

Both having gone over to work in soft silence, like in old times.

He remembered that both of them had no breakfest, except for the tea, which was the reason why he isisted -after he cleaned his office and his bedroom- to stew a bit of pork and vegtebals for the two of them.

The constant blubbering of the souce he stirred the only sound in the kitchen. 

Elain still finished off cleaning the guest room, but somehow her happy mood from before had a damper as she entered the freshly cleaned kitchen with the glass of black feathers in her hands. 

He left it by her night stand, no! By the night stand of his guest room for mothers sake.

Azriel sighed as he remembered how it had been to life with her, he remebered how Elain threw him out of bed every morning a cup of tea and breakfest already waiting for him when he got up grumbling about the early birds. 

He once complained that tea was no replacement for coffee and that he needed his moring cup -or maybe can of it. 

Elain showed back then, once again her fierce side, glaring at him over the rim of her newly brought mug, and listed him the amount of coffee he drank was not healthy. Telling him to cut back on it, since even though they were immortal, she did not want to risk a family member because of coffee. 

The Spymaster thought of it as annoying at first, but when he cut back, he truly noticed a change in himself even though he suspected it was more because of his flowery companion that watched him very carefully whenever he tried to reach for the coffee pot. 

A silent challenge burning in her eyes. 

But now she had only eyes for the feathers as she absentmindly caressed the glass with her thumb softly. 

The Spymaster let his best friend dwell in her mind for as long as she needed, giving her space to think.

And after a while she really broke the silence. "I arranged the guest room to my benefit if that is OK with you." 

Azriel chuckled as he reached for the plates to put a bit of stew on them. "Do you have something planned, wicked fawn." 

A shadow told him, to his delight, that the seer started to turn red again, scrambling for words. He didn't know why but he loved to get under her skin like this, even though her reactions got under his in return. 

"I-I didn't want to miss the start of our flight to your mother." 

Even though she tried to hide the sad voice in her edge, he still read her sentence _'I don't want to talk to Feyre just now.'_

It hurt him to know that she feared her own sister, the one that had ment it a bit too good with all her good attempts - going as far as pushing her own sister to someone helplessly locked in. To someone that was in Feyres eyes better to protect than the real Elain. 

The Elain Feyre didn't saw. 

The Elain he saw.

He slowly nodded and moved with two spoons and the plates to the table she already sat on. 

A 'Thank you' on her lips, as he put the plate down. Her lips that almost had kissed his. 

Azriels wish that it would not have stayed by almost, was bigger than the need Rhys felt for his mate. 

But he respected Elain dearly, and even though he would have been ready for that kiss, if she wasn't or would not even want it, he had to wait or life with the way it was. With the way she did not feel the same about him. However he might have been ready for this kiss - he would not be for the things he would do to her after her. 

So many naughty things he wished to do after that kiss with her, that he did not dare to think any moment longer about them, let alone ever speak with someone about them.

He had hard to swallow on his restaint, but he managed to somehow keep his hands still. His body seated stiff on the chair and his eyes focused on the spoon that went up to his mouth over and over again. 

"When are we going to visit your Mother?" 

He stilled at that. Searching her eyes for the first time since hours. Elains eyes that still shone with happiness and waited patiently for his answer. 

Azriel gulped the last spoon of his stew down as he answered after some thinking time "I think tomorow." 

The Spymaster noticed with sharp senses that the light in her eyes had dimmed a bit again. She did clearly not want to talk to Feyre, but also didn't want to push him in making rushed decisions. 

His yaw twitched at the thought of her putting herself back again, he did not like it at all that Elain looked so down. It made him want to tear the world appart to find the reason for her sadness. Even though he would have to fight one hell of a battle to accomplish that since his opponents would be Feyre and Rhys, but he knew he would walk stright into hell for this female if it ment seeing her happy.

Which was why his tongue had spoken the words sooner than his mind had cought up to them "We don't have anything to do in the afternoon, we also could fly after Lunch." 

Her eyes lit up at his request and she nodded eagerly, not able to speak because of the stew in her mouth, her rosy cheeks plusterd like those of a hamster. He chuckled at the so unlike sight of her, but sighed afterwards - dragging a scarred hand through his silky hair. His shadows already growing restless. 

"So it is today." he said more to himself than to her, to confirm his situation. 

He said he would walk right into hell for this female and this seemed to be excat that what he would to today. 

Walking into a hell that contained the disappointed accusations of his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> I really want to apologieze for the long wait, but school had kept me bussy.  
> And belivie it or not, I was not bussy enough and started another Elriel ff on tumblr xD.  
> I really hope you don't have the wish to murder me now.  
> Anyway you might have also noticed I was part of writers strike and for the rest of the time I can say I had a writers block since I drove myself against the wall with the end of the last chapter.  
> I hope though this one could somehow make up for the past time I hadn't been posting. 
> 
> Please feel free to share your thoughts on this chapter with me.  
> And how do you think will the meeting with Az Mom go?
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter - I promise the wait wont be that long


	20. Chapter 19

Azriel seemed to have forgoten how long the flight to his mother was.

She lived near Rosehall -that sometimes to his relieve and sometimes to his bad luck- laid across the court -which made the flight from Velaris rather long again. 

It now than ever since the war, really seemed as if he was a creature of the sky, flying since hours, mile for mile. A creature that was ment to fly far above over grassy hills and medows, rocky mountains and velleys that sparkled with the water of some rivers in the sunlight. The crisp air around him a cloak like his shadows. 

It felt like as if he returned to an old friend each time he shoot up into the sky. No matter if it was windy, if it snowed, or rained or if the sky was cloudless and seemed to brimm with happiness as it welcomed his companions over milllenias. The folk that was born to fly, the folk that was ment to hear and feel the melody of the winds and the sky. 

A folk Azriel did not like at all, but his wings were the most precious gift that was ever made for him. His wings the only reason that he at least tried to accept his herritage. His wings that carried him through hundreds of battles and thousends of quiet flights to clear his head. Losing his thoughts far above in the clouds as he whirled in them. 

He loved them, equally to the female that was once again in his arms and clung to his neck. 

It seemed now than ever that Elain had gone back to her old days, back in the beginning, when they only started to grow friends. Clinging to her friend like a fishermen to the railing of his boat while he was in the middle of a storm. 

And that storm seemed to have come - making Elain digg her nails lightly into the flesh at the nab of his neck, the sensation drove him crazy and lose all the focus of his surroundings. But he knew to not point it out, since his friend would mumble thousends of apologies for hurting him, and making him vulnerable to their enemys- that were no where even close- but not for the things she didn't know she made him feel. 

On most days when he was together with her like that, the leash he kept tied thightly around his throat, seemed to strangle him. Singing in secet that he should just unleash it. It and the feelings for the female, his friend, he so desired. 

But even though air seemed not want to come to him, at the littlesst, he held thight to his leash most of the times. Only sometimes he losened it and he was afraid of those times, afraid of those times were, he knew his love, apprication and desire for her, was clouding his eyes. Making them seem dark of all these feelings - he once had seen his face in the mirror, when it happened. It frightened him that his brothers and the rest of his family as well of Velaris could easily see his feelings - which was the reason why he shoot as fast as possible in the sky, when he unleashed himself even just the littlest bit. 

Somehow Azriel did not want to know what would ever happen, when he unleashed himself completly, letting love and desire surge through him like a burning river. Burning all his self-restaint he had to ashes. 

But he could not stopp wondering if that would ever happen. He could not stopp wondering if the seer ever saw visions of a beast cloaked in shadows. Shadows that would crash over her together, like missing friends hugging each other, shadows that swallowed her up whole - not letting her come to the surface again. 

The Spymaster was currious for the answer, but kept silent about it all the time. Not daring to worry his friend too much with his thoughts. 

His friend, a cloaked figure in his arms, that was pressed against his chest, like a new born baby. 

It was luck, that she now had a cloak to keep herself warm. The mother seemingly having smiled down on her in pity. Making it possible for the two of them to go to the Riverestate to get her a cloak and in an warmer dress. 

It was luck alone that their family hadn't yet returned from Windhaven. Probably thanks to Feyre and Rhys or Nesta. 

But Elain seemed relieved about it - that she could go in the estate without being bombarded with questions - questions even he didn't dare to ask her yet.

The seer had told him after Lunch she wanted to see the two Wraiths again. Wanted to know how her friends were doing and who was he to deny her wishes.

But still she send a few of her shadows in to detect if someone was already there. To say Azriel was impressed was underestemated. 

He knew when he, himself started to train, that his shadows were a nature force of its own. Wild and untamed, a forest of evil creatures that swallowed the little boy whole, and even though they were threatning to others and sometimes himself, they had always comforted him. In a way close that his Mother did, but he remembered the raw strength of them. 

The cloud that whirled around the two wraiths similar to his, but calmer - still deadly for most too. The cloud of shadows that surrounded Nuala and Cerridwen might have been calmer and lighter around them, but seemed to carry more evil and bad will than his. By the time he started to train them, they had already killed off a dozen. Most thiefes that wanted to harm them, rape them before they would have sold them off for high money. 

But the shadows of these two had crossed this plan - protecting the vessels they used. 

And all that he had seen in the years of training them - it took him as well as them- many monthes to hide their shadows in their own one. The Wraiths normaly did not do it, not in the need to hide a part of their soul, but Azriel had been.

Whenever he was visiting the mortals or having to talk to the other High Lords when Rhys had a message that needed to be delivered. After all - some of the High Lords picked, his shadows, up as threats. 

And the mortals were simply terrified.

But Elain hid her shadows in her own, like they didn't even exist. As if she acted on a part of her soul that wasn't there - that she not wished to be seen, but in the end she had a great control over them. 

Enough control that she could send them unseen in the estate and spy for her - as if it had been thrilled into her very flesh, like she was never used any difference. 

He admired her for that, but he knew that if Elain wouldn't have been afraid of Feyre - she would have not used them. 

Still she had knocked, with confidence, on the door of the Riverestate. Waiting for one of the Wraiths to open it up. And Cerridwen did - not able to even realieze who stood infront of her - before Elain had her in thight hug. Her pale form vanishing somewhere inbetween the light grey mist of Cerridwens shadows. 

The Wraith gasped - a sound he had never heared from one of them- and pulled the fawn thight to her. The flower they took care of finally home, the first friend since centuries, that appriciated the work of the Wraiths and valued their friendship. 

And Azriel turned his head away slightly, as tears started to leave the dark females eyes. He did not want to ruin their moment, did not want to disturb their privacy.

It had taken Nuala only a couple of minutes to come from the kitchen as well, seeing the slightly bend down back of her sister and hearing her quiet sobs, making her worried. 

And she too started to cry out in happiness as she saw the light seer. A ray of light in the realm of shadows. 

Azriel had never once in his long life heared so many emotions from the Wraiths. They too had an strong leash around their emotions, not allowing any sign of happiness or sadness on the surface, but it made him smile to think that they cried out in happiness as they saw the seer and held her in a bone crushing hug. Their shadows and long black hairs, that fell around them, curtains that protected them from prying eyes. 

The two sisters bending a bit down, to hold the seer. Their friend and new companion in the shadows. 

He remebered how happy the Wraiths were and remembered how sad they were when they found out she was gone. For most it had barely been noticable, but the few times he visited the estate to take care of Elains garden, he saw their sulking figures through the kitchen windows. The sadness that seemed to drown their black eyes and the slower motions they made while rolling the dough, an stright evidence that they missed her friend just as much as he did. 

Just had these two not the freedom of staying at home for the time she was gone and dwelling in sadness of her lose. 

But it showed him that Elain was valued and it did not matter to her that those who valued her were halfbreds of shadows. She was just happy too, in the arms of the two sisters that had been covered in flour and shadows. 

A giggle escaping Elains lips as she realized that Nuala and Cerridwen had smeered flour on her. But they all three only laughed. The Wraiths starting to pick up their tasks once again, just with a happy gleam in their eyes and a burden, or a worry off of their shoulders. 

Azriel already suspected that the two sisters, who found new energy for work, were going to create an feast of various food for her return. But he told them, when Elain went to gather her coat and an warmer dress, to save the meal for tomorow, already suspecting that the two of them would not make it in time for dinner.

Which they clearly would not do, after all the day already started to bid farewell and swith places with the night. 

The first stars starting to shine above their heads, like Fireflights.

They still had not reached Rosehall yet, his Wings, that had already flown a long way the former day, were still exhausted - the night rest no big of a help.

Even though Madja had told him his wings would be fine,two and a half decade ago, after the attack from the Hybern beasts, he still struggled with long distance flights. Just like Cassian.

But both were to proud to admit it when they flew across the whole court together with Rhys. The two Illyrians having in silence agreed to not tell their brother, of the itching pain the scarrs on their wings created, after hour long flights. 

Yet Elain was an exception onse again, she notice his quiet hisses of pain, whenever he beat too hard with his booming wings. She hadn't said a thing till mid-flight, but soon she became insistent of a break for him and told him that they would fly in two minutes over a medow he could land on. 

He at first didn't want to budge and claimed to be fine, but the pain started to gnaw at his wings and made him drift lower and lower. The force he used to get back up making his back ache with every beat of his heavy wings. Giving up on the stubborn and isisting seer, as well to his pain, he landed on the medow. 

It was a relieve to stretch out his wings, as he stood on the medow, the grey sky far away from him. An happy sighed escaped his lips as he had not to fight against the wind anymore. Azriel loved flying, but hated the conrary wind on long flights, but all his relieve went up into the sky when suddenly a cool sensation formed at the spots of his scars on the silky membrane of his wings. 

He had tried to turn in an desprate attempt to protect his wings from an attacker, but a soft hand on his back, between the stems of his wings, made him relax, but shudder from lust at the same time as the cool sensation was rubbed on his wings again. The realization that _she_ was touching them, hiting his body a bit earlier than his mind.

A crimson blush crept upon his cheeks as she traced the scars, again with that salv on her fingers. Misunderstanding the errected shudder of his body of one as pain. She hastily smeered the rest of the salve on him and steped around him. 

"I'm sorry if it hurt." she exclaimed with worried eyes. Tracing his features with those soft eyes of hers for any sign of hurt. Azriel already wanted to brush it of as fine, his embarressment still clinging to him like a second skin though, as a burning pain spread over the places Elain had rubbed the salve on. A sudden hiss of pain escaping his thightly shut lips.

This time he had been able to turn and spin in worry of his wings, if Elain hadn't put her hands to each side of his face. Her strong eyes, shining under the sight of his hounded hazel ones. Rubbing her thumbs over his stubbled skin in a calming way - the sensation making him concentrate from the pain of his wings to her soft touch. 

"Madja told me it could burn a little, but it will be fine in three minutes." He only nodded, the paniced dryness of his throat making it almost impossible to speak. "Why do you even own such a salve?" he rasped out. The peeling of a tree, soft to the touch against the edges of his voice. He knew the salve Elain had rubbed into his skin too well. It was used against deeper reaching scars that could tear the skin open anytime again. He himself had to use it more often than he would have liked, but it wondered him why she had it. 

Had she known, from a vision, of his pain and requested the salve from Madja? but then again when would she have had the time for that? It wondered him and made the shadows snake around his rounded ears. Whispering every detail of her behaviour to him. 

A sad smile crept on her lips. Elains voice so tender that he thought he was wrapped into a blanket of velvet. "I had Madja make it many years ago, when I needed it myself." 

He wondered why she would have ever been in the need of it, but he hadn't been in the need to ask the question. Her knowing eyes aware of it even before he spoke. 

"I had needed it after a trainings session with Cassian." she left a pause. 

Letting his mind catch up to what she just said. The one that had been disgusted by daggers, knives and swords, having in secret learned well to use them - that he could already swear, even though he had never seen her fighting. But he knew how Cassian trained the females at Windhaven, he would not make an excaptation for Elain, using the same trainingsplan for her as the few other females back in the war-camp he trained. 

He was shocked but proud too. 

Yet his eyes still furrowed together. His firy brother is one of the first persons that put up complains about her safety, next to Feyre, when it came to attacks or meetings with the Lords of the Night Court. He should have known of what she was capable, shouldn't he have been on her side? Letting Elain grow on her own into the new situation of her immortel life, which was now by all means not new anymore.

His brother sure as hell would go one round of a trainings fight, for keeping that information secret and even blaming Elain as weak, even though she withstand his training. 

When Azriel nodded for her to continue, the burning sensation on his back had grown lesser, moving to a tingly feeling instead. Her eyes strayed from his, looking at everything but him, as she started to explain herself. 

"On one evening, when Cassian and I, had a rather rough trainings fight - I was slowly backed away in the cornor by his hits. We both hadn't realized that we were slowly coming closer to the weaponary holders, and well before anyone of us knew it - I slipped on a wooden dagger, crashed into the swordholder and had my left ankle almost cut off." 

He was stunned and schocked at how easily she told it, as if she was discussing new plans for her garden with him, and angry. The cold anger a chilling wave in his veins. Even though his anger was cold - his eyes burned with furry. 

Furry for his brother. 

It might have just become one hell of a day Azriel would Cassian put through. He knew that his brother probably went stright away to Madja with her, but it was still too wreckless of him!

One of the first things he thought in his lessons, was to always watch your surroundings. A lesson even the little Infants of the Illyrians get thrilled into their heads.

He would not let Cassian get away with it, but Elain distracted him again, telling him that the weird sensation on his wings, should have probably vanished. And it was - making him gather the seer back in his arms and surge right through the sky again. 

Hiding his burning eyes away from her, as her head rested close to his chest. 

Blending out everything for the rest of the flight. 

As the night had already settled, the house of his mother came in sight. 

The timbered house standing in the middle of a large garden - surrounded by the protectiv thorns of the wilderned rose bushes, the flowers and rather innocent looking shield for his mother- with a smoking chimney. The light shining softly, from inside, down on those who waited for entry. 

Elain noticed his sudden stiffness as he landed and soon walked up, with her still craddled in his arms, the small stony path to the plain wood door. An small nail the evidence that in warmer monthes there would hang an floral wreath. She glanced up at him a last time- a resuring smile on her lips- before he put her down and hasitantly knocked on the door. 

His hands sterted to grow sweaty. What if his Mother didn't want to see him anymore? What if she gave him up? He swallowed hard on those thoughts, that kept him bussy in the minute they stood infront of the closed door.

Had it been an minute, or had it been seconds? Maybe it were even hours! He tried to calm himself down. If they would have stood hours in the night, the sky would have changed and the smell of burning wood in the air would eventually vanish as time past and the fire started to burn down, since those who enlightened it were retreating for the night. 

But all his calming hadn't prepared him for the sight infront of him, as the door opened and gave light to an wooden hallway. The sudden light blinding him and the seer. 

He noticed in that moment that all his mentall preparation could have not prepared him for the sight, that showed itself to him. 

His brother, Ewen, who had still had clung to his mother like an coala bear to an eucalyptus tree, the last time he saw him, was now standing before him. His little clumsy hands barely reaching the doorknob as he opened the door inwards. He tippled slightly on his tip toes as he tried to open it further. 

The blue eyes of his brother suddenly finding Azriels, as he had the door opened as much as he deemed as right, those sea colored eyes swimming with unrecognization for the dark male infront of him. 

Ewans little eyes not even recognizing the seer by his side. The seer that seemed swallowed up in the shadows as she watched the encounter of the two brothers. 

The two brothers that could have been night and day. The older of them, the longer existing night, with dark hair as night sky and gleaming hazel eyes as stars, dropped to his knees and pulled the younger of them, the day, with his bright blue eyes as cloudless sky and his gold gleaming chestnut hair as sun, into a thight hug. 

A strangled sound escaping from deep withins Azriels throat, as he clung to his brother. Realization slowly starting to dawn in the infants eyes, as he too, pulled his little arms around his massiv frame. "Awiel?" he had asked in his childisch voice, that dripped from innocence and curriosity. 

Azriel only chuckled at his little brother, an rumbling sound - that even Elain could feel vibrating through her,even though she stood a bit at the side. 

That rumble alone throbbing from relieve and pure happiness. 

Elain smiled at the picture. The oh so fearsome Spymaster of the night court, bend to his knees and hugging his little brother with all the gentleness he could offer. A sight no one would believe if she ever told someone about it.

But Elain knew, that she would never tell anyone of this moment, keeping it close to her own heart instead. Only wishing that she could draw like Feyre and capture this sight forever. Capturing the softness and the truest part of Azriels heart - of the one she loved. 

The smile on her face never seemed to want to stopp, as she watched the two hugging. Little Ewan clinging to the warmth that Azriels body provided, instead of the crisp spring air of Illyria. - closing his eyes in calmness.

Only the soft voice of an female pulled her out of her thoughts and made her smile somehow watery. The infant lit up instead at the voice of his mother. 

"Ewan? Who is it?" 

His closed eyes shot open and the little arms around Azriels neck vanished, as the boy started to fly to his mother in exitement, pointing to the door. "Mama! Mama! Awiel back!"

And before Azriel could rise fully to his feet, came the figure of an gourges female around the corner. Her doe eyes windening in recignation as she stormed up to him, her long bitch black hair a dark trail behind, her as she pulled her first son into a thight hug. Her wings thightly folded in as her warmth and love envolped Azriel once again. 

Elains eyes dared to stray from the few of the reunation of mother and son - leaving this moment to them. Instead she willed her attention to the open hallway. It was cladded in wood. The floor as well as the walls. Pictures hanging generously all over the right wall. 

A long carpet runner, in a creamy whity tone with brown and dark green tendrils as mosture, cladded the way to the staircase, opposite the door, that led upstairs. Little Ewan standing half behind his mother, as he too watched the scenery. A smile on his little lips - a proud one. As if he was proud of his brother for finally returning. 

Elain slightly chuckled. A sound that wasn't unheared by Ewan. His sea blue eyes soon found her caramel ones. His piercing eyes that seemed to see right into her very soul, as if assesing if she had the right to be her. On the threshold of his family. 

Even though Elain asumed he and Azriel had not seen each other for quiet some time, he still already acted like his brother. 

Always watching before acting, something in her eyes seemed to exactly do that. 

The little infant moved on tip toes past the hugging forms of his mother and brother - which seemed lost in their embrace- and took her by her hand. Somehow Elain envied him, her mother never having hugged her like his did with him. Deeming it as inappropriate to do it in public or as the right timing. But then again, what had she and her mother done to ever be able to form such a strong bond?

Nothing much. Her mother never read her bedtime storys when she was younger, had barely listened to her worrys and only saw her beauty compared to the one of Nesta and Feyre, telling her that she would be the one to have one day the best husband she could ever have. Someone who could provide for her standards with his money. 

Elain had never wanted money, at least not in the amount they used to have or had now. The fact that her former ex-fiancé had been a lordling, was not the reason why she agreed to marry him. No, she had thought he loved her for who she was, not her beauty, and would make her feel that for the rest of her life. A life she would spend together with him. Watching their children grow and seeing them find their own way, but Greyson was the one who woke her up.

Who shook her world into thousends of pieces she could never fit the same way together as before.

Her mother had been wrong about her and her choices, or the things she wished for, but still Elain thought she had a deep bond to her mother. 

But now as she saw what Azriel and his Mother had, an unshatterable bond, that build over centuries. Going though thick and thin.

She could not help but fell envious.

She shook her head at those toxic thoughts. They both deserved. She knew which tortures they went through and could only imagine through what humiliations Klaudius put her through. 

But all those thoughts were suddenly gone, as she stood with Ewans hand holding hers, in a wide doorway that led to a generous living area. A few cozy couches arranged around a flickering fireplace, that was brick build. The reddish color of the stones a stark contrast to the decent wall color. Lamps and plants were all over the room, as well as pillows and blankets on the floor. It looked like as if someone had build a pillow fort. 

She couldn't surpress the giggle on her lips. 

Ewans eyes lit up as he noticed her mood, and he grew confident, and dragged her towards the pile of pillows and blankets . All kept in relaxing brown, green and cream white tones. 

The infant, who seemed to look like as if he was in his sleeping clothes, crawled through the entrance of the fort. His wings thightly shut, so that he would have space. Elain already got on all fours as well, as she started to crawl through the entrance, between a couch and an chunky brown armchair near the fireplace- her gown wrinkling at her kneew, but she didn't care if it made a little boy happy. 

But a cough had her off guard, the shadows suddenly snapping around her like a second skin, as the tent of cream whity blankets started to rise.

Elain willed the shadows away with difficultys into one of the corners of the room as she plopped onto her butt and watched with widened eyes, how the figure grew and grew. The blankets still half over the head as the Illyrian underneath the blankets, rose to full hight. Her heart beeting at the speed of light, the pound still noticeable in her throat.

This Illyrian was even taller than Azriel or Cassian! At least a half head. Which made the one standing before her half a head taller than her, when she stood - which she apparently didn't. Sitting on her butt, only able to watch the rise of the figure, from underneath the cream white blankets, to his full size with a gaping mouth and widened eyes, as a tall Illyrian with Chestnut hair started to pull the layers of blankets off of his head. 

"Dad! I wanted to pway!" whined Ewan at his father, who seemingly not had noticed the presence of the seer yet. 

The tall male scrunched down to pick up his son, but halted onse he saw the seer. 

An unknown female, with wide eyes and a gaping mouth cladded into a wrinkled heavy, but warm and plain dress of forestgreen velvet, sitting in the middle of his living room. 

His sea blue eyes grew for a moment just as wide as hers, but a cold layer of ice was soon placed above them. Elain knew this predatory coldness too well and was well aware of the fact, that she had about a minute to introduce her and explain herself, before she would get into trouble.

And she was not to excited to have to fight against the bulky warrior infront of her. 

So the seer got hazily up and hurriedly freed her dress of most wrinkles, before streching out her hand. "I am Elain." 

The male eyed her hand, with his frosty gaze suspiciously, but saw no harm in her and picked up his son. That as soon as he was lifted up, tried to wriggled free in the musceled arms of his father. Whining sounds escaping the infant as he started to flapp with his wings "Dad! I want twa pwlay!" 

The male only shook his head at his son, who seemed to be a way younger version of himself. "It's time for bed Ewan." was all he said, before he moved his attention to Elain and finally took her still outstretched hand. "Bowen." he exclaimed in a rumbling voice. 

Their hands shaking as they heared the door close and the sound of Azriels mothers voice. "You're in luck, puffle, we just had dinner and have some leftovers. I'm pretty sure you'd like to try them. Just sit -"

Her sentence ended midway as she rounded the corner and stepped into the living room, seeing her husband shake hands with an unknown female. Her brown eyes eying her and the scene with suspiciousness as her body tensed. Every fiber of the female screaming that she was ready to defend her family, if Elain ment harm. The females behaviour so close to Azriels. No open attacks, silent threats to intemidate the enemy instead - the only times he directly launched for attack was when he was angry, hopefully like this female. 

Elain couldn't help but nervously laugh at the scenery. She was unknown here and the one that had invited her inside was an toddler, that too, didn't really knew her. Elain for once wished she would have forced a vision on herself, to forsee this situation, but then again - a week ago she hadn't even dared to think of those days,. she now spend so freely.

"Thanks mother, but have you-" before Azriel finished his sentence with his worried voice, he bumped into his mothers back. Her wings twitching up at the impact while his gaze snapped from the shut door to the scene in the living room too. 

Everyone was eying everyone. Taking in each person. Elain the relieved expriesion on Azriels face and the suspicious one of his mother. While the two of them saw Her and Bowen still shaking hands. 

But the blanket of silence seemed to lift, as they stopped shaking hands and Bowen moved with a gleam in his eyes to the side of his wife, together with his son, while Azriel tried to squeeze past them and get to Elains side. A deep sigh escaping his lips. 

"Mother this is Elain. A very good friend of mine." Both, Elains and Azriels, hearts clenched at the term - _very good friend._ They both wanted it to be so much more, but both were afraid of the regection of the significant other. Seemingly blind to the signals of, both, their souls and bodys. Screaming at the two of them that they wished to unite and stay like that forever. 

A heavy weighed seemed to be lifted from Azriels mothers shoulders and Elain too sighed in relieve. Starting to move, with the shadows swisching in her forestgreen skirts, to the female with an outstretched hand. 

"I am Elain. I'm sorry if I startled you, it was, by all honesty, not my intention to do so. Nor do I wish to bring harm." Her voice sparked with happiness as the female shook her hand too, with a light pressure. 

"I am relieved to hear that." even though the female opposite Elain seemed to be relieved - she still assessed the fawn from head to toe. Her doe eyes widening as she saw the black swirls moving to Elains feet. A pattern of thin, barely noticable, black twines snaking around in the shadow of the female. Giving it a darker shade than natural. 

As Elain and both Az mother stepped a step back from each other, Elain to Azriel and his mother to her son and Husband. With a bright smile she finally greeted the unanounced second guest. "I am happy to greet you in my small but modest home. Feel free to call me Dana." she added with a knowing gleam in her eyes. 

As the doe eyes of Dana cought Azriels puzzled hazel eyes, Elain saw that something wasn't right with calling her Dana, but Elain would ask Azriel later about that. 

Dana clapped her delicate hands together as she started to move, with lilac skirts swisching to her feet, to the kitchen. "I'm sure you both are starving! I'll just warm up our leftovers for you a bit." There was a short moment of silence, in which all four pairs of eyes were turned to the next room. Where shelfs and plates cluttered, before Danas voice was heared again "Could you please sit down with our guests in the dining room, honey." and her head popped around the cornor once again. Her long black hair hangig as a dark curtain from her head.

A loving smile on her lips as she watched, her husband nod, with a look of adoration and love in her doe eyes. 

Bowen couldn't deny the wish of his wife. The spoken one as well as the unspoken one. She wanted him and Azriel to spend some time with each other, as well as with Ewan. Who still trashed around in his arms. Trying to wriggle free from his grip, to prevent him from being taken to bed. 

But as all four moved across the hallway and entered the wide room just befor the stairs, Ewan smiled brightly and stilled - waiting to be seated in his handcrafted highchair. 

It was quiet a time of silence at the table as all sat down, Azriel next to Bowen while in truth he just wanted to sit by Elains side, but he heared his mothers silent wish too, and who was he to deny her - when she only wanted the two males to get along. 

Azriel sighed as he thought about it, he had no wrong feeling abou the male next to him and he knew that Bowen only ment well to his mother and respected her and loved her more than the world. The silence looks they shared with each other singing to him, even though most thought of them as meaningless, but in truth all the love the two bared for each other laid in those silent looks, that were filled with love. 

And Azriel was happy that his mother started to love again three centuries ago, as well as the male she seeked out as her lover loved her for who she was and not for how she looked. Azriel payed his stepfather an great amount of respect - that he was able to tame his desires for his mother as long as she wasn't ready. Waiting over an century, after they started dating two and a half ago, till he claimed her. 

The bite scarr around his mothers shoulder still evidently visible. 

Back then, when they claimed each other, his shadows had reported it to him and to be honest Azriel would have been glad if they would have spared him the details this time. There were times were he didn't fear his shadows but didn't like them either. Such times were when they gathered too many details, but the Mother alone knew that he was certain about everything that had happened that day. 

And in all honesty he would never tell the two of them that he knew. Preventing them from further embarressment.

But the silence he used to dwell in memorys was disturbed as his little brother flapped in annoyence with his wings and tried to shake the wooden chair off of him. Bowen already wanted to tame his little son with a stern look, but before he even got to turn his head at the wailing infant, Elain stood up from the chair opposite of Azriels and took the boy out of the chair. 

Carrying him carefully in her arms as she sat down again, his little brother snuggling into his love as she sat him down in her lap. A distant look in her eyes as she put the fluffy chestnut hair of the boy that hugged her, in forestgreen claded, chest. His chestnut hair creatiing together with her dress the look of an tree. Ewens fuzzy hair the stem andthe green, shiny velvet of Elains dress the crown.

Her slightly swaying body, giving her the apperance of an calm tree, standing strong in the gentle breeze of wind around her. The boy in her arms a little bird that calmed at the movements of her. The fawns eyes holding an far away distance, as if she saw things beyond this moment, or moments that layed far behind her. 

Dwelling in her memorys as well, as she envelopt the infant with her calmness and her warmth. 

Azriel couldn't help but imagine that Elains heart,still, clung to the little boys body she burried four years ago. His wings though just today.

 _Today_ seemed to be an far away word as Elain closed her eyes. Locking her sadness away from prying eyes. The sadness that enveloped her as she saw the little boy struggling to get out of his highchair. The down pulling feeling of guilt mixed with sadness washed over her at the sight, remembering the little infant she left behind. 

Aldera, who was left with no mother, but a monster of a father. The only hope, of the little black haired girl, her aunt and uncle. 

Elain wished dearly that she would know her boundrys, which were for a child her ago, too many in her eyes, but what could she have possibly done about that? She could have risked her neck for her, but in the end it could have been possible that Maraxus would have killed her in an unfair fight in a fit of rage. Which would have left the little girl alone with a monster too. 

She could have tried to take Aldera with her, but Maraxus would already come and try to search for Elain, if she would have his daughter she was sure he would find both of them in no time. With or without the protection of her family. 

Elain pressed her eyes further close as she felt tears pricking under her eyelids. 

She was a cold hearted monster! She left the future of an innocent infant in such dark hands for her own! 

The fawn tried to push the lump in her dry throat down. She could have predicted Alderas future, seeing if their was hope for her at least, but the seer was too afraid of seeing a glimpse of her own one. That stood for so long under the darkest star on the nightsky. 

Elain tried and tried to surpass her own silent reproaches, but nothing could overcome her guilt and the lump in her dry throat. 

Clinging to the boy in her arms as an ancher of her fears. The only thing she could have done for Aldera crossing her storming mind, as the boy grew restless. His head still pressed into her, breathing in her floral scent, but his wings were folding and unfolding again -flapping slightly. 

The fuzzy sleepy head was ready to take off, but Elain wasn't just ready to let go. And so she hummed. 

She hummed the melody her father hummed at her, even when she was already an adult, in the human way at least. She hummed the melody to Ewan like she did to Azriel and Aldera in restless times - ear pressed against her chest, body in an thight embrace to feel each rumble from deep within her chest. 

Azriel watched in awe, at how the seer calmed his little brother down. Even though he thought she had lost a bit of color and the hand that pat Ewans hair wa slightly shaking, as if she was trying to smother a stronger shake - trying to subdue her emotions that made her tremble. 

But as the seer started to humm, he knew she had driffted far from this room. Her mind at a place that layed so long behind. 

_Had she hummed the lullaby to Arctonos too?_

He wondered silently, his shadows trying to digg into the old times, but not able to find any information about it. Not even seeing in the past any signs that she was secretly taking care of an little Illyrian Bastard. 

_Bastard_. 

The word left a bitter tase on his heavy tongue and a twisting pain in his guts, but he tried to push it down. 

Push it far away from him as he concentrated on his surroundings. He was at no war camp, where he was known and hated to be one. One that his own father had only used and let him wither until he was needed again. 

Azriel heaved a loud breath as he remembered. As he remembered those dark places, but tried to calm himself down while focusing on the now. 

The now that was in his mothers dining room, where the dark, almost black, ebony table took up the middle of the room. Thorny twines carved into the side of the table top, an delicate,barely noticeable, but good handcraft. A dark place that was layed out for at least four-teen peaople. People that were seated on the same ebony chairs, with a white cushioning at the back lean and the seating.Dark tendrils decorating the top of the back lean. 

The white cushioning fitting together with the wide, light room in which a little iron oven was stuffed in one of the cornors in the back. Two large windows giving the few of a blooming garden away, if it would turn brighter and warmer again. 

Azriel tried to concentrate on all that. On the room, on Elain, on Ewan and Bowen. 

He took a deep breath before he tried to pick up an conversation with his stepfather, while his mother was bussying herself. At first he contemplented on helping her, but she would just shoo him away and back to her husband - his stepfather- wishing that the two would work on the thing together they had started building three years ago. 

A little bond of trust and friendship both acknowledged with slow going conversation that soon turned awkward.

He tried to pick up the topic he was most intersted right now, since the shocked look of Bowen confused him more than e carred to admitt.

"Had Ewen always been this affectonate to strangers?" Azriel cleared his voice, since he could hear the slight shake of it. 

Bowens head soon snapped, from the picture of the fawn and his son, to his stepson. Not able to find words at first - the male only shook his head- before he too cleared his voice. "It's something completly new for him." 

Curt sentences, that's how he knew his stepfather. Always to the point. No dancing around, just the straight truth. Bowen was never a man of storys, which was why whenever he wanted to know what had happened in the weeks he hadn't visited, he went to his mother and asked her for details. 

But Azriel was the last to criticize the male to his right. If he didn't talk to Elain he, too, tried to keep his speaking down to a minimum. Joking around his family from time to time as well, but mostly watching from the shadows. Always concentrated on a possible danger. 

And so was Bowen mostly too, silently having agreed long ago to do, both, their bests to protect his mother, as well as Ewan when he was born. 

But now, since Azriel saw his little brother in Elains delicate, but firm arms, he had never thought he was better watched over than by her side, next to the side of his mother. 

Calming him with her sweet lullaby, that made Azriel, too, sleepy. Wishing that he could lay in her arms instead of his brother. 

_By the Cauldron!_ he thought as his jelousy woke him up with a slap. He was jelous of his little brother!

Azriel groaned annoyed at himself. He really had to get his shit together, he had no right to be jelous she was his _friend ,_ even though he wanted it to be more, he hadn't dared to speak to her yet. To afraid of confessinf his feelings for her. 

Luckily his thoughts were shut out by his mother. Which came with two steaming,white porcelain, plates rushed into the room. A bright smile on her lips as she saw that her husband and son both had read inbetween the lines. 

Her smile grew, as she stepped further into the room and closer to the table, knowing she would get the seat opposite her husband and her future daughter in law to her right. The only thing that was confusing Dana, was her missing infant. Whom she found soon after she placed the two plates, filled with stew infront of her guests. The spoon already placed in the steming hot sauce. 

Potatos, carrots, meat and lentils swimming around in the brown sauce. 

Elains eyes snapped open at the sudden clank on the clean whiped tabletop, her caramel orbs widening- as if she was afraid of the someoe that caused the sudden noice. 

His mother shoot an apolegetic look to Elain and tried to get Ewan from her arms, who was snorring quietly. Wings and arms wrapped around her frame as thight as possible.

The toxic feeling of jelousy returned to his stomach, as he started to fill, the twisting organ, with the hot stew. His cheeks slightly heated from the embarressment over himself. 

But when his mother tried to pull Ewan from Elain, he whined in his sleep and pulled himself closer to the fawn - not even thinking about letting her go.

Azriel really needed to intesify his concetration on his food, else he would probably shoot to his and get Ewan from Elain himself, but knowing his brother was normaly not like this, he would let the sleepy toddler stay where he was and would have probably seated Elain in his lap. Arms and wings enveloping her from behind. He had to stem his feet to the light wooden ground as he swallowed hard on the stew. His eyes practically piercing through the metall of his spoon as he eyed the ingredeations. 

Only in the corner of his eye he saw, how his mother moved in half circles around Elain. Trying to get her youngest son away from the seer, from any reachable angle. 

Elain only giggled and symbolized his mother to sit down too. "It's fine. I can eat like that, for sure, too." and so his mother sat down next to her with a huff. Watching with her chin propped on her hand, the two of them eat. Both drawing her attention to her knowing eyes. 

Elain how she mastered eating the stew, with a toddler in her lap, without spilling anything of it - while still looking gracefull. 

And knowing her oldest son would have to have a good explanation as to why he was sitting slighly angled away from all of them, his shadows seemingly tying him to his seat. 

Oh, and how Dana will love it to draw these rare reactions out of her oh, so shy son. 

Bowen seemed to notice too, that the bulky Illyrian next to him, was having his struggles to face the situation opposite the table. Which was why his puzzled sea blue eyes seeked out her knowing doe eyes. A smirk on her rosy lips, while the dinner continued in silence. The rare blowing on the spoon as well as the sraping of metall on porcelain the only sounds in the room, and the silent snorring of Ewan. 

Dana sighed and decided then and there, that it was time to get some life into her son and his _very good friend_. 

And how would that go better than with teasing him a bit?

Her act starting with an disappointed sigh, so that she would get the attention of the table. Her voice dripping from innocence as she spoke to her eldest son, her husband realizing from the first moment what she had planned and helping her with her act. 

"Puffl, I can't believe you haven't brought your child with you."

Azriel had a reaction she had not expected, instead of growing stiff and looking her in dead the eyes with his 'Are you serious?' look, he chocked on his food and spluttered half of the spoon he had in his mouth, back onto the plate. She noticed with satisfaction that Elain seemed to be this time the one who grew stiff. Her somehow sadned eyes seeking Azriels as he hurried to look at his mother. 

Avoiding the females gaze. 

Dana found it rather interesting that Elain had not the reaction she had expected of her. She had expected of the fawn to blush furriously, getting the hint that she was accused to be a mother everyone didn't know about, but the sadness in her eyes was noticeable for everyone. Dana wondered if the sadness in those eyes was the reason why her son had tried his best to not acknowledge them. 

"What in the mothers name are you talking about mother?!" Dana had a wicked smile on her face - this reaction was deffinetly more fun than most she got. The deep blush on his tan cheeks even an unused sight for her. 

The dark female tilted her head in confusion at him, her olive colored finger pointing towards her son and his companion. "But I thought you two were..." she trailed off, leaving the end hanging in the air, while her husband nodded in agreement. 

Elain seemed to finally realize too, what she was getting at and started to bubble up like a bath bob thrown into water. Her cheeks pinkening to the shade of an lovely rosy Rose. Her hands trying to bussy themselfs in a hurry. The spoon in her hand falling with a loud clank onto the plate. 

Both were now as red as the other and Dana had to surpass her laughter, but also a motherly smile as she took in all the emotions, Azriel had burried long ago deep within himself, and started to bubble up again.

Elains voice was a little pitched as she grambled for words, that could defend the two of them. "No, I'am- No we aren't like ..." her hands gestured wildly between the two of them and Azriel only nodded in a hurry, though his gaze was slightly pained. 

Oh! How her son wanted something to be between the two of them. Dana knew the look of a male that starved the love of someone so desperatly, that they were ready to give up their last bit of happiness if it ment to see the other one happy. 

But Dana knew that he was not the only love starving one here. For her it seemed impossible that the two hadn't noticed the others feelings yet, but in the end it was always like that - others knowing far long before you, that the one who you love, loved you back all this time. 

So it had been at least with Danas relationship with her husband. Azriel having already known for five decades when Bowen found the composure to finally ask her out, having kept silent for such a long expanse of time, since he wanted his mother to experience the thrill of love herself. 

That smugg son of hers had smirked down on her when she told him about her date. But he had already told her he had done a backround check on Bowen and had his Shadows follow him for a whole year - just to be sure- he said. 

Dana felt in this moment not like his mother, but like a daughter who confessed to her father that she was going on a date. The only fitting fact was, that she was going on a date and simply wanted her son to know about it. 

He had all been cocky on her, but this evening she would be on him. The only one she felt slightly sorry for, was the seer next to her, who, too, had to take her masterly placed shoots. 

Dana turned with an apologetic smile to Elain, while in truth hiding away a smirk. "Oh! I'm so sorry! It's just that Azriel never had been brought a guest along." 

Elain grew silent, the blush increasing as the meanings of those words sunk in on her. Dana had to restain herself, not to pat herslef on her shoulder. Telling the truth but also mocking her son and Elain. Two points for one hit. 

Azriel only groaned and wanted to hide his face in his palms, but that was hard to accomplish while he was trying to shovel the stew into his mouth. She had never seen her son eating in such a hurry. 

There sure must have been something burning on his tongue he wanted to say.

But in the moment he wanted to push his chair back, a yawn was heared and soon the wings that were layered around Elain were lifted, caging her in - in the sensitiv membrane. 

Dana couldn't see how her youngest, grabbed a fist full of the green velvet Elain was wearing. Couldn't see how he rubbed his tired eyes, but she knew that the sleepy sounds had drawn the attention from everyone on him. 

Bowen already wanted to stand up, to finally put his son into bed, but it seemed like tonight he would not be the one to do so. 

"Wead me a stawy..." was all that Ewan mumbled, before starting to drift off into sleep again. Light snoring sounds heared in the room again. 

Dana noticed with awe how Elains fuzzed eyes, grew calm again. A loving look in them. A confused smile on her pink lips as she pat the fluffy chestnut hair, of Danas youngest, again. The love that layed in her eyes, for an completly unkown boy, was infectious. 

Making her smile grow with love too. Dana nodded in silence at her husband - noticing his confused gaze on her. Telling him that it was ok, to let Elain do it. With the look in her eyes she doubted the seer could ever hurt the snorring Illyrian toddler. They should only fear that she might take the little one with her when she left, but Dana knew that Elain would never consider that. Knowing she would rob a little boy off of his parents. 

"Up the stairs and the third room on the right." was all Dana whispered. Ewan had already been made ready for bed an hour ago, but the little toddler had wrapped his parents around his chubby little fingers as he told them, after dinner, that he wanted to still build a pillow fort and since his sea blue eyes were starting to tear up, like a storm announcing its arrivel, they agreed to it. 

And happened to be way past his bed time when they were finished up. An hour full of laughing and pillow fights before the fort stood and his father had to play the damsel in distress. He the mighty Illyrian that protected his princess from anyone who wanted to marry her, with even the littlest bad thought. This role fell sadly in Danas hands - even though she had promised her husband with a bright smile she would have no such thoughts. But the Illyrian did not debate about giving his princess away, he only fought those off which tried to dar take her from him. 

Which seemed to have taken its tolls as Elain carefully stood up and pushed the toddler up a bit. His tiny leggs wrapping in instinct around her hips. His sleepy form crawling up to rest his head on her shoulder, his black wings a soft blanket around her shoulders. 

The seers hair trailed behind her like a golden curtain. The shadows, that trailed behind her in her shadow, a stark contrast to the bright light that seemed to radiate off of her body. 

Dana notice how the hazel eyes of her son trailed long after the seer. Even as she rounded the cornor, her steps heared with a light creak on the wooden stairs. Not even leaving a shadow behind as she moved to the upper floor. 

*******

Her heart had been clenching through the whole dinner, even though she appricated Danas try to light up the atmosphere. Still her heart clung to the little boy in her arms. Somehow he not only reminded her of Aldera, but Arctonos too. 

She shook her head firmly. Why was it that she needed to remember both children of this monster now? Why was it that she remembered, those two who had been robbed off of their future, now? 

Elain wondered and wondered about these questions for the whole evening. Her mind circeling around the same questions, but not able to find answers to those. Still the warmth of Ewan made her stay in the now. Made her remember who she was, what she had overcome, where she was and with who she was there. 

Her thoughts circeling and pulling her away, but the boy in her arms had put a leash on her, that let her thoughts circle only in an given amount of distance. A distance from which she could return easily. 

A smile graced her lips as she walked through the hallway, that had wooden walls too, the floor cladded in the same carpetrunner as downstairs. An assortment of feary lights hanging close to the ceiling - just like downstairs. Pictures hanging on the wall as well. 

It seemed like a cozy place, she thought with a smile as she opened the door she was supposed to. An tidy room greeting her, as she saw all the boys toyes gathered neatly on a wooden shelf that was good within his reach, standing in the right cornor of his room, an small desk already standing at the side of the shelf, under one of the two windows. Various papers cluttered around on the light tabletop. 

His little bed was pushed against the wall opposite of the desk. A small nightstand, standing next to the wooden bed, with a beautifull looking faery light next to it. Elain hadn't even known they could be shaped this way. The main light that started to shine above her head when she entered, turned off, as she placed Ewan carefully on the mattress of his little bed. 

The light on his nightstand turning instantly on as his chestnut hair splayed all over his green pillows. The same green that was used for the soft round rug in the middle of the room.

A golden light started to illuminate the room. The golden light, that shone with a soft brightness beside the two, was held by a delicate creature with fine limps. The thin arms of the fae like looking female, held up a round ball - in which the golden light shone and flickered. Tracing shadows on Elains and Ewans faces, as well as on the wings of the feary. Her white porcelain butterfly wings seemingly dancing away from their owner in the light. 

The creature on Ewans nightstand reminded her strongly on those which were carved and sculpted on Azriels apartment house. 

He once told her that these creatures were called pixies and were even under the fae folk a myth. He told her that most didn't believe in their existence and thought of them as storys from their parents to encourage their children to allways believe in luck - since they were called the bringers of it.

But most weren't granted their luck like they wished it to be. It was said that a pixie could decide which amount of luck she would bring. Deciding if it was an great luck or just a little luck she would grant the believer, was up to the one who believed - if someone with ill wishes and a cruel heart believed in her, her magic could only bring little luck. But those with kind hearts were those who were granted the most luck. 

Elain truly hoped that those pixies weren't just myths - after all she already wished a good amount of luck to the boy, she carefully tucked away under his thick blanket. Her heart already having fallen for the little one. 

Before Elain could think further of it, she leaned down and pressed a light kiss to Ewans forehead, trying to hold her lose hair back as she did so. A smile curled up his lips as she brushed his hair back, from his peacfully sleeping face, with delicate fingers. 

What was she doing here? She would only get attatched to him, only to be robbed away of his presence later in her life. She couldn't have that another time. 

But then again, she rembered the looks of his parents when she was first assessed as an threat. The burning look, or rather the freezing gazes, of those two had her stunned. She had been cought in the fronts of fire and ice in this moment. And now that she thought about it - she knew the one that wanted to harm Ewan would have to overcome great boundries. Since not only his parents would defend him with their lifes, but also the mighty Spymaster - his strong, kind and very protective older brother- she thought with a smile. 

He was the one that had never showed mercy on those who hurt his family. 

Somehow a stone lifted off of her chest as she remembered the fact that Azriel watched over him. The smile, that had shortly vanished from her face, returning to her brighter than before as she moved to stand up from the edge of the bed. 

But a little hand on her long sleeve stopped her. Her head snapping to the Illyrian toddler that looked up at her with tired blue eyes. "Twell mwe a stowy ..." was all he yawned. 

And who was Elain to deny an infant a bed time story, when she herself loved them too. 

*******

Azriel watched for a very long time, how Elain moved as silently as possible, up the creaking stairs - his little brother sound asleep in her secure arms, before he returned to his almost finished stew. 

It was a long expanse of silence that past between the three of them, before his mother decided to break it. This time in a loving tone and a bright smile on her face - instead of her acted innocent voice and confused look. 

"You love her." she simply said. 

He chocked a bit on his last spoon of stew, before his stepfather gathered the dishes. Trying to make as subtile as possible space for the two to talk. 

If it wouldn't had been his mother he talked to, he would have been surprised how it was figured out that fast, but he knew that his loving mother had always known what was on her sons mind and burried deep within his heart. 

He nodded at her, his voice a mere whisper, afraid that the seers shadows would inform her about his feelings, but he confirmed his mother - a stern look in his hazel eyes as he searched her doe ones. "I do." 

A smile as bright as the sun broke from her lips, as she chuckled. 

It was the first time Azriel had confirmed, his love for someone, to her. Even though it was just the second time that he was in love. Still it made her heart dwell with motherly pride, that her little boy - that normally let no one in on his life- was bringing the one to her he deemed as important enough to meet his mother. 

Dana knew that this couldn't be taken as a light gesture. No, she knew that if Azriel had brought Elain here, he wanted to show his mother the one he truly trusted. He wanted to show her the one who he let in on his life - on his dark but also on his bright days. 

He wanted to show her, that if things were going to work out with Elain - she would be the one Dana would call for the rest of eternity her daughter in law. 

Dana knew from her friends, that most children were afraid of their partner meeting their family. Afraid that either the partner wouldn't like the family or the family wouldn't like the partner. And to be honest - Dana was glad Azriel had given up on the Truth-teller - since she didn't really like her. 

She had met her on one of the solestice dinners, she had invited herself on. And to say Dana didn't like the way, how the golden one had treated her son, would have been an underestematement. Morrigian had by all means no bad soul, just had hers not been the one that swayed along with his.

Dana had seen the look in her sons face - it was tired, but still wake and amazed at her. His shadows having fled from him, the moment they senced her presence. But she saw the missery on his face when Morrigian left. His shadows crashing back to him, like a wave to the shore in the midst of an storm. 

Denying his feelings for the female, after the dinner, when Dana had talked with her son in peace about it.

But with the gentle seer it seemed to have been an completly other chapter - as if he truly hoped, for a future where he would call the fawn his wife. 

Dana wished with all her love that the seer would grant her son this future, seeing how whole he was when she was near him. 

Just the thought of her seemed to spark emotions in him, that had never been more aflame than now.

And Dana loved how her son tawed. 

The smile on her lips stretched as she noticed the look of her son. His hazel eyes focusing the hallway impatiently, as he waited for his mother to say something. But his mother didn't pry any further as she just sighed. "You promise me to tell me, one day, what you have been doing in those three years, right?" 

Azriel only shrugged at his mother, keeping that silent promise already. "I was too much of a coward to search for my world." and with that he moved to stand, his wings hanging slightly at the exhaustion of the day, but also because of the realization, that hit him. 

He had been a coward and waited so long for Elain to return to his side, hoping she would even want to be there. Being as foolish as to believe she would ever want something to do with him. He had hoped and waited and dwelled in sadness when she didn't return. 

But then again, he hadn't gotten to know where she had been. Hadn't known if she wanted to be away from him, or if she was taken away against her will. 

The way he found her, speaking a clear language, but why hadn't she told him, the moment she woke up, the names of those who did this to her? Of those who forced her away. 

Azriels mind started to buzz and fell dizzy - a headache forming under his skull. Trying to hold back his tears and thoughts were a hard task, considering the fact that he let the flow freely the past three years. 

But his mother thankfully pulled him out of his suffocating thoughts, her soft voice still only heared somewhere far in the distance, it was like he was underwater, his mother reaching him a bit, but not far enough to pull him out. "Tell Elain to take the room opposite Ewans. You can decide if you want yours or a guest room. I will also try to see if I can find any nightwear for her. If not don't be mad at me when I give her on of your shirts." 

Azriel could only not, hearing, but not really understanding the meaning of his mothers words, as he stormed the staircase up. Taking two steps at a time. 

His ragging mind knew, there would only be one voice -one person- able to reach him now. To pull him out and he needed to make sure she was ok, needed to make sure she was still there. 

His heartbeat quieckened when he saw that the door of his brother, was only a splitt open. It could mean Elain hadn't closed the door completly. On prupose or not, was left in the blue. She could have just not have had a hand free, or his brother wished it to stay open, but there could also be the possibility that she had no time to close it since an intruder made her pass out before she could scream for help. 

No!

His shadows would have informed him if an intruder was near. Especially if the safety of not only the people he loved the most was on the line, but also the one of his Sunflower. The Mistress of his shadows. 

Azriel tried to muffle his storming stepps, towards his brothers door, with his shadows the best he could, a dull sound the result. He did not want to know how loud his stepps would have been in the wooden hallway if he hadn't muffled them. 

But his tense body relaxed as he stood infront of the door. One of his sweaty, cold scarred hands already pushing the cool brass doorknob down, as his shadows reported him. 

_The Mistress and the little brother of yours are fine._

He heaved a sigh of relieve and already wanted to retreat from the threshold to the bathroom, to prepare for the night, but then the sweet voice of the seer found his rounded ears.

Her lullabying voice luring him in, to make him listen to a story he long had not heared and would have never guessed to hear again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,  
> I hope you enjoyed this one - because I sure did.   
> I loved to 'create' Az family and I hope I could somehow portray the dynamic of them to you the right.   
> Please let me know your opinion on these characters. 
> 
> And also I just wanted to mention (for those who don't already know) I have started a tumblr acount under the name of @Illyrian-lover-flower - already quiet a while ago though.   
> You will see that the 'Life I once dremead of' is not as far updated as this one, but that's because I still try to find the encouragement to prove read the past chapters. Knowing I have done tones of grammer mistakes.  
> But I also have a new one, which would be, 'The chosen forest keeper' (it are only two chapters until now), along with a post for two other fics.
> 
> Feel free to check them out. 
> 
> See you soon in the next chapter ;)


	21. Chapter 20

Elain’s lips stretched into a soft loving smile, as she watched the little Illyrian nuzzle deeper into his warm feather pillow that welcomed his heavy small head in a soft hug. With a chuckle on her lips did Elain nestle the thick blanket under his chin and moved the few chestnut stray hairs, that hung in his sleepy eyes, away with careful fingers. 

Though his eyes brimmed in tiredness, so did his heart in the wish of a bed time story –he so desired to hear from the seer – as he eyed her expectingly with those innocent sea blue eyes of his, that seemed to trace the upcurve of her smiling mouth. 

Ruffling through his hair a final time, did Elain realize which story might be to the liking of the Illyrian infant. A story she had not told since years, even long before she was ripped away of her peaceful life so cruelly, did she not dare to let this story past her lips ever again, the last time she had told it reminding her too much of a past hurtful time, that did not want to let her growing heart go, as she had told the story the first time. Watching with pained eyes how he once had twisted under these words, shifted and laughed at the  simplity of the story, but also cried at the realization it brought him. 

But Ewan would not cry, all he would do was listen with tired ears to the story she wished to tell now, in a hushed voice; “Once upon a time, there lived a small pixie, in a small fir cone hut, far, far above the grounds of a big, mushy and scary forest. The pixie, …" Elain halted abruptly, acting as if she had forgotten the name of the little creature, she tried to talk about so mystically “Ah, Ewan, I might have a problem – I don’t remember the pixies name, do you perhaps have one for her?” 

His eyelids fluttered like the wings of a sweet little butterfly, as he tried to keep them wide open as best as he could – trying to run away from the luring sound of sleep as long as he could- while his sleepy smiling mouth answered her question in a sighed whisper “Nas.” 

“ Nas .” Elain nodded at the name, with whom she already was familiar – they had chosen the same ones. 

With a shaking head and a small smile did she continue her telling “ Nas was a very small pixie. Her little forest green wings were the smallest of her kind and she herself was the only pixie that was covered in green. Little leaves grew from her arms and legs, while flowers blossomed in her thick green hair. The other pixies laughed at her – told her that she was only this small, because she didn’t get rid of the plants on her body. But  Nas did not listen, she kept each leave and each blossom. Though  Nas had a big, big problem.” told Elain the little boy mysteriously. Ewan had not even the strength left to open his eyes as she tried to tantalise him. 

The seer only giggled as he still mumbled in his half-sleep “Which pwoblem?” 

Elain flung out her arms, letting a wide space stretch as she told him; “ Nas was a big, big, scaredy cat!” for a moment widened the sea blue eyes of the infant, as he took notice of the expanse of the little pixies fear, out of nowhere did he clarify one point with a surprised face, but a stern voice “I am no  scawedy cat!” Elain could not help the little giggle that bubbled from her mouth as she watched Ewans surprised face, that looked so much like the one of his older brother. 

It seemed like as if the infant wasn’t capable to show more surprise than plate wide eyes, his mouth gaping open ever so little, as if he was about to say something. Though this gap closed as he watched the female beside his bed shake from laughter. A pout and a stern look, that made his light blond eyebrows furrow together, made him look ever the more like his big broody brother; “ Thwis is not funny!” complained his tired but stern voice. Elain could only nod – though laughter still shook her body- as she smiled at him “I don’t know where you got this idea from – I would have never thought that you were a scaredy cat, nor did I think of it as funny.” 

Watching Elain with a sceptical look, did Ewan settle further into the comfy space of his bed. Only his head and the small talons of his wings peeking out from underneath the soft emerald green blanket, that covered all of his bed and the Illyrian himself. But as he slowly nodded –in appreciation of Elain’s answer- did the seer continue on the story of  Nas , petting Ewans fluffy hair ever so gently as her voice wove a sleepy net of a whispered story; “Like I said,  Nas was a big scaredy cat. Never in her life did the small pixie set a tiny foot over her threshold. She always watched from afar, afraid of the lurking dark depths of the forest underneath her –that only seemed to wait for the delicate creature to be mindless and just leave her little hut- but  Nas never did so. Whenever she thought to be brave and move out, did the forest howl at her. Leaving her trembling of fear in the farthest corner in her small, lonely hut.” 

Ewan yawned at her as she made a slow break. With gentle fingers did she shift the blanket up to his chin, made sure with a few pets that he was packed away in the warmth of his blanket, and lifted one finger up for emphasize “But one  day,… " Ewans eyes blinked lazily at her, the soft golden light of his night light glittering in his eyes, as he seemed to ask her tiredly to continue. “..., one day  Nas had a very bad feeling. A storm was churning outside her hut, making it shake in the strong gusts of wind, while her guts churned at the same speed as the wind.” whispered Elain, while she imitated the strong howls of the wind.

The tired eyes of Ewan opened ever the slightest, as he fought off his heavy eyelids, and asked “Did she eat something bad?” expecting the answer of the seer with a slightly lifted head – was the most of curiosity his body was able to show. Elain merely giggled at him again, pushing his tired body back down on the soft mattress “Perhaps. If I ever meet  Nas , I’ll make sure to ask her.” Ewan nodded once again. 

A lazy glittering sea twirled in his eyes, as they seemed to beg her to continue – though the seer could not resist the urge to ruffle his hair again, the small head of his nuzzling gently into her soft palm, as she did so. The smile –which she already wore since she first entered this room – spread ever the slightest while she watched this little boy, who was so much like his older brother. 

They might look like night and day – two complete opposites – but they were more alike than most would ever see. It was evident that Azriel was his older brother, Ewan was so alike to him, that it was almost as if they were century parted twins. Though night and day would always meet, so it was only a matter of time till those two did. 

The smile on her lips almost hurt as she continued to caress his fluffy head, the chestnut hair of his running through her hand almost as soft as silk, while her thoughts kept her attention. Reminding her that she long knew of the existence of night and day, that to her not Rhysand and Helion were those two times incarnate, but that Azriel and Ewan were – her visions had shown her that, that one day moon and sun would meet and that in their overleaping space would be a piece of similarity, of companionship. Though each side was different, night dark and silent as it accompanied the moon, while day was bright and shining, seemingly flaring to the screams of a new born baby. 

Elain had never told her Blueberry of this vision, though she could not hide the smile that spread on her lips when he had returned to  Velaris with a gleam of light in his silent eyes almost four years ago. And just like back then, does she smile now at day, like she did at night incarnate –when he stepped into her garden again. 

Though Ewan was oblivious to that smile, as he slowly drifted over into the realm of sleep, while her fingers kept weaving through his hair. Soft snores escaped his tiny body, that made her giggle softly, as she already wanted to turn off the light of the small pixie; “ Nas ...” mumbled Ewan at her, begging her softly to continue. 

It was almost impossible how this little Illyrian made her heart bloom, how he had her wrapped around his chubby little finger. Elain could only shake her head at him with a soft smile, this boy was truly one of a kind and more alike to his brother than everyone thought of – stubborn when he meant to finish a task, be it reading reports or listening to a story, both he and Azriel, did not want to find sleep before it was done. 

She wondered if Azriel, if he would have been blessed with a carefree childhood, would have been also such an angel of a child – though she had no doubt that he already was during the hell he was put through at such a young age. 

Elain shook her head softly, as she tried to get rid of the picture in her head; a little Illyrian, with his sparkling hazel eyes and his disordered fluffy midnight hair bouncing atop his head as he was able to fly with these majestic wings of his through the blooming fields around here, shadows whipping and lashing gently at the flowers, while the wind greeted him with wide open arms. Flying and running in laughter, like every other infant – capturing her heart in his run as he did so. Clearing her throat, did the seer force her thoughts away from this young Azriel, and started to pick up on  Nas story with heated cheeks instead; “So, like I said,  Nas had a very bad feeling in her twisting guts all day as the storm kept raging on. Though this twisting and churning was much more different than any stomach ache the pixie ever had. No, this churning stomach had dragged her closer and closer to her big round window, through which she could see perfectly fine down on the grounds far below her. But  Nas was really, really afraid of the pitch-black dark below her, so she did not look until the twisting feeling in her stomach got unbearable and even then, did she only look with squinted green eyes. “ 

“What  dwid she  see ?” mumbled Ewan’s slurring voice in the soft dark. “A boy.” whispered Elain at him. His heavy sleepy head slowly turned towards her as he expected her to continue, his heavy tongue not even able to form a proper sentence anymore; “As  Nas looked out of the window and down on the clearing, that seemed to shake and tremble before her gaze, as the wind shook and rattled at her little hut, she was still able to see him, to feel him, as this nauseous feeling seemed to pull her down to him – a little boy weakened and with heavy wings, whose little body seemed to sink into the earth the more the heavy rain kept on drumming on him.” 

Ewan gasped, as he whispered with closed lids and a batted breath; “Mates...” Elain looked, a bit surprised, down on him and his sleepy smiling face “You know about mates?” whispered her lullabying voice in question at him. The little Illyrian nodded as he fought to open his eyes, those soft lids once again fluttering like a little butterfly, smiling proudly up at her as he declared “Mama and Papa told me of them – they say  eweone wants one.” At that Elain rose her eyebrows “Everyone?” “ Eweone .” nodded the infant at her question, those glittering eyes glimmering like a sea of questions on their own, as he took in her form and her shaking head.

Patting Ewan’s fluffy hair once again, did the seer get a little off track from the story of  Nas . “Not everyone.” was all she said, though Ewan’s furrowed eyebrows beckoned her to continue and explain why she told other things than his parents. Elain smiled softly, at the thought of her ex-mate who was now more of a best friend or rather a brother, as a lover. She giggled at the thought, remembering how cautious Vassa once was around her as she still believed that Elain was the one destined to be by the side of the male she loved, but to all three of their luck – neither of the two mates wanted the bond anymore, once they realized that they got along well, but that their hearts long lay in the palms of others. 

Lucien's shining and pure heart in the burning soft hand of a certain mortal queen, while Elain’s soft loving heart lay silent as a shadow in the scarred palms of a Spymaster, whose gentleness was as soft as any petal in her, in  _ their _ _ , bright _ blooming garden. 

“I once had a mate.” started Elain, though Ewan’s eyes glittered from tiredness, he tried to give most of his attention to her, as he sat up straight and looked at her with furrowed eyebrows; “Had?” The seer giggled again, an attentive soul – just like his brother and father. “Yes, had.” 

“Why?” asked her his thin voice. 

Pushing his little form back on the mattress and pulling the covers up and under his chin, was she more than willing to give his question filling and swirling mind answers; “My ex-mate, like he loved to call himself, and I, we decided that our connection was different – stronger than the mating bond even.” her tone was soft and so were the words she spoke, yet had the infant more questions “ Difwent ?” She merely nodded, asking him instead; “What other did your Mama and Papa tell you about mates?” He seemed to think for a short moment, speaking rather in question to himself as he tried to remember the words of his parents “They  twold me, that mates  bwecome lovwers and that they are  destiniwed to stay  twogether .” 

At that the seer shook once again her head, a long curl of her honey golden hair falling down on Ewans little nose as she did so, giggling did she brush the stray strand back behind the pointed tip of her ear; “Not all mates are bound to become lovers.” “Not?” Another nod from her side; “Exactly, there are mates – like me and the male that was my mate – that are having other connections, let me try to explain it.” Thinking for a moment, did the seer place a delicate finger on her chin, before she turned smiling back to him again. “You love your big brother Azriel, right?” 

Ewan’s eyes suddenly beamed up at her, as he jumped up – all tiredness forgotten as he stood proudly on his bed – with wide stretched arms and a big grin on his face did he declare; “I love  Awiel thiiiis much.” Elain could only giggle as she tried to nestle him back under the blanket again. 

With a warm gaze did she fix the infant on his mattress once only his little talons and head pocked out from underneath the soft green blanket; “And that’s just how much I love my mate too. He is like a brother to me too, and I also love him  thiiis much” imitated Elain Ewan from before. Something glittered in his eyes, before he simply stated “So you two are more like  siwlings .” Elain nodded once again, as she folded her arms back on her lap. 

For a short moment of silence did Ewan’s eyes seem to pierce through hers, before this glittering blue sea got covered up by his heavy eyelids again. The golden hue on his nightstand casting beautiful soft shadows on his face, that danced to the light. Elain’s own shadows seemingly vibrating as they swayed to the soft flicker the golden light caused, luckily did the infant not notice a thing as she simply asked him; “Do you still want to hear  Nas story, or shall I tell you another time about her?” “Now,…" mumbled his sleepy voice. 

Nodding did Elain continue where she last ended, before she got a little off track; “Like I said,  Nas saw a lonely little boy, that walked with a hunched back across the large clearing – she hung far up above. Though fear still clung to her little bones, her small teeth chattering at the mere thought of going out, she still ran for a little honeycomb, that rested golden and sweet in the back of one of her little cupboards, as she saw the little winged boy tripping and falling.  Nas had not been able to see his face, but she had watched long enough, that she knew without help – he would sleep forever on this clearing and never leave the calming realm of sleep. So, the little pixie jumped into action – cradling the honeycomb – that was too large for her little arms –carefully against her chest. 

“The wind roared at her as she opened her round door – ripped at her wings and her small green dress as she slowly flew down to this little boy, who seemed to call her with a broken heart. And like that did the boy look – broken and hungry – as  Nas landed in front of him. Those green little sandals she wore seemingly drinking up the mud as she stood before his, in dirt buried, nose. His eyes glittered weakly with excitement as he saw the little pixie, that offered the sweet too large – for her – but for him too small honeycomb. He had smiled as she offered it him, lifting his heavy small head did he took a bite, as small as the one of a  mice , from luck. 

“And how he got luck.” smiled Elain at Ewan as her pale hand rested on the soft emerald green blanket. “The little boy – Enu- had found luck after this bite and the caring nursing of the little pixie  Nas , that had gifted him the honeycomb. This sweet honeycomb glittered golden like the sun, when the storm had ended and the sweet golden rays of sunshine wove through the thick roof of greenery. The golden glow, had captured the attention of an old lonely fae, who offered the little boy shelter as long as he wished to. Smiling did Enu want to thank the little pixie, but she was gone –watching how he left with the old fae from far above the clearing – as all that remained was the honeycomb, he hid in the dirty folds of his perforated clothes. 

“Luck had become Enu’s gift, as he lived with the old fae – that thought him how to read, write and calculate. He even taught him how to properly care for a horse, as they owned one for when they needed to go in town. But one day a greedy warrior claimed the ground Enu and the fae lived on and brought the boy into the arms of the next war-camp.

“Enu did not want this, he did not want to fight, but he had to and as the years went by – luck left him at the worst of times.” Elain stopped her telling for a brief moment, watching with a careful eye if Ewan already gave in to the luring sound of tiredness, but as his little wings twitched slowly up, she knew it was not yet time to stop – even though the heavy tiredness, which seemed so far away from the little boy a mere hour ago, settled now heavily on him. His breathing was long even and his eyes closed even longer, but his attention was still fixed on the story and so it would be heard till the end. 

“Durning the blood rite was the now grown Illyrian almost drowned in the luring sound of sleep again, as he slipped from a rock that already trembled to his feet. And as he fell, he knew that he would soon hear the luring voice of sleep and so he took a bite from luck again. He had managed to smuggle the small treat into the rite. And as he took that bite, enveloped him the green light of the pixie  Nas again, catching him as his bound wings almost touched the ground, only then did  Nas explain him, that the honeycomb he owned – and never took a bit from again – was his luck. Each time he would take a bite, his luck was restored and when bad luck was creeping up to him, would  Nas appear and grant him a wish. Enu, did not want to believe it at first, but when he wished for solid ground beneath his naked feet, that was close to his target, did he start trusting the pixie again as he found himself on a small platform. 

“And while Enu lived through luck and shared it generously with others, did  Nas return into her little hut. The world beyond and in the forest was still something that frightened her and yet her heart was always able to find a way to the little Illyrian that was blessed with luck. She knew of his many adventures, knew of the great tasks that always awaited him – the defeating of a dragon, the protection of a high noble family that entrusted him with this task as well as making peace between some of the courts. It  were all great tasks, that came with a great risk and so he took a bit from the honeycomb whenever he was to go to one of such missions, taking the little time he had to speak to the little pixie that was connected to his heart and turned into his best friend. She was the one he always trusted the most and he was the only one whom  Nas trusted. 

“And like this centuries past by, ninety-nine tasks were it in his century long life that brought him danger, only one last comb from the honeycomb remained as both, Enu and  Nas , knew that their bonding was soon to end. Neither wished for it, but while  Nas already braced herself for this day the moment she had saved him in the rite, did Enu grow attached to the little forest green pixie, that took without his knowing each time she saved him seemingly a part of his heart with her as he liked her each time a bit more.

“His hundreds task, was one though that never ended. When he called upon  Nas the hundredths time, did the little pixie not know what awaited her, when she asked ‘What shall be your last wish?’ A sad smile graced the features of the little pixie, all the while Enu smiled brightly at her – claiming the truest wish of his heart, while he chose her as the companion for his greatest task ‘I wish of you, to ever stay by my side, if your heart shares the same wish as mine.’ With plate wide green eyes did the pixie look at him, before a blazing green enveloped her being.  Nas would have not been able to speak, so she let her heart speak to the mother as she granted both of them the greatest of luck.

“ Nas knew that a pixie was not allowed to be with a fae –Illyrian- so, it was no surprise that the mother had transformed her into a fae. A lesser one, with dosh green skin and little mushrooms sprouting from her shoulders, while flowers stuck in her thick dark green hair.

“Neither  Nas nor Enu cared about it, the only times whenever  Nas felt weird in this body was when she wanted to fly, but for that did the two lovers find a solution too, long hour-long flights, in which Enu carried them through the sky. If blue, grey, rosy or black he loved to take his beloved on these flights if she loved it too, and she did. Each flight a new task – a new adventure – which both lived happily through together and they lived happily ever after.” 

Smiling did she finish the story, as she brushed Ewans tousled soft hair away from his eyes a final time, kissing his forehead ever so softly as she bathed in the sound of his sweet little snores, that sat in as soon as she finished. It was a pure miracle how her cheeks had not taken over to hurting, as she was not used to smiling this often anymore. But only for this hour, in which she told the story, seemed her fears and pains of the last three years forgotten, washed away by the innocence of this sweet little Illyrian, who looked so much like his father, but took after the behaviour of his brother. 

Ewan and Azriel, may have not seen each other in a long time, nor are they close in age, and yet do the two brothers have more in common than her and her sisters – only with a few years apart – would ever have. Starting with their sleeping habits. She did not know from where Ewan’s resemblance in this point hailed from, but perhaps it was thing given by their mother, as both of the two brothers were not able to stop a task once they were on one. Ewan’s attention, as little as it may have grown, stayed with her till the end, while Azriel shared the same habit. She remembered. 

A good decade ago, when her friendship to the  shadowsinger was only starting to bloom, did she notice the soft golden hue from his window time to time again. His dark curtains blocked most of it, but a little golden ray always seemed to stray as it caressed the soft petal of a Freesia in the crisp air, long before the sun decided to stretch her first orange rays across the sky. It always wondered her, and one day, when the golden ray already caressed the Freesia for a week, did she decide to seek that  Shadowsinger out in his room, a trey of scrambled eggs, a sandwich and warm cocoa – for both of them – resting on the wooden trey. A shadow had opened her and led her inside, while her friend sat hunched over a pile of papers, while another one –almost at the hight of his head – stood wobbly next to him. Sighing and rubbing his temple over and over again, did Elain almost think he had not known of her presence, but when his shoulders sagged a final time with a frustrated sigh, did he turn his tired hazel eyes towards her and stood from his chair. His little walk to her was slow and screamed of exhaustion, when he positioned himself right in front of her nervous form – that already had worked a good hour in the garden. Offering the trey in her clean scrubbed hands with a nervous ‘ _I made breakfast_.’, did she have to realize the tickling feeling of drying dirt on her cheekbone. 

She knew that Azriel was about to decline, but a growl from his stomach made him gesture towards his bed, where Elain sat herself and the trey down. It could have only been a trick of her mind - as he stood tall before her, the golden light of a fae light illuminating the veins of his tightly tucked in wings, while the golden flicker seemed to dance over his shoulder, mix with his shadows, as it seemed to weave through his midnight black hair – but she thought to have seen a dust of pink that had coloured his high cheekbone. With swirling shadows did he place himself on the other side of the trey, eating together with the seer in silence as one of his scarred hands suddenly plopped down on the large mattress, losing the fork with scrambled eggs, as it did. The seer was at first worried, panicked even as his bulky frame fell on the side and rolled together atop of the mattress, until she had realized that all that claimed him was sleep – no poison. 

It had been embarrassing, that only then did she realize that Azriel, too, was only a fae being with naturel needs – such as sleep, which he seemed to not have gotten in a while. And so, it became a habit of theirs, each time two days went by and on the third would light still caress her sweet flowers, would she walk up to his room and serve their breakfast – constantly reminding him to get at least a few hours of it, before their family woke, and he did. Though had Elain to speak her threat – that if he would not go this instant to bed, she would cuddle him that long until he passed out, due to the lack of air – mostly, he still  obeyed her wish and went to bed, getting a good night rest of at least three hours.

Ewan was not much different than his brother, as he seemed to be able to distract himself so long until sleep had him backed away in a corner. With a last chuckle and pat on the blanket, did she move to get up, her legs numb due to the lack of movement, as she set a step to dim the bright golden hue. 

Only then did she hear his voice, soft as the whisper of a midnight breeze caressing her ear, as he answered her a question she deemed as long forgotten. 

“I do believe in them.”

*******

Her voice was the luring whisper of a siren's song, as this soft tale caressed his rounded ear. Drawing his attention closer and closer to her, like the hull of a ship, whose rope grew shorter and shorter as these siren words lured him in – further and further, until the rest of the world was gone and everything left, was Elain’s sweet voice. Making him stand and wait, by the door, for his colliding with the creature that sung this soft melody in his ears. Though she seemed oblivious to his presence, all her attention fixed on the little infant that lay there with a tired body and waited for his story, but Ewan – and Azriel – got so much more than just a sweet tale of love. 

No, both were by the end of the day a bit wiser – enlightened by the seer’s words, that made him listen carefully, but also made him wait patiently for the story to continue. 

It had been too long since he last heard it – his attention at that time, far beyond with someone else, circling the thoughts of certain golden female like a hawk, as he tried ,and failed, to figure out if she was joking or not and the fact that  Mor was not joking, made him feel nauseous as he crawled up in the space of his lonely apartment. 

His heart was shattered and his head spun and yet was he not able to blend out his mind that screamed at him; ‘Monster! You were ready to throw your crippled body at her, even though she does not even prefer the gender you have!’ It made him ever the sicker thinking that he was so …. possessive around her, wanting to tear whatever male came too close to her down. He believed himself as monster, a blind monster that was oblivious to the one he claimed to love, though when he now looked back at his former self and now at the delicate female sitting beside his brothers' bed – giving affection and attention to him so freely as if it were water – made him realize, that what he loved back then was not Morrigan, but the idea of what they could have been. 

He was simply blind to the truth, though he had to admit – she did a good job at hiding her sexual preference. Keeping a good balance of male and female lovers, that it did not throw up too many questions as all their family knew the way of the fae and everyone had simply thought  Mor went after the behaviour of all the former fae, that like Amren once called it; “...fucked whatever was not up on a tree in three.” 

No one would have guessed that the female choose wisely and only necessary male lovers. 

Looking at it now, it was probably mostly his pride that was hurt. The all-knowing Spymaster of the Night Court, oblivious to his friend's feelings as they were just trembling to his feet as she feared to be spotted. It had taken him many sleepless days, till he was even ready to try and face the questions that soared through his mind, it was a whole week –to be exact- that had his mind churning and throw up questions in the dark depths of the now lively apartment in  Velaris . This one week in darkness was only for the asked questions, a whole week of dark suffering and a minimum of sleep as he crawled up in his shadows, but after this week did the seer’s light crash his world of black mirrors. The shards, of what was before  Mor’s truth, laying broken and glittering next to his bulky body on the floor, as Elain came and tried to piece him together. Him and the shards that were scattered. 

Shame rushed through his body as he remembered how he tried to push her away, how he treated her like one of his shadows and not even tried to escape from his shattered prison when she had yelled at him, that she would stay right where she was and not leave him. Oh, and how she was salvation once she had fought her way through to him. 

She had distracted him of his pain and yet did she answer some of his questions about himself – she made him believe it was true – that was until that one nightmare. That one nightmare that had him tossing and turning, shattering lamps and mirrors as soon as he woke. His wings having flared to an expanse that kicked off every glass from the surface. Only when Elain had run in, summoned by the crashing sound, was he able to calm down. Her soft hands were fierce as she grabbed a hold of him, those warm fingers of hers clawing at his skin, pulling his raging mind back up to the surface once she had put his ear atop of her chest – making him listen to the steady sound of her heartbeat. And how it had calmed him, made him feel at ease –though he knew that his questions still waited at the back of his mind, but when she started this tale, that back then got even more into detail about Enu’s adventures, everything felt normal and unimportant. Only her voice, his rope to sanity, kept him steady and calmed him. 

_ Enu,  _ he remembered with a smile, as she kept on using the boy's name. A selfishly chosen name by Azriel, as she originally told the story with nameless beings, sadly he had not been able to find a name for the pixie, that was a good one-and-a-half-decade nameless, but it seemed that Elain had put a good thought into her name. 

Dosh; how well it fit the little pixie, he thought with a light smile, as he watched Elain, the seer –his friend and love- interact with his little brother, whose attention could not even be drawn away from her when he jumped to his feet and declared; “I love  Awiel thiiis much!” with a good view on the door in which Azriel stood casually leaned against the frame, his broad wings blocked out the soft hue of light from the hallway, the only light that remained and managed to get past his dark frame was greedily swallowed up by his shadows as they seemed to listen to Elain like a dog obeyed his owner. 

It all made him chuckle, but somehow, he was not able to far come the sting of jealousy that pained his heart and poisoned his body, letting him grow stiff and glare at his little brother as he was showered in sweet pets and kisses from the female he loved. But he reminded himself that his brother deserved her love and affection just as much as most fae in Prythian, only some seemed to cruel and wrong for him to bath in her love, and yet he knew it was still up to Elain to decide what she wanted to do. And currently she bid Ewan a last ‘Good night.’ as she already wanted to turn off his light, once she stood on wobbly feet. Flinching slightly –just like himself- at the raw sound of his voice that shattered the darkness around them; “I do believe in them.”

With wide eyes did she turn her gaze away from the lovely light, that shone soft as the morning sun behind her, once she moved in swaying steps towards him, a black curtain –that seemed to imitate her every step- swayed along to her calm presence and weaved together with her emerald green skirt of Velvet. A soft smile tugged at her rosy lips as a mellow; “I know.” whispered past them like a soft breeze in summer, enchanting his whole being once again as he moved into the small room, halting in the middle of it once their bodies stood opposite each other. 

Two sides of the same coin, whose shadows cloaked them in a realm of darkness – where not even stars, nor the glittering light of Ewan’s night lamp, reached them. Only their eyes shone brightly in this dark realm as the seer smile up at him, a soft hue of warmth and light – like the rosy sun in the morning hours- laying on those soft lips while silent cold and darkness – like the spring nights of  Velaris \- lay behind his shy smile. Night and Dawn in the same realm, the Mother having decided that their silent light was more alike than each believed it to be. 

Oh, and how it was – these soft whispers of light whispering at him, as they called him to just embrace her and finally let his light –that was dulled for so long – shine around her, but there was something between them. Something that let them drift apart, but he would not have this, no. 

Determined to keep by the seer's side, did the  Shadowsinger take a step forward – until her face almost buried into his broad chest- they both chuckled at their different hight, but neither really cared. No one of the two would mind their neck pain if it only meant seeing the glowing eyes of the other. Though Elain hid those eyes as she moved a step too, pressing her being softly against his as she wrapped her arms around his middle. Azriel was not able if he still breathed, or if his heart still beat, but what he knew was the soft caress of Velvet on his fingers as he subconsciously moved one his scarred hands up her arm. Those large fingers of his slowly peeling her face away from his chest as he settled those scarred fingers under her chin. They seemed to glow in the darkness – two stars that would finally unite – if it were not for the coughing behind them, the voice of his mother making them both jump apart as their shadows his away in the furthest corner of Ewan’s room –as if they were caught red handed in the cookie jar. 

“Is he asleep yet?” whispered his mother at him with a slight smirk, as she looked up at his pink dusted face for a brief moment, but she spared him an answer as she simply moved past the two furiously blushing fae and settled next to her son on the bed. Azriel was not able to see her face, but by the relieved sag of her shoulders did he assume that Elain, who now preferred to stare holes in the round carpet beneath them, had coaxed him well into the never-ending realm of sleep. Bending down to Ewan’s forehead did she, too, place a sweet lingering kiss there. His mother seemed over all relaxed as she only tucked the blanket up a bit further and dimmed the light, till it was nothing but a whisper of its original brightness. “I have prepared the room opposite Ewan’s for you and since I didn’t assume you had brought some night attire with you; did I just leave a bit for you in the bathroom. The bathroom is only down the hall – you can’t miss it, it’s the last door opposite the stair banister.” 

Elain merely nodded, before she moved, with a bright red face, past Azriel and whispered to the mother and her two sons “Good Night.” “Good Night.” whispered Dana and Azriel back, as they already heard Elain’s soft steps padding down the hallway and a door close softly. Perhaps Azriel should have made such a quick run too as his mother turned her head around, smirking at him like the devil personally. “Oh no.” grunted Azriel as he tried to hide his blush behind a scarred hand, that he dragged dramatically down his beet red face. “I know you told me you love her, but you still introduced her as best friend – are you sure that you two aren’t already a bit more?” 

The spymaster did not believe what he was about to say, but if it came down to such awful comebacks were Rhys and Cass the best teachers; “So, you are suggesting ‘friends with benefits’ sounds better as introduction?” he simply stated dryly. His mother cackled at him once she stood, swatting his large shoulder playfully as her steps carried her towards the door and past her oldest son; “Still not the title I’d want for her, but you are moving closer to it.” 

Azriel merely groaned as he followed his mother and moved to close the door, glancing at his sleepily snoring brother a last time as he did so. “Mother, please, we both know Elain is more to me than a friend, but neither of us does know if that applies for her too.” His mother scrunched her nose up at him, shaking her head in disbelieve “I hadn’t known that you turned blind.” was all she said dryly, before she retreated to her own bedroom with a shortly cut “Good Night.” 

The  Shadowsinger only shook his head at the stubborn female that was his mother, but somehow – he didn’t know from where that feeling hailed from – did he know that his mother only tried to push him into the right direction of the road, already knowing of things Azriel was oblivious to. Sighing did Azriel move into his own room, that lay between Ewan’s and the bedroom of his mother and Bowen, welcoming the heavy darkness of it as it let him calm down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not dead, I repeat, I am not dead!   
> No, but I am so sorry that this chap took sooooo long. I really didn't want to abandon this story so much and it really pains me that I did, but I promise that there will be more regular updates again (at least not a good 3months break). Also, I am really sorry that this is more of a filler chapter, but I swear - we are moving further in the next one. It's just that I had this chap already half done, like 2 months ago? But as I read over it, it looked more like an outlining to me, so I decided to start this half finished chap new and this is the outcome of the first half. 
> 
> Once again, I am so sorry for letting you guys hang for so long, but I still hope you enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, this is my first FF of ACoTaR, and even the first one on this webside.  
> I just wanted to say that I don't have English as my nativ laguage, but I really love this language, so I posted it in English.  
> So please have a Little mercy on me while reading this. But if you want to remaind me of some wrong sentence Building -please tell me, I'm Always open to improve myself.


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